Full Throttle
by Nix707
Summary: Is Harm dead? That's what the authorities say. But does Mac believe it? Hell, no. But when she finds the truth, she'll find the reason why Harm faked his own death . . . to save her life. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

**To Die or Not to Die**

I watched with terrifying excitement from my bedroom in the hotel. I sat on the bed, dressed in boxers and a 'Go Navy' t-shirt – I hadn't slept here the night before, but they were the only clothes of my own I was allowed to have.

I stared at the television screen, my hands awkwardly wrung together in nervousness. It was a live picture sent from a camera outside the hotel, one that was trained on a small funeral heading through Arlington cemetery. My own . . .

_**Flashback**_

_Knock Knock._

_The tap wasn't meant to awake me, but it did. I stirred inside my bed, forcing my eyes open. I rolled over. The digital clock on my bedside table read '2:38' and I groaned. This was way to early to awake. I stood up, walking over to the kitchen to get a drink of water when suddenly I heard a click. I short metallic click. And then the creak of my front door opening._

_I stood for a moment in numb shock and, getting down so I was less of a target – me being six foot four and all – and then slipped back into my bedroom. I opened my sock drawer and calmly dug my hand in until I felt the gun resting right at the bottom of the drawer. I pulled it out, my fingers tingling. _

_Soft footsteps echoed behind me. I drew my gun ahead of me, staring into the mirror at the back of the room, my vision trained on the reflection of the door. I could see two feet rest in front of the door, they're shadows only a little darker than the black surrounding the room. And then . . . the door opened._

_I whirled around with my gun drawn straight ahead of me as a man barged into the room. My finger tensed on the trigger and then – I released. _

"_Clay?"_

"_Harm," he panted. He stood, momentarily frozen at the door, his hand stretched out in front of him. "Please put the gun down."_

"_What are you doing here?" I persisted, not ready to let it go. I stared into his face, shadowed by moonlight and felt my hands subconsciously grip the gun harder. He had taken Mac away from me . . . he had taken everything._

"_Put the gun down, Harm."_

"_Why are you here!" my hand shook and the gun wobbled unsteadily, flipping from Clay over to the wall._

"_Because you're in danger!" he whispered back fiercely. I felt my hand stop shaking, and – very slowly – I lowered the gun. I eyed him through intense blue eyes. Sweat was glistening on his forehead and his three-piece suit was badly wrinkled. He looked like he had run a marathon to get here._

_I set my gun down on my bedside table. "Out with it, Webb."_

_Clay stared at me, our eyes connecting for one long moment. "You're in danger, Harm."_

_I nodded. "You've said that." I walked out of the room and into the kitchen where I opened the fridge and took out a beer. I thought I would need it. I offered one to Webb and he accepted. This faint way of normally avoiding each other was straining tonight._

"_Back in Manila," Webb said, "when you were working for the CIA. We thought we'd gotten them all. The bombers."_

_I nodded in recognition._

"_But we didn't," Webb continued, his voice dropping to a more dramatic low note. "We didn't get Abbas."_

"_Who the hell is Abbas?" _

_Webb took a long swig of beer and I did the same. "Ali Abbas, one of the world's best assassins." He paused, "in fact, he's the world's best male assassin."_

"_And he's out to get me?"_

"_He's working for someone."_

"_But he **is **out to get me."_

_Webb looked uncomfortable. "Yes."_

_A long strained silence overtook the room. I stared at my half empty beer bottle and sloshed the inside around, contemplating whether I wanted to drink it or not. "I'm not afraid," I replied suddenly._

"_I knew you wouldn't be."_

"_But . . ?"_

"_But you're the target," Webb replied, his voice dark. "And Abbas has ways of making peoples' lives hell."_

"_How so?"_

_Webb cleared his throat. "His last assassination was Derek Bollinger, two months ago. Bollinger committed suicide."_

"_Then it wasn't an assassination." _

_Webb stared at me. "Abbas kidnapped his wife and three children. When Bollinger returned home, he found the body of his wife dressed in lingerie on his bed - her throat slit, the body of his elder daughter strangled in her own closet, and the body of his son chained to their swing in the backyard. He had been stabbed once in the heart, but his hands remained tied to the swing. And the swing was still swaying when Bollinger reached him."_

_I felt my heart plummet. My hands were still clasped to the beer bottle but I swore I stopped breathing. "And the third child?"_

_Webb's lips formed a grim line. "There was a tape left on the kitchen table for him. An hour's worth of his daughter – his youngest child – screaming. It drove Bollinger insane. He thought she might still be alive. Apparently she just died with the rest of them, only he taped her screams. She was beaten to death." Webb sighed heavily. "She was only six years old."_

_I felt frozen in my chair, my form stiff and unmoving. I stood up and my legs threatened to sway. I sucked in a deep breath. I walked over to my room. On my bedside table were two framed photographs. I picked up the first. It was a picture of AJ and Jimmy with AJ's arm wrapped tightly around his little brother and Jimmy with his tongue sticking out. It was adorable._

_I felt a tightened not in the middle of my stomach. I wouldn't let anyone hurt a single hair on their heads. I put that photograph down and reached for the one behind it._

_The glass was covered in my fingerprints, from how many times I had stroked its cover. Underneath it was a picture of Mac from the first time we had ever gone flying. We had been working on a case involving my own flight instructor and I had wanted to test the flight rout. Mac had been willing to come with me._

_I grinned slightly as I remembered how I'd held her when she'd thrown up violently afterwards. _

_The moment I had seen her walking towards the tomcat in flight gear I couldn't have helped the smile that had come over my face. And when she was busy for a moment, I had taken out a disposable camera that I had bought a while ago and taken a picture of her smiling into the sun. And I stood by what I'd thought the moment the picture had been developed. She was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen._

_I was so absorbed in my thoughts I didn't see or hear Webb come up from behind me. He smiled at the picture. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" he said softly. _

_I put the frame down and rubbed my arms up and down. Even the vision of Mac sent goosebumps all over me. I stood there for a minute, thoughts cramming into my brain. "Alright," I said, dreading my words already. "What do you want me to do?"_

_**End Flashback**_

I watched as my coffin was lowered into my grave and I took in the scene before me. Mom and Frank stood off to the side. Mom was crying and Frank was holding her. Bud and Harriet were beside them. Harriet was crying nonstop and Bud was left holding a wailing Jimmy with AJ stood very solemnly in front of them, like he might never be happy for them.

The Admiral stood of to the side, his arms crossed in front of him, like a soldier who had just lost a son. His eyes were dark and ominous, and his face serious. Tiner stood to the left of him, standing in the same position as the Admiral but with one arm around Petty Officer Jennifer Coates. Sturgis stood on the other side of the Admiral, his posture sort of stiff and business like, not looking at all like someone who had just lost a friend.

I stared around the screen, my eyes squinting in search for someone. And then I found her – standing alone and in the corner. Tears rolled softly down either cheek and she made no move to blot her eyes. She stood there with ragged breathing, her eyes trained on the coffin. I doubted any of the words that were being said even came through to her.

I felt tears stain my own eyes. Why did it have to come to this?

_**Flashback**_

"_How long, Webb?" I asked him, my voice shaking. Webb stood and studied me for a moment, before walking out of the room. _

"_A year."_

"_A year!" I exploded. I ran after him. "I can't be away that long. My friends, my family, M – " I stopped myself. Mac wasn't mine any more. She'd never been. I stared at Webb with cold loathing. She was Webb's._

"_Look, Rabb, I'm doing this for your own damn safety!" Webb shot back. My voice dampened instantly. "I bloody well don't want your body staining my floor nor do I happen to want you dead!" He stared at me vehemently. "And I know you. You wouldn't want to endanger everyone else."_

_I stared at him hotly but knew he was right. I wouldn't. I looked back at my bedside table and the pictures of Mac and the boys stared right back at me. I felt something stinging behind my eyes and I wiped it away. I sighed heavily._

"_A year's an awfully long time."_

_Webb shrugged. "A year or at least until we capture Abbas." _

"_And if you capture Abbas soon?"_

"_Then you're free to come home."_

_It seemed like such a simple concept. "So after a year I can come home because Abbas will think I'm dead."_

"_Or he will have moved on," Webb continued, nodding slightly. "Abbas won't wait a year to finish a job. He is paid millions for just one hit. He won't hang around." He caught my skeptical look. "We're sure of that."_

_I felt my head spinning. "So do I just . . . disappear?"_

_Webb shook his head. "That will give Abbas all the more motivation to find you."_

"_Then . . ?"_

_Webb breathed in sharply and I knew in an instant that I was not going to like the next words coming out of his mouth. "You're going to have to die . . . in a manner of speaking."_

_I stared at him, aghast. "You're going to fake my death?"_

"_It's the only sensible solution."_

"_That's crazy, Webb!"_

"_Well, have you got another plan?" Webb shot back strongly. My silence said it all. _

"_Look, Rabb," Webb began again. "This is going to be hard on you. You and everyone else. But it's for your own safety – and for theirs."_

_**End Flashback**_

"Would anyone like to speak?" Reverend Turner looked at the crowd. I felt my heart hammering within my chest and my palms suddenly felt sweaty. And then Mac took the stage . . .

I closed my eyes, breathing in and out. I watched as she pushed back her hair sort of nervously, but mainly because she was remembering me. I smiled suddenly, thinking back to whenever her hair got windblown, I'd push it back gently and then she'd smile in annoyance at me.

I felt my heart pounding. Only Mac could make me feel this way . . . only Mac.

_**Flashback**_

"_What do I pack?" I called to Webb from my bedroom. He was in the kitchen and I had the nagging suspicion he was helping himself to another beer. Great, just what I needed. A drunken Webb._

"_Nothing!" Webb called back. "This has to be as authentic as possible. If anyone even gets the suspicion that you're not dead, we could be in trouble."_

"_So, I'm not supposed to take anything?" I replied incredulously. "Not even clothes?"_

"_Nothing," Webb confirmed. "Mac's sharp. She'll notice if something of yours is missing."_

"_Mac doesn't count my pants."_

"_Something I'm eternally grateful for."_

_I shot him a look. "I'm taking a pair of jeans."_

"_You're not taking anything."_

_I mumbled something to him and turned away. He was going to make me get into his car in boxers. I turned off the light in my room and was just about to exit when something caught my eye. Something I knew I couldn't leave behind._

_I stole a quick glance at Webb in the hallway and then stole back into my room. I picked up the framed picture of Mac in the flight suit and then slipped it under my t-shirt. Some things come at a price. _

_**End of Flashback**_

Mac cleared her throat, more for confidence than anything. She stared at everyone gathered around the funeral and her body began to tremble like it had when she first received the news. She closed her eyes and bit back the cry that threatened to overtake her.

"Yesterday we lost someone special. Someone who fought and was continuously willing to fight for his country. Someone who cared so much about people and was willing to do anything for his friends. Someone who was courageous and caring, someone who always listened when someone else spoke. He was a brilliant lawyer and a damn fine pilot, and he was someone that everyone loved," Mac choked on her words. "Everyone."

I leaned back on my bed and felt the tears pour past my eyes. How could I do this to her? I saw as Harriet leaned her head on Bud's chest, brokenly sobbing. How could I do this to all of them? The funeral marched past, and I watched as everyone moved away, walking from the grave. Everyone except Mac.

She stayed in sight of the camera, kneeling before the gravestone. A slow sad smile formed on her lips and she stretched out her arm, touching the freshly carved name on the stone.

'**HARMON RABB, JR.**

**DARING PILOT,**

**TRUE PATRIOT,**

**LOVING MAN**.

Mac ran her fingers over the words and let her tears flow freely down her face. She stood up suddenly, willing herself to walk away. I watched her from the screen walk past the grave and then . . . off the camera.

"No!" I screamed at an empty room and rushed from my bed to the window, which overlooked Arlington Cemetery. _One last glance _I told myself. _One last glance._

I stood at the window, my eyes desperately searching for her. And then I saw her, right by the entrance to the cemetery, almost directly in my view. She seemed to be thinking about something. I watched as her brows furrowed into an almost thoughtful frown, her eyes mirroring desperation, and then – almost magnetically – her head turned up towards mine.

And in that frightening millisecond, our eyes connected. I stood there, frozen, my penetrating blue eyes sinking into her chocolate brown ones. And then . . . I came to my senses.

I broke the eye contact and ran to my bed, practically falling onto the pillows. I couldn't stop myself as tears rolled down my cheek, nor the fact that I couldn't let go of Mac's photograph.

**A/N: Hey people, sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. If you didn't see the end of JAG, OH MY GOD, IT WAS BRILLIANT. I mean that in every sense of the word. Thank god it had a happy ending or I might just have had to go and shoot Bellisario my self. If you didn't see it, email me – my address is in my profile – and I'll give you a recount of what happened. **


	2. The Four AM Call

**A/N: Um, this chapter starts off in Mac's POV. Thanks for all the great reviews I received and . . . here's the next chapter!**

**The Four AM Call**

No good ever comes from a call at four am. Ever. I didn't know just how true that was until yesterday. I didn't know that your worst nightmare can come true in your best dream. I didn't know. I didn't know you can lose your whole future in an unstoppable instant. And it all began with a four a.m. wake up call . . .

_**Flashback**_

"_Harm," I whispered his name, savoring its melodious ring on my lips. Harm stared at me with the flyboy smile that could melt ice in sub-arctic temperatures. He ran his hands through my hair, trailing his lips down the side of my neck. I continued to whisper his name over and over and over again._

"_Marry me," he whispered forcefully, withdrawing his lips from my skin. I fused my mouth towards his in response. We clung to each other, his arm wrapped crushingly around my waste and my hands entangled in his hair. And then . . ._

_Rrriiinnng._

_I opened my eyes and then blinked. I stared at the walls of my apartment. My blanket was thrown messily around my body and my pillows scattered so freely that none were under my head but several around my feet. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. It had been such a good dream._

_Rrriiinnng._

_I groaned and sat up in my bed. I stared at the digital alarm clock on my bedside table. It was four a.m. **Four a.m. **And you want to know the worst part about it? It was a Saturday morning. Four a.m. on a **Saturday **morningAs you can probably tell, I'm not the most cheerful morning person you'll ever meet._

_I picked up the receiver with a snap and grumbled a 'Mackenzie' into the phone. The voice on the other end surprised me. "Colonel?"_

_I wiped my eyes with my hands. "Is that you, Bud?"_

"_Yes, ma'am." The voice sounded broken, oddly hoarse. Not at all like good star-trek-loving-Bud. _

"_Is everything alright, Bud?" _

_There was no answer. I became panicked. _

"_Is Harriet alright? What about AJ? Or Jimmy? Or–"_

"_They're all fine, ma'am," Bud replied. But there it was again – that odd, off key note in his voice. It sent shivers running up and down my spine._

"_Then what's the matter?" I whispered, suddenly feeling sweat on my palms. I rubbed my bare arms. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the following words._

"_It's Commander Rabb, ma'am. He's . . . he's had a heart attack."_

_**End of Flashback** _

I stood in the funeral feeling oddly separated from the rest. Bud stood off to the side with Harriet around one arm and Jimmy in the other. AJ stood very solidly in front of his family, looking terrifically like Bud, his face dark. Jimmy was wailing loudly but Bud made no move to hush him. He was lost in his own world.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks, hot and burning in the sun. I looked at his name on the gravestone and a vision of Harm entered my mind wearing his dress whites and gold wings, that precious flyboy smile breaking out onto his face. How he sometimes used to tuck a disobedient strand of my hair behind my ear whenever it got in my face too much. How he used to call me 'ninjagirl' or 'jarhead' or other stupid names that we used to have for each other. How he could talk me into or out of almost anything. How he could never understand my inhuman infatuation with Beltway burgers. How we used to argue in and out of the courtroom. How I could talk to him about almost anything . . . except perhaps how much I lo–"

_No, don't think about that! _I mentally screamed at myself. I felt another wave of tears coming on and I wrapped my arms around my waist in a sort of self hug. _Harm, how could you do this to me! _I screamed in my mind and then surrendered my body to a new rack of sobs.

"Would anyone like to speak?"

The question hovered in the air over me. I wiped a tear off my cheek and had the strangest feeling – the feeling that Harm was watching over me right at this very moment. I shivered slightly even though the sun was warm. And slowly – very slowly – I raised my hand. Reverend Turner nodded and I took the stage.

A long strand of hair blew from behind my ear and out in to my face but this time there would be no Harm to give a quick awkward glance at me and then brush it away, withdrawing his hand quickly before we developed an uncomfortable moment. A long tear rolled down my cheek and I fought to keep the others in place. I was a Marine, for God's sake.

I cleared my throat, more to see if my voice was working at all.

"Yesterday," I breathed, containing the sobs that were threatening to pound my body, "we lost someone special." A small sad smile graced my lips as a picture of Harm came into my vision – with his windblown hair, cocky flyboy smile, and those gold wings he kept pinned to his chest.

"Someone who fought and was continuously willing to fight for his country," I thought of Paraguay and how he was willing to fight for _me. _"Someone who cared so much about people and was willing to do anything for his friends." I thought of when I was getting court-martialed for Chris's death and Harm insisted on being the one to defend me.

"Someone who was courageous and caring, someone who always listened when someone else spoke." I thought of all those times I cried on his shoulder and all the times he just held me until I stopped. "He was a brilliant lawyer and a damn fine pilot, and he was someone that everyone loved," I choked as I realized what I just said. "Everyone."

A long silence enveloped the funeral and I took one long look at Harm's casket before I descended the stage and walked back to my spot of invisibility. A few more words were said and then sure enough, everyone departed. I stood there, routed in my spot, just staring at his gravestone.

"Ma'am," Harriet whispered in my ear. I stared where I was, not taking my eyes off his name. "Ma'am . . . Mac."

I turned around to look at Harriet. She smiled sadly at me and I fell forward into her arms, crying like a newborn child. Harriet held me sort of awkwardly – I _am _taller than she is. Another reason why I miss Harm, I let my pitiful self conclude. Who else is going to hold me when I cry?

"Harriet!"

There was a soft call from Bud and I released myself from Harriet's hold and dried my eyes with my hands. "Go, Harriet," I whispered softly, feeling cold even in the heat. "Bud's waiting."

"And Bud can continue waiting," Harriet pressed. "I want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine," I replied, sounding more reassuring than I felt. "Honestly, Harriet. I'm just . . . _sad, _that's all."

Harriet cast a long look at me but I shooed her away. "Seriously, Harriet. I'm okay."

I watched as Harriet walked down the steps of Arlington Cemetery and I felt more alone than ever before. I _wasn't _okay. I missed him. I missed him more than I'd ever missed anyone or anything in my life.

I kneeled down beside his gravestone and let my warm hand touch the cold engrave letters on his tombstone. A heart attack. That's what got him in the end. I felt another burning tear roll down my cheek. _And I never got to tell him . . ._

I wiped the tear away, standing up now on shaky legs. What do I do now? I felt small and girlish, with no where to go and no one to go to. Was this what it was like for Harm when I was in Paraguay?

I savagely brushed away the thought. _Noooo! _I mentally screamed at myself. _He didn't know I was dead! He thought I was alive! _I bent down as I reached the Arlington Gate, overcome with painful emotion. Memories . . .

And then it came over me. A sensation which made my heart jump into my throat. I felt his eyes on me, cool and emotional, and my hands began to shake. I stood up and as though pulled by an invisible force, my head turned robotically away from the gate and across the street . . . to a window.

And there he was, his figure drawn like a shadow across the pain of glass, his bright blue eyes mirroring my very emotions, and I felt drawn to him like never before. _This can't be . . ._

And then he pulled away, his torso fleeting from view. I stood there powerless, like a shell wandering eternally down the same road – farther and farther away from where I wanted to be.

"Colonel . . ." the voice seemed distant in my ear.

"Mac."

I turned around. AJ stood there, and I realized he must have lingered like I did to personally pay his respects. I couldn't thank him enough for it. And if Harm were here . . . _don't think about that! _I screamed at myself.

"Harm," I breathed, my mind whirling. I stared at the pane of glass, but it remained empty. I felt like I wanted to cry all over again.

AJ looked depressingly uncomfortable. "Colonel, it's hard on all of us . . ."

"No," I interrupted carelessly. I turned back to the window, my heart feeling wretched out of my body. "_Harm . . ."_

We stood there for the longest time, a heavy silence falling between the two of us until the Admiral put his arm on my shoulder, more fatherly than CO_ish. _"We're all going to miss him, Mac."

* * *

I stood alone in my apartment, looking out the window, my mind far away. The sunset was a deep red tonight, with the large glowing sun still hanging down in the sky. I thought of Harm and how much he would have loved to go flying on a day like this. How we would have sat outside, maybe in the park, and talked until the sky was no longer bright. I thought about these things, too far gone to even hear the click of a lock being turned and the muffled creak of my door being opened.

And then . . . an arm touched my shoulder.

I whirled around as though electrified. "Webb!" I screamed. I sucked in deep breath after deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Sarah," he breathed softly and put his arms around me in what was supposed to be a comforting embrace but I pulled away. I stood there, my chest heaving, and a new set of tears threatening to break.

"Just . . . just _don't, _Webb."

I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands and began to cry again, softly. Clay sort of stood there in the room, gazing out the window awkwardly, unsure of what to do to comfort me.

"This can't work, Clay," I said slowly, my tears relenting slowly. "I just can't . . . _be _in anything right now."

Webb stood there, his face portraying mild shock. "Sarah . . ."

I shook my head violently. "No, Clay. I can't have a relationship now. I'm sorry. I just . . . _can't."_

He stood there for a while, looking at me and me looking at him. And then he put his arm on my shoulder and smiled softly at me. "Hang in there, Mackenzie." And then he left, swinging the door shut behind him.

_Hang in there? _What kind of comfort was that?

I stared at a picture of Harm which I always always _always _left on my bedside table (except when he came over, he didn't need to know that I stared at his face before I fell asleep). He looked so handsome.

I sighed and entered my room, changing into a long t-shirt to sleep in. And that was when my phone rang. Another call which would change my life . . .

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry I took so long getting this chapter to you! My computer crashed immediately after I posted the first chapter and so I didn't even receive your reviews until just a few minutes ago. By the way, I LOVED them. **

**As for the people that e-mailed me for the finale review, I'll get you a copy soon. I'm writing one copy and just sending it to everyone. **


	3. Let There Be Light

**A/N: Hi, guys, my computer's still out of whack and is now in a repare shop (the memory's getting wiped) so I'm writing from a different computer. That's why these chapters have been coming to you so slowly (I'm _so _sorry). Anyways, hopefully I'll get my computer back and you'll get a chapter every (two, three?) days. **

**Special thanks to all my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl and anyone else I've missed for the great reviews!**

**Note: I have created a new main character for my story (just to give it a little twist). I begin the story with her but you'll soon see everything fall into place. Just bear with me here.**

**Let There Be Light**

_Rrriiinnngg._

Special Agent Vera Azhad's eyes snapped open, her vision immediately taking in the darkness. Pearly white moonlight shafted through the crack between the silk curtains that hung over her apartment window and a cool breeze floated in through the open window. Vera shivered and turned to look at her bedside table. Her digital alarm clock said 3:48. She sighed. The Agency had no sense of time.

She picked up the phone. "Azhad," she growled, blowing a disobedient strand of her dark auburn hair out of her eyes. "Now make it fast or I'll fall asleep."

A ridiculing laugh broke out on the other end of the line. "Not the morning person are we, Vera?"

"Bite me, Chuck," she replied bitterly, cursing everyone under the sun for ever being assigned to Charles Kovach's team.

"Watch your tongue, Azhad. No one's indispensable."

Vera exhaled slowly, willing herself to breathe. "Did you just call to chat? Because if you did, I doubt that's with your wife's bliss."

"Clayton Webb wants to talk to you."

"Tell him to get a life."

"It's a government issue."

"_No," _Vera stretched sarcastically. "I thought he was going to ask me out."

There was a pause on the other end of the line and for one embarrassing moment, Vera thought he would ask her if there _was _anything going on between her and Webb but instead he said, "Clay wants you to come in."

"It's four am!" Vera exploded, blasting volume down the other end of the receiver. But even as she said that she was pulling on a sweater and struggling into jeans. Kovach she could deal with, Webb was an entirely different matter.

"I'm putting Webb on." Kovach's voice was taunting. There was the sound of the telephone taking a change of hands and then the quick quip, "now put on your panties and get down here ASAP."

"You know what rhymes with Chuck don't you?" Vera snapped down one end of the phone and a cool laugh picked it up on the other end. Webb.

"Don't tell me my call woke you up?"

Vera felt drained. "Webb, it's four in the morning. I'd like to see you call someone at this time and have them _not _be sleeping."

Webb smiled into his end of the phone. "Please don't tell me you don't sleep with one eye open?"

"Please don't tell me you do."

Webb cleared his throat. "We've got a situation. An emergency, really. Now, you wanted a vacation, right . . .?

* * *

I sat there shivering feeling totally lost. Webb had thrown a jacket at me as soon as we got into the car. I pulled it on gratefully, slipping the framed photo of Mac into one of its bigger pockets. Webb drove the car at a mild speed, not fast enough for someone to give you the finger and not slow enough that you get a whole lot of cars honking at you. Just slow/fast enough that you can slip anywhere unnoticed.

And the first thing that I noticed while I sat shivering in the backseat of his car (he wouldn't let me in the front) was that he was taking the road to Langley. I really shouldn't have been surprised. I mean – where else would he take me? But a strange sense of foreboding came over me, like I knew what was going to happen and yet at the same time I was powerless to stop it – or unwilling to stop it.

Webb parked the car and got out, flashing his badge at least a hundred times. I was too tired to count. I followed suit, my senses not yet accurately pinpointing the embarrassment of being in my boxers. It was a chilly morning, with the sun not in view yet.

I thought about what Mac was probably doing right now. _Sleeping, _my quick-witted brain told me. But how was she sleeping? Was she buried up to her neck in covers or had she thrown them partly off? And was she biting her lower lip like she sometimes did when she thought or dreamed? Was she dreaming of me?

I sighed, and ran my fingers over the framed photograph I'd stolen into my pocket. And perhaps her face with me more than anything gave me the courage to step through those doors and into a whole new life . . .

_Quite literally._

_

* * *

_

Albert Hayes had seen some quite strange things in his time. Undoubtedly. As the manager of a Washington DC apartment building, he had come across his share of transsexuals, Goths, hippies, the load. But tonight of all nights had to take the cake.

Almost a decade ago, Albert Hayes had sold an apartment to one Navy Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. He was a tall fellow, decent looking with great eyes (or so his wife said) and until now there had been no _strange _events in that apartment (then again, most that occurred under Albert Hayes's nose was never acknowledged). But tonight, almost by chance, Albert Hayes had certainly witnessed some strange goings on.

Albert had gotten up to take a leak – as he so eloquently put it - when he caught sight of the first car. It was black, sort of sleek and shiny, and though Albert didn't know much about cars, it looked _expensive._

And out of that car came a rich looking man with an expensive three piece suit and a look on his face which very plainly said he had no time to kill. Had Albert Hayes watched the news, he might have known that was Agent Clayton Webb of CIA. But Albert didn't, so the only thing he had admired was the Armani tie which this man wore.

The man with the tie got into the elevator as if he knew exactly where he was going and disappeared. Twenty minutes later he came back down accompanied by the Navy Commander who was clad in only his boxers and a t-shirt. That was unusual, but perhaps what caught the real attention of Albert Hayes was the fact that out of the rim at the back of his boxers, a framed photograph could be seen picking out. A picture of a girl – a pretty girl at that.

And then just like that both men were gone. Swallowed by the darkness of the outside street. Albert Hayes had been asleep an hour later when three top secret security men stole into his apartment building and planted a fake body on the rug in the Rabb apartment. He was, however, rudely awoken an hour after that by a team of JAG personnel who were demanding to see the "body".

This had come as a shock to Mr. Hayes who could have sworn he had seen Harmon Rabb exiting in his boxers with the Armani Tie Guy. But he was tired, it was the middle of the night, and he had a full bladder. Mr. Hayes was not willing to cope with issues of his sanity at the moment.

The body had been taken away, the Rabb apartment had been locked up for the night, Albert Hayes was annoyed that he would have to find another tenant. But events were not finished for the night. They were far from being over.

As he stood recounting this story to the authorities, Albert Hayes looked into the dark eyes of a man who was unfamiliar to him, but yet possessed a Police badge. _Funny, _he thought to himself. _He wasn't there when all the other cops came._

"And this photo he had with him?" the man's voice was clearly loud and authoritative, but it couldn't hide the suspense lingering in its tone.

"Of a girl."

"A girl?"

"Well, a woman, really."

"A woman . . ?" the man trailed, looking confused.

Albert Hayes nodded vigorously, excited that he was on to something. "I only got a real quick look, but the woman was pretty. The kind you'd see on TV. And she's been around this place. At least, I think she has. Maybe to his apartment. A lot of women go to his apartment."

Now Albert Hayes was stretching the story a bit, but he didn't quite care. This news seemed to startle the man, and placed a very animalistic gleam in his eyes. A gleam that if Albert Hayes was completely wary, he might want to extinguish.

"And if you saw this woman again, would you be able to identify her?"

The question hung in there for a deep moment and then –

"Yes, I would."

The man, for the first time, smiled. But it was not the kind of handsome, happy smile one might have thought you would see. It was a wolf's smile, like a predator that had just smelt his prey. Killer instinct.

As Albert Hayes walked away with this man, he though about Harmon Rabb and who he _really _was. And he thought about how much he would like to ride in a police car, with the siren wailing.

But Albert Hayes was to be sorely disappointed, because the man he had walked away with was not a Policeman. Or an FBI, NCIS, NSA, or even a CIA. No, but you would come across his face in any of those agencies. He was on the America's Most Wanted List . . .

* * *

_Rrrriiiinnnnggg._

Again with that damn phone. I stared at it for a long time. Harm was gone. What was the use in picking it up anymore? Sometimes I used to race to the phone, thinking it was him, and then realize it wasn't – only to become moody and depressed. Now I would be like that all the time. Like the widows in those old black and white films who watched everyone and everything pass them by. To far gone to be revived . . .

_Rrriiinnnggg._

I pressed my head to my hands. What was the point of living anymore? I stared around the room. Everything in here made me think of him. We painted the walls of my kitchen together last summer. My bedroom's literally a collage of his pictures. I've got my freaking closet sorted into two sections – the clothes Harm's complimented me on, and the clothes Harm's taken no notice of.

_Rrrriiinnnggg._

And I know my feelings about him. I've known them since the moment we met. The moment we said hello. That I'd follow him to the end of the earth if I had to – and don't think I haven't done that. We've been through hell and back. _And it's just not freaking fair that he gets taken away from me now!_

_Rrriiinnnggg._

I screamed aloud and picked up the telephone. "Hello!"

"Hello." The voice on the other end seemed cool – very calm and collected. Not much like anyone else's voice I knew. "Are you Sarah Mackenzie?"

I felt a shiver run down my arms and I rubbed them away forcefully. This was no time to turn scared. "Yes."

"Do you know a Harmon Rabb, Jr.?"

I fought a tear back from breaking. "Y-yes." And then I corrected myself. "I _knew _a Harmon Rabb, Jr."

There was a long pause on the end of the line, maybe just for effect and then . . . "You may still _know_ him."

And that's when I realized that perhaps not everything I'd thought I lost was gone. And that, somewhere at the end of this dark tunnel, there was light.

**A/N: Hi people, I'm so sorry it took me _such _a long time for me to get this chapter out but I computer's gone haywire, end of the year exams are next week for me and I'm never going to pass the Music Exam, but thank you for all sticking with me. The next chapter will flash six months ahead so that Harm and Mac can reunited (well, okay, they won't REUNITE in that chapter, but you know how it goes).**

**My new character, Special Agent Vera Azhad, I just quickly introduced her in this chapter. You'll be seeing a lot more of her. She'll be playing opposite to Webb (surprise, surprise) and . . . um, yeah. That's it!**

**Note to sgcgirl: Well, I wouldn't say _I'm _Jewish because I don't practice any particular religion but my grandmother is. The main reason behind Harm's quick funeral (this is a note to everyone now) is because I wanted to speed up the chapters so we can get to the good part.**

**Oh yeah, and for everyone who doesn't know, JAG's coming out on DVD for the Christmas Holidays! I heard it on the radio. **


	4. Day 180

**A/N: I'm so so so SO sorry it took me such a long time to post this chapter. I just replaced my very faulty computer so now . . . chapters every three days! **

**Special thanks to all my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, and French-navy girl. If I missed you for feedback, please let me know!**

**Note to tumblebuttons: If you are reading this – which I'm sure you are – please don't or I won't help you on "it". I mean it, I can screw things up with you and "it" so badly. **

**And last note – this chapter begins six months later, just to speed up the process.**

**Day 180**

"Guess what day it is today?"

I lean my back against the cool metal railing as I watch Vera's face furrow into a frown. I sighed with pleasure and breathed in the thick Venetian air. Sunshine poured down on us as we walked through the market up to the stairs of St. Peter's Basilica. Vera sighed and tucked a long strand of dark auburn hair behind her ear in annoyance, "You know I'm no good with numbers at 0800."

"I wasn't aware you were good with numbers at any time of the day."

She punches me in the arm and I'm constantly amazed at how someone so small and with such a thin figure could possibly harbor that much strength. _But then again, _I reminded myself with a wry grin, leaning farther back against the rail, _Mac surprised me in the same way. _

"Actually, I didn't mean what number day," I informed her as Vera began to walk away, sipping her espresso delicately but ravenously, as if she were to lady-like to gulp it down in one swig. And believe me, Vera _can _do that. I've seen her at it.

"Oh, so I actually have a shot at this one?" she raised her eyebrow in light mockery.

"Yeah." I shrug. "But just for your information, today was Day 180."

Vera nodded, mildly impressed. "You're almost halfway through."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair which had grown surprisingly longer since we had first come to Venice. Slowly – and I felt it too – a dark shadow came over my eyes, and I exhaled deeply. "But it feels like forever."

Vera patted my arm sympathetically and guided me up the steps of the Basilica. On a typical morning we just sort of sit outside on the steps, Vera with her espresso and my very light "too American" coffee – as Vera would say. Today, however, Vera was rather rushed and had to go into work and so we had both gotten up earlier and hit the market place before the mad rush of old Italian women swept through and bought all the biscotti.

I smiled at Vera in a friendly way, but in my eyes I saw Mac. And I remember what day it was today. And my guilt only worsened. Vera stared at me and I knew she saw my immediate mood swing, for she leaned in a little on my arm in an I-know-this-is-tough-for-you way that friends did a lot. "What day is it today, Harm?"

I kicked a stone a little ways ahead of us and watched it bounce on the pebbles ahead. "Today's Mac's birthday."

The statement sort of hung there, thick in the Venetian air. We were silent for a very long moment before she put her arm around me sympathetically. It's so hard to imagine this woman took out fourteen people in one day. I smiled at her in a thank-you-I-kind-of-needed-that way and found myself doubting the fact that I had met her only 180 days ago. She had come like the Thunder and stayed like the wind. All in that one day . . .

**_Flashback to 180 days ago . . ._**

_I ran my fingers over the little framed picture in my hands. Perhaps it was childish, maybe foolish, probably both. But I felt like I really needed Mac's picture right just then. It was my strength, the thing I depended on. And if anything could get me through this right now, then it was her picture if not her. _

_I sat in Webb's revolving chair and stared at the very bland puke-colored walls of his office. He had yet to personalize his office even though he'd been here for over a decade. He had his name on the door and a poster of 'America's Top 20 Most Wanted' but not much else. His desk was filled with note paper and case files. He didn't even have his own damned coffee cup. I wondered how he could stand to be in this room day after day, with nothing to remind him of who truly was. _

_Or maybe, I thought with a depressing sort of helplessness. These case files were who he was. Maybe all he had in his life was work. But that's not true, I fought my consciousness. He's got Mac – and that's more than every man could even **dream **of having. I sighed unhappily. He had Mac. And now . . . I was losing whatever shot I ever had of having something with her. And this more than anything disturbed me._

"_Rabb."_

_Webb said my name in an authoritative voice, but not an unkindly one. Like a friend who wanted to let someone know that he was there for them, but responsible for them also._

"_Just leave me alone, Clay." My statement came out so piteously that even I managed to look at myself in disgust. Webb plopped down in the seat next to me, and fixed his clear grey eyes on me. _

"_You'll be okay."_

_I stared back at him with a determined expression but said nothing. There was nothing I could say. I felt cheated – cheated out of life. I was losing everything, everyone – all that ever mattered to me. And what could Clay say? What could the only person who knew me say about my disappearance from my former life? **You'll be okay. **It wasn't damn fair!_

"_So where is he?"_

_Both Clay and I turned around to see an – and keep in mind though while in my fit of despair I am not **completely **blind – an exceptionally beautiful woman. She was wearing tight jeans, a very I-don't-care-what-you-think t-shirt and a jacket that looked like it had been thrown on in a hurry. She had short but wavy auburn hair and very dark eyes. And I could see – with some satisfaction – that Webb seemed to clam up._

"_Um, Harm this is . . ." he looked at Vera, fixing his eyes to hers, "Special Agent Vera Azhad. She's going to be . . . escorting you to Italy."_

"_Escorting me?"_

_Webb opened his mouth but Vera cut in. "I'm going to be your keeper, so I swear if you make a run for it and make me chase you, it's not my fault if you find a bullet in the back of your head."_

_Webb grimaced slightly. "Spoken like a true agent at four in the morning."_

_Vera looked at me and I felt an instant emotion sweep over me. Like I was a bug under a microscope. No – worse. Like I was the thing the bug under the microscope just coughed up. _

"_Are you Harmon Rabb, Jr.?"_

_I looked at her uncertainly. "Y-yes?"_

"_No."_

"_No?"_

"_Not anymore." She shot a glance at Webb that clearly said I-better-get-paid-a-lot-for-this. And yet despite that, I found myself grinning at her. She was supposed to take care of me for the next freaking year and in a matter of two minutes, she had already threatened to put a bullet through my head. _

_I watched very silently as Webb and Vera talked. They spoke smoothly, eyes connecting with each other in such a calm manner that they must have known each other for years. And I found myself wondering how many times Vera had threatened to kill **him. **_

_**180 days later **_

_**Venice, Italy**_

"Okay, I've gotta get going," Vera said quickly, sipping up the last of her espresso and flipping her handbag over her shoulder. "I trust you can make it back to the house safely."

"God, yes, Vera."

"You've got your key?"

"Do I look like an idiot?"

Vera grinned. "Do you want me to answer that?"

I rolled my eyes. "Get going."

I watched as Vera disappeared into the crowd and a sudden feeling jolted me back to reality. I was alone in the Venetian marketplace with no one expecting me anywhere. I could take my own sweet time.

I admit, over the past 180 days, Vera might as well have had me on a collar and leash for all she put up with. I nearly went everywhere with her. Except when she went off to work. Then she kept me in the house. So I felt a certain sense of freedom, right just then. I roamed a little around the marketplace, bidding my own sweet time. And then I realized it was Thursday and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

I practically ran down the small narrow alleyways that led through the streets of Venice. Almost a block away from our house was the post office. It was very small but it held all the postage of about five streets – and the streets were long. It was one of the only places that Vera trusted me to walk by myself because I would receive the letters – but they'd be written in Italian and I needed a translation. She had me on a hook.

I entered the post office and banged cheerfully on the counter until the postmaster – Mario Lufetti – came. I signaled to him cheerfully. "Il Mario, come lei fa?"

Yes, I didn't know Italian very well, but Mario and I spoke brokenly. He spoke broken English and I spoke broken Italian.

"Uh – how you say? – Uh, same old, same old," Mario replied to my question of how was he doing. Mario had dark hair, a long drooping moustache and a bit too much belly for the belt, if you know what I mean. But he was a cheerful man with four small children and a wife who could cook. And I mean it, she could _cook. _

"Ci è qualunque posta per me?" I asked, hoping I just asked if I had any mail. And if I hadn't, Mario didn't seem to notice because he disappeared into the back of the store and came back with four fat envelopes and pushed them to me. "May you pee merry."

"Be merry."

"Pee merry."

"No," I replied, resisting the urge to laugh at the situation. "_Be_ merry."

"S'what I say," Mario retorted indignantly. I chuckled softly and shot him my famous Rabb smile that – even though being a newcomer – I was already becoming well-known for.

I strolled down Vinetta Avenue. We lived at number 146, a small brick house squashed in between two much larger ones. It was small, but with only Vera and I permanently living there, and CIA agents dropping in and out staying for a maximum of a night or two, the place was always busy.

I swung into the driveway and inserted my key in the lock. I twisted and opened the door, whistling a very cheerful American tune that always annoyed Vera. I entered the small kitchen which consisted of a counter, a fridge, a stove, and a small table that could seat two (and three if the third actually sat _on_ the table) and poured myself a cup of coffee as I sifted through the mail. There were three letters addressed to Vera Valvassori and only one to Franco Valvassori. I – according to the city of Venice - am Franco Valvassori.

I opened up the seemingly fat envelope. Inside was a long letter in fluid Italian which I knew immediately was from Webb because of the awkward break in the words – in which I was sure he had stopped to use a dictionary. But it was the clip in the bottom of the envelope that I was really looking for. It was a small package of pictures in the 8 by 10 size.

I smiled a watery smile as I looked at each one of them. There was a picture of the Admiral looking straight at the camera and looking pretty pissed. I had no doubt Webb took that picture himself. And then there was one of Bud and Harriet standing together and holding hands. Another of Sturgis and Varese who were now engaged according to Webb's previous letter. And then there it was – the one I always saved for last. This one was of Mac, but as I stared upon this one I felt a sudden surge of pride run rampant through my heart. She was standing there smiling as the Admiral presented her with new shoulder boards. She was a Colonel now. A full Colonel.

I felt something stinging the back of my eyes and before I even registered what it was I was brushing away the tear. I was happy for her. With my whole heart I truly was. I just wished I had been there with her. That I was the one that had given her the shoulder boards. That I was the one she had hugged and thanked. That I was there.

And now it was her birthday. My misery was absolute. I wanted to be there for her. To wish her and to hug her and to watch her smile. I was a complete and utterly lost romantic.

And it was then, right then, that I became truly aware of how very alone I was in this house. Not even Vera to talk to. And it was then that I seized an idea. Just a small one. Nothing really to go on . . . I just needed to do something. I needed it so bad.

I ran into my room and fetched a few coins before I slid down the stairs and out onto the streets. I felt a certain weight cling to my heart as I walked, like a terrible burden that was either about to be lifted or fix itself permanently within me. I walked up to the Post Office but this time not in. I went to the payphone outside the door. And very calmly I inserted the coins for a long distance number.

I can't even begin to describe what it felt like to punch in those familiar numbers again. It was like a rush of adrenaline had burst inside me. What time would it be over there? It didn't matter. I had gone absolutely mad! I dialed slowly but fervently, willing each number into place. I heard the ringing, the repeated ringing. Was she out? She couldn't be out. It was late at night back there. The ringing continued and I found myself subconsciously tapping the side of the payphone box in excitement. I felt like I was me all over again. Like I had just come back to life. And then . . .

"Hello?"

Her voice cut through me as clear as glass. Her tone, rich with flavor and I could practically see the sparks in her eyes. She spoke firmly, with an edge of sleepiness, and just the sound of that one word 'Hello' got me pumped.

A long yawn. "Is anyone there?"

And that's when it occurred to me – like a pang of raw guilt – that I couldn't speak to her. I couldn't suck her into this thing. I couldn't! A powerful surge of fear suddenly swept my body. I didn't care what happened as long as Mac didn't get hurt.

"_Hello?_"

I slammed the receiver back down against the payphone so hard that it popped out again. I stood there for the longest time, my back against the door and my chest just heaving with emotion. Just the way she had said it. 'Hello'. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I closed my eyes and blocked out the sound of the world around me. I had survived 180 days like this. Like some raw starved animal that was trapped in a cage where everything he could ever wanted except . . .

I rested my head against the payphone door. Except what I truly wanted.

**A/N: Um, sorry this kind of took me long. I'll post my next chapter soon. This is Exam week for me right now. I have six exams to study for (Steelo, is it really that many!) but hopefully (I'm praying here) I can post my next chapter on Tuesday or something. And I promise I'll have Mac's POV in that one. Swear to it. **

**Oh yeah, and I wouldn't mind the reviews (I'm kidding, I'd LOVE them . . .)**


	5. Pride in the Name of Friendship

**A/N: Hey people, I'm FINALLY done my exams! So now – chapters every three days! (You know, if everything goes as planned). But seriously, I need reviews for motivation. Not that I haven't been getting them . . . (I LOVE them)**

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba (no, I am _not _signing your name as 'nixhater' (one of my slightly demented friends)), and super ducky – your reviews have been totally awesome, much appreciated.**

**Note to Jane/Marge: Though I seriously doubt that you're reading this chapter after you have made it evidently clear that you are otherwise uninterested in 'Full Throttle', I thank you for reviewing and expressing your point of views. It was thoroughly invigorating for me, as a writer, to create such a response amongst readers. Thank-you! **

**Pride in the Name of Friendship**

"Well done, Colonel."

I looked at the Admiral through intense brown eyes and mustered a small smile. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Webb snap a picture on this camera he's been carrying around a lot lately. I cast him an annoyed glance but he took no notice of it. He continued to parade around, waving that damn camera in everyone's faces.

"We're all very proud of you," the Admiral said softly. I stared back up at him. His eyebrows were creased in a worried frown and I knew he was concerned about me. I wish he wasn't. I wish no one was. He watched me intensely, in a very fatherly way. This more than anything made me want to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Um, Admiral?" I asked in a kind of shaky voice. "Could I talk to you for a moment?"

He looked at me with worried eyes but I held my ground and he muttered a humble, "of course" and then showed me into his office. I bypassed all the people congratulating me on my promotion with just a little nod of gratitude. I felt very different walking around with my Colonel shoulder boards. Like I was attracting too much attention. I tucked a disobedient strand of hair behind my ear in an almost shy manner. The Admiral's look of worry would not go away.

"I've – I've worked here for a long time, Sir," I stated as soon as we were settled in his office. "And I really _really _like it here. JAG's practically like my family."

The Admiral's features were carved in stone.

"But, I don't know Admiral. Things are complicated right now." I sighed heavily. "_Everything's _complicated right now. I think . . . I think I just need some time."

I stared at the Admiral for what seemed like eternity and then he cleared his throat. "Are you thinking of leaving JAG?"

"_No!_" I jump out of my seat. "JAG is the best thing that has _ever _happened to me." I felt desperation melt into my voice. "I mean it, Admiral. I'd be nothing without JAG. JAG is my home. I just need . . ." I sat back down in my chair and curled up with my knees to my chest in what I knew was a very un-Marine like manner. "I just need some time. Time to sort things out."

The Admiral looked at me for a long time and then slowly nodded, like I was fragile and delicate and if he did something too abrupt, he might break me. "What do you have in mind?"

I had not expected such a calm and rational reply. It had come as a surprise to me. "I was thinking of taking a vacation," I said slowly but before the Admiral could open his mouth I quickly inserted the fact that over the years I had accumulated several weeks leave.

He smiled at this, regaining some of his usual composure. "And where do you want to go?"

I bit back the knot that had grown in my stomach. I had to lie – there was no other choice. "Italy," I said quietly. "I thought I might go to Italy."

The Admiral raised an eyebrow.

"See, I've never been there except on business. Never just for pleasure," I explained slowly, like the well-rehearsed line that it was. "And . . . I just really need some time off."

The Admiral looked at me very considerately. "That's fine. The workload's light."

I smiled the first true un-fake smile for days and then stood up. "Thank you, Sir. You have no idea what this means to me."

* * *

Today was my birthday. I knew it, and I could feel it as soon as I woke up. I was a whole year older. I felt older. Everything about me was older. My apartment looked older, my sheets looked older, even my hair looked like it was losing its color – but my eyes were kind of groggy and it was early morning.

I brushed my hair quickly and did my make up kind of hurriedly. There wasn't a real point to putting it on anymore. He wasn't there to make flirtatious banter with. No one I could kind of try to attract while looking totally normal to others. And let me tell you, the Marine greens make it a challenge. One I'm very much used to dealing with.

But I didn't want to get out of bed today. Technically my leave didn't start until tomorrow but I felt too damned tired to do anything. I yawned and stretched myself over the bed, flattening a few pillows. And then I heard it . . .

_Rrrriiiinnnggg_

I looked at my alarm clock and wondered who could be calling at this hour. I rolled around and faced the phone, considering picking it up. I sighed very heavily, and picked up the receiver. I leaned back in bed. "Hello?"

Long silence on the other end of the phone. I looked at the 'Call Display' sign but it only said 'Long Distance'. I frowned, sort of frustrated and sat up in my bed, pulling back my hair at the same time. "Is anyone there?" . . . ., I bit back a little frown of worry that was just itching to escape me. "_Hello?"_

No answer, just long silence. And then . . . a loud bang, a snap, and then the click of a call being disconnected. It was like someone had just hurled the telephone at something. I sat in my bed for a long time considering the call. And then the smallest of smiles came to my lips. He just couldn't resist.

* * *

**18:35 ****Venice, Italy**

I sat moodily in the kitchen, with my arms folded crossly and a game of solitaire drawn out in front of me. Vera wasn't home yet, and it wasn't getting _late _late, but she was later than she usually was. And for some reason, that really disturbed me. I guess I was more anxious than I thought about translating those letters.

There was a very cautious ring and I looked up from my Solitaire game in mild annoyance. It was a different sort of ring, kind of light and to the tune of 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles, so I recognized it instantly as Vera's phone. I looked around the kitchen with an uncertain glance. I couldn't believe Vera hadn't taken her cell phone with her.

_Or maybe, _I thought with the uncertain part of my brain, _maybe she realized she left it at home and is calling me to tell me to bring it to her. _It was a far shot, but from somewhat of a reasonable point of view. I stood up from the table and walked over to the dark green kitchen counter where her cell phone sat in plain view. I picked it up and uncertainly flipped it open. Immediately a very familiar voice greeted me.

"Vera?"

I didn't know how to make my voice sound like Vera's so I coughed once and rasped, "Yeah?"

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Clayton Webb was analyzing the situation. I held my breath._ Please don't guess it's me, please don't guess it's me. _

"Look, I'm calling about a rather urgent situation."

_Halleluiah!_

"Is Harm there?"

"You want to speak to him?" I asked, so incredulous that I almost forgot to keep my voice high. Not once in the last 180 days had he asked to speak to me. Not once.

"No, but move to a room where he can't hear us."

I was so overcome by indignity at that very moment that I had the great urge to snap at him in my normal voice and donate my own little two cents to this conversation but that part of me, that side of me that was just thirsty for more information, held on and bit back the wave of insults that were flooding through my mind.

"Just a moment," I rasped and I walked twice around the kitchen so the sound of footsteps echoed up the receiver.

"What's wrong with your voice, Vera?"

I nearly stopped dead in my tracks. "Italian cold. They're a little more wonky than the American ones." I sort of wondered if that was a joke, and if it was – was it even funny?

Clay sighed and I felt my feet root in place. "Can Harm here us?"

"No," I said, just a little too quickly.

Clay breathed. "Alright, as I said before, we have a situation."

I nodded dumbly, even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"Mac's going to Italy."

I felt my world just roar in my ears. _Mac's going to Italy. _Images rolled before my mind like ones on a ticker tape. Oh my freaking god! _Mac's going to Italy._

"She's leaving tomorrow. Her plane reaches at 0927 your time in Padua."

_Padua, that was close to here, right? _My eyes became frantic and I could feel my heart just doing summersaults within my chest. _Mac's coming to Italy._

"She's taking a vacation, supposedly. But Kovach and I both seem to agree that it's too close to be coincidental. We've got an agent down there keeping a close eye on her."

My heart sank.

"No matter what you do, _don't let Rabb out of your sight."_

"Got it," I whispered. My mind was racing. Mac was coming, arriving tomorrow. 0927. It all played before me like some erotic fantasy held just a fraction out of my reach. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't meet her. Both our lives depended on the fact that we should be able to stay apart. And there was no way I would do anything to harm her.

"Bye," I said slowly, closing my eyes and letting my heart sink right down to the pit of my stomach. I would wallow in misery for days. I knew it. I exhaled heavily.

"Oh, and, Vera," Webb said quickly, sensing my direct urgency to end this call.

"Yeah, Webb?"

A long pause, and then, "See you soon."

And he left me there, standing with a wide open mouth, a clumsily held telephone, and a racing mind. _See you soon? _Did that mean Webb was coming to Italy? Or worse, Vera was going back to the US and leaving me with . . . someone new. I almost couldn't bear the thought. It was true, Vera and I had only known each other for 180 days but cut out of the American circulation and Vera being one of the only people who knew my true identity, we had become understandably closer.

"Harm!"

I was jogged out of my senses by the calling of the name. My eyes whirled around the kitchen frankly and I had just thrown her cell phone on the table when she walked in, her hand bag thrown over her shoulder and her auburn hair aflame in the evening light.

"Are you going to come for dinner?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, forcibly bringing myself back down to earth. Vera and I had made it our own little tradition to eat out every Thursday night. And I felt now really bad that I had intercepted her phone call. Because this new information was only going to bring me pain. I lowered my head a little. It already had.

Vera watched me closely, with her dark eyes just painfully trained on me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, too quickly and too powerfully.

She bore down at me.

"Nothing . . . Mac made full Colonel," I said, knowing I wasn't lying but was coming pretty damn close.

She closely speculated me. "And you're not happy for her?"

_Of course I am, _came my brain's almost instantaneous reply, but instead my mouth said, "I just wish I was there to congratulate her." _Well, that wasn't a **total **lie._

Vera wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "It'll all be over soon."

We walked along the narrow sidewalk, stopping only once to pick up a loaf of freshly baked bread. Vera was already picking at its skin. She couldn't stay away from hot bread for more than a minute. I sighed heavily, "Just another 185 days, right?"

Vera smiled sort of sadly at me.

And then an idea came to me. Sort of a self-fulfilling dream. "Hey, Vera, you have to work tomorrow, right?"

Vera swallowed a piece of bread and then nodded, her dark eyes absolutely trained on me.

"Would you mind if I . . . I don't know, went to Padua or something tomorrow?" I felt my heart literally leap into my throat and I waited there breathless for Vera to answer.

"Padua? Why would you want to go there?"

I shrugged. "I just want to see some place _other _than Venice and Padua's closest." I hated my lie the minute I said it. It tasted hard and metallic in my mouth. But I kept my outer shell cool and calm.

Vera frowned, her pretty features delicately taking on the impression of a woman doing some serious thought. "Why don't you wait until Saturday and then we'll both go?"

"I just really want to be able to _do _something," I said in rigid desperation. "I'm sick and tired of spending hour after hour in the same house or walking miles down the same street that I do every day. I just want to . . . be somewhere new."

Vera sighed heavily. "You know I can't let you go."

"_Please, _Vera," I stretched. "I won't take any money. Maybe just a little to by lunch but that's it. I can't possibly rent a car or motorbike with the little money and there's no _way _I'd make it on a plane."

Vera shook her head amusedly, "You flash one of your smiles and they'll get you on a plane, no problem."

I smiled at her. "I promise I won't use my secret weapon."

Vera and I walked along the dock now, I surveying the scenery and Vera doing some serious thinking. "Alright, Harm," she said slowly. "But you've _got _to be back by five, and I swear, if you even so much as _think _about running, you'll have me on your back so fast that you couldn't say . . ."

"Vera and Clay, sitting in a tree . . ."  
"Shut up, Rabb."

"K – I – S – S – I – N – G," I taunted.

"I mean it Harm, or do you not want to go to Padua?"

My voice dampened instantly.

"That's right," Vera smiled as we walked back along the street. "Mum's the word."

* * *

Mac buckled her seatbelt in and closed her eyes as the aircraft took off to launch. So many thought were sending both her head and her heart spinning. She looked inside the small briefcase that she had brought with her. Inside a secret flap on the inside of the suitcase there were some blown up 8 by 10 photos.

She smiled internally as she looked at them. They were of Harm and a very pretty auburn-haired woman eating ice cream outside a small Venetian café.

Mac closed her eyes and mentally prepared herself for the rush she knew she would feel as soon as she stepped off the plane. Little did she know how well played she had been . . .

**A/N: Um, this pretty much wraps up this chapter. In – I think – two chapters Harm and Mac will finally reunite but next chapter they'll come pretty damn close. Uh, I hope you liked it . . . I like reviews (just kidding, I LOVE them) So please . . . oh, you guys know the drill. You're terrific. **


	6. The Way of the Will

**A/N: Hey people, back again. I know I left things a little fuzzy in the last chapter. That was intentional but I only realize right now how truly confusing it was. Major apologies. This chapter will explain EVERYTHING to you . . . well, everything you need to know at the moment. LOL.**

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, and Abigiale! Thank you so much for your reviews, I love them! (and let me know if I missed you for feedback . . .)**

**Tumblebuttons, I didn't mean what I said/didn't say and I'm really sorry. I know you're not reading this now, but on the slightly off chance you are – I was mean, undeservedly mean and I didn't screw up anything between you and "it". I never intentionally would. So . . . I don't know, could you start smiling again or something? You're bringing down my good mood.**

**The Way of the Will**

_**Flashback to 180 days ago**_

_Harm was alive. It was impossible, it was downright unbelievable. But if everything The Caller said was true, then I was about ready to slaughter Harm for leaving me like this. The smallest smile crept onto my lips. The first smile in many days. _

_I felt something stinging the back of my eyes and I doubled over with the strongest sensation of relief possible. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. All the crying I had done for Harm, all the weeping I had done until I thought there was no water left in me, came out in one flood of emotion. I whimpered under the sheer force of it all and struggled to control my ragged breathing. I curled into a fetal position and wiped my eyes until my own touch stung. Heavy laughter mixed in with my exhaustion of tears, my mind circling on one solitary sentence. _

_Harm was alive._

_I felt a ringing sensation in my heart, like a candle had just been lit within me and the warmth was gradually spreading. He was alive. I wiped my tearstained face and burrowed myself into the quilt of my bed. Today had been one hell of an emotional whirlwind. _

_The phone rang, the receiver just rattling a little with sheer vibration. I leaned over and picked it up, settling my head on my pillows and forcing myself to control my shaking voice._

"_Hello?" I struggled, resisting the urge just to scream._

"_Ma'am."_

_The voice was innocent with the slight edge of worry and I closed my eyes, heaved a deep relieved sight. It was Harriet. Instantly, a mental battle erupted within me. I should tell Harriet. I knew I should. But then I remembered The Caller and what he had said and I knew immediately it was an impossibility. I couldn't risk endangering Harm._

"_Hi, Harriet."_

_There was a long hesitation on the other end and then, "Um, the reading of Commander Rabb's will is tomorrow . . ." A long pause of uneasiness and then, "Um, you're kind of . . . well, you're mentioned in the will and . . ."_

"_Thanks, Harriet," I interrupted the babbling lieutenant. "I'll be there. When and where?"_

"_It's going to be at JAG seeing as most mentioned in his will are at JAG," Harriet said, her voice evidently more comfortable. "Harm's lawyer's coming in and I was told the Burnetts would be there."_

_I felt a hard pang of guilt hit me when Harriet mentioned Harm's mother and Frank. They over anyone else deserved to know. But they couldn't. I couldn't tell them. Harm's life hung in the balance and that was something I would never be willing to wager. _

"_Thanks for the call, Harriet," I said softly, my palms suddenly feeling sweaty._

_A long pause on the end of the line and then, "Are you sure you're alright, ma'am? It wouldn't be any trouble for me to come over."_

"_No, that's not necessary, Harriet," I said, more to convince myself than anyone. "You take care of your family."_

_There was a long breath on the phone then, "See you tomorrow?"_

"_You can set your watch by it."_

_I smiled rather faintly as I hung up and then rested my head on my pillow, my eyes staring outside my window and into the dark star-studded Washington sky. _

_Harm, where are you?_

_

* * *

_

I rested my hands comfortably on my lap and stared outside the airplane window, watching the clouds roll by. In two hours I'd be in Padua. I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered my lie to the Admiral. Sure, I hadn't said I _wouldn't _go to Padua. But I was getting off on a technicality and I was damn lucky he wasn't in contact with the CIA.

I trailed my fingers over the 8 by 10 photos. I wasn't a believer in clones. The supernatural . . . maybe. But Franco Valvassori – that was apparently his name now – looked so much like Harm that I'm willing to, I don't know, surrender to voodoo or something if I'm wrong.

That maternal side of me wondered how Harm was getting along. Was he alright, was he eating properly – things that I never would have worried if he were "alive" and before my eyes in Washington were suddenly running through my mind. Was he sick? Could the CIA risk a doctor doing a full examination on Harm without blowing cover? If a doctor did, they would be sure to see the scars from Harm's various ejections. _That _would certainly raise some questions.

I rested my head against the back of my seat. Would he be different? Would he act the same, look the same? Would he be happy to see me? I felt a knot of anxiety swell up within me. I would sure as hell be happy to see him.

I looked at the photographs again, staring so hard I was practically willing Harm back to life. I closed my eyes, slipping the photographs back in my hand bag. I could remember The Caller. How he'd changed my life in one foul swoop . . .

* * *

"_Colonel?"_

_My mind jolted back to earth. I was in the JAG conference room during the reading of Harm's will. I just couldn't help zoning off. Every time his name was mentioned – it just brought back a memory. I tucked a long strand of dark hair out of my eyes and stiffened up, almost at attention. "Sorry," I apologized, that line becoming a steady tradition. _

_The Admiral nodded at me almost sympathetically and I felt eyes swivel from me to Harm's lawyer. I flashed an apologetic smile. _

_Harm's lawyer, a Hugo Dumfrey, cleared his throat loudly and pulled out the thick wad of paper which I knew to be Harm's will out in front of him. The palms of my hands were sweaty and I kept rubbing them on the side of my jacket causing Harriet – who was sitting next to me – to look at me strangely._

"_This is the last will and testament of Commander Harmon David Rabb, Jr. . . ."_

_I felt a bolt of sorrow strike me just then as his name was uttered. It was like a cold knife through warm flesh. My breath caught in my throat and I felt the tears prickling again but like the stone-wall Marine I was, I held it in. I felt someone touch my hand and I looked up in surprise to see Sturgis, looking very comfortingly at me and I realized then that it must be hard on him too. He didn't show it. Hell, he didn't look one bit sorry at Harm's funeral. I mean, I knew they were having problems. Harm at least confided that one bit of information in me before he . . . well, "died". _

"_To Commander Sturgis Turner I leave my Corvette." There was a surprised silence, broken only by a raised eyebrow from Sturgis. I smiled at him. It was just totally Harm to do something like that. _

"_To my mother, Trish Burnett, I leave the tapes," Dumfrey read on. His eyebrow sort of rose as he said the 'tapes' part but a nod of understanding went around the table so he didn't question it. _

_A long line of names went on and I felt myself drifting though quite unintentionally. Sturgis kept elbowing me to keep me awake and for that I was eternally grateful. And then I sort of wondered why I sat there. This was taking forever and what more was there to give? Harm's top secret home-made bombs? I rolled my eyes at my own joke. How pathetic is that?_

"_And to Colonel Sarah Mackenzie . . ." I felt myself literally stiffen with apprehension, "I leave my plane, Sarah, and my box of photos." _

_I can feel the confusion melting into my features. First of all – I don't fly. I'm morbidly afraid of heights. I can't stand them and Harm knows it. Is this his dying last joke or something? And what box of pictures? What pictures could he possibly possess?_

"_And to each of you, he left you one last letter . . ." Dumfrey trailed and I can literally feel my interest peaking. He left the pile of letters in the centre of the table and slowly – very slowly – the Admiral began to rummage through the pile, passing the letters to each of us. And that was when Tiner entered._

"_Colonel, you have a phone call."_

_The glare the Admiral shot him could send Big Foot into hiding. But Tiner doesn't back down as any sane person would._

"_He says it's urgent."_

_I feel my hands roaming over the envelope. Printed very clearly, in bold stiff letters was printed 'MAC'. I felt my fingers tingling and my body was suddenly pounding with a rush of adrenaline. Harm's last words . . . you know, supposedly. _

_I sighed, and held the envelope to my side. "Thanks, Tiner."_

_I exited the conference room and entered my office, placing the envelope very delicately on my desk, as though if I were too rough, it might break. I inhaled slowly and picked up the receiver. "Mackenzie."_

_A long silence and then, "Are you alone, Colonel?"_

_The voice sent chills down my spine and it was only then that I realized who was actually on the phone. "Yes."_

"_Very well." The voice was brisk and to the point. "Commander Rabb reached Padua last night, accompanied by another Agent who is currently unidentified. They bought train tickets – but to three different locations. It was then that my people lost them. We suspect they're in Venice, but that is currently unproven."_

_I felt my breath linger in my throat and I didn't realize until I tightened my grip on the phone how sweaty my palms were. The internal battle was still waging within me. Was Harm dead, or wasn't he?_

"_I'm faxing you some photos right now. If all goes well, we will be able to pinpoint their exact location in a few weeks. Months at the latest. The agent with him is unknown by name but by reputation is notorious."_

"_How do you know them by reputation if they have no name?" I asked, my voice weighty with apprehension. _

"_She's got many names," The Caller went on. "And my guys are good."_

"_And who exactly are **your guys?" **the suspicion rang clear in my tone and I could hear a bated breath on the other end of the line._

"_Special intelligence officers."_

"_What agency?" my voice was sharp._

"_Are you always this nosy?"_

_I laughed sort of sullenly. "I'm a lawyer. It's my business to know things."_

_Long silence and then, "You make a valid point . . . I'm NSA."_

"_And why are you following Harm?"_

"_Because he has something we need," The Caller said, his voice ringing loudly. _

"_What?"_

"_Intelligence."_

"_What kind of intelligence?"_

_Exasperated breath. "Intelligence he received from working with the CIA last year."_

_There was a long pause on my end. Harm and I had never truly talked about his term in the CIA. "So why are you telling me all this?"_

"_Because I need your help . . . **we **need your help."_

"_With . . .?" I trailed, no longer being able to keep the tension out of my voice. _

"_Getting him back."_

_And with that one simple sentence, my life took a dramatic turn . . ._

_

* * *

_

I opened my handbag again. In half an hour we would touch down in Padua. 30 minutes. My tension was spreading wildly within my body, numbing all my nerves and senses. My heart was racing and I knew I just looked wild. Wild and nervous.

I pulled out an envelope from within my handbag. An envelope that I'd had for the past 179 days. One that I was used to holding, to watching, to admiring – one that was constantly haunting my dreams. On the front, in calmly printed letters it said 'MAC' and it was Harm's last letter . . . completely unopened.

My sense of logic was undeniable. These were meant to be Harm's last words. But Harm was still alive and if I were to ever read the contents of this letter, it should be under the circumstances set by him.

I leaned back against the chair and fidgeted nervously. I couldn't help that last sentence revolving in my head . . .

"_Getting him back."_

_The call clicked off and The Caller stretched his back against an old moth-bitten sofa and sent an admiring glance at the man bound and gagged to a kitchen chair. _

"_Well, you have out-welcomed your stay, I'm afraid," said that Caller in a mockingly sad voice. "So I'm afraid this is the end of your stay, Mr. Hayes."_

_Albert Hayes's eyes widened as he stared down the barrel of the gun and his mouth, underneath the binding, was moving wordlessly. His last thought as his body slumped to the ground, heart failing in a matter of seconds was one of Harmon Rabb, the man he had just sold out and of that woman – the pretty one that Rabb was enamored with. _

_Let them be okay, he thought sullenly, his eyelids closing for the last time. Let them be okay._

* * *

**A/N: Alright, I know I said Harm and Mac would reunite in two chapters last time (so, as in the next chapter) but because I spent this chapter reviewing everything that happened in the past; they'll reunite in two chapters as of now. So . . . they'll almost reunite next chapter. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I'll write the chapters quicker as compensation, okay? Please review . . .**


	7. The Path to Padua

**A/N: Okay, as promised, here's the chapter where Harm and Mac _almost _reunite (yes, I know I'm dragging this out – but believe me, you'll LOVE their reuniting. I'm already touching up the details in my head).**

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, and jazzy! **

**Note to alix33: yeah, you're right, I meant to write "outstayed your welcome". Thanks for catching that. I try to correct my mistakes but I end up missing lots anyway. If you notice any others, could you please tell me? **

**The Path to Padua**

_**Venice Italy (present day)**_

_**Harm's POV**_

Today was a cool morning. The sun wasn't out yet and the clouds covering the sky were a sort of depressingly murky grey. The water that lapped up onto the Venice docks was dark due to the lack of sunlight but despite all that, I was cheerful. I left the house that morning with a wild sort of reckless grin on my face. Vera was being really great about all this. Last night Agent Jacob Holter arrived at the house for a little stay, riding his Harley Davidson and all. Vera convinced him to drive me to Padua and then pick me up a little later. This not only insured that I couldn't run off by not giving me money for a cab but she slipped me so little cash that I had just enough for lunch and not enough for even a substantial tip.

So now I sat on the back of Jake's Harley Davidson, with the wind rippling through my wildly flying hair. It was not very early in the morning, but early enough that Vera would not yet have left for work but late enough that she would be finishing breakfast right about now. I sighed heavily, "How much longer 'til we reach?"

Jake laughed in the reckless way that guys with motorbikes usually do. "You running on a timetable or something?"

"Not really . . . I'd just like to be there sometime close to . . . I don't know, 0930?" I spoke slowly, but with an edge of concern that Jake immediately picked up on.

"Something you're not telling me?"

Okay, Jake isn't exactly new to me. He's dropped by several times over the past one hundred eighty-one days. Jake was a really cool guy, usually with foreign intelligence. Technically, he was supposed to be on break right now. He'd just nabbed a terrorist who was planning on bombing Brooklyn Bridge. It was a major star on his record and Jake received a month of freedom. But Jake, you must understand, can't stay put _anywhere _for five minutes. So he comes to Venice, goes to Paris, goes to Bombay, comes back to Venice, and is then off again. Actually, I think the only _real _reason he comes back to Venice is Vera. Vera won't tell me, but I think they used to date.

"Look, I just kind of wanted to get a head start on my one day of freedom," I said, hoping this was a good enough excuse for Jake to stop playing 20 questions. Jake, of all people, would be able to understand wanting to get going and wanting to get going _fast._

Fortunately, Jake did understand so we spent the ride talking about cars, sports, other very _guy _stuff. I wanted to know what was happening in American football. Jake wanted to know what was happening in American basketball. He traveled around so much that he only heard little clips here and there. I could only catch Italian sports so in the end all we talked about was our favorite players.

The sun came out and the grey clouds dispersed. The air felt slightly warmer and the breeze lessened. It was going to be a _good _day – in way more ways than one. I thought of Mac and pure thrill washed over my body. I was going to see her. The pictures were going to come alive for me today. And I could barely contain myself.

Last night I had laid awake long after I should have fallen asleep, just staring up at the rooftop and smiling, thinking of Mac. I had set rules right then. 1) Under no circumstance could I speak to her, or anyway communicate with her. 2) I could watch her (yes, I know that's very stalkerish) but if for her to come into my vision would make me move into open air or into a place where she could see me, it was a no go.

The rules weren't tough, but they weren't exactly free either. And I knew I would reinforce them. Mac meant too much to me for me not taking every precaution to keep her safe. And unfortunately – for me – that meant deprivation of communication. She thought I was dead and I could do nothing to make her reconsider that thought.

"Alright, we're here." Jake cut his motor and we rolled to a stop in the middle of a busy outdoor market place much like the one Vera and I often visited in Venice. I swung my leg up from the one side of his bike and hopped off athletically. Jake did the same and leaned against his beloved bike. "No trouble, you hear? Vera will be upset."

I nodded kind of dumbly. I didn't want this conversation taking long, I had places to be. People to be with, but Jake was covering the basics that Vera had no doubt instructed him to do so I had to be patient. Unfortunately for me, patience isn't my best virtue.

"Look," Jake said sort of warmly. "Vera really likes you. But if you run off, she won't be afraid to use any means necessary to get you back. That includes her bullets. And I've seen Vera in action. She's a mean shot and she doesn't hesitate when her finger's on the trigger." He caught my slightly alarmed expression. "I don't mean to scare you," he backtracked. "But you need to know. Vera takes her work very seriously and not matter how good a friend you are to her, you are _still _her assignment, and she must follow protocol." He grinned at me. "But there'll be no need for her to resort to those measures, right?"

I shook my head and Jake hopped back on his Harley Davidson with a friendly wave. "Look, I'll pick you up around fiveish, right here. Don't be late."

And with those elegant parting words, he drove off, leaving me standing in the middle of the marketplace under the torture of the overhead beating sun. I checked my wrist watch. It was 0858. That meant there was exactly 29 minutes until Mac arrived in Padua Airport. You know, if her plane was on time and everything.

I walked over to a stand where a rather old woman was selling eggs. "Me scusa," I said in my very best accented Italian, "ma lei sa la strada all'Aeroporto di Padua?"

And I prayed I just asked how to get to Padua. The old woman smiled and I smiled back at her, hoping to flex some of my Rabb charm that I had promised not to use. _Oh well, Vera, _I thought. _I'm only using it once. _

"Sì," the woman said and then ate her words. "Yes." Her eyes glinted. "You speak English, right?"

I nodded in exaggerated relief. "Thank god someone speaks some English around here."

She nodded along with me. "We get many American tourists here." She pointed down the road to our left. "You take this road and go for . . ." her eyebrow rose thoughtfully, "about ten minutes, you turn right, go for five minutes, and you are at the airport." She stared at me. "Do you have a motorbike?"

I shook my head. "My friend just dropped me off."

The woman shook her head dismissively. "Then it will take you much longer to get there."

I felt my heart sink right down to the pit of m stomach. "How much longer?"

"Much longer," the woman said indefinitely. "Unless you are an Olympian runner." Her eyes traveled up and down my body.

"No," I said reluctantly. I hung my head in a depressed sort of way. I walked away slowly, my hands stuffed in my pockets and my mind up in space. I was stupid to think anything could come of my plan. Mac was meant to stay where she was, just like I was destined to be miserable for the rest of my life. I looked up at the sky – at its blue pallor, and at the beating sun, and the transparent clouds and a sudden internal rage swept me. _Why, God, why? _I felt like screaming. Why did every freaking force of nature have to play with my life? Why couldn't someone up there just let me be happy for once?

I felt broken – like I had been shattered into a thousand pieces. I never should have answered Vera's cell phone. I never should have lied to her or to Jake. I never should have come here in the first place. I was right when I thought it would only cause me pain. Mac and I could never be together. I could never be happy. It was better for the both of us if we went our separate ways. Maybe we would both get a shot at living our lives then.

"Signor?"

I turned around and the woman was standing next to me, a long strand of her grey hair loose from the bun it was tied back in. She was smiling at me.

"Sì?"

She pulled some keys out of one of the larger pockets of her apron. "My son has a motorbike. You look like an honest man. I ask and he said he does not mind taking you to Padua Airport." She held out the keys in front of me. "He is over there." She pointed to a boy who could be no more than fifteen. "His name is Paolo."

She nodded encouragingly at me as I walked over to him. "Hi . . . Paolo?"

"Signor."

Paolo was courteous but clearly anxious to be on his way. No doubt he had plans somewhere else which his mother was inadvertently crashing. I glanced at his motorbike. Long and thin with no logo on its front. The boy was only a teenager. Not even late teens. I glanced at around nervously as I got on the back, "Are you sure you know how to drive this thing?"

"Sì, sì," Paolo drawled as he gunned the engine.

"How old are you?" I couldn't help but ask.

Paolo turned back and grinned at me in the same sort of wild way Jake did when he was on _his _motorbike. "Sixteen." And like that we shot off, the motor loud and the sensation of ripping the road thick through our veins.

* * *

_**Padua Airport (present day)**_

_**Mac's POV**_

I landed in Padua Airport on a clear morning. The air was fresh, the sun was bright, and my eyes were anxiously scanning the airport crowd. I mean, I _knew _he wouldn't be there. He probably didn't even know I was in Italy, but even being in the same country as him made me feel closer. Every step brought me nearer to him.

I walked over to the conveyor belt and picked up my luggage – one small traveler's suitcase. I liked traveling light for some reason. It enabled me to move as much as I wanted without too much work. I sighed tremendously as I exited the airport. Italy was always beautiful – day or night . . . especially night.

I walked to the curb of the road and waved down a taxi. I wondered what Harm was doing at this very moment. What Harm was thinking at this very moment. I sighed discontentedly. I was so hopelessly enamored it wasn't the slightest bit humorous.

And that's when I saw him. Right out of the corner of my eye, like a dream surfacing in real life, I saw him. Upon a motorbike, far off at the edge of the opposite road, sitting with a boy quite a deal younger than him, his eyes off to the distance and his hair flying in the wind. And just like at his funeral, our eyes magnetically connected. Drawn together by the awesome powers of the universe, our visions tied.

* * *

I sat there on Paolo's motorbike, momentarily paralyzed. She was right there before my eyes, alive and well. Like a dream that drifted down before me in an entrancing state. I gripped onto the motorbike. And then . . . I came to my senses.

My eyes widened. "Go, Paolo, go!"

The teenager looked at me, his eyes bewildered. "What?"

"Go!" I pulled my arms away and motioned frantically to the streets. Any street. "Hurry, we've got to go!"

Paolo didn't wait for an explanation. He expertly pulled his bike around and gunned the engine, sending the motorcycle ripping down the street. I clamped on. _How could I do something so stupid?_ I chided myself. I was letting my own wants get in the way of my needs. And I needed Mac to be safe. The motorcycle roared down the airport lane. I swiveled on the seat and looked behind me. Mac was getting into a taxi and her eyes were following mine.

"Damn!" I swore so loudly Paolo took his vision of the road for one terrifying moment and turned to look at me. We raced down the lane, Paolo expertly steering his way through hoards of people. And then just like that, someone stepped in the way. Someone who wasn't looking where they were going, and someone who had nearly made a mistake that could end their life.

Paolo slammed on the breaks and I lurched forward, ramming into the teenager's back. Stars enveloped my vision. "Sono cosí spiacente," I heard Paolo apologize in fast Italian. He was frightened by my sudden outburst and I was frightened period.

"Guardare dove lei va. Lei me avrebbe potuto uccidere!" someone hollered back and in that absolutely terrifying instance, I recognized that voice. My head lurched up with my mouth open in absolute awe as my vision connected with none other than Agent Clayton Webb's.

Webb's eyes opened in horror. "Rabb!"

The motorbike lurched forward. "Andare, Paolo, andare!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as Paolo gunned the engine to such a terrifying speed, all I could so was hold on and pray. I didn't even have the guts to look behind me to see if Mac was there. Horrible flashes kept flooding my vision. What would happen if Abbas knew Mac knew where I was? I saw pictures of her getting tortured, beaten. And the most terrifying thing of them all? I knew Mac wouldn't tell Abbas where I was. I knew she would die if it meant saving me. And that thought more than anything scared the hell out of me.

The motorbike roared down the lane. I felt like Paolo and I were literally tearing up the road. He swerved in and out of cars, sometimes driving in two lanes at a time. I could hear people screaming at us in loud untranslatable Italian but my ears were deaf to it. Only one thing mattered now. Getting home and getting Mac safe.

"Andare!" I hollered once again and the frantic teenager steered uncontrollably.

"But where!" he screamed back over the absolutely deafening rush of wind that sailed along with out frightening speed. "Where am I supposed to go?"

"Anywhere," I breathed, my chest heaving. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. _Please, God, don't let Mac have followed me. Just keep her safe._

We sailed along the road, Paolo cutting in and cutting out of the traffic. He swerved suddenly, plunging the small motorbike down a long thin alleyway. I closed my eyes. The boy was one hell of a good driver, but the walls were thin and we were traveling _fast. _A crash seemed almost unavoidable. Paolo lurched into a 90 degree turn and rushed us down a new street. My heart was thumping wildly within my chest and the palms of my hands were covered in a fresh layer of sweat. Paolo swerved around and then pulled us into a place familiar to the both of us. The marketplace.

He raced us into the center and then cut the engine. We sat there for the longest time on the bike, our chests heaving from the rush of it all, and the adrenaline coursing through our blood. I patted Paolo on the back, my breathing heavy and staggered. "You're one hell of a driver, kid."

Paolo was rather speechless. He only nodded rather weakly, no strength left to smile. Almost gingerly, he untangled his legs from the motorcycle and climbed onto solid ground. His legs were shaking. I did the same with no better outcome; we practically leaned on each other for support. I couldn't help but take a look around the scene. People were staring at us. We were definitely attracting a lot of attention. Paolo wiped the hair out of his eyes and we both limped off. Paolo had a house near the marketplace, a small one. He opened the door – it was unlocked – let me in, and we both collapsed on the couches.

We sat there for a moment before I asked, "Aren't you going to get your bike?"

Paolo shrugged in the kind of nonsensical way teenagers do. "I'll get it later."

I nodded. We lapsed into thick silence before I asked, "Could I stay here for a little while? Until five or so?"

I really didn't want to impose, but I was fresh out of options. If Mac had _somehow _managed to follow Paolo, then she would be out on the street, which meant that was the least safe place I could possibly be.

Paolo nodded. "In qualunque momento, l'amico." _Anytime, friend._

* * *

I had not stood outside in the marketplace for long before Jake arrived on his Harley Davidson. I had taken a shower at Paolo's house and even washed my clothes (they were covered in sweat). Nonetheless, I was nervous, and my eyes were scanning the crowd anxiously. Jake greeted me in the way he always did, like we were long lost brothers who had just caught up with each other.

"So, did you have a good time?" he asked as I fitted myself over the motorcycle. Even the thought of riding one was making me nauseous but I sucked it in at a level that Mac would be proud of.

"The best," I muttered as we drove off. The sky was rapidly changing from bright blue to dark. And as we rode along the narrow road to Venice, my thoughts couldn't help but drift to Mac and what she was thinking right now. And little did I know it, as I rode down that road, trying to make as believable a story of what I did in Padua that day to Jake as possible, a pair of keen brown eyes were watching me. Down the path from Padua.

* * *

**A/N: See, I am updating faster, aren't I? lol. One more chapter to the reuniting. Jeez, even I'm getting a little frantic just waiting for me to write it. Anyways, reviews, reviews, reviews. They make me write so much faster. **


	8. The Road of the Brokenhearted

**A/N: Hi people, this is the eagerly anticipated chapter of the Harm/Mac reuniting. I'm doing my best to comply with the true nature of their romance as well as . . . well, making it as good as possible. Oh yeah, and I've also decided to take up this really funky thing that a lot of great authors do at the end of their chapters. They respond to their reviewers from the chapter before. I think that's cool so if you reviewed me last chapter, check for your name at the bottom!**

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, (okay, and for this next one, I'm not sure whether to say 'your fan' or 'my fan' . . . let me know, okay?), MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, and Fan! You guys are honestly the greatest. Let me know, anyone, if I missed you for feedback.**

**Oh yeah, and this chapter is ALL in Harm's POV. I didn't mean to do it, it just sort of happened. Next chapter I'll do Mac's POV. Anyways . . . read away!**

**The Road of the Brokenhearted**

_**Venice Italy 0742 Harm's POV**_

Jake eased down his Harley Davidson and pulled it into a slow role in front of 146 Vinetta Avenue. He cut the engine and then expertly swung off in a way that forcefully reminded me of Paolo. The sky had already darkened to a great midnight blue color even though we hadn't even entered eight o'clock. Stars studded the cape of night and sparkled with a very whitish glow that fell calmly on to Vinetta Avenue. Jake walked his bike into the shed connected to the house and locked the door up. Jake would risk the world to make sure his bike was safe. He loved that thing a hell of a lot.

"So, you gonna stand out here all night?" he asked jokingly as I stood before the door, momentarily frozen in my own space and time.

I shrugged in response. "I think I'm going to go out to a bar or something. Clear my head a bit."

I didn't go out to bars much in Venice. I don't like the beer they serve and it doesn't seem . . . _familiar _to me. It doesn't calm my nerves much. But I guess I just didn't feel like going inside the house yet. I had things to mull over. I knew Webb would be banging upon that door at any minute and I just didn't want to be there when he told Vera. I knew I was being a wuss, but there was no damned way of avoiding that.

"You want me to come?"

Jake's question was so innocent, so friendly, I had a real hard time saying no. But the fact of the matter was, my head was always clearer and I was in solitude. It's weird, I know, but I'm not exactly the most normal guy. I mean, to watch the Super Bowl, I flew a plane over the stadium. Most people just watch it on TV.

Jake slapped me on the back, checked that I had enough money for a drink, and then jogged inside the house. He and Vera have really been hitting it off lately. I mean it. When I first met Jake he was sending signals left, right and center that gave Vera the infamous 'green light'. It was funny in a way. Vera – being the attractive person that she is – had some real fun with his comments, but tortured him such a way that it was almost pitiful to watch. She would blow in his ear until he started shaking and then tell him that she didn't dig guys with motorcycles. From a guy's point of view, it was just plain cruel. But from a bystander's vision, it was damned hilarious.

But lately they'd really sunk into a comfortable friendship mode. Jake was now chasing after a pretty Italian girl that worked in the café a block away from the market place and Vera was seizing every chance she got to reel off another embarrassing story about him. Jake was having trouble keeping Vera quiet. Hell, I'd pay ten bucks to see Vera keep quiet for more than five minutes.

I strolled down the streets for a little while. The rooftops of the cafes were decorated with colored lanterns that really lighted up the night sky. It gave off a warm kind of cozy feeling and I lingered outside for a while just enjoying the feel of the evening wind on my face and the light of the stars and the moon and the lights. It gave one a feeling of awesome power. And right just then the jukebox outside the bar started playing a song. One that I knew from a long time ago. One that held great significance and one that – if even possible – made me think of all the people at home. Everyone I missed.

A long time ago, Mac, Bud and I had sat on the stool seats of a bar and sang this song. Mac had broken up with Dalton, it was virtually over for me and Annie, Bud was depressed because Harriet was mad at him. The thought almost brought a smile to my lips. How simple life was back then . . .

It was true, I realized with a wry grin. Today's escapade was proof of that. I'd stuck my neck out for a one-shot dream and what ends up happening? My head gets cut off. A nice clean sweep.

The song's melancholy tune struck me deep within my heart and my voice just seemed to pick up the natural feel of the tune. I remembered everyone so vividly and so passionately that I felt overcome. I remembered holding AJ when he was first born. I remembered shaking hands with Mac in the Rose Garden.

I remembered meeting Mattie for the first time. I remembered running the JAGathon with Mac and losing badly to Sturgis.

I remembered persuading Chloe down from the top of the JAG elevator. I remembered hugging Mac that night when I left her in the desert with Keeter as I boarded the infamous black jet. I'll never forget her expression.

I remembered the Admiral and all his power as he saved his daughter from the hold of her murderous boyfriend. I remembered that night Mac spent in my apartment protecting me from Palmer. But most of all I remembered hugging her and assuring her I wasn't going anywhere. Fat load of good that did me.

I remembered Bud and all his exuberance when he told me he passed the bar exam. I remembered Mac in her blue dress that night in the Embassy, and how scared I was for the both of us.

I remembered Harriet telling me she was pregnant, practically screaming when she said so. I remembered being on trial for murder, and Mac coming to my rescue once again.

I remembered my father, the split images that I had of him from my childhood. I remembered Mac's face and her tears when I left to go back to flying. And I remembered our hug, how heartfelt and meaningful it was.

I remembered Jimmy's christening, and Bud and Harriet's faces. And I remembered kissing Mac under the mistletoe. How perfect and right that felt.

I remembered taking up a tomcat the first time after I had my vision corrected – how cool and clear flying had felt. I remembered sharing Chinese food out of one carton with Mac in her office and our dueling chop sticks.

I remembered Webb's face when I thanked him for slipping me that tape when we were investigating the Angelshark incident, how trusting it was. How friendly we both were to each other. And then I remembered Mac in Paraguay, how I saw her spoon feeding Webb and how my internal green-eyed monster reared its ugly head.

I thought of JAG, the office, the bullpen, everyone's smiling faces. I thought of the kiss Mac and I shared on the Admiral's porch during her engagement party. I grinned sort of guiltily as I remembered that.

I thought of Bud when he was dressed as Santa Clause and Harriet when she was in her elf's costume. I remembered that night Mac and I spent tangled with each other under the stars to avoid hypothermia. Sure, it didn't last long, but it sent my heart on one hell of a racecourse.

I remembered everyone – they're beaming faces, they're encouraging words, their friendship, love, loyalty, and respect. And I remembered Mac's face at my funeral. How brokenhearted it was, and how instantly, in that unforgettable moment, I had pined for her from afar.

I didn't know it but the music had stopped playing, but the lyrics kept repeating in my head as I lumbered along the road, lost and making no attempt to be found. Today had been hell on my emotions. I may have just endangered the person I cared about the most. There was no way I could undo this. I swayed along the street as though drunk, my hair falling before my eyes and my mind up in the clouds. How could I face Vera knowing I had defied the one solitary rule she had pressed me to reinforce? How could I confront Webb knowing that he had only done this to keep me safe when every inch of my body cried out for freedom? And how could I even _risk _endangering everyone back home? The boys, Mattie – they were like my own children. And my friends were practically family to me. The thought that they could be in any sort of danger burned me from the inside out.

I practically floated to number 146 for all the physical excursion I can remember. Before I knew it, I had drifted through the unlocked door of the house and ghost-like crept up the stairs. I heard voices in the kitchen, loud and hollow in my ears. I heard Vera's voice, rather shrill but not quite screaming, and the slow grunts of Jake – the ones he made when he was thinking. I moved noiselessly up the hall and twisted open the doorknob of my room and literally collapsed on the bed. I felt helpless, useless. I rolled over in my bed so my back was to the mattress. The phrase '_What the hell was I thinking?' _played over and over in my mind. And that was when I noticed my closet door was open. _Funny, _I thought to myself. _I didn't leave it open . . ._

And then slowly, like a shadow, she emerged from my open closet. I felt myself freeze. The moonlight cast a beautiful pallor on her fair face, her hair especially dark in the lack of light. Almost robotically my body shifted – I was standing. She stared at me, her brown eyes reflecting an almost fiery intensity. It was unbelievable. We steered towards each other magnetically, walking slowly almost to savor the moment. All the doubts I'd ever head, all the forbidden thoughts that entered my mind, vanished in that split second of rapture. We stood inches apart. My hand moved magnetically up to her face. My fingers trailed down her soft cheek. Our eyes never broke contact.

"Mac . . ." I whispered with as much emotion as anyone could put into one word. She had never looked so irresistible. Our bodies weren't even an inch apart. She stared at me, almost terrified. Unbelieving. And then very slowly recognition shone upon her face. She raised her arms, coiling them around me and in that moment, that split second, I pulled her to me, crushing her body against mine in a passionate embrace. It took her a millisecond to return it. Her arms clung to my back and mine twisted around her waist. I lifted her into the air. I buried my head in her hair. I felt wet tears trickle down my back – hers.

We broke apart only to cling to each other once again. Now the emotion was clear on both our faces. Her eyes were growing red but the most beautiful smile had broken upon her face. I entangled my hands in her hair. "Your hair's grown," I whispered, my voice trembling.

Both her hands were in my hair, our bodies one with each other. "So has yours," she whispered in return. My arms ran down her shoulders. I couldn't believe it. She was here, before me. Her hands were on my chest now as though if she didn't cling tightly, I would disappear. "God, I can't believe you're here . . ."

I pulled her into another embrace that took absolutely no effort. This felt as natural as the world. She ran her fingers across the nape of my neck. My hands strayed over the small of her back. Our eyes devoured the sight of each other. We were both breathless. My heart was pounding hard. My hands were running themselves over Mac's body. This was a dream, it had to be. I was on the brink of pinching myself to make sure this was real.

"Harm . . ." she trailed, her voice soft and completely in sync with the moment. My one glance dampened her voice. Heavy silence fell between the two of us. Our faces were an inch apart. I could feel her warm breath mix with mine. I could see the sparks in her eyes. I felt the softness of her skin. We were drawn so close our bodies were practically melting into each other. "Harm . . ."

Our lips neared each others. "Mac . . ." I whispered, savoring her name on my lips – the richness of its texture, its detectable rhythm. The friction between us was almost unbearable. The magnetism was tremendous. Our lips were a millimeter apart. Our eyes never left each other. And then . . .

"Rabb, get your ass down here!"

Vera's voice cut glass. Both Mac and I froze in our places. My arms were around her waist. Her hands were on my chest. Our faces were millimeters apart. And we stayed like that, our eyes sending each other signals of alarm.

"Rabb!"

It was impossible, downright unbelievable. I had the shaky impulse to laugh. The one time, one of the most _perfect _moments I have ever had with anyone is predictably ruined. A small quavering laugh ventured through my throat. I rested my forehead on hers. "I'll be right back," I whispered softly and then untangled my arms from her body.

I walked out the door and then took one long look back. She stood there in my room, the moonlight playing softly across her beautiful features and a strong blissful smile on her lips. I relished the picture for a moment and then bound down the steps two at a time. I sprinted into the kitchen. Vera and Jake sat at the table and beside them stood Webb. I exhaled softly.

"So," Vera's voice shook with what I could only place as anger. "How was Padua?"

I stood there, shifting my weight from one leg to the other, my mind completely blank. My thoughts kept drifting to Mac. I looked into Vera's dark eyes and saw a very bold determination in there. And I looked at Webb who looked back at my steely-eyed. Jake wouldn't even face me. I bowed my head, "I'm sorry Vera."

Vera turned away, her arms folded across her chest. The only emotion now displayed by her body was disappointment and I felt it too – in myself. It was strong and heart wrenching. We stood like that for a long time in the kitchen, tense silence filling the room. "Did she see you?" her voice quaked.

All eyes were on me and I couldn't bear anymore lying. I don't think any of us could. I nodded slowly.

It was then that Vera's keen eyes really narrowed on me and I could practically see her investigative skills flaring. It was just then that I realized what a true mess I was. Her eyes noted the wrinkled shirt, the tampered hair, and the heat reflected in my cheeks.

"She's here," she whispered, the incredulity weighted in her voice. Her eyes widened. "She's here!"

And before I could stop her she was sprinting up the stairs. Webb shot me a look that said, "_What the **hell **are you thinking?" _and then followed her. Jake was not left behind. Vera threw open the door and both she and Webb collapsed into the room. Mac sat on my bed. Everyone stared. A tense silence filled the room.

"So . . ." Mac trailed flatly. "Long time no see, Clay."

We all sat in the kitchen. The silence did not leave. Vera leaned against the wall, her hair aflame against the banana yellow paint. Webb stood not far away, uncharacteristically quiet. Jake sat at the table along with Mac. He seemed lost in thought and Mac kept shooting me glances that very plainly said 'this is what you lived with for six months?' I had no answer to everyone's unspoken questions.

"Sarah," Webb broke the silence. Everyone's eyes shifted to him. "You have to realize now, you're in danger."

For a reason unknown to me, Mac seemed surprised at this news. She shifted a little in her chair and looked at both Webb and I quizzically. "Why is that?"

Webb also seemed to be perturbed at her lack of information. "That's . . .," his voice trembled. _Don't say it, _I telepathically willed. _Don't say it, Webb. _". . . classified."

Mac sighed heavily and Vera rolled her eyes. Now, you see, _women _can send telepathic messages. Men are just too stupid for that.

"Well what was I supposed to say?" Clay defended, evidently annoyed with the women's reaction, especially Vera's.

"You tell her the truth," Vera snapped back offensively. "Do you know nothing about women?"

"What can I say, Azhad? It's not like my time with you has been giving me real experience with a _woman," _Webb shot back, equally as defensive.

There was a long silence where Jake whistled in a very 'low blow' type of way. Vera stared at him hotly, her dark eyes shining wildly. "I'd prefer if you keep 'you and I' out of this, Webb," she spoke softly, in a hot hiss that frightened me to the core.

"Why?" Webb plowed back. "Because you're still stumbling in failed romances? Or because once again you managed to screw up your assignment?"

And that was it. Vera pounced off the wall and shot at him with such a violent force that Jake had to grab her around the waist and literally pull her off Webb. Clay only looked slightly frazzled. Jake held Vera strongly and motioned me to take Mac upstairs with a wave of his hand. I was only too happy to oblige. I took Mac by the hand and we hurried out of the kitchen. Mac looked a little startled.

"So, 181 days of paradise, huh?" she winked at me.

I closed to the door to my bedroom behind me and flashed what can only be called the infamous Rabb smile. "You could say that . . ." I trailed and then I played back what she said. "So . . . you've been counting the days too, huh?"

Mac smiled back, both of us edging closer to each other. "You could say that . . ."

But the raw magnitude of our passion is put at bay for the moment. There are much bigger things at play here, and both of us know that. We stand sort of awkwardly, just staring at each other. Mac takes a glance over at my wall where I've pinned up all the pictures Webb sent me. She walks over to the wall, her eyes traveling up and down the corkboard I've pinned them all up on. "Looks like you've been busy."

"Yeah," I trailed. "I need something to pass the time."

She looks over at me and then back at the pictures. "Where did you get all these?"

I walked over to her and looked at the pictures too. I must have collected close to fifty of them over the months. "Webb. He sends them to me whenever he can." I then stopped and reconsidered what I'd said. "Or whenever he's feeling bored. It's kind of impossible to tell."

Mac nodded and the smiled, "So that's why whenever I see him he's carrying around that damned camera." She shook her head, half laughing. "Damn. If I'd known the pictures were going to you, I would have made an effort to look prettier. I just thought that ass was keeping them."

I smiled and then stared at her intensely. "You always look beautiful."

And just like that, the moment's back. We stare at each other for such a long time I can practically _feel _my eyes boring into her. The undeniable attraction is weighing heavily on the air.

"So . . ." I whispered, looking down a bit. "How're Bud and Harriet, and the boys?"

Mac grins. "They're really great. But in speaking of them, I have something to show you."

She sits down on my bed and then lies down, completely spreading her legs out. I'm kind of taken back for a moment but then again, Mac's lay down on other beds of mine. I shouldn't really be that stunned. I lie down next to her and I watch as Mac pulls her wallet out of the back pocket of her jeans.

"You sure your wallet's safe there?" I said, kind of curiously. I move to point and then realize it really is rather rude to point at a woman's butt.

Mac flashes me a smile. "Anyone reaches back there and they're the ones unsafe."

I shrug. The woman makes a valid point.

"So . . . what is it that you have to show me?" I ask, leaning over in interest. I love the feeling of being close to her. We both seem to radiate a certain heat that manages to erupt whenever we come within a foot away from each other.

Mac pulls out a small photo folder from her wallet. "Here," she says softly and pulls out a small . . . well, _wallet sized _photo. I look at it and then feel a brilliant smile come to my lips.

"AJ . . . wow, he's grown . . . _big," _I whispered. "He looks . . ."

"Like his dad," Mac cut in, nodding. "I know."

My eyes scanned the photo. "And that's Jimmy beside him . . . he's standing by himself now?"

"Walking too," Mac added. "He's a big boy now."

And then silence enveloped me. "But who are these two right here . . .?" I trailed in confusion and then my eyes lit up with recognition. "Harriet had the twins!" I cried.

Mac nodded and pulled out the next photo which showed Mikey holding one baby and Bud holding the other. They were all smiling – even the babies.

"Wow . . ." I whispered, trailing my fingers over the photo. "They're so . . . _small."_

"Reminds you how Jimmy used to be, huh?"

"And AJ."

Mac nodded, correcting herself. "And AJ."

A long silence and then, "So," I said softly. "What are they?"

Mac looks at me in confusion. "What do you mean . . .?"

"I mean, are they two boys or two girls or . . .?"

"Fraternal twins. Opposite sexes."

I nodded and then smiled. "Wow, three boys and a girl. Bud and Harriet have it cut out for them."

"Oh yeah."

I looked at the smiling faces again, taking in the small size of the twins and the little hair they had on their scalp. "What are their names?"

Mac edged closer to me and I inhaled the warmth of her body. "This little one – the one Bud's holding – is Hallie Erica Roberts." She said the name with a smile and I found trouble containing the contagious grin.

"She's beautiful," I whispered slowly. "She looks just like Harriet."

"That's what I said," Mac added. "But she seems to think Hallie favors Bud's side."

"Nah," I politely disagreed. "So," I turned to the boy. "What's this handsome fellow's name?"

At this I feel Mac tense up. I stare at her and she meets my eyes intensely. "Harmon Rabb Roberts," she whispered. I stare away. I feel something blossoming in my heart and I can stop the emotion from rising to my face. They named him after me.

"They were originally going to name him after Mikey, you know," Mac said softly. "But . . . you know, when – well, you _died _–" she broke off, unsure of whether to proceed but I nodded. "And . . . well, it was actually Mikey who suggested it. He couldn't get off the ship in time for your funeral but he paid his respects later. He – well, we _all _– knew how much the family name meant to you so . . . this was Bud and Harriet's way of paying you a tribute." She was speaking really fast now. "You remember when AJ was born? You kept telling them to name their son after a war veteran with the first name as his first name and the veteran's last name as his middle?" I nodded. "Well that's kind of what they did with your name. Remember, before AJ was born and they asked you if they could name him after you? You never really said no so . . ." She motioned to the picture. "There's Harmon for you."

I don't know what to say: I'm completely touched. I stare at the little boy with bright brown eyes and small strands of golden hair shooting out the top of his head and I feel something swell right at the bottom of my heart: unconditional love. I love Harmon Roberts and his two brothers and one sister. I love them like a father would love his children. I feel something wet sting the back of my eyes and I look away to hide my tears from Mac. Crying is one thing, crying in front of other people is entirely different.

"Harm," Mac whispered. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulder and I open my eyes to see Mac holding me in a comforting embrace. "I felt the exact same way when they asked me if they could name their baby Sarah." I'm finding it hard to believe that my Marine would find tears in her eyes when they asked her but I make it a point not to say anything. "I missed you, you know," she said slowly, her eyes stopping to connect with mine. I returned her stare with as much intent as possible. "I really _really _missed you."

I nodded, knowing exactly how she felt without the words to describe it. "I missed you too."

Mac shook her head, "Not like I missed you. It was _nothing _like I missed you. Every time I saw a plane – hell, every time I saw a Navy uniform your picture used to flash before my eyes. It used to drive me insane." A small sort of saddened smile tugged at her lips and I felt my heart reach out to her. "Every time I was faced with a truly impossible case I thought of you." She looked me squarely in the eye. "Every time I met a truly stubborn-headed _mule _I thought of you."

"I see you're no more sensitive since I last saw you then," I muttered and she hit me, laughing at the same time. It was at that moment I had the profound desire to pull her right close to me and kiss her. But I held on.

"So . . ." Mac trailed, looking at me, "anything remind you of me?"

I honestly didn't know what to tell her. I saw a dog and it reminded me of Jingo when he was with Mac. I saw a burger and my mind readily zoomed to Mac's picture. Even when I happened to see a particularly beautiful woman my brain would say 'She's not prettier than Mac.' And my head would nod along with my mind's conclusion.

I flashed her a cocky-flyboy grin, "Not really."

But before she has a chance to reply the door of my room swings open and Webb leans in, his hair untidy and his face a bit sweaty and I find myself wondering what Vera did to him. "Mac, you're sharing a room with Vera – her room is just down the hall. Jake's sharing with Harm in this room, and I get the spare room."  
"How convenient for you," I noted.

"Oh yeah," Webb snapped sarcastically. "Life's just one hell of a convenience." He turns around and leaves down the hall, still muttering angrily to himself. Mac and I watch him go with matching expressions of amusement on our faces. Mac stands up.

"I guess I should go." She spoke with a tint of uncertainty, but I can feel her eyes scanning my body. The incredulity of my being here is still fresh in her mind and heart.

I stand up too. "Yeah . . ." I trailed. We stand sort of awkwardly, staring at each other and then Mac turns around to walk out into the hall and she's almost out when I bound to the door.

"Hey, Mac!" I called, and Mac turns around so I can flash her the flyboy grin.

"Yeah?"

"I did remember you every time I did something." I stare at her and our eyes are suddenly vivid with intensity. "Every time I breathed."

"You never told me," Jake scowled as we piled sheets onto the bed.

"I'm sorry," I apologized sincerely. "You had a right to know about the Padua thing –"

"No, no," Jake said waving his hand. Apparently that was old news now. "You never told me what a babe Mac is. I mean, if I had _her _I would ride across the Sahara Dessert to get a look-see."

I chuckled and shrugged. "But we're not _together," _I informed him.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Like hell you're not."

We both get into my bed and a long silence fills the room.

"You're thinking about _her_," Jake accused.

"Am not," I defend.

"Are too."

I don't have the stamina to argue.

"Alright, I'm going," Jake said getting up and taking his pillow with him.

"What?"

"I can read the signs clear enough," Jake said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not and idiot . . . just don't stay up too late." And he flashes me a wink. "But keep in mind, Rabb, when I need you to bunk on the couch . . ."

"I'll be more than happy to oblige," I droned, half laughing. Jake goes and suddenly the room is _very _quiet. I can practically hear my own thoughts buzzing my head. I roll around on the mattress, trying to get into a comfortable position. Minutes pass by. The clock hand whirls. And then – almost like a sixth sense – I look up, and there's Mac standing there with an expression on her face I've never seen before. But I read it instantly.

She walks over to me and pulls her jacket over her head. "We've got some unfinished business . . ."


	9. To Fatally Follow

**A/N: Okay, I just got home from my soccer game (we won by the way, 3 – 1) and so I'm kind of . . . hyper. Yeah, you could say hyper works. So . . . I don't know, bear with me here. I love your reviews! Keep them coming folks. And I especially appreciate the magnitude of the responses I got from the last chapter. Seriously, I sat down at my computer and clicked on my own story just for the heck of it and I swear the bar at the side of the page was miniscule. I couldn't believe I'd written that much. **

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, your fan (or is it my fan?), MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, and Britainy! Your reviews were much appreciated!**

**Okay, I know I left a lot of questions unanswered in the last chapter, so here's Mac's POV to straighten everything out, okay? It's gonna take off from what happened last night (yes, you all know what I'm talking about . . .) grins evilly _I'm way too hyper._**

I walk over to my room in the same clothes that I'd had on ten minutes ago thrown loosely around my body in a way that – to me – says I don't even really know they're there. I enter the bathroom and take the hottest shower I've ever had in my life. The water pelts of my back, hot and burning but I just relish the feel of it. Tonight was a night to remember.

I moan softly under the assault of the water and let images play back in my mind. It was slow, like a long imagined dream. My hands on his chest, his around my waist, it ran through my mind like a never ending movie. The water sprayed across my face, alerting my senses and jogging my mind from the heavens above. It had taken me so long to get here. But I had known the instant I'd seen him that it was worth it. The look in his eyes, the catch in my breath, the momentum that we'd possessed in that one frightening moment had taken hold of me and any regrets that had clung to my body was washed away in a fleeting instant as I stood under the shower.

_**Flashback to hours before**_

_My brain was numb, my thoughts unregistered, but my body took hold of my senses as I broke into a sprint. I could just see him, the tail of his tan colored shirt and the back of his head as the white motorbike sped off. I was moving so fast the very details of my surroundings were blurred into nonexistence at the back of my mind. I jumped into a cab and literally shoved money in front of the driver's face, screaming in English – and completely aware of the total cliché – to follow that motorbike._

_I swear the driver had never seen so much money in his life. He jammed his foot to the pedal and we quite literally ripped up the road. I was thrown to my seat, struggling with all limbs to see what was ahead of us. After all, **someone** had to keep their eyes open and alert – but of course, in my case, for all the wrong reasons. I could just see the end of the motorbike, its white shell glistening in the over beating sun. My eyes narrowed in sheer determination – and when a Marine did that, they meant **business.**_

"_We're losing them," I muttered to myself and slowly, I clamored to my feet so that I was standing up in the back seat of the car and then threw myself forward, flipping myself into the front seat. The Italian driver nodded to me with a mildly impressed look playing about his features. _

_We shot through the traffic, expertly steering and manipulating our way through the hoards of cars. I swear I've never heard so much honking in my entire life. The sound vibrated within my ears and skull. I gripped onto the edge of my seat, praying the seatbelts in Italy were as reliable as the ones on American TV were said to be. We twisted our way between two lanes – Harm, as fate made it, happened to be just two cars ahead of us. And then – just like that – he disappeared._

_We brake and I go flying, gripping onto the side of the car just in time to stop my head from colliding through the windshield. The world is literally a blend of spinning colors. I toss my hair to the side and strain my disoriented vision upon the spot where Harm disappeared. The groan that I uttered as my eyes cornered a small thin alleyway off to the side of the street is one only comparable to the many issued from the Admiral when both Harm and I served under his command. The alleyway, as it so happens, is thin. So thin that even a bike would have to strain to get through. I can feel a desperate sob take hold of my body and I place my head in my hands, rubbing the temples of my forehead just to calm my jittery nerves._

'_He can't go!' my mind screamed at myself. 'It's not freaking fair!' I just melt into the seat. His face has haunted my dreams to the point I'm so scared of falling asleep and waking up to the misery of knowing he's not there. I've become addicted to Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream as what is otherwise known as 'comfort food'. I'd take a flavor of chocolate, but I know how much Harm went out of his way to give me chocolate in any form including ice cream and the thought just plain depresses me. And whatever enthusiasm that I had ever brought to JAG with me – I now realize – was solely devoted to one person and if he's not there, I'm drained of any energy that I might have possessed had he be present. I'm a wreck. I'm a freaking emotional wreck under stiff Marine greens. And you know what the saddest part is? Only I know._

_Maybe that's a good thing, I reasoned with myself. Who wanted to know that a Lt. Colonel of the US Marine Corps was crumbling from within? But I just didn't care about anyone else's opinion of me right now. To hell with them. I just wanted to escape the nightmare that had become my life. I wanted light in this age of darkness. And every time I thought I saw a faint beam, it just had to disappear up a damn alleyway. _

"_Missus."_

_I look up to see my driver patting me on the shoulder. At first I think it's to comfort me, but then I realize he's actually brought somewhere. I look up with a barely mild interest. I'm in the middle of a market place. My bewilderment is clearly pronounced on my face. Does he want me to buy him something?_

_And then I see it. I swear it's a sign from God. There's the motorbike in all its shiny white glory. I walk over on kind of shaky limbs and touch the back of it, almost immediately withdrawing my hand. The engine's still hot. I feel a shaky emotion vibrate within me and I realize with a qualm of uneasiness that perhaps I've never been so happy in my life. I feel it, warm and hot, but incredibly pure. And the greatest smile blesses my lips. _

_I turn back to my driver with the utmost sincerity. "Thanks, I'll take it from here."_

_I pay him a bit more than he asked for. Not many drivers would copy a scene out of some James Bond action sequence. I stroll around the market place, my eyes keen and my senses off the chart. Every word I drink in, every action is noted in my memory. Unfortunately for me, my Italian is not too good. I sigh almost heavily as I approach a lady with thick graying hair tied in a bun at the back of her head._

"_Er – excuse me," I make a valiant effort to sound confident but my voice is shaking. The excitement is vibrant and contagious. _

_The woman turns and then smiles. "I speak English. You need not worry."_

_It's incredibly wonderful to see a smiling face, but mostly relieving. "That motorbike over there . . .?"_

"_My son Paolo's."_

_And just like that, the world stretched out in fingertip length. And I saw the end of my dark tunnel. There was light. Pure, bright, beckoning light._

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Morning dawned raw and bright in Venice Italy. The sun arose to reign high and mighty in the sky as the clouds bowed down in defeat to the insistent sunshine. And in 146 Vinetta Avenue, the inhabitants slowly awoke to the beginning of quite a complication. That is, if they all had been asleep to awake to it . . .

Special Agent Vera Azhad stared at her coffee cup with obvious distaste pronounced clearly upon her features. She was an espresso person. But something told her that she would be spending breakfast inside the house today. And that thought alone unnerved her.

"Morning," Webb grunted. He plopped himself down onto the only other chair at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee, sipping slowly and savoring the strong taste which he would be sure to need today. Vera was quiet, her auburn hair clearly defined against her slightly tanned skin. Her eyes glistened as she sipped her coffee silently, not meeting Webb's eyes for a moment.

The silence was deafening.

"I'm sorry, Vera." The apology was reluctant, the voice was timid, it was nothing Vera needed to hear right now.

"What are you sorry about, Clay?" Vera's dark eyes glinted in the morning light, challenging and determined. His first name sounded hollow on her lips. How long had she deprived herself of it?

"I'm sorry for hurting you." The reply was so pitiful, so pathetic that Vera almost felt sorry for him.

Vera placed her head in her hands and shook herself into sanity. "We have to press the pause button on you and I, Clay." The supposedly strong statement came out as a plea, a heartfelt emotional beg. "We need to figure out what to do here . . . and we need to figure out fast."

She met Webb's cool grey eyes with as much determination as possible. Thoughtful silence flooded the room. Webb shook his head in regret, clearly dreading his own words. "We can't keep them apart now."

Vera looked at him incredulously. "Like hell we can't!"

Webb slammed his coffee cup down on the table. "You don't know Rabb!"

"I know him a hell of a lot better than you do," Vera snapped back in defiance. Her hair twisted aflame around her neck, her eyes just daring him to engage in verbal combat.

"Rabb can't stay away from her," Clay hissed.

"He will." Her statement came out so boldly, so confidently, Vera was almost surprised at the taste of the words in her mouth. "He will if he knows Mac's in danger. And she is."

"But Sarah won't stay away from Harm," and Clay said this with such heavy reluctance that Vera was forced to listen. "She . . . you know . . . they like each other too much."

Vera snorted. "They're a bit beyond that point, don't you think?"

"Don't rub it in."

Vera leaned back in her chair, took another sip of coffee and the infamous wince returned. She scowled at Webb. "This is all your fault."

"How the hell's it my fault?" Webb cried with sheer incredulity.

"You were practically bating him – sending him pictures every two weeks!" Vera snapped back in her best effort to keep her voice low. "It's a wonder why he didn't just steal that motorbike he was on and try and drive over the ocean to reach her!"

"Rabb may be desperate but he's not an idiot," Webb countered, his voice rising in volume.

"No," Vera corrected herself, her voice rising as well. "_You're_ the idiot for letting all of this get this far!"

"Oh, right. So I'm supposed to . . ."

"Oh, _shut up," _Jake drawled and pulled Webb's chair away. Vera and Webb were both standing. "You're giving me a freaking headache just to add to all my other pains."  
"_Aww_," Webb drawled. "Bad Boy fall off his motorcycle?"

"I'd love to see you sleep on that rock filled couch," Jake snarled and poured himself a cup of coffee. He tasted it and then cringed. "Who made this nasty stuff?"

"Shut up, it's my first time," Vera snapped.

"Good morning everyone, and what a fine day it is," Harm greeted cheerfully, entering the room accompanied by Mac.

"Oh yeah, just like a ray of sunshine," Clay drawled.

Harm and Mac poured themselves coffee. Mac leaned back against the wall and sipped the contents of her mug, barely able to keep the half horrified/half amused expression off her face. "Wow, this is almost as bad as Tiner's."

"Amen, Halleluiah," Vera snarled.

"Why were you sleeping on the couch?" Clay inquired, setting down his coffee cup.

Jake remained cool and collected. "Harm hogs the bed."

"I do _not,_" came the immediately indignant reply.

_Rrriiinnngg._

Vera flipped open her handbag and dug out her cell phone. "Azhad." A long pause. "No, Chuck." Another really long pause. Vera's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "Just _listen _to me. I can explain . . ." a long defeated sigh. "We'll be right there."

Vera tossed her dark auburn hair back and jumped off her chair. "We need to go."

"One sec . . ." Webb muttered, reaching for his keys.

"_No_," Vera said slowly. "We _all_ need to go."

A long unsettling stare shifted around the room, uneasiness growing rapidly within the room. Almost magnetically Harm and Mac's hands interlinked. Vera cleared her throat, "Mac, you've been followed."

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**A/N: I know this chapter kind of sucked but I'm going to get so much more action and drama and romance in. I'll try and update Sunday at the latest. Now, from Monday to Friday I'm going to be in Calgary on a fieldtrip with my class so I won't be able to update but I'll try to as soon as I get back. Sorry.**


	10. Tooth and Claw

**A/N: Okay, I'm leaving for my fieldtrip to Calgary tonight so this is the last chapter you'll get for five days. I'll try and update as soon as I get back but I'm making no promises because, as my motto goes, quality of the work is better than quantity. (But quantity's pretty great too, though). **

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, your fan (or is it my fan?), Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, and BrittanyLS!**

**Note: This starts off in Mac's POV because, even though I did do a little bit of her flashback in the last chapter, we didn't great a really great storyline for her so . . . this chapter's completely dedicated to her POV so . . . bring out the party hats people! (Yes, I'm aware of how completely dorky I sound . . .)**

**Tooth and Claw**

"Mac, you've been followed."

I can feel the words plunge through my heart and my hands turn cold. Everyone stands there, bated breath lingering thickly in the air. I look at Harm and try to read his expression. It's stony, passive, but there's something in his bright blue eyes, something strange and unfamiliar, but haunting. Fear. My eyes shift to Clay. He stands rather unimpressively, his arms folded across his chest and though his eyes say 'I told you this would happen' his lips are thin, folded into a grimace. Both Jake and Vera are hard to read, but both expressions seem to be reluctant.

"Will someone just tell me what's going on?" I pleaded, running my hands up and down my arms to keep myself from shivering. "Why is Harm even hiding at all?"

The air suddenly changes. It goes from thick somber to intense curiosity. I can literally feel everyone's eyes narrowing in on my own. Vera shifts from her leaning position on the wall and walks over to me. "You mean, you don't know why Harm's here?"

Clay's eyes way heavily on my shoulder. I cast an almost frightened look at Harm but for once he doesn't send back a reassuring gaze. He's just plainly incredulous. "N – no . . ." I trailed, casting a wary eye around the room. _Am I supposed to know why he faked his own death?_ "Why do you think I asked?"

"Then how'd you find him?" Jake exploded. Everyone stared at him. I guess Jake was known to be a smart ass, but a quiet smart ass.

And now I knew I was in trouble. I'm a Marine. I'm a lawyer. And to add to that, I'm _smart. _Taking anonymous tips from callers is not exactly a daily routine. And I should have known better, I know that. But I was just so damn desperate. And now . . . I feel like my heart's been wrenched in two again. It's almost better knowing that Harm was alive but that I wouldn't be able to see him than being with Harm and knowing he was in danger. "Someone told me where he was . . ." I said unsteadily and the eyes traveled around the room.

"Who?" Clay asked, leaning in. His grey eyes were filled with intensity, intensity I'd never seen before. It then struck me that though Harm and he have had their differences, they've managed to stay friends. Barely. But they were friends. And if Clay was in trouble, I knew Harm would go to save him. But that was the sort of person Harm was. It only truly struck me then that that was the type of person Clay was too. And not realizing that sooner made me regret my own thoughts.

"I don't know," I whispered. "He just sort of . . . called."

The intensity in the air is almost suffocating. Literally everyone is hanging off my very word. I'm so self-aware I'm sweating. I squirm uncomfortably in my chair. The pressure's intense.

"And who is he, Mac?" Harm spoke so gently the words literally floated into my heart. His eyes were desperate. I stared into the sea blue orbs and felt an internal cry break out within me. How could I have done what I did? The only thing in the world that mattered to me was Harm being safe. How could I have jeopardized that? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.

"I don't know," I whispered. "He never told me his name."

Vera sighed heavily and Clay turned away, wincing at the sound of my words. Jake stood rooted in his spot, his arms folded across his chest. I stared at Harm, my brown eyes sinking into his blue ones. He squeezed my hand reassuringly, but in a way that was comforting himself. I tried to squeeze back but found that I had no grip. I just completely melted every time he looked at me.

"And you never happened to trace the call, did you?" Jake asked quietly but everyone already knew the answer. I just shook my head. The silence that flooded the room was unbearable.

"What's going on?" I whimpered, my eyes pleading with Harm. "Why did you fake your own death?"

"That's classified," Webb snapped from his corner of the room but I paid him absolutely no attention. I turned back to Harm, tucking a strand of brown hair behind my ear.

"We've always told each other everything," I whispered fervently. _Well, not EVERYTHING. _I can think of one or two feelings of mine that I've never quite shared with him. "Why can't you tell me this?"

I stare into Harm's eyes and I can tell he's breaking inside. I feel bad, but I know this is necessary. I need to know and there's no one I'd rather have tell me than Harm. It sounds stupid and so incomprehensibly mushy, but it _was _how I felt. And I guess Harm understood that. We are able to read each other so thoroughly that it's hard to try and keep any secrets from each other. Harm held my hand, gripping it gently but firmly. "Let's take a walk."

"_Rabb," _Webb warned, stressing his last name with extra emphasis.

Harm turned around to connect his eyes with Webb's. "She need to know," he said firmly, his voice gentle but strong.

Webb opened his mouth to speak but – and I did not imagine this – Vera put her hand on his shoulder and literally steered him away, whispering something into his ear. Harm's mouth molded into a grin of amusement and Jake turned to us, winking once before helping himself to the fridge.

"Come on," whispered Harm as he led me outside and into the wide open sun filled street. A light breeze floated pleasantly in the air and despite the dead seriousness of the situation I couldn't help but let my mind float to Harm, how incredibly hot he looked in the sunshine, how far we had come in our relationship compared to before he "died". Perhaps that was all we really needed after all – a little space.

"So . . ." I trailed, as we walked through the busy market place. Harm and I locked eyes before I turned away, almost threatened by the gravity between us. "Why'd you die?"

The question didn't even sound funny when I said it, even though the words traveling through my brain reeked with hilarity. My arm wound its way around Harm's almost naturally, something I never would have dared to do before. But we had come to an unspoken understanding. Somehow, sometime in those six months our feelings towards each other had changed. Or maybe they hadn't changed – they'd just deepened. It was no longer an eternal attraction. It was a can't-keep-your-hands-off-each-other-for-one-moment longing.

"When I went to work for the CIA," Harm breathed, squeezing my hand as we walked along the dock, letting the sunlight fall gently upon our shoulders, "there was a case that involved my flying to Manila. Special Agent Beth O'Neil was with me." He turned to me. "You remember her?"

I paused, my mind flying backwards a few years. "Yeah . . . sort of."

"Well, she flew with me," Harm continued. "It was supposed to be a simple flight. Drop of a package and that was it. Get in get out." He sighed. "But it didn't happen that way. There were terrorists and the package got lost and . . . let's just say a lot of unexpected stuff happened." I nodded. I knew _exactly _what he was talking about. "Well, it came down to a shoot out. Us against the terrorists . . . and well, we won."

"Congrats."

"Well, we thought we won." Harm's voice dropped to a dramatic note. "Apparently one lived. He hired an assassin named Ali Abbas – supposedly the best male assassin in the world. He . . ." Harm's hesitation was obvious. "He's apparently very good."

I felt a knot grow within my stomach. I attempted to swallow my fear but I only managed to get it stuck in the top of my throat, making my voice unusually high. "How good?"

Harm shook his head. "Pretty damn good."

A long silence took over our conversation. We continued to walk but it was no longer a leisure stroll. We both knew what was going through the other's mind. This could be one of the last walks we'd ever take together.

"So . . ." I trailed. My eyes felt teary even though I knew I wasn't crying. I was trying to be strong – even though I knew I wasn't fooling Harm. "Why am I in danger?"

Harm stopped walking. He stared at me intensely, his blue eyes focusing on me. He flashed me a small saddened but definitely a Rabb smile and touched his hand to my cheek. "Because he likes to drive his victims mad before he kills them." His breath grew thick and I could see the fear in his eyes, the hesitance in his words, the alarm of letting me know too much and the risk of letting me off with too little. "Because he likes to kill those close to the victim . . . he kills the people he loves."

I can feel his eyes directly boring into me and I look away from the sheer pressure of it all. It can't happen. We couldn't happen. All those years we knew each other, the years we'd kept up the flirtatious office banter and the slightly-more-than-friendly chats we'd share while jogging or watching tv all lead down to this moment. The moment where we truly realized how much we meant to each other and knowing that this was the end of the road. Nothing more could exist from this.

"So, you're in hiding, I guess," I whispered and then looked away, praying that I could keep my tears at bay and my heart hidden. He didn't need to know how I felt – it could only lead to more pain. To be reunited with a person that loves you only to have them disappear right before your very eyes, never to be seen again. Both Harm and I are strong, but to be emotionally beaten over and over again is more than anyone could take.

"The plan was only for a year," Harm whispered and I turned around, trying to keep the desperate hopeful longing that threatened to melt into my features back. "But now . . . I guess it has to be longer."

I stared into his eyes. "Forever?" I whispered brokenly.

Harm shook his head, the sunlight casting a younger but wiser look upon his handsome face. "I don't know."

"Will you move?" I asked, almost dreading the answer. "From Venice?"

"Probably."

I knelt my head down, taking in the wood of the dock and the waves of the soft water lapping up onto its surface. "Well, Vera will be with you." My voice is so broken, so cracked; I barely sound like me at all. "She seems nice." I smile for the first time. "And she won't put up with any of your crap."

Harm chuckled along with me though I can hear the tears that melt into his voice even though they're not outwardly visual. "No, Vera is definitely not one who puts up with any crap."

We settle into a sad but comfortable silence. The hours seem to melt away but we walk and we sit and we spend the afternoon in pure elegant bliss. The sun moves and brightens, living only to fade with the growing cloud. The afternoon wears thin, the sky washes over with an orange glow. I'm entranced by Harm's eyes like never before. How easily they take to the blue of the water and how readily they shine in the setting sun. He looks incredibly handsome and smart and courageous, the beauty of his strength but the magnitude of his bravery remarkably portrayed in the smallest smile, the slightest touch.

"Mac," he whispered, his voice low and husky, but never losing the perfect Harmon Rabb tone. I look up to meet his eyes and find myself biting my lower lip at the sheer magnitude of it all. The weight of our feelings, the setting beginning to shine upon the feel of the moment. "I . . ." his voice dies but our eye connection never breaks. I want this moment to last forever. This split second, the one minute before our lives once again take on their separate course. I want time to freeze in this one moment. "I want you to know that . . . wherever you are . . . I'll always be thinking about you."

The line doesn't even sound movie-like at all. It sounds incredibly sweet and sincere and I can feel my body being eternally drawn to him – the sweet sound of his voice, the sensitive look in his eyes. Features I'd never noticed before are suddenly surfacing in one beautiful moment.

"Harm," his name on my lips sounds so full and rich – I take a moment just to savor the feel of it. "This is . . ." I'm trailing so much I'm afraid I'm going to break. The one sentence I've wanted to say since the moment I met him, I suppress. It does no good now. "We have been through so much together, you and me. We've faced terrorists, killers, the KGB, our own damn CIA, and just general asses." I don't break the bridge our eyes seemed to have formed. "And we've gotten through it all. This is just another twist in the road."

I wish I could believe my own words. I wish Harm could believe my words. But we both know what's happening. We're going to part our ways, we're going to lead our lives down separate paths that may end up never intertwining again. We're about leave each other for maybe the last time. And the magnitude of the emotion that is racing through our hearts is portrayed in the features upon our face, the softness of our touch, the depth in our words.

We walk down the path back to the house, our hearts heavy and our minds full. We don't say a thing to each other, they way we hold each other's hands speak louder than words will ever. And the one simple sentence that races through our mind, that bores upon our shoulders and that connects us far deeper than we could ever imagine surfaces once again only to be suppressed by us for another unmentionable reason. Our love for each other.

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"What are we going to do?" Vera whispered, resting her head in hands, her vision boring holes into her coffee cup. She heard the shuffling of feet behind her and then the impact of strong hands on her back. She moaned in pleasure. "Dammit, Webb, you give one hell of a backrub."

"And you've got a few hellish knots," Clayton Webb whispered into her ear, his hands working wonders against the stiffness of her back. Webb heard Vera sigh out of either sheer stress or long forgotten pleasure. Both sent wrinkles of worry creasing through his forehead.

"I'd love to be able to blame Mac for all of this," Vera confided, her tone low and her eyes closed. Webb pulled his chair closer to hers, but his hands never stopping for a moment of rest across her back. "But I see the way she looks at him and the way he looks at her. She didn't know. Hell, she still probably doesn't know everything. And Harm's so afraid of hurting her that in order to ease her pain he only ends up hurting himself."

Clay sighed with a low chuckle. "Welcome to the persistent world of Rabb and Mackenzie."

Vera lolled her head back so that her vision was facing Webb's. "Have they always been this way?"

Clay shrugged. "Probably since birth."

Vera sighed – quite pleasurably, Webb noted with some satisfaction as his hands continued to explore the knots of her back. "Some people," she whispered. "Just have that chemistry."

Webb shot her an inquiring look. "_That chemistry?"_

"Yeah," Vera nodded. "They love each other so much that they can't tell each other due to fear the other will get hurt. They put aside their own feelings for the sake of the others."

"You sure that's a good thing?" Clay asked, his voice inquisitive but not unkindly.

Vera sighed. "I think having any kind of bond that strong is a good thing."

"How very poetic of you, Miss Azhad," Webb noted, flashing her a charming smile.

Vera shrugged. "I try."

"So," Clay trailed, his hands moving onto a different part of her back. "How can one tell when it's that kind of love?"

Vera shrugged. "I guess you just know . . . when you can't stop looking at them or thinking about them or . . ."

"Fight with them?" Webb interjected half mockingly.

Vera shot him a pointed stare. "Fight but almost immediately make up."

Clay shook his head. "That doesn't sound like any fun to me. I think if you're going to fight someone, you might as well go tooth and claw."

Vera laughed. "No offense, Webb, but you don't have the makings to go tooth and claw."

Webb's hands stopped roaming her back and he pulled her to him, their bodies only inches apart. "What do you mean I don't have the makings to go tooth and claw?"

Vera's dark eyes danced. "I mean you don't have the guts to do it, and you don't have the power to pull it off."

Clay grinned at her, their lips a bare inch apart. "Those are fighting words, Azhad. And I'm taking them into offense."

"Don't," Vera whispered, her smile widening. "Take them as a challenge."

Webb's interest was suddenly overpowering. "What do you have in mind?"

"A competition."

Clay coughed. "Forgive my surprise."

"First one to drive the other insane wins." There was a dangerous glint in Vera's eyes.

Webb cleared his throat, "How do we determine when one's insane?"

"They give up."

Clay nodded. "Pretty straight forward."

Vera smiled up at him. "Harmless pranks only."

"Harmless pranks."

Vera drew her face up to Webb's, her eyes drawing shadows across her face in the setting sun. "And remember, Webb," she whispered, her breath hot as it played across his face and wound his way to his lips. "Tooth and claw."

One of Webb's arms snaked around Vera's waist, almost crushing her body to his. "Tooth and claw," he determinedly repeated.

333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

**A/N: Alright, tonight I'm off to Calgary and I'll return only on Thursday night so the earliest I can post by is Friday so . . . keep your fingers crossed! (P.S.: the magnitude of the reviews I receive for this chapter will determine how long the next one is and – being the tenth chapter and all – can we expect a little romance? I do believe so . . .)**

**In other words, to all you people that read and don't review (I used to be one of you myself), review and you will get a better, longer, and more romantic chapter! It's quick, it's easy, just touch that little purple button on the side and type what you want. It really only takes a few seconds. Nix, out!**

**Froggy0319: **Oh, you'll get your romance. You can count on it.

**Brittany LS: **I won't give you too much insight on what happens in the next chapters because then where would the fun be in reading it! lol, thanks for reviewing.

**Radiorox: **thanks for boosting my self-confidence. I really didn't like last chapter. It was kind of pointless, if you know what I mean. I DO like writing Mac's POV, though. It's great to have a bit of feminine fun. And cliffhangers do happen to be my favorite. I use them way too much in my 'author's privilege'.

**AB: **Heh heh, the suspense is waiting to kill you, eh? Well the drama might kill them! Joking, joking, I'm way too much of a shipper to kill either one of them off . . . (yet . . .?) I'm just messing with your head again. Sorry, I love doing that. But yes indeed, the future is grim for our favorite couple.

**Bite Beccy: **Yes, the following added another twist to the story. A more serious one, I'm afraid. How's your story coming?

**(squiggle):**I like to think that my story has an equal part for both Mac and Harm. Harm is in danger because he's the one the assassin's after, but Ali Abbas – the assassin in question – likes to torture his victims by killing off the people close to them first. That's why Mac's in danger. Thanks for reviewing.

**Rocket Rain: **thanks for the morale booster. Messages like yours help me get through the following chapters. Happy with the new update? And I promise you I'll have fun on my trip. lol

**Abigaile: **sorry I couldn't post two chapters today, but even as we speak I'm writing the tenth chapter. Besides, wouldn't you rather have the chapters spread out evenly instead of all coming out at once . . ? Wait, what am I saying. Nix that. _I'd _rather have the all come out at once. lol. Thanks for reviewing.

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**KittyX: **thank you.


	11. One to Walk With

**A/N: Hey people, I'm back! Woohoo! More chapters! Oh yeah, and school's out so you'll be getting way long chapters in way faster time (so now for all of those who don't review, you have no excuse not to). But never mind that, I'm back and better than every, coming at you 24/7.**

**Major thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, your fan (or is it my fan?), Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, and Ilovemyselftoday!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Special Agent Vera Azhad's point of view. So . . . bear with me here, we will get to the Harm and Mac stuff! I promise.**

**One to Walk With**

_**0232**_

_**Vera's Room**_

_He stared at me, his eyes almost undeservingly passionate, and the only slightly detectable wrinkles of his cheeks broken freshly into a long awaited smile. His dark hark hair was cut roughly but clearly taken care of with only small lines of grey detectable through the majority of black. By his side was a slightly smaller woman with a comfortably thin frame and flaming red hair that danced idly around her neck. She wore a soft smile with a – what I imagined to be – soft voice and a look of content tiredness. Below them was a small girl, not quite six years old, with auburn hair – a perfect blend of both her parents' colors – with a slight dribble of freckles sprinkled across her fair skin. She was smiling._

_And then just like that, the picture broke, shattering the beautiful image into a thousand pieces. Fire licked the edges and I could smell the smoke, the thick burning smoke, entering my throat and lungs. My insides burned. I stumbled along, my hands drawn out in front of me, my feeble legs carrying me only so far before collapsing pathetically to the ground, sobbing and coughing at the same time._

_Rough hands grabbed me and pulled me to my feet, at the same time pushing me roughly in front. I moaned and squinted through the thick blackness of the smoke, my eyes watering in pain and my nose heavily congested in the thickness of the air. And then a loud roaring noise – an explosion – rocked the floor throwing me to my knees. I was shoved along the wooden surface. _

_There was screaming, breaking, the roaring of the fire. All of it echoed in my ears. Pain numbed my legs and seared through my chest. My breathing was ragged, my vision distorted. And then – very suddenly – rough arms seized me underneath my armpits and shoved me hard through the window at the same time as a loud noise exploded within the house. I fell hard, the wind knocking the senses out of me. And then . . . the pain._

_I hit the ground with such force that all limbs of mine went flying, my body laying crumpled on the ground. The screams never died, the scene behind me was a blaze of light. And I lay on the slightly damp grass, my face pressed against the dew and my body shaking with painful sobs. And then I saw him, through the distortion of my vision, through the blaze of the fire, his face fell before me._

_And strong hands took hold of me, pulling me gently but quickly up. Footsteps echoed, my voice cried out harshly against the ripping of the wind. "Madre! Padre!" My small voice was lost against the cruelty of the fire. "Mother! Father!"_

"_It'll be okay," a young man whispered to me, his blue eyes aglow in the fearsome fire. "My name is Lieutenant AJ Chegwidden, and you're going to be just fine."_

_My body gave into the nervous wracking. I sobbed, I coughed, I cried out, and I was carried off in an ambulance, its shrill siren piercing the dead silence of the night. I clung to the man's chest, my small and uncut nails clinging to the thick fabric of his shirt and the picture of my parents forever burning in the early morning light . . ._

I woke up sweating, the blackness of the Venetian sky engulfing my vision. My heart pounded wildly within my chest and freshly-cried tears flooded my face. My body shook and I grabbed at my white sheets, clutching anything that could provide even the smallest comfort. I tried my best to calm my ragged breathing but only succeeded in turning it into gasps. Slowly, on shaky weakened limbs, I raised myself and climbed off my bed and out onto the balcony, savoring the night air. I wrapped my arms around my body in a sort of self-hug and shivered against the cold wind.

"Vera . . ?"

I turned around, my auburn hair coiling around my neck and my arms trailing up and down each other in a futile effort to keep warm. Clayton Webb walked towards me, moonlight playing softly against his hardened features, his grayish eyes glowing.

"Here," he whispered softly, wrapping one arm around me and pulling my thin figure to his chest. Our bodies lingered there for a minute, our eyes connecting and our breathing building between us. And then, so slowly, I tilted my head to his shoulder and wrapped both my arms around him in a heartfelt embrace. His arms covered my body, one hand entangled in my hair and the other trailing circles on the small of my back. And I broke down.

My tears flowed down the back of his neck and he tightened his hold on me. We stood out there for a long time, the night wind biting against our half bare skin. I loosened my hold on Clay and stood there for a minute, staring into his eyes inquisitively. "How come we broke up?" I whispered, my eyes magnetically drawn to his.

Clay rested his forehead on mine and entwined our hands together. "Because you were in Iran and I was in America," he whispered, his voice painfully stretched. I tilted my head up to meet his and we stayed there for a minute, just letting our eyes wander over each other's bodies. "And you met Khalid Safar," Clay whispered, a terrible note of truth in his voice.

A long breath on my part. "Right," I whispered, nodding to myself. The memory of his handsome face stretched out in front of me and I winced suddenly. I've had my share of bad men. "Khalid."

Clay smiled sadly – painfully. "And Khalid made you happy."

"Khalid never made me happy," I whispered in quiet disagreement. "I just thought he did."

Clay and I stood there a long time, our bodies glowing under the light from the moon and the twinkle of the stars, our arms wrapped around each other to salvage any heat possible.

"Clay?" I whispered, the intensity of his name drawing out upon my lips.

"Vera?" he whispered back, his grey eyes falling upon me so innocently and sort of – I realized right then – sweetly. He put his arm around me and steered me into my bedroom carefully, sensing my fatigue and my longing for a good comfy bed.

I leaned my head against his shoulder as we walked, closing my eyes delicately, and yawning into his t-shirt. I thought of the fire that had left me orphaned so many years ago, I thought about the deaths that have happened in my life, the people that have gone, and Abbas who was now trying to take someone else away from me. "I'm scared," I whispered.

Clay gently eased me onto the bed, wrapping a sheet around me before covering me with a quilt. "I know," he whispered gently across my face, his breath playing against my stray auburn hairs. "I am too."

My eyelids closed and I snuggled in deeper into the quilts. He watched me as he sat at my bedside, tucking long hairs around my ear and whispering words of comfort to me that I couldn't always understand. I wiggled within the covers and then stayed still, slumber taking its hold of me. Clay leaned forward, planting a small but delicate kiss on my forehead and looking at me – if I could have even imagined it – almost fondly. "Goodnight, Vera."

He sat up and turned to walk away but then something stopped him – my eyes. He turned back and I sat nestled beneath the covers, my eyes resting solely upon him. He looked at me and I looked at him and then he walked towards me, lifting up the covers almost gently as I rested my head on his chest, my small figure fitting in perfectly with his. And we stayed like that all night, my body seeking the comfort it needed from his, as we both dove into the world of slumber, protected by each others warmth. And I only truly realized right then and there, that I'd never slept better in the past few years.

* * *

_**0246**_

_**Harm's Room**_

Mac leaned her head against my shoulder, her eyes almost immediately succumbing to the sleep of the night. I nestled my chin in her hair, immediately inhaling a fragrance so alluring it could only belong to Mac. I watched as she kissed my neck, the moonlight through my open window casting a beautiful pallor upon her skin. I trailed my hand up her bare back.

"Mac," I whispered her name slowly, savoring the taste of it which I knew I'd be shortly deprived of. I closed my eyes, keeping this memory eternally within my grasp.

"Harm," she whispered in return, her mouth turning up to meet my own. Our eyes connected before our lips plunged into one slow sensual kiss. "Harm," she repeated fervently, breaking apart our connection for air. "Harm I need to say something."

"I need to too," I whispered, the urgency clearly thick in both our voices. I stared at her quickly, my mind trying searching for the words that she so desperately wanted to say but coming up dry. "You can go first."

"No, no, that's okay," Mac whispered in return, her eyes pleading with mine to understand what could never be put vocal. "You can go first."

The magnitude of this moment had dawned on us both. The little time we had left, the things that we could never say, the complexity of the emotion between us flooded the gap that had been left when I'd "died".

"Mac, we only have a few minutes . . ." I trailed my voice rushed.

"And I really need to tell you something," Mac interjected.

"Yeah," I whispered fervently, as our lips met each other once again, waiting ages before parting.

"It's almost three a.m.," Mac whispered quickly, trailing kisses down my shoulder.

"Which means we have an hour," I finished, containing a moan of pleasure. Jake was going to take her to the train station to catch the four a.m. carriage to Rome. The plan was Mac would stay there until the end of the week and then take a plane back to JAG. I was already missing her and here she was, her body practically melting with mine.

"I've wanted – to say this – for a long time," Mac interjected between kisses.

"Me too," I struggled with my words. "But I never had –"

"The perfect moment –"

"To say it," I nodded, my mouth infusing with hers. I caressed her face, my eyes alive.

"And what I wanted to tell you –" Mac continued.

"Before you leave," I whispered.

"Is that I . . ." she began and then my lips plunged into hers, our tongues dueling. Not another word was spoken that night, but a whole lot more was said.

That night four people found each other like never before. They found what words never could. They foudn someone to walk with . . .

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry this chapter was so short! I've been kind of pressed for time but I guarantee you the next chapter will be twice as long and now that summer vacation's started, way quicker! And I'll get more action and everything into it, okay? I hope this was good enough romance. But don't worry, there'll be more to come . . . lol, please review and let me know what you think (I'm always open to suggestions)**

**Ilovemyselftoday: **so you finally checked out the site, huh? Well what do you think? And my socks don't stink nearly as bad as yours do. lol.

**HighHeelShoeLover: **let me know what shoes you buy (and you could pick me up a pair of converse shoes while you're at it!) lol. Read whenever you get around to it (we have all summer . . .) And I'll see you in camp, but I'll email you before that!

**Snugglebug: **Well, Harm and Mac are going to have to go through a whole lot before they can get together, but that's what'll make this story interesting – you know, once we really get into it.

**Dansingwolf: **I know, weren't those looks that they gave each other in the series finale just so _deep? _It was really really touching. And don't you think they made the most of what time they had together in this chapter? lol

**Southernqt: **Ahh, you guessed my story line! (oh well, I hope you still read anyway). And now that you know what I'm doing, if you have any suggestions, feel free to post them in a review.

**Bite Beccy: **Wouldn't you just love if life always had the perfect solution? Oh well, Harm and Mac'll have a great ending anyway . . . (or will they . . ?)

**Radiorox: **I know, I just love cliffhangers. Keeps a person really hooked. And I will start Vera and Webb's tooth and claw in the next chapter. That'll be fun. But I'll still keep a lot of Harm and Mac.

**Sugar230: **Oh, Calgary was awesome! You live in such a brilliant place. I wish I could live there . . . I wish I could have stayed longer. Our trip just didn't seem to last long enough (though I'm sure all you people waiting for me to post thought I took long enough, eh?)

**Vhosek malacath: **I'll continue with a lot more H/M in the next chapters too, but did you get enough this round? lol

**AB: **Yeah, I love the way Vera keeps Webb annoyed and frustrated, but sort of emotional at the same time. I'm definitely gonna keep them in the story (but I'll have a lot of H/M stuff too . . .)

**Abigaile: **so did you make it through the agony? I'm sorry I couldn't post Thursday but my flight got in at 9:30 in the night. I was just so exhausted that I slept through (see, my little sister was having a party last night) their screaming, three kids falling down the stairs, the burglar alarm going off (yes, they actually set off the burglar alarm) and etc. And yes, my evil plan is to TORTURE YOU ALL! Heh heh, I'm very dramaqueenish.

**Bail's Other Daughter: **Sorry, they have to be split up. But it'll all work out for the better . . . you'll see (wink).

**Roxruffin: **um, thanx, and I had a really great time in Calgary. It's an awesome place.

**K: **Thanks, I'll keep the chapters coming for you!


	12. The Bigger Picture

**A/N: Alright, school is OVER. Yes, I will repeat this once more. School is finally OVER. You all know what that means, you're a smart bunch – longer chapters coming at you at a faster pace. **

**Major thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, your fan (or is it my fan?), Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, MaritzaCarmichael, and HMtogether4ever!**

**Note: This chapter starts off in Mac's POV (because I know how much everyone loves her side of the story . . . (cheers)).**

**The Bigger Picture**

It was a rainy Saturday morning and I sat in a small semi-dirty train carriage, staring out the window at the flying Italian scenery. My motion sickness seemed to have caught up with me – I had already puked twice in the train bathrooms – and now I sat in my seat with my hand placed delicately over my stomach. I closed my eyes and willed Harm's picture in front of me – his cocky flyboy grin, his shining blue eyes. And I smiled. My last hour with Harm had passed quickly – much too quickly for my liking. Yet sometimes, the smallest things in life are the sweetest.

_**Flashback to a few hours before**_

_The rain hammered against the gravel, pounding hard against Jake's rather small motorbike. I stood out in the downpour, the thin lining of my t-shirt already drenched. My clothes clung to my body, the top of my head dry only through the shelter of Jake's extra motorcycle helmet. Jake wore a thick leather jacket that sheltered his upper body from the rain pretty well. I shivered in my t-shirt. Harm seemed to notice this for he immediately stripped off his thin jacket and put it over me. I didn't even try to refuse._

"_Alright, she's all loaded up," Jake said, my small duffel bag of clothes tied onto the back of the bike. "Now, I've just got to pop inside and get my glasses and we'll be on our way."_

"_You wear glasses?" I asked, almost incredulously. _

_Jake looked highly offended. "Hey, I need **something **to keep the water out of my eyes."_

_Harm grinned, "And he needs **something **when he has to read."_

"_Aww, don't listen to him, Mac," Jake butt in, turning around on his way up to the house. "Everyone knows I don't read."_

_And for a beautiful precious moment Harm and I were alone. My brown eyes sank into his blue ones and we stood there for a minute, our fingers entwined within each other and the proximity of our bodies generating all the surrounding heat._

"_I guess this is good-bye," I whispered. _

_Harm smiled at me, a sort of sad half-smile. "Why good-bye and not good luck?"_

"_Didn't you say that to me when I was stupid enough to leave you?" and the question lingers in the air, our breath soaking up the essence of it. I stare into Harm's blue orbs and I feel like I'm continually plunging. _

_He smiles. "Yeah, I did . . ."_

"_And you said you were happy for me," I can't stop the tears from stinging the back of my eyes but I keep them at bay. I muster all my Marine-power and stay sturdy and strong. But looking at Harm and watching him slip away gives me all the more reason to cry._

"_But that was different," Harm whispered, his lips moving slowly, but our eye-connection never fading for a second. "You were in love."_

_My breath is hollow. "And we're not?"_

"_Hey guys!" Jake breaks the bridges we've just formed. "Guys, come here!"_

_Both Harm and I turn and follow Jake into the house, shaking ourselves off in the kitchen like wet dogs. Jake turns down the hallway and stops outside a door, pressing a finger to his lips to motion for our silence. When both Harm and I nod, Jake pushes the door open and lo and behold, what scene meets our eyes? Vera and Clay pressed up against each other. Webb had his hand around Vera's waist and Vera's head lay almost comfortably upon Clay's chest. It's a scene of bewilderment._

"_Well, there's a twisted kind of love," Jake guffawed._

"_Hey," I whispered, recalling that day in Harm's office before he went off flying. "What does love have to do with anything?"_

I watch the streets fly, the trees zoom by. I watch the loud grey billowing sky and see the small rays of sunshine filtering through. I breathe in the thick rainy air through my slightly open window. I drink in my surroundings. His picture floats before my eyes, drawing a blissful smile upon my lips. My stomach flips again and I hold pack the urge to hurl. I feel like I'm thousands of feet up in the air in a tomcat with Harm steering. And though I secretly know that if I were up in a tomcat I would rather have no one else but Harm, the thought still makes me dizzy.

I leaned back against my seat and shut my eyes, laying a light hand against my delicate stomach. And I wondered, as I nodded off into the wonderful world of slumber, what Harm was thinking at this exact moment.

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked miserably, my six foot four body collapsed on some dinky little couch we have in the living room. I'm pathetic. It's officially been four hours since she's left and all I've done is sit on a couch way too small for me and watch soap operas – in _Italian. _

"What do you mean?" Vera asked, hitting me to move over so she could join me on the couch. I oblige grudgingly.

"I mean, where are we moving?"

Vera breathes in. "Clay and I are still discussing that."

_And a fat load of discussing they did last night._

Vera takes one look at the screen. "Ooh, yay, Coronation Street."

I get off the couch. "You disgust me."

"Hey, you were the one who just watched back to back The Young and the Restless," Vera retorted, sliding her slim figure to couch length. I open my mouth but she beats me to the punch with, "and don't tell me you don't know the show. You were following along with the characters."

_Okay, so I've seen it once or twice. Big deal. I prefer military drama anyway . . . I mean it. _

The back door of the house opens and Jake comes in looking drenched and weather beaten. His leather jacket all of a sudden doesn't seem so thick and slick. Jake blows a wet bang out of his face. "Well, she made it to the airport safely."

Vera's resisting the urge to giggle, you can tell by her face. She grabs a clean towel out of the linen closet and makes Jake take off his jacket so she can dry him up a bit. He unzips his jacket and practically empties out an entire swimming pool. Vera begins to pad his wet shirt, "What happened to you? We expected you back an hour ago."

"Yeah," I grinned from on the couch. "We were gonna call the CIA on you. Runaway bike."

"Shut up, Rabb."

Vera signaled for him to take off his shirt and Jake very obligingly did so. She patted his chest down with the towel. "No, seriously, Jake, where were you? It doesn't take _that _long to get to the train station and back."

Jake grinned wildly. "Well what was I supposed to do? Pull into the train station and say 'Arrivederci, Baby' and leave the poor girl standing there?" Nah, I helped her," and then, with a wink in my direction he added, "and then _she _helped _me."_

I stood up so fast I almost knocked the couch over. Vera laughed. "Jeez, Harm, the furniture may be quiet but it does have feelings."

I shot both Vera and Jake a dirty look.

"Hey, Vera," Jake said, slinging the now soaking towel over his shoulder. "Mind if I use your bathroom to shower in?"

"Not at all," Vera replied briskly. "There are a few dry towels in the cupboard below the sink."

Jake grinned in thanks at her causing me to roll my eyes and then he disappeared into the bathroom. I quickly followed him in. "What actually happened between you and Mac at the train station?" I demanded.

"A little of this, a little of that," Jake threw his wet towel at me and began to undress while I collapsed on Vera's bed (outside the bathroom – I'm not a pervert) and then realized what Clay and Vera probably did last night and then immediately jumped out of it.

"I'm just kidding, Harm," Jake called from inside the bathroom. "That chick likes you too much. I didn't even get a good-bye kiss, and I drove her through a monsoon to get to that damn station."

The words mean something to me. Jake is hot – and no, I'm not gay, it's just a fact of life – and, I mean, Mac fell for _Brumby. _If Mic managed to win over Mac, I'm mortally terrified of the infamous player Jake.

"Seriously, Harm, I know you say she isn't your girl," Jake's voice comes through the bathroom door. "But, jeez, man, for all the looking she does at other guys, you might as well be on your fiftieth anniversary." A long pause from within the bathroom and then – "Not that she's old or anything. I mean, she's still hot and . . ."

"Yeah, I get it," I cut him off.

"But, Harm, a piece of advice on the ladies, don't – ARGHH!" Jake's voice is drowned out.

I immediately leap up from my rather comfortable leaning position against the wall and pound on the door. "Jake, what's wrong? Dammit, Jake, open up!"

And very slowly, the door does open. And there stands Jake in all his glory covered from head to toe in dough. Not a square inch of his skin is not layered in the floury stuff. I take one look at him and a deep chuckle erupted from within me. I'm laughing so hard I can't stop.

Jake immediately seizes a towel to wrap around his waist and bellows, "Vera!"

Vera comes in, evidently disturbed about being interrupted in the middle of a crucial part of Coronation Street, takes one look at Jake and erupts into a fit of giggles.

"Miss Azhad," Jake says softly but not without humor, "would you be kind enough to explain to me why I look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy's kid just regurgitated on me?"

Vera's finding it hard to control her giggling. "I don't know, but he must have a mighty big kid." And then something dawns on her. "Oh my, that was my shower . . ." her face contorts. "Clay!"

Webb walks in on the bizarre scene, taking in Jake's dough covered form, my red face, and Vera's slightly amused but definitely inquisitive one. "I don't suppose you had anything to do with this?"

Clay's eyes travel between Vera and Jake. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Vera marches into the bathroom and peels off the sticky dough covered shower wall a piece of paper with the word 'GOTCHA' on it. "Nice try, Clay."

"Only the best for you, Azhad," Clay grins.

"Why, how very sweet of you, Webb."

"Um, folks," Jake calls attention to himself. "I'm still covered in dough. And," he pointed out with a scowl, "through no fault of my own."

"Oh, sorry," Clay quickly apologized and then disappeared into his room and returned with a green towel. "Take this and you can wash off in my bathroom . . ."

Jake took the towel and began to wiped the dough off his chest but was almost immediately interrupted by Vera's wide and alarmed eyes. "Oh, no, Jake . . ."

"What?" he wiped the dough up from around his neck and then I saw what Vera was talking about. All along Jake's chest, and now around his neck, was acid green. He looked down at himself. "Oh, my."

"I'm so sorry," Vera apologized. "That was supposed to be for Clay."

"You covered my towel in ink!" Clay asked incredulously.

"You filled my shower with cookie batter," Vera defended.

"Pancake batter, actually, and it's rather good . . ."

"Shut up, Clay."

"Harm?" Jake said loudly, turning to me. "Can I use your shower?"

"Be my guest," I responded, my laughter subsiding only slightly.

"Any nasty little surprises you want to tell me about before I use it?" Jake snapped.

"None that I can think of at the moment."

Jake disappeared into my bathroom and I went back to the couch. Sometimes I just can't help but get the feeling that some people would rather be left alone . . .

* * *

"Well," Clay turned to Vera as soon as he saw Harm's retreating form, "I guess we both lost round one." 

Vera's eyebrow cocked up, "Why, Agent Webb, whatever do you mean?"

Suddenly the intensity of her eyes was almost unbearable. "I mean both our pranks messed up."

She flashed him another lethal smile. "If that was the only one I made . . ."

And it then occurred to Webb that he would have to watch his back the next few days. But so, he agreed with a grim smile of satisfaction, would she.

* * *

**A/N: Ahh, this chapter was short too! Okay, not a lot of HM shipper in this one, but they're going their separate ways (for now, and only for now – you can put back your verbal rifles). But believe me, I'm still keeping Harm and Mac in the chapters, okay? Reviews very much appreciated. Praise is always appreciated! (but I can take criticism too . . .)**

**Steelo: **yeah, it has rather been a long time since I've heard from you? Don't sweat it, you've got all summer to read this.

**Bail's Other Daughter: **Thanks for understanding about the whole separating thing. But don't worry, they'll reunite. And it'll be a REALLY good reunition (is that a word? – MicroSoft Word doesn't have it in the dictionary)

**Abigaile: **Well, I did have Harm and Mac in this chapter . . . not too much together, but I swear on HM Shipperiness that there will continue to be HM romance!

**HMtogether4ever: **hey – yeah, Vera's mine. Thanx for reviewing, I hope you continue to read Full Throttle!

**MaritzaCarmichael: **thanks, and believe me – I'll continue. Hope you've enjoyed it so far.

**ForensicsFreak1988: **Awesome name, dude, was 1988 the year you were born? Well, actually, I've only been watch JAG for about a year now (as in, religiously for a year) – my parents kind of watched it here and there was I was growing up, but then I fell in love with it last Spring and watched reruns every day on the History Channel so I could catch up.

**Cille: **Hey, no worries, mate, I'm okay with no criticism (lol). And I'm definitely going to clarify the Vera – Chegwidden connection. There's a lot I haven't explained about Vera yet, I'm just one of those people that takes my own time to get around to do stuff. Lol – thanks for reviewing.

**Snugglebug: **hope you liked this chapter – I hope Full Throttle gets to be as long as your story but I highly doubt it'll be half that long! Lol

**Reni-Maniac: **I know what you mean, Clay was kind of a . . . well, he was scum in the ninth season when he started dating Mac – but he's just got way to good a character to be wasted on a villain! Hope you continue to read Full Throttle, thanks for reviewing.

**Rocket Rain: **don't sweat not reviewing the last chapter, I'm just glad you read it! Lol, thanks for the encouragement.

**Xobabygurlxo: **hey, thanks for the praise. I don't deserve it – but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Starryeyes10: **thanks!

**Southerqt: **yeah, you guessed EVERYTHING correctly! Lol, you're way too good. Anyways, yeah – your guess was the eventual story line. You know, plus assassins and general crisis along the way. No, but seriously, if you do have – at any point in time – suggestions for Full Throttle, I'm always open to them.

**Roxruffin: **yeah, I did have to split them up (I feel your pain). But don't worry, when they reunite it will be a wonderful, spending, and joyous occasion! (I'll celebrate too)

**AB: **You guessed it, next chapter – cliffhanger, I promise! (Oh, if you don't like cliffhangers . . . oh well, this chapter wasn't a cliffhanger.)

**Vhosek malacath: **Totally agreeing with you on the HM point. Harm and Mac forever!

**Eggyweg: **I'm kinda fond of the Clay/Vera thing too . . . it'll get a lot more entertaining though. Thanks for reviewing! (Praise always appreciated)

**Jaggurl: **thanks, I hope you liked this chapter!

**Dansingwolf: **I know I've said this before, but I just love Harm and Mac's body language. They really act well together, they go together. I try and keep that factor in this story, but it's just so hard to write that in! lol, thanks for reviewing. And if you have any suggestions for the story line, feel free to say them. I'm open to ideas.

**Froggy0319: **Hey, yeah, they didn't say 'I Love You' yet but they will . . . you know, down the road. Yeah, Mac has to go back to JAG – but that won't stop the HM romance.


	13. A Worthy Opponent

**A/N: Yes, people, they had to part. I didn't want them to – I doubted any of you did either – but they had to. If it's any consolation to you – I mentally kicked myself for separating them. **

**Special thanks to my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, your fan (or is it my fan?), Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, and MaritzaCarmichael!**

**Note: This chapter starts of in Clayton Webb's point of view. **

**A Worthy Opponent**

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

My eyes scanned the room nervously, jumping at every moving shadow.

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Vera's to blame for this, I thought to myself ruefully. Her and her enticing smile, her quick of wit, and her ability to make me feel like I'm constantly being watched. Forever followed.

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Did she rig this clock to tick loudly? Yes, that's exactly the kind of thing Vera would do. Naïve, simple, but with the enormous capability of driving me _absolutely insane. _Keeping me awake all night . . . thinking about her. Damn, she's good.

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Alright, I can't stand this noise! It's driving me mad – I won't make it through the night. She knows it, she enjoys this. She gets some sort of sick twisted pleasure out of my discomfort. There's only one thing I can do to defend myself. Strike back. I need a plan. I need ammunition. But more importantly – I need to see that little spark of fear enter her eyes when she goes into one on one combat with me. I need to see that dawn of comprehension on her face when she realizes I'm more than a worth opponent – I'm the best damn opponent she'll ever come across.

I get up from my bed soundlessly. Who knows, she's a spook – she has access to bugs. So do I, as a matter of fact . . . hmm, I'm gonna have to do something about that tomorrow.

I walk into my bathroom and turn on a light, blinking a little as I'm blinded for a minute. Turning on the sink (and making sure the water is actually water) I wash my face, splashing the cool liquid on my eyes to refresh myself. It's two am and I feel alive and thriving. I begin my early morning tradition – I take in a mouthful of mouthwash – and then . . .

"OH, MOTHER OF F . . .!" I commence a colossal spitting exercise that envelopes me for several minutes. I'm coughing and blue in the face by the time I've drank half the sink water and am finally drying my mouth. My chest is huffing and I'm practically panting. I twist open the lid of mouthwash and sniff it. It's bright blue – how come I didn't notice that? There's only one liquid I have in the bathroom that's bright blue and that's . . . the toilet bowl cleaner.

I open up the lower cupboard and pull out the bottle of toilet cleaner and stare at the small tube. It's filled with a whitish sort of glue. I sniff it. It smells almost like . . . oh no. I seize my tube of tooth paste lying on the counter and squeeze. Out comes a thick transparent liquid. Had I actually been brushing my teeth, I probably wouldn't have noticed. I touch it and sniff. It's my hair gel. Damn right unbelievable.

I throw down the tube of paste and am about to go march into Azhad's room and tell her what I think of her not-so-practical jokes when I decide – I can get her back. I creep back into my bathroom and grab the tube of "toothpaste". We'll see who'll be smiling in the morning.

I creep down the hall, past the closed door where I can still hear Harm's heavy breathing. He has to be dreaming of Mac. He only breathes like that when he thinks of her. I used to be like that once – but Harm's been like that forever.

I cinch my way down the hall. Is Vera awake – watching me, listening to me? _It's official, Clay, _that little voice in the back of my mind that always sounds like Mac says, _you've gone crazy. _My hand freezes on the doorknob. I wouldn't be surprised if Vera had hung a bucket of flour over it to catch me. My breath catches. And slowly, very slowly, I ease the door open. I pause – no bucket of flour, no pail of water – I'm clean and dry.

Feeling a tad more self-confident, I open the door fully and walk in. Moonlight shafts through the slightly open window accompanied by a warm and gentle breeze. You can smell the fragrance of the flowers hanging from the tree outside her window. It's almost soothing.

I take a few steps towards her bed, only a touch bigger than mine, and there is her small body – practically lost in the mess of blankets. I see her auburn hair aflame against the pallor of the pillow and her face buried in the sheets. The moonlight plays against her soft skin and I feel an unexpected emotion come over me. One I can't really place. It couldn't be . . . affection? Her face is relaxed, calm – I never see her this way during the day. And something vibrates in my heart – not hard enough for me to pay any attention to it, but not light enough that I didn't notice it. Sympathy. A little twinge of attracting towards Vera coaxes sympathy out from my heart and to her.

And then I taste it, the thick and rather disturbing taste of toilet bowl cleaner in my mouth and I remember the pain and discomfort she put me through. My right hand grips the tube of gel and I see her beautiful precious locks shining very gently in the shaft of light from her window. But all that comes to my mind is: what a beautiful target.

I walk slowly and quietly to her bed. Vera's breathing, which had been soft and silent, suddenly grows heavy. She gasps slightly and rolls over, burying herself even farther into the quilts. I stop in mid-step, rather confused. She can't know I'm here. And then she rolls over again, her face pressed up against one of her pillows.

_She's just not an easy sleeper, _I tell myself and I begin to walk again, very slowly and very quietly. I lean over her bed, one hand on the edge of her bed to keep me from falling, and the other holding the tube inches away from the edge of her hair. My hand tips slightly but not enough to coax out the gel.

I stare at Vera. She begins to turn again, she's breathing heavy. And then I hear her, "No, no . . . madre . . . padre!" she's crying. Her voice is small, frantic, nothing like I've ever heard Vera Azhad's tone to be. She rolls over again, fitfully flailing her arms against the pillows. "Mama!" her voice is pleading. "So hot . . . papa!"

My hand leans in a little more. The tube tilts. But I can't will myself to squeeze. This is not the same Vera Azhad that filled my mouthwash bottle with toilet cleaner and my toilet cleaner with toothpaste, and coated my shower towel with green ink. This is . . . an entirely different person.

Vera rolls over again, her body dangerously nearing mine. Her hand flails out and slaps another pillow. She looks like she's going into cardiac arrest. And suddenly I'm really very scared. She's sweating, her face is flushed. "Madre!" she cries suddenly and then I see the smallest slowest little tear run down her face and my heart just goes out to her.

I set the tube down. I draw my hand near her face and slowly I brush away the tear off her cheek. Her breathing is still heavy and irregular, she continues to roll. One of my arms winds itself around her waist, stopping her jerky movement. And almost gently, I ease myself into her bed, drawing her body close with mine.

"Shh," I whispered, stroking the back of her head and laying her head to my chest. And almost surprisingly, her breathing regulated. She burrowed her face into the crook of my neck, laying one hand across my shoulder before falling into a deep sleep. I lay there, surprised by the reaction. I think about the inked towel, and the mouthwash, and the toothpaste, and find myself actually smiling – because sometimes you have to go through hell to reach heaven.

* * *

**0922**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Col. Sarah Mackenzie's Office**

"So how was your vacation, ma'am?"

Harriet is bright and chipper this morning. It's killing me.

"Just dandy, Harriet," I reply wearily, resting my head in my hands for a brief moment. "It took me forever to find the right road to Venice, then I only stayed there for a few days before I had to leave and when I left it was raining and then I got sick on the train and . . . oh, my stomach just hasn't been right ever since." I lay a gentle hand to my stomach which promptly shakes beneath my palm. I shudder.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Harriet's genuinely sympathetic. "Well, if it's any consolation to you – Bud and I took the boys to the wading pool at the YMCA – you know, the one for tots. I sat in one of the chairs off to the side with Hallie and Harm, and Jimmy was hollering so Bud bent over to see what the matter was when AJ thought it would be funny to run into him full course. Both he and Bud fell into the deep end of the adult pool. Luckily both of them are good swimmers and they made it out okay. AJ sat with his little feet in the water off to the side shrieking with laughter," Harriet sighed. "I had to wrestle him and the twins over to the chairs so none of them would fall in like Bud and AJ."

"Are they okay?" the apprehension's clear on my face.

Harriet nods. "Thank, god. But they've both come down with pretty bad colds – which is why I'm at the office today. Bud's home with AJ, and I just came by to drop off Bud's finished paperwork." Harriet looks tired and hassled. "Which reminds me, Jen's got the twins . . ."

"Here," I say soothingly, "I'll help you." I watch her drop off a tall stack of files on Tiner's desk while I pick the twins up from Jen. It hasn't been a long time since I saw them last – but it feels like forever.

"Hey, Hallie," I whisper to the only Roberts girl, who gurgles happily within my arms. She's small, but bigger than her twin brother, and today wears a bright pink jumper that only Harriet could have picked out. And suddenly, she starts dissolving into tears. "Oh, okay, you want to be with your mommy?"

Tiner looks at me strangely – not many people have seen the maternal side of me. I bounce Hallie up and down very lightly but no cigar. She keeps wailing her head off. And unfortunately, I'm now beginning to attract attention. Here I am, a colonel in the Marine Corp who can't even hush one crying baby. "Alright," I whisper, bouncing the kid up and down again while rubbing her back. "You can be quiet any time now." Harm looks up at me from his little baby seat.

"Colonel!"

_Oh, of course this could only get worse . . ._

"Admiral!" I whispered, rocking Hallie back and forth but to no avail. The kid's got a set of lungs on her; she's just proved it to the entire office. I stare at the admiral apologetically. He stands in the middle of the bullpen, his arms folded across his chest and glaring at me. Everyone around him is exchanging nervous glances.

He sighs heavily, "Colonel, you don't hold a screaming baby that way."

"Sir?"

He strode over to me and very gently withdrew Hallie from my arms and held her slanted across his chest, one arm supporting her back while the other was drawn across her middle. He began to tickle her causing Hallie to give off a childish laugh while squirming under the admiral's fingers. It was indeed a very cute sight to see.

He stopped tickling Hallie and then put her gently back into her baby seat next to Harm. I stood rather awkwardly by the side, the pink of embarrassment just beginning to dawn upon my face. "Don't worry, Colonel," he said loudly as he walked back into his office. "You'll learn."

He shut the door behind him with a snap, and almost instantly the office was back to normal again – hectic, chatty, and taking next to no notice of me, though the twins _were _attracting some attention. I knelt down on the floor and scooped Harm up from his seat. Though I had been meticulously comforted through my time of mourning over Harmon Rabb, this kid – Harm Roberts – had done something no one else could possibly understand. He eased my pain in ways I thought weren't possible. I knew how important the family name was to Harm, how important children were to him – and the mere fact that there was a little boy baring his name made me feel that Harm would live on. How many days had I sat in the Roberts nursery holding little Harmon? I couldn't count.

But there was an uncanny resemblance between Harm Roberts and my flyboy. Little Harm was small for his age – something I doubted stickboy had ever been. But beneath the angel blonde hair that enveloped Harm's head and the undeniable Roberts features that were etched in his face, when I looked inside those bright blue eyes I saw a shadow of someone else. Someone I was all too familiar with.

"Oh, Colonel, thanks for watching them," Harriet appears by my side, scooping little Harm out of my hands and kissing him on the forehead. "I've really got to get going – I left Bud at home with AJ and Jimmy. They've probably tied him up in a closet somewhere."

I smile at her comment and walk her out of the building, waving good-bye to Hallie and Harm as they drove away. And I stand there with a feeling of deep loss growing within me. I'm never going to be able to do that. I'm never going to have children, have a family, the white-picket fenced house. Whatever time I had to make that dream come true, I'd lost. And I'd paid a terrible price for it. Happiness.

I reentered JAG and went back to my office, staring in a rather depressed manner at the large pile of paperwork that awaited me on my desk. And then I ran out, throwing myself into the bathroom and flinging my head over the toilet bowl before I promptly spewed out my breakfast and probably last night's dinner by the magnitude of it all. The taste still lingers in my mouth even after the many cups of water and coffee I'd drank to get rid of it. There's only one thing to do . . . and boy, was I going to regret it later.

Slowly I drag myself up to the admiral's door. Tiner sends me in and before I know it, I'm standing in front of the all-mighty himself. I try not to think of my various habit of performing the sacred ceremony of the Technicolor yawn before and after breakfast as the admiral's eyes just grill me.

"All right, Colonel," he sighs. "Out with it."

My eyes reflect an apologetic glance. "I think I caught something in Italy, sir . . . I'm just not feeling too good." Even as I say that, my stomach does another flip. "I've just not been . . . my best. If I could take the day off to recover, I'd very much appreciate it."

"You're taking a lot of time off, Colonel."

A point very well made. I stare at him almost pleadingly. "I'll make up for all my missed work tomorrow, sir. I really will. I just . . ." my stomach turns within me and I resist the urge to heave again, "I just _really _can't do it today."

The admiral sighs heavily. "Alright, colonel, I want you to come back when you're feeling better – but I want you to get yourself checked out by a doctor. Now, I don't need to make that an order, do I?" his eyes gaze at me beseechingly.

"No, sir," I replied slowly. "If this gets bad I'll get checked out by a doctor."

"Colonel, you don't want to wait for things to get _bad," _the Admiral stresses. "You just want them to go the hell away. And I suggest you find out what the problem is immediately."

"Yes, sir," I reply almost robotically.

For a minute I am attacked brutally by the Admiral's piercing gaze before, "Dismissed."

When I get home I change into my favorite pair of pajamas – yes, I still have the cowboy ones – and curl up on my sofa with a light blanket around me, a small bottle of liquid medicine to relieve my upset stomach, and a large bowl by the foot of the couch just incase I don't make it to the bathroom in time (it always pays to make sure).

And very slowly I find myself drifting off into sleep somewhere in between the fourth Bewitched rerun and the second I Dream of Jeanie. When I awoke I wouldn't remember turning off the TV or walking myself to my bed or putting my big just-in-case puking bowl away. But behind that would be a very logical reason: I hadn't done any of those things. Someone else had.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I know what you're all thinking – this chapter wasn't the longest either. Oh well, I'm steadily getting better . . . very very steadily. lol. Yes, read, review, be merry! I mean it – the more reviews that I get, the faster and longer chapters you do. Simple concept, pretty sure it's not original. (And by the way – the website tells me how many hits I get per chapter – so I know how many people don't review) lol.**

**Snugglebug: **Yeah, I can't wait till they get back together either (already forming that chapter in my mind . . . lol). But it won't be for a long time, I'm afraid.

**Eggyweg: **aren't the pranks just hilarious? If you have any suggestions for pranks – let me know, okay? The more creative they are, the better.

**Bail's Other Daughter: **Reunion! That was the word. Reunition . . . hey, at least I'm creative, right? Boy, I hope my English teacher isn't reading this . . . lol, if you look close enough – you'll probably find some other words I've made up in this story. Word-creating is an all time favorite past time of mine. My favorite made up word: ironicacy. Now, I know you're about to point out that the word would be technically 'irony' but that sounds too painful. It doesn't fit. Ironicacy sounds exactly like it is, just plain ironic.Okay, I'm officially rambling. Thanks for reviewing.

**Southernqt: **Wow, your coach sounds wise . . . does he/you have any other prank suggestions? I'm open to all kinds – as long as they have the key ingredient: originality. lol, yeah, Vera and Clay when put together are rather like college kids, aren't they?

**AB: **Ah yes, the Vera and Clay battle . . . a personal favorite of mine. If you have any suggestions for the pranks they pull, feel free to write it in a review or send me an email (address in my profile).

**Martini1988: **Hey, no problem on the reviewing thing – final exams coming up or something? I had mine – believe me, they put a lot on my mind too. Actually – you could help me in some way. If you have any suggestions for different pranks that Vera and Clay could pull on each other I would be eternally grateful.

**Rocket Rain: **yes that had to split up – but I'll make them have a nice reunion.

**Abigaile: **I promise wholeheartedly that there will still be HM romance even though this chapter you didn't really see it. And you'll be surprised but probably happy when you find out where Harm and the crew are moving. (wink)

**Starryeyes10: **thanks, - do you have any suggestions for Clay/Vera pranks? If so – could you include them in a review or email me (address in profile)? Thanks for reviewing.

**Radiorox: **I know – I hate splitting Harm and Mac up. And I promise – next time Jake needs drying – I'll send him over to you! Lol, got any ideas for pranks between Vera and Clay? If so – could you include them in a review or email me (address in profile)? Thanx for reviewing, and I can't wait for your new story!

**MartizaCarmichael: **thanks – if you have any suggestions for Clay/Vera pranks – could you include them in a review or email me (address in profile)? Thanks for reviewing.

**Bite Beccy: **Oh, wouldn't we all just love if Harm and Mac went off together? – I know I would. Yeah – but they run the risk then of being nailed by an assassin. Such a pity, eh? Oh well, it'll get better for them. I swear on HM shipperiness.

**Dansingwolf: **ah, well, I was gonna include Mac's endometriosis in it but then never really got around to it so . . . no, not really. But yeah, you're correct. I'm surprised more people didn't guess that she was . . . you know. Oh, and I just love the season 5 finale! I mean, I love some finales more – but still, total chemistry in that episode. And I'm glad you caught the whole 'goodbyes' script I included in the last chap, I don't think many people did!

**Angie: **ah, Harm'll be alright for now. Hope you like this new chap.

**Jaggurl: **ah, yes, you're right . . . I'm surprised more people didn't catch onto that. It isn't just wishful thinking on your part . . . (actually it's probably wishful thinking on all our parts . . .) lol

**Steelo: **hey, you caught up! I'll make the next few chapters really dramatic for you now . . . lol


	14. The Irony of the Heart

**A/N: Hey, all, lo and behold the next chapter! Yes, all hail the beautiful existence of _summer vacation. _Wow, um, I have not much to add in my author's not so . . .**

**Thanks to all my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, your fan (or is it my fan?), Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, and tizy! If I left anyone out – please let me know!**

**Note: this chapter starts of in Harm's POV**

**The Irony of the Heart**

_Tap. Tap._

I look down at the sound of my own pen, smacking softly against my notepad of paper. The rhythm does nothing for me. My eyebrows furrow in intense thought. What's she doing right now? What's she thinking right now? I sigh as I lean back in my chair. Clay's right. I'm hopelessly lost. Too far gone to be revived. But in speaking of Clay . . .

I chuckled to myself. I'd gone into Clay's room to see if I could borrow a clean t-shirt, realized he was not there, went into Vera's room to ask where he was and then I'd seen them, their bodies entangled with each other, buried in the blankets, and sleeping long and peacefully. Jake and I got a real kick out of it.

_Tap. Tap._

Vera and Clay had left for the office close to two hours ago, leaving Jake behind to watch me. Vera was taking no chances since the little Padua incident. They had woke up quickly, eaten on the go, and not stopped bickering the entire time. And now me and my keeper Jake sat in the living room, the game of Scategories laid out on the table in front of us, and me looking for a musician beginning with the letter 'M'.

_Tap. Tap._

"Harm, you're driving me nuts!" Jake hissed, his pen momentarily pausing on his paper.

_Buzzzzzzzzzz_

Both Jake and I drop our pens at the same time and pick up our notepads. The way the came of Scategories works is they give you a little quiz sheet with things like 'name of food' or 'name of something in this room' and you have a large lettered dice that you role. Whatever letter lands face up is the letter your words have to begin with. And as soon as the buzzer goes off, you're out of time. The catch – you can't use the same word as your opponent did otherwise you don't get points. Each word you come up with you're given a point – and if you have two words beginning with the chosen letter you get two points. This is what we do to pass our time. Sad, I know.

"Name of a band beginning with 'M'," I said, checking my list. "I've got the monkeys." He shakes his head signaling he doesn't have it. I give myself a point. "Okay, what do you have?"

"The Muskrats."

"I've never heard of the Muskrats," I told him, staring at him through disbelieving eyes.

"They're a band," Jake argued immediately. "I can prove it."

"Oh yeah, let's see," I challenge.

Jake walks into my room where his bags are being temporarily kept and digs through his luggage before he finds what he's looking for. Picking up a rather thick leather bound book he walks back to me and flips through the first thirty pages or so before settling on one. "Here, you go. The Muskrats."

I look at the rather small black and white photograph with one eyebrow cocked up to the air. "The members couldn't be more than teenagers. Fourteen or something."

"Fifteen, actually," Jake corrected, smiling at the picture. "They were my band."

"Your band?"

"Yeah, see there I am in the center," Jake pointed, frowning at me slightly.

"The one with the long hair?" I grinned.

"Hey, it was cool back then."

"So what were you?" I asked, taking in the long wiry teenager with wild hair and a reckless smile. "Their manager or something?"

Jake looked highly affronted. "Manager? You kidding? I was the _lead_ vocal."

I laugh my head off. "You sing?"

Jake shrugs, "back in the day, yeah." I'm still laughing. "Oh come on," Jake persists. "Everyone had a band back then." He inspects me closely. "Didn't you?"

My laughter stops and I shrug kind of nonchalantly. "Never had the time."

Jake opens his mouth to ask something but I quickly move on. "Something pretty." I kind of grin at my answer. "My answer is . . ."

"Mac," Jake responds immediately.

"Yeah," I replied, staring at him. "How'd you know?"

"No," Jake argued. "I mean, Mac's _my _answer."

All I can do is blink. "_No_, she's _mine."_

"Hey, anyone can use the name," Jake argued. "We just happened to get the same one, okay?"

"But how could you pick Mac?" I argued.

Jake's eyebrow rose. "Take it as a compliment. I think your girl's hot."

"She's not my girl," I whispered vehemently.

"Then what are you getting so uptight for?" Jake smoothes his hand over his length bangs. "Fine, you know what, I change my answer."

"What do you change it to?"

He winks at me. "For two points – I change it to Ms. Mackenzie. Double Ms."

"You can't do that!" I explode.

"Why not?" Jake grins. "I'm letting you have Mac . . . that's what you want, isn't it?"

"No!"

Jake looked at me incredulously. "No?"

"I mean," I'm suddenly very confused. "I mean, yes, I do . . ."

"Then I get Ms. Mackenzie," Jake retaliates.

"Jake, I swear if –"

The front door swings open and Vera and Clay rush in, screaming louder than Jake and I are.

"This is a stupid idea, Vera!" Clay hollers. "It's going to blow up right in front of our faces!"

"No, Clay," Vera counters just as loudly. "This is a goddamn _brilliant _idea. The only thing that's stupid around her is _you_!"

"You don't know Rabb!" Clay screams back – and right in front of my face too. "He has no bloody self-restraint. He'll get us all killed!"

I'm morally offended.

"Harm might have self-restraint the size of a teaspoon," Vera continued, not bothering to keep her voice low. "But he has something you don't have – a bit of common _sense. _He understands the consequences of his actions and he'll damn well keep to himself until we've got Abbas behind bars."

"Vera, reality check!" Clay actually seizes Vera's shoulders and pulls her in front of him. "We have _no _leads on Abbas. None. Zilch. Nessuno. Rien. Nothing!"

Vera was quiet for once, her angry auburn hair standing out strongly against her tanned skin. "Clay, what can I do to get you trust me?" she whispered, heat heavy in her voice. "To trust us?"

* * *

**0731**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

My eyes open. I'm staring at my ceiling. I let out a long deep sigh and place my hand to my forehead. I don't have a fever. I place another hand to my stomach, it's stopped turning. I smile in relief. Slowly, I get up from my bed and put on the robe hanging on the bathroom door and then stop in confusion. My mind whirls back to last night. The last thing I remember seeing was Samantha turn a cat into a supermodel for Darin's advertising campaign. In other words: I was sprawled out on the couch as sick as a dog my eyes glued to the DejaView channel. How did I get here?"

I put my slippers on and exit my bedroom, entering my living room. I pause as I reach the couch. The TV's turned off. My brow furrows in confusion. I can't remember ever turning it off. I touch my hand to my head again. I can't remember having a headache last night either. I tap into my built in clock and something inside me freezes. I suck in a deep breath. _What's the time? _My brain searches frantically, and the answer comes back slowly – sadly. I don't know.

Coffee, I need coffee! I run as fast as a marine clad in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers can into the kitchen. I press the coffee button and wait for it to brew, slapping my hand anxiously against the countertop. How come it's taking so long?

_Something's seriously wrong with me. _I'm jumping, I feel jittery. I don't know what time it is. I close my eyes shut. There's a small time clock on my stove. I can't look. I should _know. _I bite my lower lip as I futilely search my mind for the time. _I should know this! _I cry in desperation. And slowly, painstakingly, I crack one eye open and read the time off the stove. 0734. My whole body just seems to give in. _I should have known._

I literally run into my room. _I need a shower. _I get the water running and wait until it is freezing cold. There's nothing like bathing in liquid ice to get the body functioning in the morning. I soak myself in it, breathing hard and making sure every square inch of my body is subjected to the numbing temperature. Ten minutes later I stumble out, drying myself quickly and hopping into my Marine greens. My hair is wet but I'm letting it air dry – hopefully that'll keep me alert.

I reenter the kitchen to see the coffee's ready. This coaxes a sigh of relief from me. I pull the biggest mug I have out of the cupboard and pour myself coffee up to the rim, savoring the bitter black taste of it. This is more like it. I caught a little Venetian flue, but I'm fine now. It'll just take another day or two to get me fully back on schedule, but I'm _fine._

I take another long swig of coffee, my tongue running over the taste of it. There's something different about this coffee. It tastes more . . . my head spins. I've just been sick, perhaps my stomach's not read to take my strong Marine java. A wild sickly sort of grin spreads across my face. All I can do is down the coffee, mug by mug.

A little voice at the back of my mind informs me that I shouldn't be drinking this much coffee. What cup am I on? My third . . . or forth? It all seems kind of fuzzy at the moment. I take another long sip. God, I haven't felt this good since I was on alcohol. I down another mug. And then my swiveling eyes narrow in on the stove. Oh my god, it's already 0815. I'm going to be late. I giggle at the thought.

Grabbing my briefcase I just about run out the door before realizing I still have my fuzzy slippers on. I run back into my apartment, put on my shoes, I'm just about out the door when my briefcase spills open and all my files come falling out. I dive to the floor, scoop up all the papers, stuff them back inside my briefcase, lock my door, jump into my corvette and drive at a reckless speed towards JAG.

By the time I pull into the parking lot I don't need my built in clock to know that I'm very late. I walk into the bullpen and Tiner's immediately there to greet me. "Ma'am, they're all in the conference room. Here, I'll take your briefcase to your office."

I cling to my briefcase as Tiner's hand moves to take it from me.

"Do you think that I am not capable of carrying my own damn briefcase?" I practically holler at the stunned yeoman. I'm swaying on the spot. My head's spinning.

"No, ma'am," Tiner stutters. We've got the attention of the entire bullpen. "I was just offering –"

"Do you think I'm not strong enough to carry my briefcase?" I _am _shouting now. I look at Tiner through blurry vision. He's suddenly seemed to split in two.

"That's not it at all, ma'am," Tiner backtracks. Everyone's staring at us, but they all seem to be blurry swirling colors in my vision.

"You listen to me, Petty Officer," I order, my voice hard, "never undermine the initiative of a female marine."

"No, ma'am," Tiner immediately spurts out. "I wasn't undermining . . ."

"Never talk back to a superior!" I shout and I swear Tiner jumps. He must be sweating in his socks right now and for some strange reason that gives me an almost drunken pleasure.

"No, ma'am." Tiner's given up on explaining the situation to me.

I leave him like that, standing stiff and to attention right in the middle of the bullpen. I storm into my office, throw down my briefcase onto my desk sending paperwork flying everywhere and march haughtily to the conference room leaving the bullpen deathly quiet. I throw open the door and almost robotically three heads swivel to meet my gaze. The admiral looks at me rather annoyed. "You're late, Colonel."

"I'm not late," I spit out, slumping down into one of the conference chairs. "You're just all early."

Even _I _have no idea what I meant by that. The colors around me are spinning. My head feels like it's just about to fall off.

"Watch your tongue, Colonel," the Admiral's voice is simply flat and deadening. For a reason unbeknownst to me I begin to giggle. I'm squirming in my chair and absolutely cackling.

Bud looks at me rather uncertainly. "Ma'am, are you sure you're all right?"

I shoot Bud a wild grin. "What?" I replied, letting my hands roll down my body, "this doesn't look right to you?"

All three men are absolutely speechless. They sit for a moment, like the big dumb males they are – I'm still giggling by the way – before Sturgis pipes up, "Sir, I don't think Colonel Mackenzie's well. I'll go . . . take her home."

"Oh, you'd just love to do that, wouldn't you _Commander_?" I lay an arm around his shoulder and bat my eyelashes at him. Sturgis looks mortified.

"Colonel, that will be quite enough!" The Admiral seems to have found his voice again, and now he doesn't look stunned but just plain angry.

My head's hammering. I flash him a twisted sort of grin. "You don't like the idea of me being with another man?"

The Admiral's eyes bulge. My head feels like it's about to explode. I close my eyes for a moment – everything swirling.

"Colonel?" Bud's soft voice cuts through to me. "Are you all right, Ma'am?" his voice is suddenly hollow, Darth Vader like. "Ma'am?" One hand comes up to my head. I feel my eyes rolling. "Ma'am?"

And I fall, just like that, I collapse. My head hits the floor hard just as my body follows its lead. And I lay there, my head pounding and my vision so utterly distorted I can barely make out Bud leaning over me.

"Call for an ambulance!" he screams. "Someone call for an ambulance!"

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I know what you're all thinking – how evil am I to cut the chapter off there? lol, keep in mind author's privilege includes cliffhangers at the ends of chapters. And yes, something is going on with Mac. You'll all find out in the next chapter. So – um, if you liked this chapter – review! And if you didn't – tell me why.**

**Abigaile: **Ahh, you guessed my plot line! I didn't think anyone would get it! Oh, you're too good, much too good . . . oh, except for the guy in Mac's apartment. That was most definitely not Harm. Thanx for reviewing (and shh, don't tell anyone what's happening . . .) lol, though if they're smart they'll check out your review.

**Reni-Maniac: **See, on the inside of the Admiral's outer hard-core shell I'm sure there's some sort of child-loving side in him . . . deep down . . . very deep down. Hope I updated fast enough for you!

**Tumblebuttons: **thanks – but could we lay off the profanity? (one of my friends, people)

**Starryeyes10: **thank you

**Froggy0319: **Hope I updated quick enough for you! I know you'll have questions about this chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to answer them in the next one.

**Xobabygurlxo: **Thanks – I know, I can't wait until they're together either.

**MaritzaCarmichael: **thank you, I'll keep going just for you

**Jaggurl: **yeah, all hail wishful thinking! lol, yeah this chapter wasn't longer – actually, it was probably shorter. But I'll get the next chapter done really quick for you, how's that?

**Dansingwolf: **Hey, I think you should start writing your own fic – you obviously know a lot about JAG. Well, I love giving surprising endings to chapters. I'm constantly surprised by how many people are able to guess my plots from like way into the beginning! Like, you've _always _been one of them (this is a compliment, by the way). I can never guess anyone else's plot (how _do _you do it?). lol, if you have any suggestions about anything – let me know, okay?

**Sugar230: **Are you still dying of curiosity? lol, what will the next chapter bring, I wonder . . .

**Sothernqt: **wow, your coach sounds interesting. Actually, he kinda sounds like mine! My coach would be very liable to say that. And believe me, the more complicated the pranks are, the better . . . lol, thanks for reviewing!

**Janessab: **thank you, hope you liked this chapter!

**Vhosek malacath: **No, begging isn't needed for a quick chapter – (it helps though). Just joking . . . but I hope this was quick enough updating for you!

**Radiorox: **ah, yes, men on bikes . . . exist only for females to swoon. lol. Thanks for all the prank ideas – believe me, I _will _make a wonderful use out of them. There wasn't too much Vera/Clay in this chapter, making up for all the Harm/Mac I missed last chap. Though I bet my reviewers are already getting out their verbal pitchforks for my lack or romance . . .

**Bite Beccy: **ha ha, you're not jumping to any conclusions. You're right – I kind of made it obvious (you're not the only one that's guessed it). Bear with me, I'll get more HM in the chapters to come.

**Tizy: **Hey, believe me, I'd just LOVE to finish this entire story right now but . . . you know . . . I recall my father telling me when I was little that patience was a virtue (but does anyone actually _believe _that?) lol, I'll update faster just for you

**Lara783: **hmm . . . that could mean that. That is, if we're thinking the same thing . . . all I know is it's making me very happy right now. lol


	15. The Risk or Reality

**A/N: Well, um, yes, I know you've all got questions about the last chapter. I'll do my best to answer them in this chap! Yep, and I know a lot of you were concerned for Mac's health – that'll be addressed in this chapter too so . . . read and be merry! (stupid saying, I know, but come on . . . it's late at night, cut me some slack . . .)**

**Major thanks goes out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, and DD2! If I missed your name for feedback, please let me know . . .**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Mac's bizarre dreamlike point of view.**

**The Risk or Reality**

It feels cold but oddly kind of fuzzy. My mind has succumbed to an impassive state where I feel nothing but soft and comforting air. I try and move but almost immediately find it pointless. Why would I want to move? I can lie here all day and wallow in my misery. It's comfortable, my world is at ease. I don't need to worry about paperwork, or men, or some bloody assassin blowing out my brains. I can just sit here, my mind existing in the beautiful world of nothingness and be truly at peace.

"_**When you brought her here, her condition was rather critical . . ."** _a loud voice buzzes in my head, completely destroying the tranquility. **"_However, I do believe we're out of the woods for now. I will want to see her in another week for a check up but I doubt that will be a problem . . ."_**

_Ugh!_ I feel like screaming, _just leave me alone! _Even to myself the plea sounds pitiful, and one clearly made out of a maddening sort of desperation. I sob internally. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to go back. I want to stay here . . . or maybe I don't. I don't know. I don't want to have to get on with my life. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I want to turn back time.

"**_Right now Colonel Mackenzie is sleeping. We are very confident that she will wake up but as for at what time she does, it's all up to her . . ." _**the voice continues loudly. This must be god's way of telling me to drag my ass up. I swear, it's like someone put headphones on me and cranked the volume all the way up to high.

"**_It's not that the Colonel can't get up," _**the voice explains rather patiently. _"**It's that she doesn't want to get up. If her body and mind has the motivation, then she will surely awaken."**_

There's the low rumble of voices, I can't tell what they're saying. I try and clear my mind of any thought whatsoever. But the voices keeps booming back to me, ringing loudly in my ears and causing a look of intense aggravation to appear on my face.

"**_Sometimes it helps if family members or friends talk to them," _**the voice clarifies. **_"I can't guarantee you she's listening, but it never hurts to try."_**

And just like that, the voice disappears. I slowly exhale a sigh of relief. My body eases to the silence almost immediately. And then slowly, almost slyly, I feel a hand slip into my open one laying by my side. The hand squeezes mine gently and I begin to sob internally. The last person who squeezed my hand like that had been Harm. His picture flies before my closed eyes. I feel a bout of pure depression sweep my body almost instantly lit by a small flicker of hope. "H – h – harm . . ." I feel myself mumble, my letters trying to string themselves together. "H – h – harm – m . . ."

"No, ma'am, it's me," the voice immediately distinguishes my one candle of hope. "Bud Roberts . . . please, ma'am, you've got wake up . . ." I wish Bud could understood. I wholeheartedly wish he could. There's just not a point in waking up any more. I'll never see his face again, I'll never hear his voice . . . and the thought is more depressing than death.

"Please, Colonel . . ." his voice trails. "Mac . . . what about Harriet? Won't you miss her? I know she'll miss you . . . and what about the kids? Jimmy's second birthday is coming up . . . you want to be there, don't you?"

I feel a tear roll down my cheek but otherwise I remain impassive. I _do _want to see Jimmy turn two. I want to be there when he blows out the candles on his big birthday cake. And I want to see Hallie and Harm turn one and . . . hell, I want to see AJ's sweet sixteen party. I want to be there for all of it . . .

"Harriet and I went for our parent-teacher conferences about AJ and AJ's teacher showed us just the most touching picture that AJ drew . . ." Buds voice magnifies loud in my head, but still managing to be gentle. "It was of me, Harriet, the kids, you and . . ." a slight pause, ". . . and Commander Rabb. And above it it's written 'The People I love the Bestest'."

I'm really crying now. I'm weeping and I know Bud can see me. "What am I supposed to tell AJ, ma'am, if you don't wake up?" Bud's voice is pleading with me now. "He's already lost his godfather, ma'am . . . he can't lose you too." A long pause on his end. "We can't lose you, too."

And that one single sentence just does it for me. My eyelids snap open, my vision instantly to be engulfed by a magnitude of white such as I've never seen before. The sight alone makes my head spin. "Bud . . ." I whisper, my throat suddenly dry and raspy.

"Ma'am!" I swear I've never heard more exuberance in one syllable in my entire life. Bud leans over me and I can see – however small a trace of it – that he had at one point been crying. "Colonel . . . Mac . . . oh, my god, you're okay, you're awake. How are you feeling? Do you need anyone? Should I call someone? I should call someone."

Bud leaps up from the small chair he'd been sitting on and runs out into the hallway, almost immediately returned by a female doctor who smiles at me and – don't ask me how I know it – but I know the voice I'd heard earlier belongs to her.

"Well, Colonel, it's good to see you're awake." Her voice is soothing and easy – I don't know how I could have thought it annoying before. "You know, you've got quite the little group or worried visitors outside in the waiting room." She smiles encouragingly at me. "But if the Commander will excuse us –" she flashes a reproachful look at Bud – "then we can commence our examination."

Bud promptly leaves the room. On shaky arms I sit myself up in the bed, finally getting a good chance to look around the room. It's fairly basically furnished, with white walls and a white bed with white sheets and even I'm wearing one of those white hospital gowns. I don't wonder where I am – I'm in Bethesda.

"Okay, Colonel, I'm going to lay this right out on the table for you," her eyes are kindly but her voice is suddenly hard. "A large amount of drugs have managed to work their way into your body – an unhealthily large amount. This is the cause of your little episode earlier this morning. Had the ambulance not brought you in sooner – I'm afraid you might not be here."

The thought is definitely alarming. I cast a wide-eyed look at the doctor. "But I didn't take any drugs . . . I _don't _take any drugs. I don't understand . . ." My mind is still fuzzy and too much thought makes my head spin.

"That is what your friends said when I asked them what drug you were on. They told me you didn't take any." The look in her eyes says very clearly that she did not believe them. "But one way or the other, Colonel, drugs did get into your body . . . as well as a large amount of caffeine."

_Caffeine_ . . . my mind works terribly slowly. _Caffeine . . . the coffee. _I sit bolt right up in the bed. "The coffee," I whispered fervently. "I had . . . a lot of cups. There had to have been something in there. In the coffee."

The doctor looks at me rather inquisitively. "The coffee . . . you didn't put anything out of the ordinary into it, did you?" Her eyes beat me down.

"No, I didn't," I stutter as my memory slowly recollects the data it's lost. "But, I think someone else did . . ." My mind's whirling now. "I didn't turn off the television, I didn't go to bed. Someone else did all those things for me . . . so they must have put something in the coffee pot. That's the only thing that makes sense . . . but who would do that?" I ask that so loudly and pleadingly that the doctor stutters for an answer.

"I'm, well, I'm not quite certain that – "

I cut her off. "I was sick . . . at home and sick. Are they responsible for that? Probably not, I got sick in Venice . . ." I ramble on.

"About that, ma'am," the doctor interjects but I plough forward anyway.

"But they weren't counting on me home so early. They entered my apartment thinking I would be at work but instead I was laying on the couch sleeping so . . . they . . ." it hurts to think at the moment. "They put me in my bed, were afraid the noise from the TV would wake me up so they turn that off too . . . and then drug the coffee." My eyes are wild now. "But if they wanted to kill me, I was in the apartment, why not just finish me off right then . . ." My mind seizes the answer instantly. "Because they didn't want it to look like murder – rather some sort of suicide – so it looks like I've taken the drugs myself."

I lean back in my bed, my thoughts whirling around me. For a moment, I'm overtaken by silence but then –

"And here," I laughed, almost to myself. "I wouldn't have been in the apartment if I hadn't been sick as a dog . . . who knows," I whispered. "That may just have saved my life. . ."

"Ma'am, about the sickness," the doctor interrupts. I look up at her, my eyebrow raised.

"What about it? It's just some sort of . . . flue."

The doctor – I notice now her name is Dr. Hurston – smiles rather slyly at me. "A flue that's lasted . . . about a week?"

I sigh. "I'm sure it's possible, doctor." I'm wondering where she's going with this.

"Queasy stomach in the mornings?" she inquired, her eyes rather bright. "Perhaps a tendency to take a violent disliking to a food you've liked before . . ."

Actually, orange juice has lost whatever appeal it once sustained to me rather recently. The taste makes me violently nauseous and the mere thought of the pulp makes my stomach cringe. "I guess," I nod.

"Colonel Mackenzie," she speaks slowly. "You're pregnant."

My mouth opens, my eyes are wide, and I'm in complete and utter awe. "I'm what?"

"But I must inform you," Dr. Hurston continues, "if you have another episode like the one you just had your little one's chances will take a rapid turn for the worst. As it is, we weren't sure if your baby was going to make it . . . you're going to have to be _really _cautious from now on. No more caffeine, and especially no alcohol or drugs."

Frankly, I'm still numb from the shock of it all. _I'm pregnant . . . I'm actually pregnant. _The doctor's continuing to talk but the words just go in one ear and out the other. _Oh my god . . . I'm pregnant. I am officially one week pregnant. _Thoughts swirl in my head, almost dampening the joy that threatens to overwhelm me. But I am going to have a child with no father. The thought grips me. _What about Harm?_

"You're going to need to come in for a check up next week, and probably one every month after," Dr Hurston lectures me. I sigh and she stares me down. "Something about your reaction tells me that this wasn't exactly planned . . ."

She's trying to coax a story out of me and I give her one . . . sort of. "Well, no . . . this definitely was not planned. I'm – I'm just really busy. This is not a good time." But I'm so happy the excuses fall flat and lame even to me. "I just don't know how I'm going to do this . . ."

Small tears are streaming down my face and there's no question about it – they're tears of pure delight. I can try my best to put up a worried front but it just falls against the joy of the moment. I'm going to be a mother . . . I'm going to have a family. And instantly an image of Harm floats before my eyes causing a sharp pang of fear to stab at my heart. If they're after Harm, will . . .

"Colonel?"

I hadn't noticed it, but the Admiral entered the room followed by Sturgis and Bud. They all look apprehensive, a little worried, but clearly a lot more relieved since Bud told them I'd woken up. The Admiral stares at me, taking in the small tears streaming down my face, the blissful smile that had overtaken my lips, and the worried frown that could only be seen in my eyes.

"Admiral," I whispered, hugging my knees to my chest. "I swear I didn't take any drugs . . ." I'm sobbing. "It must have been in the coffee I drank that morning but . . . oh, this is so confusing." Sure, pregnant women have rather wild emotions but one week in?

"Colonel . . . Mac," the Admiral's tone is light but clearly worried. "I think you could use some rest. I'll be back in the morning to check up on you."

"And I will too," interjected Bud almost immediately. Sturgis nodded in assent. I nodded at them and smiled through the thin lines of tears that now rolled down my face. Do they know? Something about their worried but relieved demeanor tells me that they don't.

_I'm pregnant. I'm really pregnant. _I'm still numb from shock. But now I was faced with an all new problem – a heart-wrenching, emotion drawing crisis. I knew which side I was leaning towards – and I also knew the solution should be thought out logically. Should I keep my baby or not?

On one hand, I've always wanted a child . . . and on the other hand, if the assassin after Harm finds out he has a son or daughter, not only does that make he or she a prime target for bait, but I could lose in one foul swoop the only man I've ever loved and our child.

**A/N: Wow, okay – so that wasn't a cliffhanger, was it? Not much of one . . . considering the last chapter's ending. Well, you guys know the drill – review and tell what you think! All thoughts appreciated.**

**Daisymh: **Aw, you don't like cliffhangers . . ? Ah well, this chapter didn't have much of one – considering the last chapter. And I updated quickly! Does that make it any better . . ? No, nuh uh, not really . . . okay. Well, there's good stuff to come!

**Alix33: **ah, you're very very right. Is there no stopping Abbas! Mwahaha. Yes, I'm very dramaqueenish. lol, but I suppose you already knew that . . .

**Alix33 **(again)quick_ness _of wit. Quick_ness _of wit. Ah, you'd just be a wonderful editor . . . and – you know – deep down under the Admiral's hardened SEAL_like _core there's a baby loving guy . . . you know, deep down . . . very deep down . . .

**Abigaile: **ah yes, the wondrous and highly embarrassing acts of a drugged Mac . . . yep, not a pretty sight. Seriously, I still can't believe you guessed their relocation point! Jeez, no one else guessed that . . . I bow down to you in awe . . .

**Dansingwolf: **Yeah, considering Mac likes to have control losing the internal sense of timing must be pretty scary . . . ah, and she joins all us watch-wearing mortals at last – lol. Yeah, I know put a lot of twists and turns in the story (actually, I really only do that to watch peoples' reactions . . . (am I mean or what?)) but you and others actually do a pretty good job of guessing ahead. I mean sometimes I make it obvious but other times you can just completely pull my plot line right out of the blue. Oh, and one more thing – um, see, in your last review you said 'btw' somewhere and um, when I'm instant messaging my friends they say that a lot too but at the risk of looking stupid to them I never ask them what it stands for so . . . could you pretty please tell me what that means? (I'm not begging . . . okay, yeah, I'm pretty much begging).

**vribinkaCZ: **well, here's your next update and I guarantee I'll get another chapter done before you leave on Thursday. Where are you going, anyways? Some sort of vacation . . ? Man, I'm stuck in my little suburban town all summer . . .

**starryeyes10: **thank you!

**DD2: **hope you liked this chapter! Written quickly just for you.

**MaritzaCarmichael: **hope the suspense didn't kill you yet, cuz I really did update very quickly on this chapter.

**Tizy: **Oh, I'm so sorry I made you late for work . . . well, actually, I'm hoping it was worth it (okay, yes, I'm bad . . . I have no self restraint, but I'm late for things all the time so . . . consider that compensation) lol, hope you liked this chapter.

**Cherise: **ah, suspense is my middle name . . . well, no, it isn't, but considering the middle name I was born with I might think of taking 'Suspense' up . . . lol, hope you liked this chapter.

**Bite Beccy: **oh, are you still smiling? I know which decision you want Mac to make . . . lol. No, her last episode was definitely not good for the baby.

**(squiggle): **Mac couldn't control her behavior under the influence of drugs any more than anyone else could. And luckily for her, her coworkers understand that and are there to help her rather than punish her. And things wouldn't be any more different for Harm. Mac worked to get her promotion and maybe I would have promoted Harm if it were not for the fact that everyone seems to think he's dead.

**Sugar230: **ah, an addiction . . . very much used to that (coughs) I'm a rather hopeless JAG maniac. Hope this chapter satisfied your craving!

**Radiorox: **Ah, yes, Mac's well-being rather does come second in the light of a humorous moment . . . (had way too many of those moments in 'The Fine Art of Dating' – by the way)

**Jaggurl: **was this update soon enough? Lol, hooray for summer vacation!

**Snugglebug: **Ah, ode to cliffhangers – that would be the song I'd sing if I'd mastered any kind of vocal chords over the past few years. Yep, I'm definitely not a singer. But never mind that – I hope you liked this chapter!

**Froggy0319: **Aww, I'm touched you added me to your list . . . hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter!

**June: **well, yes, she is pregnant – suffered a rather close scrape there, didn't she? Oh well, Mac will come through it . . . she's a trooper . . . lol.


	16. Operation Relocation

**A/N: Hey everyone, well – as promised – here's the next chapter, and . . . I – uh – hope you enjoy!**

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, and Dessler!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Harm's POV (though I know how much you're all dying for Mac's considering the way I left my last chapter . . .)**

**Operation Relocation**

"Harm, Jake – would you please sit down?" Vera asked kindly.

I feel exactly like I did when I found out my mother was marrying Frank – like everything had already been discussed without me and there was nothing I could do but sit numb and listen to them talk. Only this time I sat on the couch with Jake next to me and Vera and Clay sat across from me. Clay had his arms folded out in front of me – it was rather clear to me that he had not gotten his way in the previous argument.

"As you both know, Clay and I have had . . ._ conflicting _opinions on where we should relocate," Vera spoke slowly so we could easily drink up every word. She flashed Webb a glance.

Webb cleared his throat. "And – having considered all possibilities," he began, obviously detesting what he was saying, "we have decided that if Abbas knew we were in Venice and he knew that we knew he knew . . ." Clay looked confusedly at the sound of his own words.

"In other words," Vera cut in. "We're going to move to possibly the last place on earth that Abbas would ever think of looking."

I'm uncertain. "Which is where exactly?"

Webb's face is grim. "Right back home to Virginia."

* * *

**0923**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

**Mac's POV**

"How're you feeling, ma'am?" Harriet's voice is sympathetic. She stands beside my bed, the early morning light falling through the high window. I sigh pathetically in response.

_Knock. Knock._

"Come in!" I holler from my bed and the door opens to reveal Admiral AJ Chegwidden followed by Bud. Their Naval uniforms look oddly dark against the rather bright whiteness of the room's setting.

"Colonel," the Admiral addresses me politely but not without an underlying note of worry. "How are you feeling?"

I throw my hands up in frustration. "Like I'm ready to blow this pop stand."

A small smile comes to the Admiral's lips. "When are you supposed to be released?"

"Tomorrow," I muttered, much to the amusement of the others in the room. "Apparently my tests all came back with good results."

"That's wonderful to hear, ma'am," Harriet smiled at me.

I move to make a reply but something in the way that the Admiral's standing cuts me off. He and Bud look as if they've just entered the morgue. "Colonel," he says very slowly. "After your interview with Dr. Hurston, myself and a rather good friend of mine – an NCIS agent – Jethro Gibbs . . . maybe you remember him – we took a good look around your apartment and in your coffee maker."

"And . . . sir?" I asked, shifting around in my bed slightly.

"Well, his lab confirmed it . . . drugs were definitely in your coffee. He's still getting the specifics but, Colonel, we do believe that you're in danger. Now, Gibbs was willing to organize protection for you but a third party has stepped in and has already taken care of that."

"What third party, sir?" I asked quickly, my interest unleashed.

The Admiral's eyes meet mine levelly. "The government."

"You mean they're sending someone from the government to protect me?" I accuse scornfully, sinking my elbow hard into my pillow. "I'm a marine, sir. I can hold my own."

"I don't doubt it for a minute, Colonel," came the Admiral's wry reply. "However, two bodies are always better than one."

I'm moody, I'm disgruntled – I was overcome with morning sickness less than an hour ago and I'm still grumpy. "Well, do I at least have the privilege of knowing my _protector's _name before I entrust them with my life?"

The Admiral nodded at me, moving to exit the room. "You will, Colonel . . . as soon as I find out who the hell it is."

* * *

**1748**

**146 Vinetta Avenue, Venice**

**Harm's POV**

"So you're really going?"

My question pierces the silence that had fallen in between us. I throw Jake one of his shirts and he catches it, stuffing it into his duffel bag. Jake hadn't brought much stuff – but what he did bring was very well spread out through the entire household.

"Really really," Jake replied dully, throwing in a pair of pants and not even bothering to fold them. "New assignment, new location . . ." he looks up at me and grins. "But don't worry, I'll see you around."

"But you don't understand," I replied, my voice very dramatically stressed. "You're leaving me all alone with _Vera and Clay. _Why don't you just feed me to Abbas and get it over with? Vera and Clay will drive me into suicide through _insanity."_

Jake grinned wryly at me. "Well look on the bright side. You'll be back in Virginia. Which means they'll both be going into work all day anyway. It won't be as terrible as you think."

"Probably worse," I muttered, only to Jake's amusement.

"Well, I'll send you a postcard," Jake replied, pulling his duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Where will you be going?" I asked, following him out the front door and into the street outside the house, the evening sun shining brightly in our faces.

Jake hopped onto his motorcycle, securing his bags and doing a mental once over. He turned to me and grinned, his eyes dancing in the light. "I'd tell you . . ." he roared over the noise of his engine. "But then I'd have to kill you."

I stood there at the doorstep and watched Jake's blurry figure disappear into the setting sun with a sudden tremendous feeling of loss washing over me – the loss of a friend. Exhaling slowly, I opened the door and entered, instantly taking in the silence of the household. I walked into the living room. Clay sat in one of the arm chairs, one leg folded over the other and reading the newspaper.

I paused in confusion. "Where's Vera?"

"Showering," came the blunt reply.

I sit down on the couch. The seconds tick by. "Clay, you're not really reading that are you?"

Clay looks up from the newspaper. "What do you mean?"

"The paper," I motioned to the newspaper in his hands. "You're not really reading it."

"What makes you say that?" Clay asked, one eyebrow raised.

"The thing's in Italian."

A long pause on Clay's end.

"Webb, what are you up to?" I asked, suspicion clear in my voice.

Clay looks at me hesitantly, apprehension clear on his face and then, "Okay, can I trust you, Rabb?"

I roll my eyes. "Just tell me, Webb."

Slowly, Clay reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket and withdraws a small clear vial with dark pink fluid in it. "Well," he whispered, clearly searching for my approval.

"Well, what?" I retorted staring at the vial again. "It looks like pink lemonade."

Clay shakes his head. "No, no, Rabb. This is dye. It's a very powerful kind of dye."

"For cloth?"

Clay grins at me. "More like for hair. I know a guy in the department that works with disguises. Uses stuff like this to dye peoples' hair. He's actually quite good. I can get you in with him if you ever want to . . . you know, take care of those grey streaks."

"I don't have grey streaks!" I replied angrily, my voice soaked with indignation. "And I certainly don't want my hair to be pink if I want to get rid of them."

"Shut up, Rabb!" Clay hissed. "She'll hear you . . ."

There was the bang of a door being shut and then Vera came out, wearing a very long t-shirt and her wet hair wrapped up in a towel. "Oh, hope you don't mind, Clay, but I took the liberty of borrowing one of your shirts."

"I can see that, Azhad," Clay responded impassively. The silence in the room was suffocating. "Oh, well, if you're sure you're done, I'll go have my shower now."

He promptly left the room.

"Wow, he was acting strange," Vera commented rather mildly, undoing the towel from the top of her head to commence drying it. And out of the snow white towel falls long thick strands of bright pink hair. I gape for a moment.

Vera casts me an inquisitive look. "What's wrong?"

Sighing, I lay back in the thick arm chair, staring up at the ceiling with a mixed expression upon my face. "Sometimes I think the world's just laughing at me."

* * *

**1036**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

I turn on the light in my apartment and cast a wary glance around the room. The Admiral assured me that Gibbs had checked it over alright. And I trusted the Admiral, but I was still painfully wary of the power that Abbas held – over both me and Harm.

I patted my stomach which had promptly begun to grumble. The Admiral had invited not to eat any food I had stored in my apartment, that I should pack my suitcase and leave. It would only be temporary.

"Think about it this way," he'd said, his voice almost brutally indifferent. "It'll be like the college experience you never had – living out of a suitcase and sharing a room with a person you didn't choose."

Slowly, I folded my clothes, storing them in the largest suitcase I owned. I packed almost robotically – as if I didn't register anything I was holding or folding. I'd emptied most of my closet by the time I realized I probably couldn't fit any more in. Not touching anything else in my apartment – as instructed – I closed the door and locked it behind me. I'd never felt so vulnerable.

I had left my own home, a killer was after me – and now I had a whole new weight on my shoulders – I was responsible for another life. I drove slowly down street after street, a complicated address written quickly in pencil on a small slip of paper. The address took me to a rather nice looking apartment building on the corner of King Street.

Unloading my suitcase from my trunk, I locked up my 'Vette and entered the building. I gave my name at the front desk and they handed me a key for room number 202.

I couldn't help but wonder as I climbed possibly the third flight of stairs – who "The Government" had sent to watch over me. Quite obviously the CIA now knew that Abbas was after me too, so undoubtedly they had sent someone from their department. I just hoped to god it was not Webb.

I paused at the door, wondering if I should just let myself in with the key or whether I should knock. Deciding that if someone _was _in there, it would be rather rude to just let myself in, I knocked firmly.

And then the door opened, revealing a face that I knew. "Hey, Mac," he grinned. "I here we're going to be roomies."

And I couldn't help but smile too. "Jake . . ."

* * *

**A/N: Wow, this chapter was . . . okay, pretty sucky – I know. I'm suffering from a mild bout of writer's block. Don't worry, it'll be hopefully gone by tomorrow. Anyways, I'm just getting the boring stuff out of the way so we can have really good chapters coming our way, okay? Alright, and you all know the drill – review and tell me what you think! Any input is appreciated – especially if you have something constructive to say. **

**Alix33: **I'm taking all of your questions/suggestions into consideration and I don't think you'll be disappointed with the outcome! (I prefer to remain mysteries in ways of the future . . . you know, keeping up the good rep (as if!))

**Southernqt: **well, I can't really answer your questions at the moment (I mean, you'll get them answered for you as we move along in the story) but I hope you keep asking questions!

**AB: **locks . . . no kidding. But how's a whole new apartment? lol

**Bite Beccy: **Glad to hear you're still smiling . . . hope that's the case with this chapter too.

**Vhosek malacath: **don't worry about the link – verbal begging's good enough, lol.

**Froggy0319: **ah, and my crystal ball predicts the answers to your questions are . . . in the near future!

**Dessler: **Ah, I do believe your vote on Mac not giving up the baby is the majority so far . . . actually, I don't believe you have any competition. Lol. Thanks for reviewing.

**Radiorox: **Ah, yes, the wonderful-cure-all medicine of hugging – but the million dollar question: will Mac give up the baby or won't she? Of course – there's the slight problem on my part that if I make her give up the baby I'll probably be killed by my reviewers. Then there wouldn't be much of a story . . . lol

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Dansingwolf: **Okay, one thing you should know about me, I LOVE long reviews. I mean, I'm not trying to pressure you into writing long reviews – but don't apologize for it 'cause I love a lengthy review. Lots of input. And well – usually when I begin a story I know what I'm going to do at the beginning and I know how I want it to end. The middle always seems to get a little fuzzy but as I keep writing it gets a lot clearer. And btw (I've been getting a LOT of use out of that (am I allowed to call it a word?) since you told me what it meant – so much that my friends have ordered me to stop using it) I was wondering – you saw Devdas and everything – have you seen a really good Hindi movie lately? (My sister wants to see one and I'm Bollywood impaired).

**MaritzaCarmichael: **thanks, hope I updated quickly for you.

**Lani-LoveNPain: **this is your first time reviewing Full Throttle right? I know this chapter wasn't too exciting, but I'll make the next one better just for you!

**Bekka: **Hating to see Harm and Mac suffer . . . you and me both. Ah well, they're strong people . . . they can stick it out for now. But there are good things in store for them – a nice future. Just keep reading and you'll see . . . lol, I'm not to subtle am I?

**KittyX: **I know I've been writing my chapters as mostly either Harm or Mac but in the future I'll try and split the chapter equally into sections for both of them. Does that sound okay?

**Tizy: **Ah, so glad I didn't interfere with your work schedule! (I do happen to have the annoying tendency to update very early in the morning, don't I?) And, well, okay – your subtlety is not the . . . subtlest it could be but hey, you drew me to the fact that a new chapter needed to be posted! (And though begging has been known to prompt me to post chapters earlier – I do prefer blatant sucking up!)

**VrbinkaCZ: **horse camp? That sounds pretty cool. Jeez, I hope I updated this fast enough for you to read it. I didn't know what time you were leaving and they were updating the sight so I couldn't post earlier. Hope this got to you on time.

**Daisymh: **Hope you liked this chapter! And the sooner I break out of this writer's block I've seemed to have gotten myself into, the quicker the chapter I'll post.

**Snugglebug: **A whole month! Wow, I mean – I'm really inexperienced in this subject – but jeez, that sounds to me like an awful long time to NOT know you're pregnant. Thanks for the info though . . . oh well, Mac's always had a great sense of timing – and she's usually pretty early. That'll be my nonsensical explanation for all of that. Lol.


	17. Truth or Dare

**A/N: Alright people – depressing news on the writing front. Um, some relatives of mine are coming over to stay for the week so . . . I might not be able to update during that course of time. Of course, I'll try my best to – but the chances are highly unlikely. **

**Major props go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, and daisymh! **

**Note: this chapter starts off in Harm's POV**

**Truth or Dare**

I lean back in my seat, my sleepy eyes readily taking in the slow and gentle rock of the aircraft, the slow drift of the clouds and the clarity of the outside blue sky that I watch through my window. God, I miss this. I miss the air, I miss the sky and it doesn't matter where I live to see the sunset – there's nothing like the ones in America. It might be brighter or more colorful or perhaps even more picturesque than the American ones, but there is a certain sense of pride that accompanies a man when he looks out onto the sunset of his own country, a beautiful patriotism that fills his heart.

"Just twenty more minutes," Vera whispered in my ear. I look at her. Out of the Yankees baseball cap that she wears over her hair, long thick strands of bright pink hair can be seen. She yelled at Clay for hours last night – then promptly got him back by filling his deodorant stick with glue (the results were painful). Entertaining for Vera and I, but almost definitely painful for Webb.

She rubbed my arm comfortingly. Perhaps she saw the strong look of longing that appeared on my face as I stared out the window – perhaps for that exact reason she gave me the window seat. Or perhaps she knew how nervous I was, how anxious I was to step back onto American soil. But for whatever the reason, her voice calmed and soothed me – and I knew she spoke that way intentionally.

In twenty minutes we touched down. I loved the feeling that I got in the bottom of my stomach as the plane lurched onto the runway. The scream of the engines as they tried to slow down as it ran along the paved runway. I smiled to myself – I knew Mac hated it.

"Are we all ready?" Clay asked us, standing up to get his luggage. He had sat two rows behind us. Vera nodded and – seeing as we had all brought on carry-on luggage, we went right through passport controls and outside into the terminal.

My passport really was a thing of beauty. Mr. Franco Valvassori, a born and bread Italian with an unfortunately very American accent. It was not equipped with my best picture – but now that the passport agencies had signed off on the 'no smiling' rule, the pictures just kept on getting worse.

We headed on out into the visitors section.

"Isn't there supposed to be someone picking us up, Clay?" Vera asked, as Webb's eyes scanned the thick crowd that had gathered in the visitors' section.

"Yeah," Clay replied shortly, moving around to get a good look over the heads of the crowd. "But she's pretty short – and with this crowd it might take a while."

Of course, Vera only picked up on one word out of that entire sentence. _"She?" _Vera began but was almost immediately cut off by Webb.

"Catherine!" he exclaimed, over the noise of the crowd.

"Clay!" came a rather enthusiastic response.

Vera and I watched as Clay pushed his way through the crowd and immediately enveloped a small blonde woman in a friendly hug.

"That's Catherine," I explained to Vera as I took in her expression of stone – calm, cool, collected, but very obviously displeased. "Catherine Gale, she works with . . ."

"I know who she is," Vera cut me short. "We've met . . . before."

I would get to the bottom of that statement later. Clay had one arm looped over Catherine's shoulder as he led her to us. Catherine's hair looked even blonder than before – I suppose she had highlighted it – and as soon as she saw me she immediately pulled me into a bone breaking hug.

"Harm! My gosh, it's been _so_ long! I didn't find out till today that you were alive, you know. Would have attended the funeral but a massive amount of paperwork came in at the office that day. You know how it is . . ." Catherine rattled.

"Do you mind?" Vera snapped. We all looked at her. Vera lowered her voice, "You're blowing our cover. Catch up when we're in the car."

Catherine looked rather flustered. "Yes . . . of course . . . I mean, I should have known better . . ." Catherine trailed confusedly.

"No, no it's alright," Webb cut her off, smiling warmly at Catherine. "No harm done. Just be a little more careful next time, okay?"

Webb flashes his most charming smile and Catherine returned one equally as warm. "Now, Catherine – why don't you and Rabb run ahead with the luggage? I need to talk to Vera for a sec."

I could guess what he was going to say – but I wanted to hear him actually say it, so though I promptly took Vera's luggage too, I lingered behind halfway to hear them. In one ear Catherine rattled on about a new dress she had bought at some sale next day and she got a way wonderful price for it and in the other I could hear – however faintly, the strong ringing tone of jealousy. Or was it just me?

* * *

**Mac and Jake's apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Truth or dare, Mac?"

I lay sprawled on one of the longer couch in the living room, Jake's long six foot something body on the shorter one (aren't I evil?) and both of us filling our stomachs with greasy meat lovers pizza from the parlor a block away. Now, Jake knows how to eat. None of Harm's veggie delight – he goes for sausage, pepperoni, bacon, an extra layer of cheese and mushrooms.

"What?" I asked, beginning to munch on another slice. Now, I must admit – Jake was apprehensive about ordering two medium pizzas but by the looks of how much is left (not a lot) and the fact that Jake an I are still eating (however slowly) I estimate about two slices left.

"I said truth or dare," Jake repeated, taking a long swig of root beer. "Come on, you must have played this game some time when you were a kid."

"Well . . . yeah," I admitted, sitting up a little so that I wouldn't dribble coke down the front of my t-shirt. "But I was like fourteen and at a sleepover with a bunch of other hormonal adolescents."

"Hormonal _female _adolescents?" Jake asked with a glint in his eye.

"Forget it, Jake."

Jake sighed, grinning at me – I swear that smile could get him anywhere. "Oh, come on, Mac. Be a little fun. Truth or dare?"

I pause for a moment, considering my options. "Dare." Hey, I'm feeling wild.

Jake stares at me in obvious concentration – clearly that was not the answer he expected. "Alright, call Chloe up on the phone and tell her you're madly wildly passionately in love with the Admiral."

"No!" I immediately retorted in indignation, throwing a pillow at him. "And besides, how do you even know about Chloe?"

Jake gives me a pointed glare. "I sit at home all day with Harm and play go fish for quarters – I would _die _of boredom if it were not for some half-civilized conversation about you people."

"Conversation about us is only half-civilized?" I asked, my eyebrow rising.

Jake chuckled. "No, you're the half that's civilized. The other half Harm talks about himself."

I grin and we both laugh.

"Now seriously, Mac," Jake replied, handing me the phone. "Call up Chloe and tell her about your little crush on your commanding officer."

"Jake . . ." I trailed warningly.

Jake shoved the phone at me insistently. I pick it up and dial Chloe's phone number. "Hey, honey."

"Mac!" I'm greeted enthusiastically. "How's life?"

"Oh, good . . . good," I trail, staring at Jake who's making hand motions in the air for me to keep going. "Yeah, everything's good. Um, Chloe – I called to tell you something."

"Well, then go ahead," Chloe's voice is insistent.

I take in a deep breath and stare accusingly at Jake. "I am madly, wildly, and . . ." I stare at Jake and he mouths the word, "and _passionately_ in love with the Admiral. Love you, honey, bye."

I hung up as quickly as I could – blurting out the words as fast as I can and then slamming the phone down on the receiver. I feel like a teenager all over again – one forced to blurt out some nasty little secret to someone else. It sends blood rushing to my face. I've almost forgotten how good that feels.

Jake grins at me overtop of his rootbeer can. "Bravo, Ms. Mackenzie! Why I do declare you are a natural."

"Shut up, Jake," I replied, grabbing another slice of pizza. He stares at me incredulously – okay, so I've eaten my medium pizza and a little of his – and I shrug in response. "So, Jake . . . truth or dare?"

I suspect that Jake could sense that I wanted to get him back for the last dare so he very wisely picked truth. I paused a moment for thought and then smiled considerately at him. "Jake?"

"Uh huh."

"Have you ever been in love?"

The question catches him totally off guard. He chokes a little on the root beer he was downing. "What?"

I repeat the question firmly, taking in his body language with my eyes. "Have you ever been in love?"

Jake draws in a long and deep breath, staring at me with bright blue eyes – a cool exterior and yet underneath those powerful ocean shells, I see a very small wave of hurt. "Yes," he replied hesitantly.

"Who with?" I asked immediately.

"You can't do that," Jake responded instantly. "That's two questions. My turn."

"Oh, come on, Jake," I plead with him. "This was a two part question. Your next question to me can be two parts too."

Jake stared at me, somewhat reluctantly, but conceded with a nod of his head.

"So, come on, Jake," I prompted quietly, staring at him almost wisely. "Who?"

Jake's eyes momentarily flicked to the ground. He mumbled the response.

"Who?" I asked louder.

He mumbled again.

"Ugh, Jake, I can't hear you," I retorted angrily. "Who did you say?"

"I said Vera!" he hollered back leaving us both in rather stunned silence.

* * *

**Catherine's Car**

**Harm's POV**

"So, I said like to Stacey – you remember Stacey, don't you, Clay?" Catherine asked, as she steered the car loosely into the next lane.

"Um, the name rings a bell," Clay responded wearily – enough conversation with Catherine could do that to you. "Which one is she again?"

"Ugh, silly," Catherine teased, shoving Clay lightly on the shoulder (they were both up in the front seats). "She's the one with the frizzy red hair and the big boobs. You know, the one who's always throwing herself at your feat."

From beside me in the back seat I can hear Vera snigger. Clay shoots her a contemptuous look over his shoulder.

Yes, almost surprisingly we made it through that entire car drive without killing each other. But I can already see how the day's shaping up. I am going to have two power hungry exotically beautiful women living with me . . . who are fighting over _Clayton Webb. _Can this unfortunate world I live in get any more bizarre?

_Rrriiinnngg._

Vera unfolds her cell phone. "Azhad."

"_Let me speak to Webb."_

"Who is this?"

"_Jake."_

"Hey, Jake – what do you need Clay for?"

"_Just put him on."_

Jake's voice is clearly agitated. "Whatever you need to say to Clay you can say to me too."

"_Dammit, Vera! Just put him on!" _

"Alright, jeez . . ." Vera replies sarcastically and hands the phone over to Webb. "Jake, for you."

"What is it, Holter?" Clay droned.

"_I don't wanna do it, Mac," _Jake could be heard whispering. "_Oh, come on – a little human empathy here . . ."_

"Jake?"

A long pause and then . . . "_I love you, Clay. I love you with all my heart. I love you so passionately that I just want to reach out and smother you in kisses."_

And just like that the line disconnected. Webb looked at the phone in disgust. "What _is _going on over there?"

* * *

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Alright, alright, you dared me," Jake droned, putting the phone back down. "Now, because I have had both a dare and a truth question – you've got to answer a truth."

I sighed, taking another long swig of coke. "Hit me."

Jake looked me squarely in the eye. "Are you in love with Harm?"

The question hits me like a punch in the stomach. I literally deflate before his eyes. "What kind of question is that?" I asked, my nerves on end.

"A simple question," Jake retorted, his eyebrow rising. "Do. You. Love. Harm?"

I suck in a long breath. "Yes, but . . ."

Jake lets out a whoop of victory.

"No, but Jake, I need to tell you something," I whispered. Maybe it was the dead seriousness in my voice, or the tears that had formed in my eyes – unshed, but still there. He stopped in his tracks.

"See, it all happened when we were in Venice . . ."

* * *

**A/N: I suppose you people have all now become accustomed to my everyday/every two days posting schedule! I'm so sorry we're going to have to pause the story . . . I'll update if I can over the week but I can't promise it, I'll be busy with my relatives. I swear I will post if I have time but I might just not. I hope you all understand and send me your thoughts on this chapter!**

**LaniXLoveNPainX: **Yeah, well – I don't know who it will end up being protecting who. Jake protecting Mac or Mac protecting Jake! Lol, it'll be an interesting ride with two of them . . . thanx for reviewing!

**Reni-Maniac: **Vera and her pink hair, I forgot! Dammit, now I have to go insurt that somewhere . . . thanks for reminding me! Lol

**Froggy0319: **thanks for the compliments – this chapter was fun writing. I'll be distant this next week – but as soon as it's over, I promise, good long and fast chapters for everyone!

**Radiorox: **Ah, I promise – I'll lay of the crack. You can just put down the rubber hose . . . yes, that's it, put it down . . . lol. Humor chapters are way too fun to write.

**Aj: **thanks a lot – this chapter was for you!

**Jaggurl: **Ah, wouldn't we love it if life's that way? You're right – their reunion won't be that easy – but it'll be worth it in the end.

**Abigaile: **hoping they get together . . . you and me both. But it's never easy (doesn't that suck?). But Harm will definitely keep a low profile while in Virginia. As in – don't step out of the house – kind of low profile. Lol

**Dansingwolf: **Okay, I don't recall ever telling you this – maybe I did 'cause you've been reviewing me forever – but I LOVE your name. Seriously, I think it's just wickedly awesome. Anyways . . . I know what you mean on the Bollywood scale. My Dad is Indian and he's the biggest bollywood nut you'll ever meet. Him and my sister combined. Me – JAG any day. But my dad's in Indian so my sister wants me to take her to movies and I have no idea what's good any more (because believe me – I'm not sitting through a three hour movie just to watch a couple of people sing songs in a language I don't understand (can't speak Hindi for the life of me . . . okay, I can string together a few sentences)) But as for the stress I feel over this story . . . let's put it this way – I love reviews, I love getting reviews, I love _long _reviews (your last one was brilliant, by the way) it's just – the only draw back is when I write some six page chapter and I'm absolutely exhausted I have to probably type another three pages up of responding to twenty reviews from the last chapter! But it's a small price to pay for the feeling you get when you hear someone's appreciating your work.

**Snugglebug: **ah, believe me – in my mind I'm already forming the beautiful scene where Harm finds out about Mac . . . it's coming . . . you know, eventually. Lol

**MartizaCarmichael: **ah yes, the irony an author can put into the plot? Lol, hope you liked this chapter.

**Alix33: **I don't know if you watch NCIS but I do . . . Gibbs showing sentiment is one of the very rare moments of television history! Lol, yes, Harm plays the jealous card very well, doesn't he?

**KittyX: **Jake happens to be one of my favorite completely-created-by-me fictional characters (because of course Harm and Mac are my favorite fictionals) but I love Harm/Jake scenes and Jake/Mac scenes. I usually make them funny.

**Starryeyes10: **thank you.

**Bekka: **ah, vera and clay – my own little romance brewing. Don't worry – I've got a whole romantic plot laid out before them.

**Mommie: **wow, seriously . . . I mean, you were separated for three months? That's really harsh . . . I mean, I've never had anything like that happened to me – thank god – but . . . wow, yeah – it's good that you were able to talk to each other. I'm still going to keep Harm and Mac communication in the story but it's nice to know everything went okay with you. That's, that's really sad you couldn't see him for three months.

**Smithknk: **don't you just love Harm's reaction to everything? Keeps the story fast pace – especially when he's jealous.

**Daisymh: **hope you liked this chapter . . . not very long but hopefully it'll pass.

**AB: **a jealousy . . . a beautiful thing, don't you agree? Especially when it's harm who's developed the little green-eyed monster. Lol, good Harm-jealousy scenes to come. He doesn't know . . . yet.

**Bite Beccy: **Harm would have been nice – I mean, a touch impractical – but definitely nice. Lol, I hope you liked this chapter.


	18. DoOvers

**A/N: Okay, updating a little faster than I expected to . . . cheers. Alright, so one day faster's nothing to brag about – I take what I can get. I'm making this chapter rather short 'cause I don't have much time to spend at the moment. But look at this as a quick beginning to a REALLY long chapter for all you dedicated readers. (That excuse won't fly, will it? . . . nope, no, I didn't think so . . .)**

**Special thanks to all my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, and basketball babe8!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Mac's POV.**

**Do-Overs**

"You're . . . you're . . ." Jake is having trouble grasping the straws. "You're . . ." I nod. "You're pregnant?"

I sigh and pick up another slice of pizza. "I'm officially off coffee, I'm sick every morning, and I can smell _everything." _I shoot him a pointed glance. "By the way, you should have a shower."

"I did."

"Today?" I asked, my eyebrow raised. No response – I win.

"But . . . you're sure?" words come tumbling out of Jake's mouth. "With Harm's? I mean . . . god, Mac – this complicates things."

"You don't think I know that?" I snapped. Oh yeah, did I mention mood swings?

Jake gives me a fleeting sympathetic glance and I realize at that moment that this must be what Jake looks like when he's down to earth serious. Expressionless. "I . . . I need to call Vera."

"Don't." I speak so quickly my mind doesn't even have time to form a conclusion.

"_Mac_ . . ."Jake trails.

"Ugh!" I blurt, shoving my head into my lap and wrapping my arms around my knees. I can't help it – I'm frustrated. "I don't want everything to be so complicated! I want it to be the way they used to!"

I realize how childish I sound and the embarrassment comes instantly – no one can help what's happening – but why do these things always have to happen to _me?_ "I mean, life should have do overs."

"Do overs?" Jake's eyebrow rises.

"Yeah." The concept hangs well with me. "Don't you have any regrets about the past? Anything you would like to do differently?" I stare at her intently.

Jake looks at me considerately. "Everyone has those."

I lean back against the couch and sigh, my mind heavily laden with thought. "What's yours?"

Jake laughed hollowly. "I only get to pick one?"

"Humor me and pick the biggest one."

Jake took a long swig of root beer, savoring the bitter taste with a grim smile upon his face. "Paris, eight years ago – Vera wanted to go the next step with me, but my job was going to take me away to Cuba for months. It was a dangerous mission – I could have no contact with the outside world. I didn't want her to go through that." Jake sighed heavily. "I rejected her . . . as gently as I could. She never looked back and I . . . every day since."

Since the moment I'd met Jake, I had taken in the charismatic smile, the Brad Pitt-ish features, and his passive take on life. It had been refreshing to meet someone with an obvious weight on his shoulders take the responsibility so lightly. There was an incredible depth to him.

"What about you?"

I turned to see his piercing blue eyes boring down upon me. I hadn't realized I'd been out of it for so long. "Me, I don't know – I have many."

Jake grinned at me. "Pick your biggest one."

I linked eyes with him, trying to guess what was going through his mind. An impossible task, I quickly realized. He may not act it, but he IS a spook. "I don't know . . . I suppose it was the fact that whenever I came upon something good, I let it slip right through the cracks between my fingertips."

"I take it we aren't just talking about a beautiful shoe sale you missed out on?" Jake asked, semi-humorously.

I sighed. "What can I say, Jake? I only wanted three things out of life: a good job, a good man, and lots of comfortable shoes. Don't even joke about taking away one of the two I already have."

"You don't have all three?"

"Hey, this is supposed to be do overs," I grumbled. "If I had all three I wouldn't be sitting here in a nauseatingly ugly apartment, drinking warm soda, and mulling over the miseries of the past."

Jake smiled and looped an arm around me. "My my, Mac. What a ray of sunshine you are."

* * *

**28 Belleville Drive, Virginia**

**Harm's POV**

"Clay, she's a ditzy, narcissistic, idiotic –" a rich feminine voice floats into the room.

"Don't even finish that sentence," Clay's voice deadens Vera's. "And do you mind keeping your voice down? You're screaming."

Yes, I admit it, I'm pathetic. Here I am, a full grown man, his ear pasted to the room vent, as if I'm ten years old and beginning the practice of eavesdropping on his fighting parents. I can't imagine what I look like. My six foot body is bent over, my eyes blinking back the tears that had formed from the cold wind blowing up into my face – but the fact remained that it was the only way I could hear Clay and Vera.

"Well then fine, Clay! You stay here all day with Harm and that conceited nitwit while I go to work and then we'll see who's yelling at whom!" I hear the slump of something hard hitting the ground and then the loud hollow ring of footsteps. No doubt Vera just walked out on him. I barely had time to straighten up before she stormed into my room.

"Who does he think he is? The president of the whole friggin United States?" Her eyes are dark and wild. "What does he see in that hussy anyway? She can't see past the front of her sky pointed nose."

I lay down on my bed, and pat the pillow next to me. Vera gives in reluctantly. She sits on the edge of my bed and I can see through her eyes that she's internally fuming. Her auburn hair stands out brightly against her flaming cheeks. She's hellishly mad.

"I don't get it, Harm," she says finally, almost softly, a small voice ringing true through her usual loud and demanding one. "I can't see what he sees in her."

I laugh softly and put a comforting arm around Vera (I mean, how many times has she done that to me?). "Vera, you're not a guy. Some guys are just drawn to women for reasons they can't explain."

Like me and Renee. What DIDI ever see in her?

The explanation does nothing to satisfy Vera. "She's blonde, she's gorgeous, and she lets Clay take the lead. That's the only reason he wants her."

I sigh consentingly. "That may be true but considering Clay, I highly doubt it." I flash my most charming smile. "He's not been known to date blonds and all the women that have ever given him the time of day I have never known to back down from a fight."

So what if I'm thinking about Mac when I say this? She DID date him.

"Well, if those two are going to be all lovey-dovey while they're here, they can kiss my ass good-bye. I'm not going to stand for it." Vera's back to her usual brisk manor and is already getting up from the edge of my bed.

I laugh softly to myself and Vera turns around, her expression inquiring.

"Jealousy isn't your best color, Azhad," I whispered, my eyes twinkling almost daringly. "Wear it only when warranted."

For a minute I see an emotion flicker in Vera's eyes but almost as quickly as it comes, it disappears. "Honestly, Rabb, I have no idea what you're talking about. And as far as I can tell, I don't want to find out."

Is that ever the truth. I follow her outside the door and into the kitchen. Yes, I'm preparing myself for a wild ride.

* * *

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Penny for your thoughts."

I have learned one thing over the last three hours I've spent with Jake: he can't stop talking. Not for one split second. I glance over at him frowning slightly, "My thoughts would definitely not be the best investment you'll ever make."

"Well, I've got backups . . . my own thoughts," he added when I stared at him pointedly.

"And I suppose those are _absolute _backups."

"Oh funny, Mackenzie. Keep sticking it to my pride," Jake chortled, staring at me both accusingly and innocently at the same time.

"As long as the ego keeps growing, I'll keep sticking," I assured him, taking a long sip of coke. Jake laughed at my comment but broke off almost immediately.

"Seriously, Mac – what are you thinking about?"

I'm touched by the sincerity in his voice, but maybe it's just my emotions going over-drive again. It seems to be happening a lot to me lately. "I want to call a do-over, Jake."

"On what?"

"I need to do something, I need to rectify my problem." Despair leaks into my voice. "I have no clue in hell what I'm going to do about being pregnant and it's not fair that the decision should be mine. It should be both of ours."

"Where are you going with this?" Jake looks a little scared.

"I need to talk to him."

Jake's convinced I'm plain crazy. "You can't talk to Harm."

"I can and will." My voice is dangerously close to threatening. "Look," I whispered vehemently, my eyes drawing Jake's to mine. "This is Harm and my baby. And it's not fair that I should have to make all these decisions, and it's not fair that I'm going to have to head down this road at this time, and dammit, it's not fair that I have to do this by myself!"

Damn these mood swings. Damn life. I'm literally sobbing now.

"Why can't God just cut me a break once in a while? Why does he make life so damn hard to _live_?" I'm stressing my words with such empowering force that Jake's quite literally frightened for me.

He wraps one arm around me in a futile attempt to hug me but I pull away, unwilling to be held. "No, dammit, I don't want to be comforted! I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me that it's alright and it's okay and everything will be all fine and dandy when it's a perfect lie and – dammit, Jake, stop looking at me like that!"

And just like that, the mood swings over. I emotionally deflate onto the couch. Jake very bravely puts one arm around me and holds me until my body stops shaking. "Mac, I want to let you know," he says softly and into my air (I'm leaning at an awkward angle). "That no matter what decision you make, I'm going to be there backing you up. I know you'll make the right one for you because I know you – and I know that you'll consider every possibility before you make your decision and that's something I admire and I respect you for."

Jake has an incredibly soothing voice. I pull away from him with a grateful smile. My eyes are red from crying and my cheeks are tearstained. I laugh shakily, "thanks, Jake."

"Any time, Marine."

I'm struck powerfully by the last word. For a minute there I could have sworn Harm said that. But Harm and Jake are very different people – I know that. Yet they both possess that incredibly rare power of being able to make me feel good about myself when around them. I wiped my eyes, "I think I'm going to head off to bed. I'm kind of tired and I've got to go to work tomorrow."

Jake smiles at me. "Yeah, I should probably go to sleep too. I'm . . . planning on meeting someone for breakfast."

A curious glint appears in my eyes. "Would this someone happen to be a girl?"

"Let's just say this someone is . . . yes, rather of the feminine species." Jake winks mysteriously. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll use the phone."

"Go ahead," I called as I left the living room. "I'm going to go have a shower."

Jake waited until he heard the rush of water from the shower before picking up the phone and dialing a what was soon to become familiar number. "Clay? It's Jake. Look, I'm going to come by your place in the morning tomorrow . . . I've got to talk to you about something . . . yes, definitely important."

* * *

**A/N: yes, I know, this chapter wasn't long at all. Ah well, I promise, next time a longer and better chapter. All you've got to do is review and tell me what you think about this one. Any feedback is appreciated. **

**Cille: **I'll try and get in a fair share of humor in this story as well as the drama to make it well rounded. I really like well-rounded stories. If you're looking for a good one, you should read 'A Ride to Nowhere, part I' by 'browneyeez'. I swear it's brilliant (god, I sound like I'm advertising something).

**Basketball Babe8: **no, I don't write anything other than JAG. But I'll work on it . . . actually, no, I'm pretty content with writing JAG. What can I say, JAG's the best.

**HighHeel Shoe Lover: **shoe fly, don't bother me.

**Reni-Maniac: **believe me, with two women fighting over Clay, and with Harm living in the same household, all of them will be running for the hills before they know it! lol

**marineJAG: **lol, we all worry about Jake's reaction to the news – imagine Clay's next chapter!

**Laura: **cliffhangers cruel? Oh, you tear my heart out. I love cliffhangers (as you can probably tell). lol, well I didn't leave a cliffhanger this chapter. But who knows what the future will hold . . . (I'll stop taunting you . . . promise).

**Alix33: **ah yes, feet and feat – will you let me get away with nothing? Lol, did you find any mistakes in this chapter? I read over this chapter before posting this time. I really did (and she fails to mention the fact that it's two am her time and she's practically falling asleep at her keyboard).

**Starryeyes10: **thanks.

**xLoveNPainx: **yeah, I had basically the same ending on this chapter as I had on the other chapter, didn't I? hmm . . . next chapter'll be bet (and you can hold me to that).

**MaritzaCarmichael: **hope you loved this chapter too!

**Froggy0319: **Ah, the Harm and Mac reunion . . . into the future (but how far is the question . . .? lol). Alright, I didn't update as quickly as possible, but it's good to know you're still here to read.

**Eggy weg: **thanks, hope you liked this chapter too.

**KittyX: **sorry it took me so long to write this – but I hope you enjoyed it.

**Steelo: **so you caught up in the reviews! lol, hurry up with Deadly Turns . . . (not so patiently waiting . . .)

**Dansingwolf: **Seriously, I love the reviews. I mean, I love the entire concept of reviews. And I've gotten into the practice of not writing long replies to reviews to conserve energy (I always make an exception with yours though . . . your replies are really fun to write – not work at all). Sometimes I find it really hard to keep to the story line – I find myself wandering these days – but it's always Harm that brings me back to the picture. I don't know why – I guess it's just because I've made him ignorant for the past few chapters – not knowing what Abbas was up to, about Mac and Jake, and poor Harm doesn't even know the details about Vera and Webb (though I suppose no one does . . . except for me (I'll rectify that soon)). So when I think about how little Harm knows I realize what more facts should be exposed and then I'm right on track again! My own twisted kind of logic. You know, I was still righting EL when I came up with the idea of 'Full Throttle' and I played around with it for a little while, developed a few characters (it was in India that I actually started writing it in a notebook) but I never came up with Jake. Vera I had made right from the beginning, I knew what her purpose in the story would be but when I came to . . . I don't know which chapter it was, I needed someone to drive Harm to Padua so I just created Jake on the spot. He was supposed to enter one chapter and leave the next but he and his Harley Davidson drove their way into my heart! What can I say, some characters you just get attached to (I know I'm sounding nuts here). Okay, I've kind of got to respond to the other reviews so I'll end what was supposed to be a medium sized reply (so much for sticking to the plot . . . lol)

**Jaggurl: **how's a quick chapter on Sunday to get you prepared for a really long chapter on Tuesday? (She suggests hopefully)

**Daisymh: **I'm sorry I kept you waiting for so long – but I hoped this chapter satisfied you until I get my next one out (hopefully no more than two days).

**Bail's Other Daughter: **You like Jake too? Yeah, a couple people have told me that – I really didn't expect him to be as big a hit as he is. Seriously, I didn't. He was just going to be a stand in for one chapter but then he and his Harley Davidson became permanent. What can I say – everything happens for a reason. Lol – hope you liked this chapter.

**Snugglebug: **ah, a super cotton candy sweet romance! (what a mouthful). I'll see what I can do! (I prefer to remain mysterious in the ways of the future . . . lol, I can't pull of that whole gypsy thing. I'll spare you and stop trying).

**Confused: **don't be sorry – if things don't make sense to you feel free to ask questions. I'm always here to answer.

**Sugar230: **I can't wait for Harm to find out too. 'Course, I should probably write that scene pretty soon (I think everyone wants me to) and if I don't in the next few chapters I do believe I'll be hit pretty hard by the verbal baseball bats. Lol


	19. From Past to Present

**A/N: Hey all, yes – updating Tuesday, just like you all wanted . . . 'kay, I just got back from soccer practice, I'm dead-to-the-world tired so maybe this chapter won't be as long as you've all (and I've) been hoping for but hey, it's coming to you quicker. **

**Thanks go out to my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, and basketball babe8! **

**Note: this chapter starts off in Vera Azhad's point of view (hey, something different, okay . . ?)**

**From Past to Present**

**0248 **

**28 Belleville Drive, Virginia**

_Hot. Very hot._

_I stumble through the hallway, tripping as my feet catch with each other. I stumble to the ground, my hands flying out in front of me to break my fall. The pain sets in immediately. But no, don't stay down – get up, get out, hurry._

_I'm running again, stumbling through the familiar halls. The heat is unbearable. My eyes sting from the sweat rolling down my face. My breath gets all choked up in my throat. I stop for a minute to cough, wheezing as painful tears roll down my face. Don't stop – never stop. Just get out – get out fast._

_My hands reach out in front of me as I run, breaking through the smoke. The heat is intense. Smoke and tears cloud my vision. I trip again, and fall. I can't get up. Help me. Someone, please, help me . . . _

_I lay crumpled on the ground, sobbing, hurting, dying . . . and then I feel hands grab me. I'm lurched forward, my small body being pulled up from the ground roughly, harshly. I cough as more smoke enters my lungs, clogging the entrance to my throat. My lips utter deep excruciating breaths. My eyes sting from the smoke. My hands grope out to touch the person holding me. _

"_Antonio?" I whispered through a raw throat._

_And then just like that I was flung. My body tore from the protectiveness of his arms and sailed through the window, the glass crashing into a million pieces around me. And I fell. It felt like eternity. My body was thrown wildly down from the window, the glass raining in small jagged shards around me. My vision spun, my hands groped the sky in front of me. And then . . . I fell._

_My body hit the ground with tremendous force. My legs laid crumpled in a twisted position, my arms flailing around my small body. The pain was immediate. It seared through my body, twisting and burning my flesh. My heart hammered inside my chest, pounding painfully against my skin. Don't give up . . . don't give up . . ._

_My eyelids closed. Darkness surrounded me. Don't give up . . . don't give up . . ._

_The little voice inside my head was dying. My body laid crumpled across the wet grass. The heat surrounded me. I could hear screaming, the voices, they'd somehow gotten inside my head. I could hear the magnitude of the fire, the roaring of the flames as it devoured my house. Don't give up . . . don't give up . . ._

_But the darkness was so close. It loomed up in front of me, barely an arm length away. How inviting it looked, the dark. So calm, so peaceful, so safe. I would never feel anything again. No pain, no anguish, nothing . . ._

_Don't give up . . . don't give up . . ._

_My body relaxed, my back to the grass and my arms flung somewhere around my head. The pain was intense, shooting through my body from all angles. It would be so easy to give in now. No more heat, no more pain, just the beautiful blanket of the nothingness . . ._

_And then I saw them, in my mind, the dark graying man with laughing eyes but a serious smile and beside him the small slight woman with the fiery hair and the soft soothing voice. Their faces loomed before my vision, visible through the enormity of the smoke and untouched by the strength of the heat. Don't give up . . . not now . . . don't go . . ._

_My arm lifted, my hands stretched out in front of me. Their faces were within my finger's grasp. No, you can't go . . . what will I do . . . don't go . . . don't leave me. "Madre!" I cried through the shrill shriek of the fire. "Padre!"_

_My small body racked in sobs. I shook on the ground, my limbs trembling but my heart not willing to let go. No, don't give up . . . don't go . . . "Mother! Father!"_

_Don't go . . . don't leave me . . . please . . . _

_I could feel my brain numbing, my body giving in. It was only a matter of time now. The darkness swirled around me, clouding my vision, engulfing my body. I saw the darkness, I breathed the darkness, I was the darkness . . . _

_But no, DON'T LET GO!_

_I shrieked. My voice cut through the crackling of the flames, the shrieks of the fire, the rumble of the voice around me. My eyes were wild, my voice was harsh. God, help me . . . save me . . ._

_And then I felt strong hands circle around my waist, pulling me up from the ground, lifting me from the wet burning grass. I was sobbing, my breath caught in my throat, and hot angry tears burning my cheeks. "Madre!" my voice was so soft and so lost against the cruelty of the fire. "Padre!"_

"_Shh." The man's voice was strangely comforting – like a breath of fresh air in a sky filled with smoke. "It'll be okay."_

_His bright blue eyes flashed as he held me in his arms, carrying me swiftly through the glowing flames. "My name is Lieutenant AJ Chegwidden and you're going to be just fine."_

_My body eased to his arms, slowly giving way to the fatigue of the pain. My eyelids closed almost reluctantly, my body becoming loose and unresponsive. The darkness was slowly fading, diminishing against the power of the light. My head rested upon the man's shoulder. Help me . . ._

My eyes snapped open – instantly engulfed by the darkness of the room. My heart was pounding within my chest. Sweat drenched my lower back and all across my forehead. I lay there in the bed, shaking almost numbly. The heat – immeasurable. And the pain . . . unbearable . . .

My breath kept catching in my throat as I laid there shaking, my covers drawn up against my body and my head buried in my sweat drenched pillow. No, don't think about the darkness . . . don't think about how close it was . . . don't think about anything.

Slowly, I stood up. My legs were shaky and I kept falling back against the bed but I managed to straighten myself. My body trembled. Soundlessly I exited my room, creeping quietly down the hall so as not to wake anyone. The silence was deafening. I walked slowly to his room, willing myself to stand before his door. The wood was foreboding, as if telling me to go away.

But I couldn't. I needed him . . . I needed him to make the pain go away. How I long I stood there I didn't know. My arm raised a little, my clenched fist just an inch away from the door and then I lowered it. He would be sleeping – I shouldn't wake him. Not for something as stupid as this.

But he hadn't thought it stupid last time, had he? Well, I didn't know. Neither of us had ever mentioned it again . . . but then again – wasn't that all the more reason to do it? I was filled with a new found self confidence. I raised my fist once more, barely an inch away from the face of the door and then . . .

"Oh, come on, Catherine . . ." Clay's voice floated through the security of his door. Childish, almost playful. It cut through me like ice.

"No, no I will not . . . oh for god's . . . oh, yes, that feel's good . . ." Clay broke off with a loud, long, leisurely sigh. I physically deflated. _No, God, no . . . _

I'm running down the hall. I don't care how damn noisy I am – it seems like everyone's up anyway. I bolt down the corridor, swinging wildly into a left turn as I'm faced with another door. This one I have no second thoughts about opening. I fling open the door and rush in, shutting it rather loudly behind me.

"Vera?" a groggy voice greets me.

"Oh, Harm." I fling myself onto his bed in totally despair and then shove him over because he's taking up too much room. He moves obligingly though perhaps that's just because his eyes are heavily laden with sleep. "I think I made the worst mistake of my life."

"Huh?" Harm grunts as he slams his face into his pillow. Lord, help me.

"Harm. Get. Up!" I punctuate every word with a slap on his back. He turns over and gives me one of those pushes that aren't actually meant to hurt anyone, but merely to gesture the fact that your presence is not welcome. I ignore him. "Please, Harm . . ." He rolls over. "It's about Mac . . ."

He turns towards me, the fringe of his dark hair falling in front of his eyes. "You're lying."

"Am not," I defend. I glare at him and Harm sits up a little in his bed, resting his back on his pillow. "See, Mac's old boyfriend? Yeah, I'm having a few problems with him . . ."

Harm groaned. Tonight was going to be a long night . . .

* * *

**0927**

**28 Belleville Drive, Virginia**

**Webb's POV**

I open the door to find an unusually cheerful Jake greeting me. He's wearing a clean shirt, he's not clad in jeans, and his hair sports the faint traces of perhaps a brushing this morning? Good lord, Mac's trained him faster than she did that old dog of hers.

"Good morning."

Jake's grin is unbearable. "Shut up," I mumble. "We've got about forty minutes till Catherine and Harm are expected back – Catherine took him to headquarters about ten minutes ago. So let's hurry up and discuss whatever damn thing you came to torture us with this morning."

I hold open the door for him and Jake enters, his hands stuffed in the pockets of a pair of khaki pants. I didn't even _know _that Jake possessed one pair of pants that weren't denim.

"Wow, you're in a bad mood," Jake commented lightly, promptly swinging open the fridge door and taking a sip right out of the carton. He lowered the carton slightly, revealing a quite obvious milk moustache and then flashes me a grin. "Up late last night?"

I roll my eyes and slump down into my chair at the kitchen table. "You could say that . . . ugh, my back acted up again last night."

Jake flashes me a sympathetic look but one that clearly read 'wow, he's getting _old' _which I really don't appreciate considering the fact that Jake is only two years younger than me – but of course _he _still rides a Harley Davidson and acts as if he's a twenty-something grad student let out fresh into the world who still drinks out of milk cartons and wears Grateful Dead t-shirts and does their laundry like once a month. No, I don't appreciate criticism from those type of people. Grateful Dead t-shirts . . . my god.

"And then I was hobbling through the hall to get an icepack for my back thinking it might help when Catherine saw me and insisted on giving me some sort of body massager thingy."

I shrug my shoulders. After all, I am a guy – and not quite accustomed to the world of the heavenly mechanical masseuse. "I was up till close to three o'clock on the phone with Catherine getting operating instructions," I yawned. Vera entered the room, walking rather quickly and not stopping to catch my eye.

"But, believe me, once I got it running . . . wow," I told Jake. Vera spun around, an absolutely disgusted look upon her face. Wow, what's eating her?

"All last night, man, I'm telling you," I said, wiping my eyes and taking another sip of coffee. "From three a.m. till when I woke up this morning."

Jake raises an eyebrow. "That good, huh?"

I nodded to Jake, but at the same time taking note of the expression of utter disgust on Vera's face. What _is _the matter with her? Maybe she hasn't had her coffee yet. Yes, that's probably it.

"You know, if you want to try – I can ask Catherine for you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind . . ." I begin but I'm almost immediately cut off by Vera.

"That's it, you freaking sick pig!" Vera screams. I swear in a galaxy far far away, a glass just shattered. "Ugh, I can't stand you two! You idiotic egotistical males and your possession of female property! Why do all men have to be such jerks?"

And she stalks off through the door but not before telling Jake to quit his sexy manliness in drinking out of the carton and to just for-mother-of-#$'s sake to just _drink out of a glass. _Needless to say both Jake and I are speechless.

"Wow," Jake whispered after a silent moment where he promptly grabs a glass and begins to pour. "And I thought _you _were in a bad mood."

"What was that about 'possession of female property'?" I asked, mildly windblown from the angry tornado that had just swept in and swept out of our kitchen. "For God's sake, it's a portable back massage thing."

"Perhaps it's sacred to the female clan," Jake said wisely, sipping from a glass now. "And we stupid males must not know of the key to holding their civilization together – the portable back massage thingy!"

I throw the empty milk carton at him. "You're an idiot."

I stare back at the empty hallway where Vera had disappeared into. "She's not acting herself . . ." I whispered thoughtfully, my gaze not leaving the hall. "I don't know . . ." I sigh. "Maybe she's pregnant and her hormones are all out of whack."

I look over at Jake, expecting maybe a laugh or some sort of witty female-discriminating comment but instead I see that beneath the light sprinkle of freckles that decorate his face, he's pale. He opens his mouth but not a sound comes out. And then, "Clay, about what I came to talk to you about . . ."

And the next words out of his mouth cause my jaw to drop.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I'm evil, aren't I? That's what you're all thinking right now. I know, I know, I said I was going to have Clay's reaction in this chapter but then I got tied up with all the other stuff so – yes, I know this chapter wasn't the longest either – but I will strive to make a chapter over six pages next time! (this one was five and a half not including the review responses). But, anyways – review and tell me what you think. Any opinions are welcome. I work off of constructive criticism. Please, don't hold back. **

**marineJAG: **I'm so sorry I didn't get to Clay's reaction this chapter. I was definitely going to do it but then I realized that if I wrote it in this chapter it would lead to so many other things and I couldn't possibly stop right in the middle so – I just had to break it off there. But next chapter – I will DEFINITELY have Clay's reaction!

**Reni-Maniac: **I know where you're coming from on the baby-front (pretty much everyone else's reviews were 'she CAN'T give up the baby' – which I completely understand and everything). Still . . . what will the future hold . . ? lol (I won't tell you what will happen next but I think you'll like it, okay?)

**Snugglebug: **Okay, so I know Harm didn't find out about the baby this chapter . . . and as a warning, he might not even find out next chapter – but you'll certainly get a reaction. I mean it, the mother of all reactions.

**Bail's Other Daughter: **omg, I don't know how many people have told me they're falling for Jake but ahh! I mean seriously . . . lol. You're falling for my fictional character! But seriously – as soon as this story's done – I have no problem with sending him over to your house. Lol

**Abigaile: **aint it lovely when a spook shows he has a heart? Lol – now about this giving-them-a-break-letting-them-talk-to-each-other thing . . . we'll see . . . the future is already mapped out . . . (okay, I'll stop writing, I'm getting weird again).

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Alix33: **OMG, you're an HP fan too? Wow – I'm like – well, okay, next to JAG, it is my number one obsession (again, next to JAG). Are you shipper for anyone in the book? (just wondering, you know . . .) But seriously, four days! I'm flipping out already. And don't worry – I don't mind being the brunt of your frustration (I happen to take out my fury on like a hundred people all at once and then I'm quiet as a lamb – people actually find it amusing, that gets me ticked off). But I have been making it my best effort to read over my chapters before I post them but, you know . . . there are always corrections (and I'm eternally grateful for you pointing them out).

**DD2: **Tuesday soon enough for you? Lol, hope you liked this chapter.

**MaritzaCarmichael: **thanks, hope you liked this chapter!

**LovexNxPain: **ah, food . . . wonderful stuff ain't it? (especially like French vanilla ice cream with frozen berries on top) lol, hope you liked this chap!

**Jaggurl: **I'm so sorry you're disappointed with this chapter. Five and a half pages, who am I kidding – that's not long at all. But I'll try and do better next time – lots longer and I'll definitely get a Mac scene in there! (didn't have any mac this chapter)

**Sugar230: **was this an evil ending to? If so . . . mwahahaha – Nix prevails! Lol – more to come, hopefully quicker, longer, better. It's summer vacation so I've got a lot of time on my hands. Four days till The Half Blood Prince! I'm seriously singing!

**Steelo: **you're like the hundredth person to tell me that they like Jake! I mean _seriously. _He's F.I.C.T.I.O.N.A.L. Repeat after me – _fictional. _And second of all . . . I know no second – lol, I gotta post To London With Love. It's been a really long time since I've added to that.

**Froggy0319: **I promise you a Harm reaction some time soon (I'd be lying if I thought it was the next chapter – but you really never know). I thought I was going to get clay's reaction in this chapter but things didn't work out that way. It's good to know you like this story so much. It means a lot to me.


	20. If I Had

**A/N: Hey all – okay, no, I'm not high at the moment. Swear to it, I'm not. Now, I'm aware that where many of you live, it's _already _July 16th but here in Canada, nope, I've got a few hours so I just NEEDED to update. You know, to get it all out. My excitement, I mean.**

**Props to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, and Strawberry Kittens!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Mac's POV ('cause I know I lacked her part of the story last chapter – here's to make up for it all!)**

**If I Had**

I have never eaten so much in my life. And that's saying something.

I sit here on our god ugly maroon couch with a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream watching a rerun of the show _Charmed. _You know, I never did see the attraction of it. Charmed, I mean. A bunch of witches running around trying to do good while still keeping their slim figure to fit into their tights or whatever it is they wear? Harriet always like the show. She's one of those people. But now, as I sit here with my hormones taking charge of my body, I'm truly able to appreciate it. And, you know, if pregnancy's supposed to but a crimp in your social life – so be it. There is compensation. For example, I can eat however many tubs of ice cream I want because a) I can blame it on cravings and b) I'm going to get fat anyway – I'll lose all the weight afterwards (that's the plan, anyway).

I wonder where Jake is. I mean, I'm not worried about him. Really, I'm not. I don't even know him that well. I met him for a few days in Italy. No biggie. And now I've been living with him for a week. I guess it's just because that even a little time with Jake makes you feel like you know him forever. He's just got _that _type of a personality. You can talk to him once and feel like you've had the same conversation a million times. And it's not boring or anything – it's just comfortable.

I look at the clock on the wall. 12:30. No, I'm not worried. But I AM curious. Jake's been missing a lot lately. I don't mean to be nosey or anything. But with my hormones on end and having lately been seriously lacking a social life, I was rather craving a good story. And I didn't just mean the _Charmed _kind. I mean a real life and blood kind.

I wonder if it's a girl. Jake seemed like the kind of guy that would spend a lot of time with a girl. Or, well, maybe not a LOT of time – with him being uprooted every six months or so, but when he found someone that suited him, he did spend a lot of time with them. Jake seemed to be one of those generally nice guys. And having had much experience in the dating world, those really are very hard to come by. Except for Harm, of course. But things were really always very different with him. But that's what you want, right? Someone different from the rest?

Oh, I'm too hormonal. Do you think banana would go well with cookie dough ice cream? I think it would. Banana and . . . jelly beans. Yes, that's right. I made Jake run out at one a.m. yesterday to buy me jellybeans. He was sweet about it though. In the tired-semi-disgruntled type of way.

The sound of the door opening and closing jogs me out of my reveries. Jake comes striding in wearing a pair of tight fit Levi jeans and a navy button down shirt, not bothering to tuck it in. So completely Jake.

He empties out the contents of a Zehrs bag. (A/N: I don't know if you guys have Zehrs, where you live but it's like a gigantic . . . supermarket. Or a gigantic Safeway. If you all know what Safeway is.) "Hello, my Pregnant Princess."

Yes, he's become accustomed to these names and such. I elbowed him in the ribs the first time he called me 'Lady of the Loo' because I was peeing so damn much. But, I've come to realize that these names are actually meant to be somewhat affectionate, coming from Jake and all. "Ah, and if it isn't Prince Charming with paper towels and chunky monkey ice cream."

He grins at me and I take a temporary break from my cookie dough to try out a little chunky monkey. "So," I asked, slumping into a chair by the counter and digging a spoon into the ice cream (still in the carton.) "Where were you?"

Jake has his back to me as he empties out the rest of the bag of groceries. "Shopping."

"You were gone for eight hours shopping?" I asked, one eyebrow pointed to the sky. "Jeez, Jake. Next time just make a list like normal people."

Jake tries to look offended but fails to do so. "Well, I wasn't _just _shopping."

"Uh huh."

Jake takes a spoon and attempts to join me in my ice cream high but I bat him away with my spoon. I can hear him muttering something about mean pregnant ladies under his breath but I shoot him a pointed glare and he stops. "I was working."

"On?"

"My, aren't you the inquisitive one?" Jake grins. I've gotten used to Jake's play book. Stalling for time – smile. In trouble – smile. Asking questions – smile. Needless to say, Jake and Harm must have taken the same social class in high school.

"Na, I'm just plain nosey, now come on, what were you working on?" I inch the tub of ice cream a little closer to him as some form of bate. But Jake's not biting today.

"I'd tell you, except I wouldn't want to bore you," Jake retorts. I open my mouth to retaliate but Jake immediately stuffs a spoon of chunky monkey into it before I can get a word out.

"Besides," he said airily. "I bought you a present."

He reaches into the backpack he's taken to wearing and pulls out a large white book. 'BABY NAMES' is printed on the front. "And I know you said that you didn't want to decide on a name without Harm but . . . you know, there's nothing wrong with just looking. To get an idea of some names that _you _might like."

I smile at him. "That was really thoughtful of you, Jake."

"Not to mention kind and sweet," Jake grinned and took the absence of my spoon in the ice cream to be an invite for his. "So, have you decided whether you're going to find out the sex?"

I take an extra long time swallowing my spoon of ice cream. "I don't know . . . I don't want to find out without Harm. But at the same time I'm kind of . . . interested, you know? I really really want to know. But it just doesn't seem fair to Harm that HE couldn't know, too."

Jake nods silently. He doesn't want to tell me what he's thinking. I'm not so sure I want to know. A really long stretch of silence follows.

"You know, if I had a girl," Jake suddenly interrupts, fingering the bowl of ice cream rather than looking me in the eye. "I'd name her Jane."

I smile at him. "Why Jane?"

Jake shrugged. "I was a big Tarzan fan when I was little. You know? And Jane was . . . I don't know. She was real nice, in the adventurous kind of way. Kind of what I always pictured my daughter would be like. Sweet but spunky. Jane seemed to fit."

I nod, the name 'Jane' playing through my head, slowly and savoring every letter. "It's a pretty name."

Jake nods. He still won't meet my eyes.

"And if you had a boy?"

Jake looks up and grins at me. "I'd name him after me, of course. Need you ask?"

I push lightly on his shoulder. "You and your ego."

"Hey, Harm has a gigantic ego and you still love him," Jake accuses for and for a long moment I fall silent. I swear, you can hear the crickets through the open window. And we're on the SIXTH floor.

"Mac?" he whispers, like he thinks he's done something wrong.

I reflect a small saddened smile at him. "It's nothing, Jake. Really. I'm just wondering how he's doing and all. You know? I can't help it. He's. . ." I break off.

And Jake nods understandingly. "Don't worry, Mac. I'm sure our boy's doing fine . . ."

* * *

**0132**

**28 Belleville Drive, Virginia**

**Vera's POV**

"We _have _to tell him, Clay!" I whisper fiercely, my dark eyes flashing dangerously. "He has a right to know. He's the baby's _father, _Clay! This is _serious."_

"You don't think I know that?" Clay hissed back. "But you don't understand! Rabb will want to go help Mac and take care of the baby. And that will be it for him, Vera! Abbas's waiting out there somewhere . . . looking for some kind of weakness. Some sign. That was one of our only _advantages _right from the beginning! Harm's not married, he has no children, no really close family other than his mother and brother – and his brother's off the map, for God's sake! We can't _find _him. But a kid . . ." Clay's eyes are frantic. "That will change _everything."_

I'm mad now but I can see Webb's point of view and it's scaring me. "But he's a _father, _Clay. We owe it to him to tell him. We'll explain to him that he can't see Mac or the baby for fear of endangering him. Harm will understand. Harm will do anything to protect Mac and ditto goes for their baby. He'll cooperate. But we can't keep him in the dark likes this. Ignorance is dangerous, you said so yourself."

Clay looks at me very considerately and for a moment I thought he might give in but . . . "No. Rabb's driven by his emotions. He always has been – especially where Mac's concerned. He'll probably give himself up to Azhad before he lets one hair on Mac's head be hurt. He's stupid when it comes to love. He's irrational and it's _dangerous _when it comes to a situation like this. And not just to himself. Mac, and the baby, and even _us, _Vera."

I'm silent for a moment. Clay's eyes are passionate, but I know mine are too. Do I even dare detect that faint note of fear in Clay's voice? "But, Clay, put yourself in Harm's shoes. Wouldn't you want to know if you'd fathered a child?"

Clay's silent. "I pray that day never comes."

For a minute, I'm a little shocked and then, "You don't want to become a father?"

Clay shrugs. "Maybe one day. Maybe not. I don't know," he confessed. "I would never want to jeopardize the safety of my family and the only way I can do that is . . . to not have one."

A long pause on my end. "What about your mother? She and your father were both agents, weren't they? And they had you."

"And look how I turned out?" Clay hollered. "I'm a spook – day and night. My job IS my life, Vera! Who would want to marry into that? I don't want to have kids – I don't want to put them through that."

A long silence falls between us. I don't know how I could have ever missed this side of him before. "I want to have kids," I said slowly, my eyes not meeting his. "Well, maybe just one. Or two. Maybe two. It all depends how the first one works out, I guess." I shrug. "But nothing really seems to be working in my favor, these days."

"You and me both," Clay sighed. God, we're both so pathetic. Another long silence and then . . .

"Eric," I said firmly. "If I had to pick and English name for him it would be Eric."

Clay looks at me funny. "Why Eric?"

I shrug. "I sort of have this thing with backwards words. You know, like names and stuff. Eric backwards is 'Cire' and that sounds . . . you know – nice. Cire Dahza."

Clay smiles at me. "Cire Dahza, huh? What's your name backwards?"

"Full name?"

Clay shrugs. "Sure."

"Arev Allebasi Dahza," I said smiling, savoring the rich feel of my name. I almost liked it better backwards than front words. Very few names sounded good backwards. "Now, let's see yours would be . . ." I furrow my eyebrows. "Notyalc Bbew."

I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. Like I said, very few names sound good backwards.

"Come on Clay, imagine you had a kid. Girl or boy – what would you name them?" I asked, slightly interested. Just another journey into the mind of Clayton Webb.

"I don't want to imagine," Clay snapped, turning away.

"Oh come on, Clay – if you had . . ." I began but was almost immediately cut off.

"Yeah, yeah, I know – if I had a son I'd name him Payton and a girl – I don't know, Page." Clay replies, with a look of surprise upon his face that he actually admitted that to me.

I stare at him for a minute. "Notyalc, Notyap and Egap Bbew." I'm struggling not to laugh. "Clayton, Payton and Page." God, does this man have no imagination?

"Hey, you asked," Clay replied defensively. "And now we're just off the subject. We were talking about Harm. Let's stick to that."

"Whatever," I replied coolly. "Yalc."

"Shut up, Vera."

"That's _Arev _to you."

Clay shoots me a venomous look. "What do you want to happen here, Vera? What do you want? Do you want Harm to find out that Mac's carrying around his baby? Do you want that? Do you want him to go chasing all over the countryside to aid her with diaper changing? Because he will. Do you want Abbas finding out about Mac and child? Because if we carry on at this rate – he will. And do you want that, Vera? Do you want us all dead within the next year and I don't care about Eric or Payton or Page because none of that will matter if Abbas finds out – which he will if we keep going about things the way we are now. And if we don't stop this whole damn plan from screwing up then we've got to keep our mouths shut!" he hollered.

He's staring at me, his eyes hot and angered. I fight to keep up my rivaling glare. We're staring at each other, the heat immense. And then . . .

The door closes.

Both our heads swivel almost mechanically to the door. It hadn't been . . . no, it wasn't open. We would have seen that before. But was it shut . . .

Clay and I exchange horrified glances.

Both of us sprint through the door at the exact same time and down the hall. But all we can see with the lights turned out is the closing door of someone's bedroom. And that someone is Catherine Gayle.

* * *

**A/N: Betcha all though Harm was at the door, huh? Oh yeah, and we'll get a lot of Harm in the next chapter because he didn't show up in this one (he was he just . . . slipped away). Lol – omg, I began this chapter before Harry Potter had come and now . . . it's two in the morning! Do you know what that means? It means that tomorrow don't count on any updates because I'll be indulging myself in the fabulous writings of our very own JK Rowling. God, I owe so much to you people. Writing fanfic's a wonderful way to pass time. **

**Tizy: **Angsty and drama-ish . . . you know, I might just add those words to my vocabulary! Seriously, I'm always making up words. It's practically a hobby. Ironicacy is my favorite. I know what you're thinking, the correct word is irony . . . but ironicacy sounds so much better. Oh, and one word that I used in this story a lot – until I found out it actually wasn't a word – is reunition. But never mind that, I'm just babbling – I hope you liked this chapter! (and I'll try and update more often)

**Strawberry Kittens: **oh, well, you know, some of the characters in this story you know aren't actually in JAG. I don't want you to get confused about that. Special Agents Vera Azhad and Jacob (Jake) Holter are my own fictional characters. Catherine Gayle, unfortunately, really does exist but is not nearly as blond as I've portrayed her (no offense to blonds or anything, but I really have written her very differently from her actual character – just for effect of the story). And I'm glad you're enjoying Full Throttle. It's always good to know someone likes something you've written. I hope you liked this chapter too!

**Eggy Weg: **thanks, I hope you liked this chapter too!

**Bite Beccy: **okay, not as soon as we all hoped . . . but hey, I updated on my other story. Does that give me credit? (No, not really . . . okay). Lol, thank you for updating on your story though!

**Alix33: **Oh. My. God. It came out! I don't know where you live but I'm just going to assume it came out for you too! I'm getting the book delivered to my house (aren't I lazy?) and I've just spent the last hour – well, writing this chapter, and mentally preparing myself! Lol, I'm a Harry/Hermione shipper and I don't mind Ron/Hermione. The only thing I really can't stand besides Cho/Harry (totally with you on there) is Draco/Hermione. I'm sorry to all DH shippers out there (my friend Steelo's one) but the thought revolts me. Though there was some sort of leak in books over in New Jersey and Ron supposedly dies but I haven't read it yet so all I can say right now is 'Say it isn't so . . .'

**Abigaile: **Oh, yeah – their roads will cross. I mean, okay – I know what's going to happen. And you will too. I just don't like to ruin surprises if you know what I mean. (Especially good surprises . . . or am I hinting too much now?) Lol – thanks for reviewing.

**MaritzaCarmichael: **I know this wasn't soon . . . forgive me?

**ForensicsFreak1988: **reading other people's responses isn't so sad . . . I mean, yeah, it's kind of sad but not the most pathetic it could be. And I'm officially flipping out right here. HBP is officially out! I mean, I don't have it 'cause it's being delivered to my doorstep today but . . . yeah, I'm celebrating! It's two-thirty in the morning, I'm the only one awake in the household and I'm partying for a book I don't even have yet! Am I nuts . . . need we ask?

**Starryeyes10: **thank you

**LovexNxPain: **Yeah, I tried to make up with my complete lack of Mac in the last few chapters with a good portion of her in this one. So next chapter . . . we'll definitely get a lot of Harm to make up for him in this chapter!

**Dansingwolf: **OF COURSE I'M AN HP FAN! Sorry, I didn't say that too loud, did I? HP Fan born and bred, my friend. HAVE YOU GOT THE BOOK ALREADY? Last shout – I promise. Mine's coming in . . .oh, a few hours. Two thirty in the morning over here . . .yeah, I'm a little tired but I was way to energized to get to sleep. But I suppose I've got to, so I can be at least semi awake when the mailman brings me my copy (which he better as soon as POSSIBLE). As for writing stuff other than fanfic – well, that's what I begun doing you know. Ever since I was . . . six, I think I've wanted to become an author (see email address for further proof of said obsession) and so I used to write a lot of orginal fic, and I still do. Especially since the summer vacation started. I've been playing around with this idea for a story and I started it yesterday and it's going well. Slowly but . . . the slower I go the better it seems to work. I always used to think of fanfiction as a way to have fun with writing. Like, original fiction was like work. It was . . . hard. Fanfiction flows easily, and it's fun to write, it's fun to get reviews, the whole concept is just fun. So I can sit down in two hours and finish a chapter of Full Throttle. With my original story I would be lucky to get one chapter down in a day. I suppose that's why I like fanfiction so much. It flows easily. Oh yes, and Vera's last name is Arabic. There's a whole story behind that which I'm getting to. Actually, when I was in India for the Spring Break and I was still coming up with Full Throttle, the whole concept and the characters, I was reading an Agatha Christi novel on a train from Madras to Banglore and one of the characters in her book's name was Vera. And I just thought how perfect that name would be for . . . well, Vera. But I had a whole history behind her (Chegwidden will come into that – I'm just taking a while getting to it) and I wanted an Arabic last name and the man in front of me on the train had a newspaper and on the cover it said 'AZHAD STRIKES AGAIN' and I liked that last name. It happened just like that. Vera Azhad. Oh, and in ways of Hindi movies – I'm staying in tomorrow to read the Half Blood Prince and my dad's taking my sister to the new Shah Rukh Khan film. But I did see Black when I was in India and it was very good (easy to follow because of much English!) lol

**Kitty X: **I'm sorry you didn't like the last chapter. Hopefully, you liked this one more.

**Vhosek malacath: **sorry I didn't update sooner! I got tied up with my other story. Forgive me? Hope you liked this chapter.

**marineJAG: **yes, I'm doing a little dance right now. HBP's out! 'Course, now I'll spend all tomorrow reading it . . . lol, very good you've got your husband standing in line. I'll be barricading myself all tomorrow in my house waiting for my deliveryman to get here. Lol, hope you liked this chapter!

**snugglebug: **okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little about Harm's reaction. Well, actually – I don't know that yet. I haven't penned it down. But it's gonna be BIG. You know, hit the roof kind of big. Lol, hope you liked this chapter.

**froggy0319: **wow, you review fast! I'd like posted the chapter five minutes before I got your review! Seriously, I usually wait hours before I get the first one. And then they all come in but you . . . you're fast. (And though bribery has tended to work in the past – for the first time in my life I've actually worked out in advance what's going to happen in this story so . . . you'll still be pleased because there's a lot of HM!)


	21. To Render Relieved

**A/N: Hey all, back by popular demand – the latest chapter of Full Throttle. I'm trying really hard to get a chapter of each story out every two days. I'm not having a particularly busy week so hopefully I can keep the chapters coming. You know, hopefully.**

**Thanks go out to all reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, and Strawberry Kittens!**

**Note: this chapter begins in Mac's POV.**

**To Render Relieved**

"But Jake, you _have _to come," I whined over breakfast, pouring milk into my cereal of corn flakes and peanut butter (cravings, I tell you. CRAVINGS.)

"Aw, come on, Mac," Jake whined back (whining REALLY doesn't suit him by the way). "I have things to do, places to go . . ." I shooting him a pointed glare. "A hospital's really not my scene . . ." he pleaded.

"I've told you three times!" I exclaimed exasperatedly as I licked the peanut butter off of a few flakes. "We're not going to the hospital! I mean, we're going to a clinic . . . that's located in a _wing_ of the hospital."

"Same difference," Jake retorted, flipping open the newspaper. "I will be suffocated by white."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "It'll only be for a half hour any way! Will thirty minutes put such a serious cramp in your social life?"

Jake stares at me begrudgingly with a reluctant sigh. "What time?"

"Two thirty." I smile at him as I get up from the table, putting my empty bowl in the dishwasher. "Again . . . thanks, Jake."

Jake flashes me a melt-to-a-puddle-on-your-kitchen-floor kind of smile and shrugs. "It's no sweat, Mac. And to be honest," he winks at me. "This is one of the funnest assignments I've ever been on."

I elbow him lightly in the stomach. "And what kind of fun were you up to for eight hours last night, huh?" I stare at him pointedly.

And suddenly there's a huge shift in emotion. Jake's eyes cloud over but his grin still remains plastered to his face, though now it gleams with artificialness. "Oh, hanging around. A little work. Nothing you should be concerned about," he winks at me.

But I'm not ready to relent yet. "Aw, come on, Jake . . . you know you could trust me."

Jake's eyes shift to meet my own, and he stares at me intently for a minute and then diverts his stare almost as quickly as it had fallen upon my eyes. "No, no . . . it's nothing. Nothing that needs attention."

I drop it – for the moment. "Look, um – I've got to get to work. Wish me luck."

Jake looks at me curiously as I rinse my hands in the sink. "Luck for what?"

I exhale slowly. "I've got to talk with the Admiral about my . . ." I pause in lack of words, "_situation."_

"You mean you haven't told him yet?" Jake asked me incredulously. "You've had weeks!"

"Well, actually – rules say I have to inform my CO within thirty days of my receiving the information," I responded stiffly and informally. "And today is . . ."

"The twenty-ninth," Jake shook his head at me but at the same time grinning ruefully. "I suppose you've now taken the time to make a speech and all that."

I avoid his eyes. So I DID take the time to . . . come up with a few words. So what? Jake flashes me an arrogant smile. "Well, best of luck."

"Thanks," I mutter, grabbing my suitcase and heading out the door. "Remember, Jake. Two thirty."

"You can count on me," he replied breezily, following me out the door and into his car. And I just couldn't help wondering, as we both drove away – in opposite directions – where Jake was spending all his time . . . and who he was spending it with.

* * *

**0846**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Clay's POV**

"What are we going to _do, _Webb?" Vera's insistent whisper filled my ears with a hollow buzzing sound. I waved her voice off with my hand.

"Hush, I'm _thinking," _I muttered back to her. We stood in the hall, my body tucked in the corner of the wall between the kitchen and then entrance. Vera stood next to me, her body pressed up near mine so as not to be seen by either Catherine or Harm. Her proximity was driving me insane.

"Did you have a good sleep, Harm?" Catherine's voice wafted through the open door and filled our ears. I could hear the breath catch in Vera's throat. Both our bodies tensed.

"Yeah . . . yeah, it was all right." Harm's voice sounded agitated. "You?"

Vera's dark eyes flickered for a moment to mine. Our thoughts tied almost instantly. In my head I imagined Catherine's mouth opening, her blue eyes glinting with excitement and then – Vera leapt out from beside me and practically threw herself into the room.

"Good morning!" The cheeriness in her voice was very obviously artificial.

"Morning," Harm replied in his usual monotone.

I paused a minute in my safely out-of-view corner of the wall. Should I go in there? Does Vera need back up? And then a picture of Vera's face loomed before my eyes, her dark and wild eyes shining and her fiery auburn hair clashing with her tanned skin tone. Who the hell am I kidding? _Catherine's _the one that needs back up.

"Hey, Catherine?" Vera's voice is cheery to the point of dangerous. "Could I, um, talk to you out in the hall for a minute?" A long pause and then, "We'll just be a minute."

I can practically hear the shrug of Catherine's shoulders. "Sure."

There's the sound of a body getting up from a chair, and the soft tapping of footsteps coming my way. And then . . . my hand snakes around her mouth from behind and I press Catherine's body close to me, moving her slowly but efficiently down the hallway. She couldn't scream if she wanted to. Vera, Catherine and I shuffle into Vera's room (the closest down the hall). I pause a moment, looking for sounds to indicate that Harm's close and listening but find none so I release my clamped hand from overtop Catherine's mouth.

"What the hell is your problem?" she spurted immediately. "Is this how you treat your guests? By kidnapping them from your own kitchen?"

I wince at the stupidity the words she utters. Behind Catherine I can see Vera shooting me very smug glances. I don't know what _she's _feeling all high and mighty about. The more ignorant Catherine is the more dangerous she is to the mission. And then I inwardly cringe when I realize that's the exact point Vera was trying to make about Harm.

"Catherine, listen to me," I speak slowly and soothingly, keeping direct eye contact with. "Vera and I believe –" I'm cut off by an irritated glance from Vera. "Well, we have _reason _to believe that you may have, um . . . overheard, perhaps, a little bit of our conversation . . . um, say last night?"

Catherine blinked. "And what, may I ask, was the topic of this supposed conversation?"

Vera rolls her eyes from behind Catherine. I sigh irritated. For the not-so-bright reputation that Catherine has earned, she certainly puts up a good front when being interrogated. Perhaps that's how she got her job at the CIA. I must say, some people have been wondering . . .

"The topic was Harm and you know it," Vera snapped from behind Catherine causing both our heads to turn. "And we know you overheard, okay? We saw your bedroom door shutting, so cut the innocent crap."

"Easy, Vera," I said slowly, effectively cutting Vera off in the middle of her verbal barrage. I turned back to Catherine, "But really, Cat. You can't tell Harm. This would only complicate the mission further."

Catherine cocks one eyebrow up in a way that almost reminds me of Mac. "The mission? You're sitting in a house day after day doing NOTHING . . ." she pauses as she listens to the echo of her own words. "Well, actually, you're watching the yogurt expire . . ."

Vera tries her best not to roll her eyes but only manages to keep one eye normal while the other shoots up. I grimace, "Catherine, Harm's LIFE is in danger. No matter how . . . _uneventful _you think this mission is – THAT is what you have to keep in mind."

"And telling Harm that Mac's pregnant will somehow jeopardize this mission?" Catherine asks, her voice cutting through me like ice. I can see Vera's expression from behind Catherine. It reads just what she wants it to read. And her point's not entirely pleasant.

"Look, Cat – it's hard to explain," I begin but am cut off by stern looks from both Catherine AND Vera. And suddenly I feel very confused. Last time I checked wasn't Vera on MY side?

"You know how Harm is!" I retorted angrily. "You remember Paraguay! He acts on EMOTIONS. And those emotions are going to get him killed . . . or someone else. If he finds out about . . ." I gesture with my hands. "Then he'll go nuts. He just WILL. I'd love to tell him. I'd love it if he and Mac got together and had a whole bunch of kids, white-picket fenced house and all, okay!" I can feel the scream in my throat and my body works the best way it can to calm myself. "But it can't happen . . . given the circumstances, it just can't."

I can feel a long stretch of silence beginning to enfold but Catherine's never been one for the pause of effect. "And you're sure you won't tell Harm because you're actually worried about his safety – or you're still in love with Mac?"

And just like that, I feel everything crash around my ears. Vera whirls around, "You were in love with Mac?"

"Vera – " I begin but I'm almost immediately cut off.

"Didn't you know?" Catherine seems surprised. "He and Mac went out for a year?"

Vera flashes me an incredulous look. "A year? And I only find out now?"

"Well, I thought – " I began but once again I'm interrupted.

"Yeah, she only broke up with him after Harm died," Catherine chats away to Vera. "He was a mess. You should have seen him. Moping around and everything. We had bets on who would break down first – you know, around the office – Mac or Webb. Clay over Mac or Mac over Harm."

Vera whirls around. "And you knew about this and didn't tell me?"

"I didn't know they were taking a freaking office poll!" I exclaim, obviously upset. But no one seems to be particularly caring about my feelings at the moment.

"It all began when Mac and Clay were in Paraguay," Catherine rambles on despite my horrified glances towards her. "I thought FOR SURE that Harm would get Mac because . . . well, he saved her and all. He saved both of them, really. But I guess he managed to screw it up once again. Harm's never been one with words, you know. But for whatever reason Mac just went right into Clay's open arms. And . . . it lasted about a year. Their . . . thing. And then without Harm – it just all fell apart. But really, that wasn't ALL that long ago. I wouldn't be surprised if Clay was still in love with Mac. She was the best thing that ever happened to him." She sends me a quick and hurried glance. "But I mean that in the best way possible, Clay."

A long pause follows Catherine's absurd proclamation and then it happened, just as I feared. "Well, seeing as you obviously can't keep your emotions out of this case," Vera whispered slowly, but not without intent. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to relieve you."

Words catch in my throat. "Relieve me?" I choke out. "You can't relieve me."

Vera's eyes are cold. "I can and will. YOU put me in charge of this investigation. Don't you remember? So it's my investigation to lead . . . and I'm afraid, Agent Webb, that your services are no longer required."

I feel my eyes bulge. "No longer required?" My voice grows steadily louder. "Fine then! To hell with it all! Tell Rabb. You'll have a full fledged RIOT on your hands. But what do I care? I'm RELIEVED." I turn to go but stop in the door way. "And one more bloody thing." I turn around to meet Vera's eyes. "Don't call me up when you've lost control."

Vera's voice is ice. "You can be sure, I won't."

And it was just like that. I was RELIEVED. I stormed out of the room, pulled my jacket off the hanger in the front closet and slammed the door behind me. I didn't care any more. Living with Vera had been unbearable anyway. Two women and Harm. No, I was much better in the safety and comfort of my own apartment.

* * *

**Same time**

**Same Place**

"I can't believe he didn't tell me," Vera remarked hotly, pacing around the room with her arms crossed in front of her. "I mean, this was a mitigating factor to the mission! How could he just leave something out like that?" Vera's voice was broken. "I mean, don't I _deserve _to know?"

Catherine's blue eyes looked up at Vera imploringly. "For the good of the mission, or for personal reasons?"

And for once, Special Agent Vera Azhad had no answer.

* * *

**A/N: Guess what happens next chapter? Come on, just take a guess . . . okay, I'll tell you. Yes, Harm finds out. Now don't get all excited on me here . . . okay, yeah – feel free to. And if I can – I'll try and get a chapter of To London with Love out tomorrow. If possible. Review and let me know what you thought about this chapter.**

**Highplainswoman: **I totally know where you're coming from on the dialogue front. I, personally, love great dialogues. I mean, a plot is wonderful – and seriously, you can't have a good story without a solid plot – but dialogues, almost etch in the reality of the story. My favorite, however, happen to be rather pointless dialogues that make you laugh. Just yesterday I was reading this Meg Cabot book and these two people were having a discussion about Italian bathrooms in which the woman entered and found to her great astonishment a hole in the floor. And I can't even remember _what _they were saying that was making me laugh so hard, but I was sitting in bed at like two in the morning reading the book and laughing my head off. And I suppose that's what you really remember about a story in the end – what got emotion out of you. And for me it's always the dialogue.

**vrbinkaCZ: **hey, you're back! How was horse camp? My cousin's headed off to some part in northern Ontario to do horseback riding. She really loves it. I don't mind it, honestly. I took horseback riding lessons for a few years before deciding writing was my thing. And I really love coming home to a thick load of chapters. Like, when I was in India, I couldn't check my email for about three days at a time – and when I checked I had like thirty author alerts. It was then and there that I decided I would narrow everything down to my top ten. Yeah, lot easier now. Lol

**Radiorox: **ha ha, scruffy motorcycle guys! Lol, you and my friend are totally in the same boat (Steelo, if you're reading this – well, you ARE). Boy, Harm would just flip if he found out Mac was pregnant! Of course, I've got to pen down that reaction (good luck to me). I mean, obviously Harm has never been an emotionally passive person (cough, cough – Paraguay) but you know Webb . . . he wouldn't want to take the shot. Not that Webb's not a risky person (cough, cough – Paraguay). Ooh, do we see a pattern here? Lol

**BrittanyLS: **Wouldn't we all! Lol, thanks for reviewing. Hope you liked this chapter.

**Southernqt: **omg, you have an imagination that could compete with mine! Lol, I like your idea though . . . you should use it for a fanfic of your own or something. And if not – can I have it? lol

**Alix33: **I totally know what you mean on the D/H front! I mean (presuming you have now read HBP) wasn't Draco TERRIBLE! I mean seriously . . . I felt like setting the Avada Kedavra curse on _him. _Omg, you sound just as bad as me when you said you reread all the books over the weekend. I did the week it came out! My friends say I'm terrible that way – whenever a new book of a series I like comes out I feel compelled to reread the entire series before the new installation. But seriously! Glad to know someone's in my boat. (oh yes, and in Canada we do call it the Philosopher's Stone)

**ForensicsFreak1988: **Yeah, I finished HBP the day it came out (I sat all day in the car and read (oh yeah, I wasn't driving)). And – I mean, I too have some pretty strong thoughts towards the book – but I think that, yes, JKR _did _get a little creative with this book but that IS what sets her apart from other authors, isn't it? She captures the imagination and when something bad happens or something good or sad we're right there alongside her with our corresponding expressions (by the way when (I'd say you know who but then people reading this response might think it's someone else) died, I like screamed and I didn't feel ready to finish it until I'd had a big glass of milk and two Oreo cookies). And you're not pathetic in rereading it. I mean, I haven't done that with HBP (yet) but when the Order of the Phoenix came out – I reread that almost immediately.

**marineJAG: **thanks, and I enjoyed HBP very much! Seriously, from the moment it was delivered to my doorstep (I bet you're husband would be jealous if he was reading this (3 hours – lmao)) I just read and read and read until I'd finished it (1:43 in the morning of the seventeenth). lol, hope you enjoyed the book.

**Dansingwolf: **I know exactly what you meant. My friends weren't done for the longest time, and most of them STILL haven't finished reading HBP – and it's been four days! Only two of my friends are finished . . . (in the beginning it was none – I finished the day it came out). And I wanted to scream about the ending to someone but no one was there so I pulled my sister over and started yelling to her about it but she didn't really care. She's never opened an HP book. As for the whole train thing – seriously, it's really a coincidence. I mean, I had to take a LOT of trains while I was in India (we must have zigzagged all over the country) and after reading like twenty Agatha Christie books, I was just DYING to write something so I opened up my notebook and started scribbling (oh, in the AC novel that I was reading right then – some guy had faked his own death (of course, that was by choice)) but then I thought how cool it would be if Harm did that. But I knew that wouldn't happen unless he was forced into it . . . so then it all just started coming together. And I didn't know many Arabic surnames so when I saw one on the newspaper in front of me – it just sort of made sense. And then I thought why not name Vera after someone from the book that had given me so much inspiration? Vera Azhad. I know it sounds very . . . JKRish, but honestly I wasn't even THINKING about her when it happened (oh, and did you know that Walt Disney also created Mickey Mouse in a train too?). And – you know – I've never been much on the popular side of political discussions (referring to the abortion thing) so I won't dive much into the depths of that – but considering the lengths at which Harm and Mac were willing to go to to be parents (their five year deal) it seemed to feel right to make Mac keep the baby. I mean, there would be obvious complications (calling an assassin a complication's really rather an understatement, don't you think?) but . . . Mac's strong, and I truly believe she'd be able to work it out (I mean, she's got Jake . . . lord, help her). I know where you're coming from on the Vera/Webb moments. No matter how . . . I don't know – how much they bring you in – it makes a total difference if it was Harm and Mac. Because we know them a lot more, I guess. And you can almost tell what they're thinking – because you're so used to their characters. And because we like Harm and Mac a lot more, of course. Ah, dansingwolf, once again your review reply's the longest! I don't mind though. I could have predicted that . . . you know, with all my superb divination skills.

**Abigaile: **But isn't it a lot more fun to think one thing and then find out it's another? Lot's of twists and turns . . . it keeps a story going. But don't worry – Harm will find out next chapter. He really will – and that'll be a good surprise, don't you think?

**KittyX: **No problem, glad you liked last chapter. Was this soon enough for you? I'll try and post faster – but I'm also juggling to stories. How's every other day sound to you?

**Bite Beccy: **oh, well – I'm so sorry. I'll refrain from mentioning Harry Potter in my author's notes. Omg, I don't know what I would do if I was in your place! Not being able to read Harry Potter and all! I hope you get to read it really soon. You'll like it.

**XloveNpainX: **that's one thing I would pay to see – Clay informing his little minature-selves that he'd tell them what was in the coat closet – but then he'd have to kill them. Oh, yes, Clay and parenting is something I would definitely love to see. And do you REALLY think banana and jellybeans would go with cookie dough ice cream? I mean, I can _sort of _see the banana but . . . jelly beans? I, personally, have never been a big jelly bean fan but that strikes me as an awful clash. But I really wouldn't know – I mean, you ARE the food person. LOL

**Maritza Carmichael: **did I update fast enough for you? No? Oh well, I'll try my best to update every other day. Hope you liked this chapter, though!

**Jaggurl: **I personally love to say words backwards. And of course, Clay just has to have the stupidest sounding name backwards. Notyalc Bbew. It so works. Lol, hope you liked this chapter.

**Froggy0319: **lol, can't wait for Harm to find out, can you? Well then I suppose you won't be disappointed with the next chapter. Hope you liked HBP. I know I did. I won't tell you any more than that though . . . just incase you haven't finished it yet.

**Daisymh: **hope you liked this chapter! Thanx for reviewing.

**Tizy: **Speckadent . . . you know, I really like that word! Seriously, I'll take it into my vocabulary. I mean, my language is not exactly composed of . . . well, normal words, so speckadent should fit right in! Oh, I feel bad for your daughter . . . I mean, I'm always using made up words, but at least I knew they were made up! Lol – hope you had a wonderful time reading HP. I know I did.

**Snugglebug: **Yeah, Jake's really sweet about the whole Mac-pregnancy thing. Jellybeans and all! But yeah . . . Mac and Harm will always be thinking about each other – until . . . well, yeah, the reunion. And poor Harm doesn't even KNOW yet! Lol


	22. Only Time Will Tell

**A/N: Well, here's the next chapter . . . enjoy! Oh, and I'm warning you in advance that beginning July 31st I will be away for a week. So, I'll try and update both my stories as quickly as I possibly can before that day comes, okay?**

**Thanks go out to my reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, and rainydays502!**

**Note: this chapter begins in Mac's POV.**

**Only Time Will Tell**

**1428**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

"Jake!" I jump up from my chair as though electrocuted. I shouldn't have been surprised, really. Two minutes until my appointment so of course he has to come running in right then. Jake lives by the rush of the moment. But honestly, two minutes. My hormones are on edge. "Where _were _you?"

Jake runs a hand through his chestnut colored hair and takes a seat beside me as we wait in the lobby. "I told you I had some stuff to do. And besides," he casts me a wary glance. "You told me to come at two thirty."

"My _appointment's _at two thirty," I muttered accusingly, looking away. "You're supposed to be at _least _fifteen minutes early." My voice is bitter and hollow, and I bite my bottom lip to keep words from getting away from me. I'm officially a whole month pregnant as of today – and the hormones are getting to me.

Jake loops his arm around me and using his other hand, pulls a box of Smarties out from his jacket pocket, flashing me a cocky yet apologetic grin at the same time. "Forgive me?"

I glare at him and then take the box from his hand, muttering about bribery. Jake leans back in his chair obviously pleased with himself. He's found my weak spot – I mean, sure, everyone else knows about it too, but no one other than Harm has tried to manipulate my soft spot for chocolate against me. And, boy, was he good at it . . .

"Ms. Mackenzie?" I look up as my name is called. The secretary stands there with her clipboard. "Dr. Werner is ready for you. Second door to your right."

I smile at her as I get up from my seat. "Thank you." I look over at Jake who remains seated. "Aren't you going to come?"

Jake looks back at me with clear surprise etched on his face. "You want me to?"

I smile at him. "I wouldn't have asked you to come if I didn't want you to come _in _with me."

"But aren't they going to do some sort of . . . I don't know," he looks uncomfortable. "_Feminine _sort of thing . . ." I stare at him. "A _personal _sort of thing."

I shake my head, bemused by his obvious embarrassment. "They're just going to check up on the baby . . ." My eye meets his. "Listen to the heartbeat and see her on the screen."

Jake's up and standing next to me. "Her?"

"Or him," I quickly add as we walk down the hall. Jake steers me in through the door. I settle into the long slightly bent looking chair. God, this reminds me of a trip to the dentist's office or some other horrific thing.

"Hi," a tall woman enters through the door, smiling friendlily to me. "My name is Amanda Werner, and I'm going to be doing your check up for today. I assume you're Sarah Mackenzie?" she asks. I nod. She turns to Jake, "And you are . . . ?"

Jake grins at her, stretching out a hand. "Totally available."

I roll my eyes and interject before Dr. Werner can say anything. "He's not my husband," I explain as they both shake hands.

"I can see that," Dr. Werner smiles, one eyebrow cocked up towards Jake's direction. "Anyways, shall we begin?"

I nod with mixed feelings. "Sure."

She gets something out of a cupboard off to the corner and I watch as Jake settles himself in a chair beside me. "Don't worry," he replied soothingly. "Everything's going to be fine."  
"As if you would know," I snapped, my tense emotions seizing me once again. _Why the hell did I even ask him to come?_

"Hey," Jake spoke softly, taking my hand in his. "It'll be all right. And after this appointment's over, we'll go to Baskin Robbins and have ice cream – because we both know how much you love that."

_Oh yeah . . . that's why. _I smile at him, taking long deep breaths. "Yeah . . . yeah, sure."

"Okay, everything's all set," Dr. Werner approached us. "Now, I'm going to run over to the desk and get your file, Ms. Mackenzie, and in the mean time you can change into your robe."

She hands me my robe and promptly exits the room. A long and uncomfortable silence follows. "I'll just . . . turn my back," Jake stated, immediately turning around. I can practically feel the thoughts – personal things, feminine things. My god, he's worse than Harm.

"So . . ." Jake's tone is light but clearly uneasy, his back facing me. "How did it go with the Admiral?"

I lift my shirt up from over my head. "The best it could have gone . . ."

"Which is?"

I roll my eyes as I throw my jeans down to the floor. "What do you think?"

Jake shrugs his shoulder. "That bad, huh?"

I sigh, pulling the robe on over my head. "Well, not THAT bad . . ." I trail, tying the gown up at the back. "But he was about as blunt as a brick through a window."

I pushed my bundle of clothes into his hands. "All came crashing down?" he asked almost sympathetically.

"You could say that," I muttered, lying back down on the table/chair.

Jake looks at me with an obviously very amused expression upon his face. "Did he ask who the father was?"

I look him squarely in the eye. "No . . . but he'll wonder." I throw my hands up in emotional defeat. "They'll _all _wonder."

"Yeah, but you can't stop that, Mac," Jake whispers from beside me. He sends me a consoling glance. "They'd all wonder even if he _was _here." He grins at me, "You know, some wise man once said that the imagination is both a human's greatest ally and their greatest foe."  
I grin ruefully at myself. "Yeah, that's a pretty accurate assessment." I stare at him with a glint in my eye. "Which wise man said it?"

Jake runs his hand through his hair in a very Brad Pitt-y like manner. "Mac, you know I never pay attention to anything that doesn't involve –"

"Yes, I know," I replied dully. "It's just a shame it couldn't have been a wise woman that had said that."

Dr. Werner entered the room, holding a file that was most likely mine. "Are we ready to begin?"

I smile at her and Jake nears me with an almost protective air about him. "Completely," I whispered.

"Alright then, Ms. Mackenzie, I am just going to place this over your stomach, increase the volume on this machine, and if we listen closely – we'll be able to hear your baby's heart beat," she spoke so fast, so robotically, I had to strain to listen to every word.

I grasped Jake's hand firmly. And then . . . I heard it. It was loud, almost hollow, and it was completely rhythmic.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

You know that feeling where you're so overcome by emotions, everything's just battling within you so ferociously and you don't know what to do because everything's so complicated that you just _have _to cry? You know, just to let it all out?

Tears streamed down my face and I bent over a little, trying hard not to break out into a sob. Jake's hand touched my shoulder comfortingly but it did not stop the internal war. That heartbeat, that consistent thump, was my baby. Harm's and my baby . . . _Our baby . . ._

"Wow," Jake whispered, his eyes glazed over in awe. "That's our Jane," he grinned. "Or Jake, Jr."

Dr. Werner turned to us smiling. "You already know what you're going to name your baby?"

"Oh, no," I interrupted quickly. "We haven't worked out any name – he's not . . . the father. He's . . ." and I stare at Jake, my voice laden with the utmost sincerity, "a friend. He's a very good friend."

* * *

**1928**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Clay's POV**

"She relieved you?" an amused grin split across Jake's face. "Vera KICKED you out?"

Jake and I sat on the couch in the apartment, Mac lying horizontally across the leather armchair, her pretty nose engulfed in a book. I glare at him. "Well, I don't exactly see YOU sitting next to Vera directing the next move."

"What do you think of the name Patrick?" Mac pipes up from the corner. What's she reading? I strain my eyes. 'Best Names for the Newborn Baby.'

Jake looks at Mac considerately. "I suppose it's a _nice _enough name if you were going to say it once – you know, like, 'Hi, my name is Patrick.' But could you imagine calling your kid that? Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. And besides, the abbreviation is a girl's name."

Mac and I just stare at Jake and then Mac shrugs, diving once more into her book. "The spook's got a point."

"And MY point is, Jake, you've got to go and reason with Vera," I muttered, turning back to him. I know that Mac's nose is in the book but I notice her ears perking with interest. I lower my voice even further, "and we can't have this conversation here . . ." I look around, "where's a room with a lock?"

Jake looks at me with annoyance but then stands up. "The bathroom."

"You're kidding me."

"Hey," Jake replies passively as we both get up from the couch. "Headquarters picked the apartment. And it didn't come with locks on the rooms. Which, you know, considering it's a CIA apartment you'd at least think . . ."

"Yeah, I got the point," I said quickly, shutting the bathroom door behind me.

"Okay," said Jake slowly, sitting on the toilet. "What seems to be the problem? And other than the fact that Vera "relieved" you," he said quickly seeing my mouth open.

I took a deep breath in. "Vera and Catherine have taken control of the household."

A long pause follows my statement. "No offense, Clay, but Harm isn't exactly one who'd just . . . sit back and watch others take charge. You . . . well," he broke off.

"Harm doesn't know," I said quietly, ignoring the sting of his unfinished comment.

"Michelle!" Mac hollers from the living room.

"Too French!" Jake hollers back. "That's false advertising!" He turned back to me, "You mean Harm doesn't know about . . ." he pointed his arm towards the direction of Mac's voice.

I shook my head.

Jake's mouth formed an 'o' of surprise. "Wow, that's . . ." he slaps my arm. "You didn't tell him all this time!"

"Well, it's not like Mac rushed to tell the Admiral she was pregnant!" I hollered back, my eyes fierce. "She only told him today and she _knew _before I did."

"Well that's –" Jake begins to shout and then stops. "How did you know that?"

"Well, Jake, the woman usually knows before the ex-boyfriend that she's pregnant . . ." I begin sarcastically but Jake cuts me off.

"No, I mean that she told him today," Jake retorted.

"Oh," I replied, leaning against the bathtub. "He called me today yelling about how if I was the father he'd strangle me."

"And what did you say?" Jake asked obviously amused.

"I told him not to count on another namesake," I replied, flashing Jake a twisted sort of grin. "Hey, SOMEONE has to be the father, right? And . . . you know . . . people will start to wonder . . ."

"They'll still wonder, Clay!" Jake retorted, rolling his eyes, "they'll wonder how you ever got Mac."

_Rrrriiiinnnggg._

Jake whips out his cell phone. "Holter."

"_Hey, Jake."_

"Vera," Jake says, more to me than into the phone. I flail my arm around to signal to Jake that I'm not there. "How's everything going over there?"

"_Oh, just put Clay on. I know he's there."_

"What do you mean? Clay's not _here," _Jake stresses his words, clearly having fun with the whole concept. "What ever gave you that idea?"

"_I called his apartment, he's not there," Vera's voice is mechanical. "Where else would he be? Now put him on."_

"Alright." Jake shrugs and hands the phone to me. "The lady's good."

I flash Jake a contemptuous look and take the phone, "so, are the walls crumbling around you yet, Azhad?"

"_You wish."_

"No, that would defeat the purpose in you screwing up the mission yourself," my voice is blunt and unforgiving. "What do you want?"

"_Harm's going to find out."_

"No," I replied through gritted teeth. "No, he's not going to find out . . . just listen to me."

"_I'm done listening, Clay," Vera's voice travels clearly through the phone. "But Harm's going to be told. And . . . and I think you should be the one to do it."_

"What?" I'm purely incredulous.

"_He's known you the longest and . . . you should just tell him, okay?" Vera's voice broke through._

Why is she doing this? I'm morally opposed to it. She KNOWS that. So . . . why? "Vera, I can't," I begin but then I hear the sound of movement and the changing of hands and then –

"_Hello?"_

"Harm?" I asked loudly.

The bathroom door opens. "Jake, what do you think about –" Mac stops in mid-sentence. "Harm?" she exclaims. Jake throws me a look that very plainly says 'after all that, you didn't lock the door!'

"N-no," I stutter, pulling away the cell phone. "No, it's –"

"_Mac?" Harm's voice travels clearly. "Mac!"_

"Harm!" Mac called from where she was standing, moving for the phone. "Harm!"

"No, it's –" I begin but Jake cuts me off.

"Clay," he said slowly, his eyes meeting squarely with mine while his hand began reaching gradually out for the phone. "It's time," he spoke with truth.

I took one long look between Mac and Jake and the cell phone. I handed it to Jake who placed it in Mac's hand. "I think it's time we bring a friend of ours up to speed," Jake said softly, turning around to exit the room. "Come on, Clay."

"But," I begin to protest.

"_Now." _Jake's voice is demanding. I sigh and follow, stuffing my hands inside my pocket and beginning a whispering verbal battle.

"Harm?" Mac's voice is drenched in tears though her eyes remain dry. "Listen, Harm, there's something I've got to tell you . . ."

* * *

**A/N: I'm so sorry! I KNOW I said Harm was going to find out in this chapter . . . which he sort of does. Sort of. Yeah, I know, I cheated the system. But I SWEAR TO YOU I will have Harm's reaction in the next chapter. Which is what we're waiting for, right? Anyways, let me know your thoughts on the chapter. If I should continue, if I should not . . . and feel free to let me know any suggestions you have. **

**marineJAG: **LOL, that would be one highlight of pregnancy – making your husband cringe. Oh, and though Clay is technically "relieved" – you know him. He's never OUT of the picture, as this chapter proves. Oh no, he'll definitely still be in the story. He's way too good a character to waste.

**Snugglebug: **did you know that before the tv show actually started – they did make a JAG movie? Well, I mean, it wasn't like a _movie _movie that went in the theatres or anything but it was aired on tv as an hour and a half movie to advertise the tv show. Yeah, and then afterwards when playing reruns they just split it into two episodes. But it featured Harm, of course, and Kate Pike and it even had Bud on the show even though he wasn't there for the first season. It wasn't all that great a movie because . . . well, you know, no Mac, but still . . . it wasn't bad. If they just made a movie WITH Mac in it!

**Rainydays502: **omg, you don't like writing? That's so sad – I love writing! But it's good that you read – did I mention I love reading too?

**Froggy0319: **LOL, you like these stories THAT much? I'll try and update TLWL tomorrow . . . maybe even tonight if I could just get through all these review responses!

**ForensicsFreak1988: **LOL, I know what you mean! I mean, none of my friends ever wished that You Know Who(2) would die but . . . like, I finished the book the first day it came out and I called my friend who's HP obsessed and she was like, "I'm only on page 180." And I was just absolutely astounded and her excuse was "I was to enjoy the book as long as I can." And then NO ONE had finished it so I called up my mother and was like, "You Know Who (2) died!" And my mum who has never picked up an HP book in her life was like, "Oh, that's too bad . . . but look at it this way – he already died to me when Richard Harris did." Ah . . . mothers, they just don't understand . . .

**Vhosek malacath: **I'm so sorry I didn't put Harm's reaction in this chapter, but next one I PROMISE will have it! Swear to it!

**Southernqt: **lol, you only check mine for updates? Aww, I'm flattered! I mean it, very sincerely. Oh, you're an only child . . . god, I wish that was my life! lol

**vrbinkaCZ: **yeah, I may just do that . . . you know, take a nice long break from writing and get up on a horse or something . . . yeah, I'm just afraid of all those angry reviewers writing to me saying to hurry up and post! lol – the sad life of an overzealous writer. Ah well, can't complain. I chose it.

**xLovexNxPainx: **ooh, what episodes are you getting? Like, I watch the History Channel every week day for JAG and we're in the middle of the sixth season. Is that where you are or are you watching an entirely different channel? And you know what goes good together – peanut butter and oreos! I mean it, you know . . . if you're a peanut butter person.

**Radiorox: **Mac and Webb . . . ugh, less said the better. Worst mistake JAG ever made. I mean, Webb has a good character – no, nix that, he has an awesome character! And then he got thrown into the HM whirlwind and what can we say . . . he's as low as Vukovic on the likeable scale . . . wait, do you think that was a little harsh? I mean, you know, can anyone go THAT low . . .? lol

**Jaggurl: **Harm "technically" found out this chapter. You know "technically" speaking, but I promise you get the reaction next chapter!

**MaritzaCarmichael: **ahh, never liked Webb much . . . sad to say he's still a thorn in all our sides. But hey – next chapter, we'll have a great HM scene! You know, to make up for it all.

**Dansingwolf: **you know, I'm really very impressed! That was a short(er) review! Perhaps the shortest I've ever seen you do since . . . the creation of this story. Ooh, now let's see if I can pull off a short review response. And no, Catherine was not nearly as blonde on the show as I've portrayed her here. But what can I say – this story was in desperate need of a complete ditz and well . . . Catherine fitted the bill. With a little imagination, of course. And as for my V/C scenes . . . well, I DO enjoy writing them because, I must say, Clay is one of the most interesting characters I've ever come upon. You know, Harm and Mac are through and through good, and I _love _writing them, don't get me wrong, but in the immortal words of Bud Roberts referring to Clayton Webb, "And just when you think you know him . . . he does something nice." Clay's so . . . twisted it's both amusing and pathetic at the same time that he just leaves me with so many possibilities. I can make him a treacherous villain – or I can make him the golden-hearted good guy who everyone _thinks _is bad, but isn't so much. And then of course I had to pair him up with someone equally as . . . complicated. You know, I haven't revealed a lot about Vera yet. I was planning to do it so early on in the story and then just though I'd take my time and now . . . well, I'll have to do something about that in the next chapter. Honestly, I never thought I'd get this far without letting everyone know that . . . okay, I'm stopping myself early on. You'll find out soon. Wow, this response was . . . okay, not that short. Oh well, I haven't as much willpower as you.

**Strawberry Kittens: **lol, a girl, huh? Well, I must confess to you . . . that I do already know the gender of the baby. It's been a long time coming, but I've fixed it already. And . . . I'm not going to tell you if you're right or wrong, because that would just plainly ruin the surprise, but I just want to ask: why do you want it to be a girl? And don't stress over not reviewing last chapter – it doesn't matter, as long as – you know, you read and enjoyed.

**KittyX: **no problem, pleasure to serve you chapters. Hope you liked this one.

**Daisymh: **Hope you don't think you waited too long for this one. Lol, tried to post as soon as possible. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter!

**Bite Beccy: **(joins in the happy dance) and you have to tell me what you think about HBP! (joins in for another round of happy dancing) I'm going to go start writing TLWL!


	23. Desperate Acts of Measure

**A/N: Well, I was screamed at last chapter for leaving it where it was – LOL. So I thought I'd better post this chapter before . . . you know, I was throttled any more than I was yesterday. LOL – threateners, you know who you are.**

**Thanks go out to reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, and S!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Harm's POV.**

**Desperate Acts of Measure**

**1952**

**28 Belleville Drive,**

**Harm's POV**

"Harm?" her voice falls soft against my ears and I can hear the pain in her voice. "Listen, Harm, there's something I've got to tell you."

My hand grips the phone hard, willing my voice to strengthen when I speak but all I can think about is whether Mac's in danger. I take in ever tense note in her voice, the way she speaks slowly and carefully, as if creating the words one by one so she knows exactly what she's going to say. I urge my voice back into my throat. "What is it?"

"I'm," Mac begins and then her voice breaks. The tension is of an enormous magnitude. I can hear her breathe slowly. I shut my eyes. "I'm pregnant."

The phone slips from my grasp and falls to the floor. I'm immediately on my knees scrambling for it. "Harm?" Mac's voice resonates from the speaker. "Are you still there?"

"Yes," I blurted, my brain searching for words. I can feel everything go fuzzy somewhere up in my mind. This can't be possible. I bite my lower lip, my eyes firmly shut. "What . . . how . . . when?"

I'm grasping for words, beginning sentences I have no shot at finishing. I can feel the phone sliding down my sweaty palm resulting in my fingers to lock tighter. More importantly: "mine?"

Mac issues a strangled laugh, "definitely."

I can feel something sting at the back of my eyes. I try and shove the emotion away but no cigar. My breath gets kind of heavy. I wipe my eyes with force. "What . . . how's . . ." I try again to make a sentence but words are failing me.

"The baby's fine," Mac says slowly and soothingly. "I had my first month check up today. And he or she is doing perfectly fine."

The words strike me emotionally. I sit there, silence overcoming me.

"Harm?"

"I'm here," I replied hollowly. I sit there, on the couch, cradling the phone in one hand and the other furtively rubbing my eyes. The incredulity of it all strikes me very suddenly. I laugh shakily. "Have you told the Admiral yet?"

"Uh huh," Mac voice suddenly sounds weary. "Today."

"And?" I prod gently.

"It was a fruitful little discussion," Mac's voice is weighted by the thirst for slumber. "Eighty percent yelling, and about twenty percent concern."

"Mac," my voice is filled with anxiety. "You ought to have someone help you. You can't –" I begin but Mac cuts me off.

"I do," she says strongly, confidently. "Jake . . . he's with me. You know, for protection and stuff. And he's helping me. Don't worry Harm. I'll be fine."

I feel something clamp down on me internally. "I always worry about you, Mac."

"I know," she said quietly. "You shouldn't."

_Tell that to my heart. _

"H – Harm, I've got to go," Mac's voice is suddenly hurried and panicked. "Jake and Clay are –"

And then the call disconnects. I sit there, my body a whirl of emotions. Panic, excitement, elatedness . . . and then the incomparably large amount of fright. I'm going to be a father.

And then . . . just like that, despair seeps into me. I'll be a father . . . but one my kid can not see, can not hear, can not know. I won't be there. I have a family that I can even – the thought hurts me too much. Not until Abbas is caught . . .

I set down the phone and stared at Vera who was sitting on the couch opposite to me, staring at me thoughtfully. "Vera, I," I begin but I stop, my eyes filling with unshed tears. Vera comes over to me, wrapping one arm around me.

"Vera, I know what I've got to do," I said slowly, weightily. "But I –" I break off.

"Harm, you don't have to," Vera begins but I interrupt.

"No, I DO have to do something," I said shaking my head, removing her arm from me and getting up slowly from the couch. "But this . . . changes everything . . ."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Jake! Clay! Stop it!" I scream, my throat hoarse. Jake whirls around and punches Clay in the face sending him staggering to the ground. Clay retaliates with a blow to the stomach. "Ugh, I told you two to quit it!"

I leap in the middle of them, pulling Jake off of Clay who was repeatedly bashing Jake's head into the coffee table. "Jake, left couch!" I hollered at him, practically pushing him to the sofa. I pulled Clay up by the collar of his shirt and shoved him into the opposite couch, taking a long and wary look at the both of them. Both of their faces were bloody. Clay's nose looked badly shaped, maybe broken. Jake's right eye was beginning to swell. Bruises had not appeared yet on their faces but would definitely show tomorrow.

"Wait right there," I ordered, disappearing into the kitchen and returning with two icepacks wrapped in paper towel. "Jake, put this one on your eye and, Clay, keep this on your nose. Do you think it's broken?"

Clay shakes his head slowly, careful not to move his nose.

"Well, that's too bad," Jake replied mercilessly.

I glared at him. "Too bad you didn't hit him harder, Clay."

No one spoke for a moment, I staring down at both of them with a harsh look upon my face. "Now, are either of you going to tell me what you were fighting about?"

A long cruel silence followed my question and then, "Ask him," Clay replied with menace, pointing at Jake. "He was the one that started it."

I looked at Jake.

"He insulted her," Jake replied callously, glaring at Clay. "He has no freaking clue. And he has the gall to . . ." Jake fell silence, heat seeping into his voice. "I couldn't stand it." Jake's eyes were wild. "He deserved everything he got."

I stared at the two of them uncertainly. "Care to elaborate, Clay?"

Clay stared for a moment and then, "Vera."

A long silence. I looked at them both incredulously. "You were fighting over Vera?"

"Not the way you're thinking," Jake mumbled in weak retaliation. "He . . . insulted her."

I raised my eyebrow. "And you felt it your duty to come to her rescue, did you?"

Jake glared at Clay. "He didn't know. He had no idea. He can't just go around . . ." Jake gestured with his hands. "He needed to be taught a lesson. And it's lucky for him that it was me and not Vera."

I have to admit, he's captured my interest. "What do you mean, Jake?"

Jake stares off moodily. "Vera's had a tough life. She's got a horrible past and Webb just loves to make it worse. Not many people could go through what Vera's been through and still turn out the way she did. And now she's got some ass who hasn't one idea in hell of what she's been through undermining her every move." Jake rises up to meet my eye. "I couldn't take it."

I stared at Jake and then turned around to Clay who was silent but rather than glaring he was staring at Jake almost thoughtfully. "What horrible past?"

Jake's head moved so his eyes met Clay's. "Why the hell should I tell you?"

Clay's chin jutted out. "You said I haven't one idea in hell what she's been through and I don't. She never told me." A long pause on his end. "But I want to know."

Jake shifted a little, resting his hand on the couch.

"Jake, put that ice back on your eye," I commanded, sitting next to Clay and removing his ice pack to see if his nose was looking any better.

"Tell me," Clay persisted, wincing as I touched the side of his nose to note the swelling.

Jake squirmed around a bit. "When Vera was six years old her parents died in a house fire. She was living in Italy back then. Her father was a politician and her mother an extremely important business official. One night someone threw a homemade bomb into their mansion. Fortunately, it wasn't very good and instead of blowing up the entire house, it blew down only a portion of it," Jake said slowly, his eyes capturing a fiery glow. "Vera was very lucky to get out alive. In her parents' will, they had entrusted the care of their daughter to an Arabian named Akheal Azhad – another politician. A friend of theirs, I think. He had a wife and a daughter, and they lived on the move. For a few years they lived in India, then Iran, Iraq, they traveled from place to place with two years in between. And Vera lived with them until she was fifteen."

Clay shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, and I don't believe it had anything to do with the pain of his nose. "Then what happened?"

"Akheal Azhad was murdered. Vera went to school one day and then when she came back she found his body with a knife through it in his study. The man that had killed him had taken the daughter and wife prisoner. That man," Jake broke for effect. "Was Abbas."

Clay leaped to his feet, ignoring me and the icepack. "What?"

"I assumed you knew that much," Jake retorted somewhat annoyed. "I mean, after you put her up to watch Harm – I thought you at least knew _that."_

"If I'd known that I never would have assigned her to this mission!" Clay bellowed, his face turning red.

"Clay, calm yourself and _sit down," _I demanded, yanking him down beside me onto the sofa.

"Anyways, Vera was sent to an orphanage in Italy. She was in and out of different ones until she was eighteen where she applied for American citizenship. She never graduated from college but almost immediately filed into the CIA," Jake continued. "One of the youngest ever to join."

Clay continued to sit there, silence overcoming the room. "Why didn't she tell me?" he suddenly broke out.

Jake looked at Clay almost sympathetically. "Because . . . she likes you too much. She doesn't want to hurt you. She wants to help you, and if you knew . . . you yourself said you wouldn't want her on the case."

"That's only because I don't want _her _to get hurt!" Clay exploded.

And the very typical Jake grin suddenly enveloped his face. "My point exactly."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, um . . . yes, this chapter was fairly short. Oh well, I'll try and get a longer chapter out next time. Forgive me? Oh yeah, and I'm going to fast forward a few months next chapter. So . . . we can really get this story going.**

**Oh wait, and before I forget – I'm taking suggestions for names. You know, for the baby. I'd really appreciate it if you people each donated one name for a boy and one name for a girl. Actually, you can donate however many for either gender. And I GUARANTEE that one of the names suggested will either make first name or middle name – or maybe two of the names suggested will be first and middle. I don't know – depends how many names you people donate! Oh yes, and one more thing . . . can we make it a nice normal name? You know . . . normal.**

**BrittanyLS: **Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've got their reunion all up in my head, but give me a little time to put it out on paper – and I'll be sure you get to read it!

**vrbinkaCZ: **lol, I WAS sitting on the computer when I got your review, typing up this chapter. LOL, wonderful sense of timing you have. Almost Macish.

**S: **LOL, there – he found out. Hope you liked this chapter!

**Jazzy: **thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter! I was kind of cruel ending it the way I did last chapter.

**AB: **LOL, as soon as I'm done with him I'll send Jake over to Australia! However there is quite a queue waiting for him . . . lol. Ain't the Admiral awesome when it comes to Webb? He won't take any of Webb's crap.

**Southernqt: **Teekfah? You're kidding me! LOL, I am DEFINITELY going to give the kid a normal name. Any name suggestions I would really appreciate. (See author's note at the end of this chapter). No Teekfahs . . . definitely no Teekfahs.

**Froggy0319: **"chewing your nails to nothingness" – lol. I chew my fingernails all the time, it's practically a hobby. Anyways, you can stop chewing now. I updated!

**xLovexNxPainx: **thank you for the name suggestions for a girl! I'll definitely add them to my list! I'm trying to get all my reviewers to donate names so if you could donate some for a boy too – you know, to keep it even then that's great! And if you have any more for either gender, I'd also appreciate that!

**Dansingwolf: **haha, you review was long! Sorry, and now let me see if I can keep THIS response short. Anyways, I really don't see a point in hating Webb. He's got a great character and I don't like to look beyond his faults because his faults are what make Webb – well, _Webb. _If he wasn't so rude he wouldn't be nearly as much fun as he is. And if he wasn't so interfering – sure, Mac wouldn't have dated him (which would have definitely been a good thing) but Harm and Mac also would have never been sucked into the death defying adventures that kept us all on the edge of our seats. Webb's way too good a character to be wasted as a villain. And anyways, Mac and Webb would never have worked out – not when Harm's around . . . o ya, and if you have any name suggestions, feel free to say them in a review . . . dang it, this response wasn't nearly as short as I'd hoped for. O well, looks like my willpower failed me too.

**Daisymh: **think this chapter was out soon enough? LOL – hope you liked his reaction!

**Harmony1440: **there wasn't all THAT much angst! Okay, there was a teeny tiny bit – but I'm warning you, if you couldn't take that – this story might kill you. LOL – if you have any baby name suggestions, please tell me!

**Vhosek malacath: **thanks, and if you have any baby name suggestions for either gender, please tell me!

**Jaggurl: **I'll update a lot more times before I go on my trip, or – at least, as many times as I possibly can. Hope you liked this chapter and if you have any ideas for names for the baby – either gender – please tell me!

**Radiorox: **ah, you're probably one of my few reviewers that actually appreciate cliffhangers! (and she pulls out a matching t-shirt). Never mind Harm pounding Dalton into oblivion, I wanted to see Harm pound _Vic _into oblivion during the series finale. When I found out at the end of that one episode that Vukovic was to be stationed in Iraq, I swear I jumped for joy. Oh, and if you have any suggestions for baby names – either gender – I'd really appreciate them.

**Strawberry Kittens: **ooh . . . a sequel, that's an idea I should look into. But I guess I've gotta finish this story first. That would be a good idea. Oh, and the JAG DVDs aren't out yet – I don't think they're anywhere near out yet. I heard on the radio that they will be coming out this Christmas, but I also heard somewhere else that they might be coming out in 2008! Let's pray it's the former. But if you have any questions about JAG, you know – to write your fic, you can always email me and ask them. I've seen . . . almost . . . all the episodes. Maybe another ten and I'll have seen them all. So you can always come to me. Oh yeah, and if you have any suggestions for names (either gender) I'd really appreciate them.

**Bite Beccy: **LOL, here – I gave you his reaction! And I'd really REALLY appreciate help with names! But I'm keeping the gender a mystery . . . you know, for now. So names for both genders would be a great help.

**Snugglebug: **yeah, don't cliffhangers rock? Anyways, hope you liked this chapter and if you have ANY suggestions for names for the baby (either gender) then I'd greatly appreciate them!


	24. Tempting Abbas

**A/N: Um, here's the next chapter – once again, I am putting up a warning saying that this Sunday I am going to be leaving for a week. The chances of my being able to update on this story or To London With Love are slim to none so I will TRY to get as many chapters as I can out but . . . well, let's not think in the negative shall we?**

**Thanks go out to my reviewers for being as wonderful as you are: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady and Kristie! If I forgot anyone, please let me know. **

**Tempting Abbas**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Mac's POV and REMEMBER, this is set FIVE months later, okay? I kind of fast forwarded, you know, to keep the story moving. **

"Ma'am, we're hoping to have your baby shower next month," Harriet informs me, slipping into my office after rapidly knocking a second before hand. I exhale almost tiredly. This last month the fatigue has really been wearing on every muscle in my body. Jake's been a savior with his powerful massaging hands.

"Harriet, really, I don't need a baby shower," I fought futilely. We've been having the same argument for months. "Really."

"But, ma'am, one of the high points in being pregnant is the baby shower!" Harriet face is literally pink with excitement. Now tell me, how can I deny my friend such obvious pleasure?

"Alright, Harriet," I replied wearily. "When and where?"

"Three weeks from this Saturday and my house," Harriet smiles. "And _only_ girls. First rule. Second rule – don't buy anything for the baby. It'll all somehow manage to wind its way into the gift pile."

And my mouth opens to protest but Harriet's already walked away. God, I hate being pregnant . . . no, I don't mean that. I don't. I'm just _tired. _I work all day to come home to a squabbling Jake and Clay (no, Clay doesn't actually LIVE with us, but he seems to think our apartment's much better than his because he's there till around midnight). And you know what's the absolute _worst _part? Wholly and sincerely? _I can't see my feat._

I know what an incredibly idiotic fear that is but they're my _feat. _They're attached to my legs. I don't even know if they're THERE any more! I can't bend down to touch them! And Jake mentioned the other day they're looking a little swollen. I have swollen feat I can't touch or see!

I slap my keyboard restlessly, looking up at my list of un-work related subjects. "Devon," I whispered aloud. That was a nice name. What name did I have underneath? Joshua. Hmm . . . Devon Joshua Rabb. Joshua Devon Rabb. And then I mentally retaliated. His last name won't be Rabb. It can't be Rabb. No one must know . . .

Devon Joshua Mackenzie. Joshua Devon Mackenzie. And instantly the wonderful ring both names had possessed is gone. Well, not _gone _but simply dampened. I exhale heavily and look at my list of girls names. Elizabeth Carrie Rabb. Carrie Elizabeth Rabb. There it was again, the melodic ring of a perfect name. Elizabeth Carrie Mackenzie. Carrie Elizabeth Mackenzie. Both names were rather a mouthful. I bit my lower lip in frustration.

_Knock. Knock._

"Enter!" I bellowed, quickly minimizing my little name list. Well, not little, per say . . . okay, yeah it's pretty long. Every name I sort of liked I put on my list. I looked up to see my visitor and raised my eyebrow. "Hey, Webb."

"Mac," Clay said almost uncomfortably. Through my open blinds I can see office personnel stopping what they're doing to look over in interest, hovering in a rather annoying manner. I had no doubt what they were thinking. I stood up and walked over, closing the door and shutting the blinds. I didn't need the whole office privy to my private life.

"What's up, Clay?" I asked, leaning back in my chair, my hand subconsciously resting on my balloon-like stomach.

Clay opened his mouth, closed it again, and then opened it once more, words evidently failing him. "I just wanted to let you know that, um . . . I'm going to be away for a few days so . . . you know, if anything happens," his eyes fall on my stomach – incidentally, of course, "you can call me on my cell. Any time."

I nod. Before there was a Paraguay, before there was even the illusion of Paraguay, our manner towards each other, the friendly but not so much to actually be _friends, _rested between us. And perhaps bizarrely enough, it was . . . comforting. Not to have to put anything into a relationship, but to always have something there . . . or maybe it was just an illusion. Before a Paraguay. That seemed so long ago now.

"Thanks, Webb," I said then instantly correcting myself with a smile, "_Clay_. I will . . .incase anything comes up." I determinedly meet his eye. "Which it won't."

"I used to keep telling myself that," Webb replied genially. "But with Rabb nothing ever goes that way." His eyes fell upon my stomach. _Another Rabb . . ._

He stared at the monitor and then taking the mouse from under my hand, he opened the file I'd christened 'Baby Names'. "What are you doing?" I asked, a flicker of annoyance falling upon my facial features.

"Just looking," Webb replied almost robotically. His eyes scanned down the list of names, sorted into two lines of boys and girls names, then a third at the bottom for neutral names. "Hmm . . . Terry Mackenzie. Boy or girl?"

"Girl," I whispered, staring at Webb as though for the first time, transfixed by the almost paternal nature that had overtaken him just then. "I don't like it that much for a boy."

"Hmm," Webb said slowly, words on the tip of his lips. "It sounds . . ." I looked up at him. "Nice." He smiled at me sincerely, "it sounds really nice, Mac."

I feel myself get all choked up, tears stinging the back of my eyes. Damn these hormones. I cried myself silly last night watching Old Yeller, something that I haven't done since I was nothing but a little kid.

"Hey," Webb said almost softly, wiping his hand slowly over my cheek, fading the tears away against my skin. "Three more months . . ." he grinned. "Three more months and I'll have to permanently keep out of the apartment."

I look up, "not enough room?"

"Nah," Webb replied, swinging his coat over one shoulder and opening the door to exit. "I can't stand crying."

And just like that he was gone. I stood there for a moment, looking at his retreating figure before realizing half the office was watching me watch him so I promptly went back to work – looking up baby names.

It isn't fair, my annoyed mind replayed. I've got a zillion names to choose from and no one to lend the slightest bit of help . . . well, I shouldn't say that, there's Jake. But he's not Harm. This is Harm and my baby. It's only right he should help in the naming. But no, it's just me. Harriet never had this trouble. She'd pick a bunch of names, Bud would pick a bunch of names, and then they'd cross the names of each other's list that they didn't like, then they could narrow it down to at LEAST the top ten!

I groaned. Michael Grant Rabb. Hmm, not bad. Michael Grant Mackenzie. Very filmy. Grant Michael Mackenzie – god, no! _Save me . . ._

* * *

**1723**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Harm's POV**

"Oh, Clay – thank god you're here!" Vera rushes into Clay's arms as he comes through the front door and as she retreats from their embrace I can see a touch of pink in his cheeks. Or is it just my imagination?

"What's the emergency?" Clay's voice is all business. He throws his coat into the closet and he sends a shifty glance between me and Vera. I stand stoically with my hands in my pockets, my back leaning against the banister.

"You've got to talk this idiot out of doing something he's going to regret for the rest of his life!" Vera replied passionately, swinging her gaze towards me. "If that's much longer!"

Clay's eyes flickered to me coolly. "Care to elaborate, Rabb?"

I crossed my arms, staring strongly at the both of them. "I've got a plan."

"To get yourself killed," Vera added on, glaring at me, her dark eyes passionately alight. "And, Clay, you've got to talk him out of it. He'll listen to you."

"What plan?" Clay asked me, Vera's words falling upon deaf ears.

"To catch Abbas," my voice is quiet and prevailing, toning the correct power.

Clay's gaze shifted between Vera and I, taking in our expressions, our body language, and assessing the situation just correctly. "Talk to me."

"Clay," Vera's voice presses. "You can't take him seriously."

I feel blood rush through my body as heat comes to my cheeks, my eyes determined and forceful, anger unleashing itself within me. "Dammit, I'm sick and tired of this!" I hollered vehemently, slamming my arm against the wall. "I've been shut up in this godforsaken house for too long! I can't freaking STAND IT!"

"We have too, Harm!" Vera's voice is insistent and pleading, but there's a detectable undercurrent of power within it. "I've been in this house every day that you have and –"

"But it's not the same for you!" I reeled back, my eyes wild and my heart pounding. "You're still Vera, Clay's still Clay –"

"You're still Harm," Vera retaliated.

"But that's just it!" I screamed, water stinging the back of my eyes. "I'm not! Harmon Rabb is DEAD!" I bite back my frustration, forcing my gaze to the ceiling. "I am dead, Vera! And day after day I just sit here and rot. I watch as my life passes me by, as days pile on days, and weeks just fly and I can't STAND it any more!" I cast Clay and Vera a pleading glance. Their faces are stricken. "This isn't living," I panted, my voice quieting slightly. "This . . . this isn't life."

I slam my fist into the wall, shutting my eyes tightly to keep my emotion from escaping me.

"Harm," Vera begins but I cut her off.

"I know I can't go back, Vera," I said slowly, my words enforced by distance. "I can't turn back time . . . but . . . Abbas wants me – and if he's still out there, I can't be me. You're trying to protect me, but from what? From Abbas? The worst Abbas can do is kill me . . . no, that's not right. The worst Abbas can do is kill someone one I love, which is why I was here in the first place," I turn back to Vera and Clay, who are looking at me considerately, but with a detectable color of fear in their eyes. "But . . . I think if I . . . if this plan . . . dammit, I know I've got my life on the line, but if this plan works, then I can go back to being . . . me."

Vera stared at me, her dark eyes falling upon my suffering soul. "And if you don't . . ."

"Then I die," I say crudely but finally. "But look at me now, Vera! I'm not LIVING. This isn't what life is. I sit at home and watch . . . soap operas all day while eating food out of a can! I can't do this any longer!" I thrust myself at Vera whose eyes are downcast. "Look at me!" She keeps her gaze firmly upon the ground. "Dammit, Vera, look at me!" I tilt her head up so her eyes meet mine. "I've got to do this . . ." my voice is barely a whisper. "I can't not."

For a long moment Vera and I just stood there, our eyes forming an unbreakable bridge and then . . . she turned away, shattering our gaze into a million pieces. "No . . ." she whispered continually, moving away from us, from Clay and I. "No . . . no, no . . ."

And then she disappeared down the hall. We heard a door slam shut. Silence . . .

I look up at Webb, who's standing staring at his shoes, his eyes determined and his expression thoughtful. "Look, Clay, I –" I begin but Webb cuts me off.

"What do you propose?" He looks at me intently.

"What?" I'm caught off guard. Surely he can't be . . . considering buying into my plot.

"What's your plan?" he repeated, shuffling forward a little. His eyes don't leave me for a second.

I feel my voice catch in my throat but I push it to regulate. "I . . . I want to set myself up." Clay's mouth opens in protest but I plow on with my words. "Just hear me out. Abbas wants me . . . he needs to kill me. And we've taunted him for a year now. He's getting desperate. He wants to move onto his next kill. That means, when I finally show my face, he's not going to fool around with killing everyone around me. He wants to just do it . . . just finish me off. He'll come directly to me . . ." my eyes flicker towards Webb. "And that's when you'll be waiting."

"Harm," Webb begins but I won't let him get another word in.

"Abbas has friends in intelligence, right? You said so – some sort of . . . double agent, feeding him information. Well, it'll just be between you, me, Vera, and Jake, I guess – to take precaution. But _you _will leak it around the office – accidentally, of course – that I'm going to be shipped to . . . wherever. You pick – we just can't have this confrontation go down here because of . . . everyone else (read: Mac)."

My eyes meet Webb's frantically. "It has to be a sort of deserted place, a place where he'll have no trouble getting to and where not too many people can get injured if this gets . . . messy. But you'll already have the place covered. It should be easy . . . you know, ambush."

"Harm, it's not that _easy," _Webb pressed. "First of all, you yourself said we don't know who in my department to trust. You think we can take down Abbas with just you, me, Jake, and Vera? We'll need reinforcement. And second of all . . . Abbas is a _professional. _He will have scouted the area before hand; he will be hiding in the location when we get there. Ambushing him will be extremely difficult if we don't know _when _he's going to show up."

"Clay, you yourself know that's only technicalities," I replied, desperation seeping into my voice. "I have some . . . friends, that would be more than willing to help me out. Jack Keeter, for one, can be trusted. He'll be of some help. Uh . . ." I shift sort of uncomfortably at the next name that comes out of my mouth, "John Farrow, I do believe would be . . . well, he would . . ."

"I know," Clay replied, shaking his head.

"And then there's the Admiral," I insert quickly, seeing Webb's mouth opening. "If we brought him up to speed he would be of limitless use to us, Webb, and you know that. We can trust him and he wouldn't tell a soul anything that's going on."

Clay just stands there rooted on the spot, my voice carrying through the room.

"Come on, Clay," I persisted. "You know this could work . . . we've just got to give it a shot."

"Well, dammit, Rabb, we only have one," Clay replied, looking at me incredulously. "And what about Mac? And your baby? Don't you want to see him or her when they're born? Don't you want to live to see your family grow?"

Webb touched a nerve. And he knows it. I stare down at the ground. "Yes," I whispered. "More than anything . . ."

"Well," Clay asked exasperatedly, "could you please tell me why a man who has everything to live for is willing to so brazenly endanger his life?"

"Because I don't want to just _see _my family grow!" I hollered almost pathetically back. "I want to _be _with my family. I want to grow with them!" Emotion overcomes me and I slump onto the couch, wrapping my arms around my knees. "I love them . . . and that's why I'm doing this."

I look up to see Clay watching me with an almost thoughtful expression upon his face. "You know something, Rabb? That may just be the most meaningful thing I've ever heard you say." I meet his eyes courageously. "And you know what?" he glared at me. "I'm an idiot for going along with this."

My heart physically jumps into my throat. "You'll do it?" I whispered.

He glares at me, his answer in his eyes. There was no question about it. I grinned at him, slapping him hard on the back in a jovial manner. "Webb, I owe you so much, I . . ."

"I know, I know," Webb replied wearily. "God help me, I'm taking directions from Rabb."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Somewhere in Washington**

Abbas's fist pounded upon the daily newspaper, his blood teeming with frustration and pent up anger. Rabb had escaped too long for comfort. Much too long . . . and now he would pay the heaviest price of all.

Abbas's face split into a recklessly lethal grin. _A slow and painful death . . . slow and painful . . ._

* * *

**A/N: Good news – this chapter is longer than the last one. Anyways, for all those who don't read my author's notes at the beginning of the chapter (you know who you are) I'm just notifying you that as of this Sunday I will be away for a week with slim to no chance of me being able to update. Yes, I'm heartbroken too.**

**Anyways, for all those people who donated names for the baby, thank you. I received many of them and was very . . . amused, by the guesses at gender (you also know who you are). All I can say is, I neither confirm nor deny!**

**Oh, and one more thing: I would like for you all to keep in mind that because Harm is "dead" the baby cannot have his last name at this time because . . . that's a dead giveaway to the assassin. The baby will have the surname 'Mackenzie' . . . for now(?).**

**Forensics Freak 1988: **I beg your pardon, how did I give IT away! I was very careful about not giving IT away . . . in fact, I'm still undecided about it . . . I thought I knew what IT was going to be . . . but all these guesses . . . hmm, maybe I should take IT in a different direction . . . lol, and I had another suggestion for the name Lily. But I do believe that was HP unrelated.

**xLovexNxPainx: **lol – it can't be Harmon David Rabb because Harm's dead, remember? And that would be a dead giveaway to the assassin! Otherwise I would name him that . . . lol, Trey's not a bad suggestion though.

**Sugar230: **James and Rose – I like them. Rose, I must say, was a VERY popular suggestion. Oh, and I hope you're having fun camping. It certainly sounds like a lot of fun. LOL, any bears?

**Jamie: **lol, I must say – well, first of all – thank you for so many names! And you know, with me – I like very few girls names. I don't know why, I just like the boys names better for some reason. And one thing I really like are neutral names . . . I don't know why, either. And you gave me a lot of names and some were neutral! Oh ya, and I really liked all the boys names you donated. Thanks

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Rocket Rain: **lol, thank you for the nice NORMAL names, I will definitely look into them!

**Maritza Carmichael: **thank you, and I'll put them on my list!

**Laura: **hmm, I've got a lot of reviewers suggesting the name Emma so that's a definite add to my list and I LOVE the name Nicholas so . . . yeah, those are two great suggestions!

**Bite Beccy: **omg, you like the name Zachary too? I like that name lots . . . I never used to like it and then . . . I don't know, it just really caught on. Zac . . . it sounds, I don't know. It just rolls of your tongue. LOL – and yes, aren't I mean? Oh well – it builds the suspense for the ending.

**Broesel: **omg, that's so cool – you're German! LOL, I know I shouldn't be as excited I am, but someone in Germany is reading what I wrote! That's so cool . . . anyways, I'm completely in LOVE with the names Noah and Finn – I mean, I like all the names that you put, but somehow Noah and Finn really stood out. Thanks!

**Cherise: **so you're one of those 'name them after' shippers, aren't you? LOL, I'm a bit slow . . . but the kid's last name can't be Rabb (at this point in time) because that's just like a beacon attracting the assassin (don't you hate him?) but I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind!

**Kitty X: **I wish this story would never end too but . . . the end keeps approaching. I can see it . . . however distantly, in the future . . . lol, glad you're liking it.

**Ady: **oh, wow . . . Aanya, that's a really pretty name. I'll definitely add it to my list. You wouldn't happen to be Indian, would you . .? Not that it matters or anything. Aanya just sounds sort of Indian. Dunno, I could be wrong.

**marineJAG: **well – you got your reaction to Harm's plan. Not exactly what everyone expected, I'm sure . . . but I'm trying to keep this story moving. The end is near.

**Froggy0319: **hmm . . . I've had like four people suggesting Elizabeth so that's like definitely on my list! I just . . . I don't know if you read Radiorox's story, but right at the end Harm and Mac had a girl and they named her Elizabeth and I'd just feel bad to copy, if you know what I mean. Taking on that name and everything – but I love your name! It's so pretty. And I think the name Andrew is nice, but I really really like the name Ryan. Thank you for your name donations, and they really were good!

**Southernqt: **thanks for the names – you picked like really popular ones. You have no idea how many people suggested Elizabeth and how many people suggested Rose. LOL – also liked your male names. Especially Michael and James. Thanks!

**Abigaile: **oh, wouldn't we all just love for Abbas to be killed right now? LOL, he'll die another day . . . of course, so will we all . . . but never mind that, thank you for your name donations! They're currently being added to the list!

**Radiorox: **LOL, you're actually going to CHARGE me for the chance to have a name you like being that of Harm and Mac's _child? _Babe, I think it should be the other way around. LOL, and I liked all the names you put down. All going on my list. I especially liked Zachary, Damian, Alex (girl and boy) and . . . well, your name!

**Kyrapura: **LOL, if I had been in your place I think I would have screamed too! And well think about it this way – for one of the weeks you're away, I am too – so there'll be no updates. You won't miss much.

**Rainydays502: **loving the names you put down. Especially Taylor . . . Taylor Mackenzie. Yeah, Taylor Rabb sounds better but whatever. That damn assassin . . . lol. Lily's a very popular name. Had like three other people suggest it.

**Kristie: **well, you definitely picked all very popular names! Matthew's been suggested more than once, Rose – very popular, David – even more popular, and Emma – well, yes – definitely popular! And I like them so . . . thank you very much for contributing to the name fund! (don't I sound like one of those people that come knocking on people's doors at some ungodly hour?) lol

**Dansingwolf: **Um . . . Stella . . . sorry to say I side with your friends on that one, but I'm totally behind you with Ava, Haley and David. Now, Julia's a very normal name and it's . . . pretty, but that's my pain-in-the-butt baby sister's name and I'm sooooo not naming this kid after her! (no offense to you, Jules, if you're reading this – which I doubt) and I don't write a LOT a lot . . . well, yeah, okay I do but it's SUMMER. I'm home all day . . . drinking Pepsi (I swear I could single-handedly sponsor the drink), watching JAG and writing! This is the life, I'm telling you. And I have seen (almost) every JAG episode. There are some I haven't seen that I really wish I had (they play reruns on History Television every week day so . . . I'm managing) like 'Critical Condition', um . . . hmm, I recently saw A Tangled Webb Part I and though I had seen it before, I'd only caught the ending and it was the end of that show while watching it with my dad that I actually thought to myself JAG wasn't that bad a show and then . . . well, I became obsessed (watched reruns for a year till I'd caught up). LOL, and Clay and Jake soooo deserved to get their butts kicked last chapter. By a pregnant marine too! And though there is . . . many, ideas out there of the gender of the baby . . . and I mean it, many – I will continue to drop tantalizing and confusing hints from this chapter until the baby is actually born and the more you read into it, the more mixed up you'll get! Ahh . . . no, I was determined to keep this response short!

**Daisymh: **thank you, and I hope you liked this chapter.

**Jaggurl: **thanks for the suggestions for middle name. Just out of curiosity, did you suggest them for middle name 'cause you wanted an original name first or . . . what? Just wondering, no reason behind my questioning. LOL, thanks for your generous contribution to my name list!

**Snugglebug: **I know what you mean – my name list is getting so long! I went on this website called well 'Baby Names!' and I was looking through them letter by letter and scribbling down all the names I liked and by the time I was done I had like a hundred! LOL, and it's going to be reeaaalllyyy hard to pick 'cause I don't want to disappoint anyone with an unlikable name (my tastes are . . . selective). Any suggestions would be wonderful (I liked the name Ainslie by the way)

**Strawberry Kittens: **thanks for the names, girls – much appreciated! I especially liked Katelyn, and . . . well, pretty much all the boys names you donated! They're all on my list, thank you!

**Tizy: **wow, you gave me sooo many names and such wonderful ones too! you wanna know the ones that I REALLY liked? Jordan, Dawson, Hunter (especially Hunter!), Jane, Matt, Joshua (I'm sorry – I REALLY like J names for boys, forgive me?). Well, I know for one that my mother is totally with you on the name front. Nice simple every day names that kids don't get teased on the play ground for. I though happen to like fairly . . . I won't say exotic names 'cause I've never been partial to exotic _girl's _names but I like different ones for guys. For the longest time I was madly in love with the name 'Skyler'. I don't know what attracted me to it – I just liked it. But you could hardly call that normal. I just thought that for Harm and Mac . . . well they deserved a normal kid with a normal name. LOL – and I like the names of your daughters! I've got two friends by those names.


	25. Team Member One

1**A/N: Latest chapter, I'm working hard to get out another chapter of one of my stories before I leave on Sunday. So, bear with me here . . . I haven't stopped writing all day. I'm literally eating and drinking in front of this computer. Not that I mind though. **

**Special thanks to reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, and TV Angel 711!**

**Note: there are many women in the first part of this chapter that JAG has not seen for a long time. Keep in mind, I just needed women to compose the baby shower. **

**Team Member 1**

**1439**

**Roberts House**

**Mac's POV**

"Oh my gosh, this is _beautiful," _I stretched, lifting a yellow embroidered baby blanket out of the box. Balloons and teddy bears decorated the edges while clouds dotted the middle. "Thanks so much, Varese."

Varese smiles in return and I move onto the next box. I am half a week away from being seven months pregnant, I feel like Shamu, and my emotions are running rampant. I haven't stopped crying all through my baby shower. It's just everything and everyone's just so NICE.

"And this is a present from Bud," Harriet passes me over a rather box-like looking package. "We were going to get you something together and then . . ." Harriet smiles while rolling her eyes. "We had a slight difference of opinion. Anyways, this is HIS gift."

I unwrap the paper to find a whole Disney animated classics box set. Everything from Cinderella to Snow White to Sleeping Beauty to Lady and the Tramp. And, oh Lord, I'm crying again. "This is just so perfect," I choked, setting it down beside all my other gifts. "I wish Bud was here so I could thank him."

Harriet wraps a comforting arm around me. "I'll tell him you appreciate it."

I nod, wiping the tears from my face and regulating my breath. God, why couldn't I just keep the tears at bay? "Alright, so are we ready to begin?" I asked Harriet, and everyone else nodded.

"Good," said Harriet, immediately taking over. "We're about to begin the Name donation. Let's start with boy's names. Donate as many as you like but ONLY if you know the meanings of the names. Okay, let's begin."

A few minutes of thoughtful silence enveloped while everyone wrote down names and then Harriet collected the papers, putting them into a large decorate shoe box with a slit at the top. "Okay, let's start . . . Kate, you pick first."

Kate Pike reached her hand into the shoe box, pulling out a paper with names scribbled upon them. "Alright, um – for a boy, Nicholas – it means 'victorious people'. Jeremiah – it means 'Sent by God', and William means 'protector'." She smiled shyly. "Okay, who wrote that one?"

"I did," Harriet's mother – sitting in an arm chair at the corner of the living room – piped up. "And I hope you will take those names into careful consideration, dear." She looked at me. "I gave them to Harriet when she was pregnant all three times but no – she insisted upon her son have initials as his first name."

I noticed a slight pink rise underneath Harriet's cheeks but determined not to spoil the day, she thrust the shoebox at her mother. "Okay, your turn, Mom. Pick one."

Mrs. Sims dipped her hand into the shoebox and pulled out a white slip of folded paper. "Okay, um . . . Zachary. It means 'Remembrance of the Lord'. My my, that is pretty, isn't it, dear? And, let's see, James – it means 'Supplanter'. Dylan – 'born from the ocean, or son of the sea' . That's also rather pretty. Dean – it means 'leader'. And Quinn, it means 'the Fifth'.

My head whirls with thought. Zachary Rabb, James Rabb – Zachary Mackenzie. James Mackenzie. I smile and accept the piece of paper, slipping it into my bag. I was taking all the names I could get.

"Okay, thank you," I whispered. "So who wrote that?"

A long silence follows. "Well, evidently it's one of the guys that donated it," Harriet said, taking the piece of paper out and flipping it over. "Yes, that's Gunny's donation. Now, someone else pick . . . Jen, why don't you?"

"Alright," Jen replies, pulling a folded sheet of paper out of the box. "Okay, let's see – Austin, and it comes from the name 'Augustin' which means 'revered, exalted'. Joshua – which means 'Jehovah saves', Adam – 'mankind', Mitchell – 'who is like god?', Michael – it means the same thing as Mitchell, and John means 'God is gracious, merciful'. And that is donated by," Jen flipped it over. "Well, Harriet."

Harriet grinned. "So I guess that makes it my turn to pick, huh?" She pulls out a slip of paper. "Okay, let's see what we have here. Bryan, it means 'strong one', Finn means 'fair', Noah means 'peace', Aaron – 'enlightened', and Andrew means 'manly, courageous'." Harriet finishes, flipping over the piece of paper. "Oh, and need we be surprise? The Admiral donated this one."

I grinned, taking the paper too. "So whose turn does that make this?"

"I'll go if no one minds," Trish Burnett says softly from the other corner of the room. I feel my heart leap into my throat. Honestly, I didn't know she was going to be here. Harriet called her. Right now the name of her grandchild could be uttered, and she wouldn't know it. I feel myself beginning to sweat nervously.

"Go ahead," Harriet urges, pushing the shoebox towards Mrs. Burnett.

Trish dips her hand into the box and pulls back a piece of paper. "Okay, David – it means 'beloved'." I choke, remember Harm a little. But I've been crying so much today that no one takes any notice really. "Christopher, it means 'Christ bearer'. Maddox – son of the Lord. Grant – it means 'great', Matthew – which means 'God's Gift', Alexander 'Protector of Mankind', and Damian 'sweet and harmless.'"

Now, I know the last word wasn't supposed to get to me, it didn't mean how it sounded. Harm-less. Tears begin rolling down my cheeks once again and I look up at Harm's mother to see something blur her eyes too. And I have no doubt what it is. Because on some levels, I think Trish Burnett and I share the same thing – the love for her son.

"That's from Varese," Trish finished, handing me the paper. I smiled and thanked the both of them.

"Does that make it my turn?" Meg Austin asked me, running her hands through her shoulder length blonde hair. Her words replayed in my head, thick with the Texas accent.

"Yeah," I replied, passing her the shoe box. I watched as she took out a piece of paper. Harm's old partner. What did she feel for him? Could it be anything along the magnitude of what I did? I shook my head forcefully. No, it couldn't be. Though I wonder how it was for her. Did he dodge the same questions? Take the same proverbial bullets for her? The same real bullets? I shook the idea from my head as something Harm said came floating back to me.

"_You're just this way with me, aren't you?" I asked, the lights of Sydney Harbor shining down upon his face._

"_Yeah," he replied almost hollowly. "Only with you."_

"Daniel – it means 'God is my judge', Charlie – means 'manly, farmer'," Meg begins before being cut off by Katie.

"Did I just hear you say it means a manly farmer?" she asked incredulously, one eyebrow cocked up to the sky.

"No, it means 'manly COMMA farmer'," Meg responded, smiling with traces of indignation upon her face. "Todd – it means 'fox', Tony – 'worthy of praise', Jordan – 'descendant', and Dawson – 'son of David'. And that was donated by," she flipped it over. "Bud Roberts."

Harriet nodded. "I thought so. He always WAS after naming one of the kids Todd. And then when I suggested James for Jimmy he just lit up and suggested the middle name Kirk," Harriet's voice was so sweetly naïve. I grinned.

"So I guess . . . it's my turn," I said, pulling a slip of paper out. "Okay, a bunch of H names. Hunter – it means its name. Harper – 'Harp Player'. Halen – 'Hall of Light'. Peyton – 'Village of the Warrior'." I flipped over the paper. "Thank you, Jen."

Jen smiled. "No problem, ma'am. But I think all the names said here today were lovely."

I nodded. "They certainly were."

"Should we go through the girls' names?" Harriet asked but then cast a look at me. I was practically sleeping in the comfy armchair, my eyes drooping with weighted slumber. "No, I think not. You're looking a little tired, ma'am."

"I'm –" yawn "fine –" yawn "really –" yawn.

"Alright, we're calling it," Kate said cheerfully, standing up from the couch and piling the few presents that had been on her lap onto the pile on the floor. I stood up and we hugged. "Call me, okay?"

I nodded as one by one all of the various guests hugged me and departed. And finally, it was only me, Harriet and Trish Burnett. I could feel something flip within my stomach, and it was most definitely not the baby. Trish smiled at me and wrapped arms around in me in almost maternal hug. "You know," she whispered, drawing away from me and looking me straight in the eye with the wisdom that only a mother could possess. "This exactly what Harm wanted, you know. Your happiness. That's all he ever wanted."

And just like that, I broke down. For the first time that day the sobs that escaped me were not hormonal, or pregnancy induced. I stood there cradled in a mother's arms as we both wept for the supposedly deceased Harmon Rabb Junior.

* * *

**2018**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Harm's POV**

"So when do we put this plan into action?" I asked, sipping a large mug of coffee with a painful grimace on my face. I thought only Marines made this bad a coffee. Apparently Veras do too.

"Hold your horses there, Butch, there's plenty that needs to be thought out," Clay mumbled, also taking a sip of coffee. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes thoughtful and his words silent. "This is going to take time, Harm. It can't be rushed."

"Well, dammit, can it at least go at a decent pace?" I added scornfully, a frown etched on my face. "It's been almost a whole damn month and we haven't gotten past 'GO' yet.

Clay uttered a hollow chuckle. "Welcome to my world."

A long stretch of silence follows as we both sip our coffee. "Dammit, this is bitter," I added, lowering the cup from my lips. I looked at the dark coffee disdainfully, tipping it a little to watch it swirl around within the beige colored mug.

Clay releases a sour-noted laugh. "You're in quite the foul mood today."

I utter a few more swear words under my breath as I take another long gulp of coffee. I shake my head surlily, my dark hair falling in front of my eyes. I was in bad need of a hair cut. "So tell me, Clay, what's new on the tactical front?"

Clay exhales slowly, his age magnified upon his exhausted face. "Slipped it to Tim Grabaowski today. You know the desk jockey down by the second floor?" I shrug – I had met a lot of faces when I was in the CIA – none that I would be too pleased to see again. "Anyways, gave him a message to give to his supervisor – stated very plainly that Abbas was on the move and we could bring you out any day now. Course, I called Kovac before I slipped it to Grabaowski so he knew to ignore the message. He doesn't think young Tim's the snitch – nor do I for that matter. But he's got a loud mouth on him and a loose set of jaws. Not the greatest combo for a Confidential floor secretary. But he does good filing work, Tim does. Despite all his faults, he's pretty damn valuable. Anyways, if Grabaowski doesn't tell _someone, _I'd be surprised. No one out of the office – he knows the rules on that. But even inter-office info is usually banned unless the person in question is in all the right departments." Clay shrugged. "But Tim's young, and inexperienced. Maybe even a little ignorant. Our message will find its way around."

"And if it doesn't?" I challenged, setting my jaw strongly. I took another sip of coffee, willing my internal wince not to effect my calm exterior.

"We're taking all the necessary precautions," Clay replied. "We'll release another message in another department. We'll work our way around."

"How long?" I asked, my penetrating blue eyes forcing their way into Clay's mind.

"Till we make it around all the departments or until we release the next message?" Clay asked me, his eyes sagging with all his lost slumber.

"Both."

"I estimate," Clay replied, sipping his coffee hard, his grey eyes thoughtful, "give or take a month maybe eight. Seven at a minimum. To get it around the whole office, I mean. Another three weeks and we'll have slipped the next message."

He seemed so calm and relaxed in his chair that I felt the urge to get up and smack him hard across the face. Eight months just to get it around one building! And that's not counting Abbas's actual _capture. _I could feel my blood boiling within my veins. _No, don't get mad. This is not Clay's fault. This was your idea. _

"That's . . ." I trail almost depressingly. "That's a long time."

Clay shrugs his shoulders very business like. "It's not too bad. I've waited years on a case just to get to the next step. But in the mean time, we're going to have to start on making this Dream Team of yours." He looks me squarely in the eye. "It'll give you something to do while we wait for the word to get around."

I open up the side drawer to the dinning room cabinet and pull out a deck of playing cards. Clay and I have become accustomed to playing Poker every night betting dimes. Not much, but it keeps us entertained. I deal out the cards, "so what have you to for me."

Clay flips open the cover of his briefcase and pulls out identical brown manilla envelopes. "I've listed the possible categories we will need when considering team members and I have three possible people that will fit each one. First," Clay began, opening the first set of three envelopes. "Is informant. Very important. Gives the word, gets the word, and passes along the word. And from my files I have come up with three possible informants." He lays out three 8 by 10 photographs along with their personal info sheet.

I gaze at the three: two men and a woman, all between the ages of 25 and 45. Prime age. "And you're sure they can all be trusted?"

"I'll put my life to it," Clay replied briskly.

"No need to, mine's already put," I replied sullenly, my eyes scanning over the photos. "I trust you've used Interpol to check for backgrounds on all of them?"

"This morning."

"Scanned with Face Recognition for possible multiple identities?" I asked, picking up the first personal info sheet.

"Finished last night. No one with facial similarities over thirty-seven percent," Clay replied crisply. "They've all checked out and I know each one of them personally. I can't imagine they'd be our snitch."

"Well an informant would be the opportune position for a snitch," I replied, picking up the second file. "Gives the word, gets the word, and passes along the word."

"They check out, Harm."

I lay the second one down on the table. "Okay, so give me the brief overview."

Clay clears his throat. "Edward Klein, born in Columbus, younger sister Hilary. No spouse, no children. 37 years of age. Been in the business for nearly a decade. Eighteen successful missions. Two failed. Comes personally recommended by Charles Kovac." Clay looks up at me. "My boss."

"Huh," I grunt. I looked at his picture. His face was crude, as if drawn by someone who had no actual knowledge of the appearance of a human face. The top part of his head was bald with disheveled salt and pepper hair covering the rest of his scalp. His electric blue eyes were ones that could compete with Harm's. He looked like he'd seen it all - and was not afraid to see more. "Okay, next one."

"NCIS agent Elizabeth Yillen, born in Memphis. Four older brothers - William, Henry, Max, Dudley. No spouse, no children. 28 years of age. Been in NCIS for little over three years but before that was in the newspaper business. Not much of a background to go off of – but she's left with the most impressive record of 23 successful missions. She was an informant for NCIS before accepted as one of the team."

"Not bad, not bad," I agreed, nodding my head while looking at her photo. She had a charismatic face. Not exceptionally beautiful, but strong. Powerful features, determined eyes, thin face, light complexion, straw blonde hair tied up in a messy ponytail. She looked like someone that had lived under the tyranny of four older brothers. Like someone who could complete the mission. "Next."

Clay clears his throat. "Anthony Shapiro, born in Miami. One sister - Lisse. No spouse, no children. 32 years of age. Ex FBI Agent. He now does his own private work. He was in the FBI for seven years before being turned loose. He's done many odd jobs for me – both when he was at the FBI and after. Number of successful cases – exact number unknown. But fifteen at minimum. Failures, none that I know of. Except for that one Russian one . . . but he was just a kid back then. Twenty-four. He screwed up, but managed to fix it on time. Never classified it as a failure because he managed to save the day at the last minute. The department kept him around because he was bright and had keen investigative skills."

I grin at Clay. "I trust he comes with your recommendation then?"

Clay shrugs. "He was a kid when I met him. Literally living off the streets. His family was pretty poor. Father died when he was a young age. But he and his sister turned out pretty good. Lisse Shapiro's got a job at a law office downtown, a couple a cute kids, and is doing well for herself. Tony . . . well, he drifts a bit. But he's smart, Harm. Real good at digging up dirt, and without having to resort to gossip columnists." I could see his eye shifting to Elizabeth Yillen's picture.

I open up the Shapiro file. Everything seems to check out. I look at the picture. It shows a young man with tanned perhaps Hispanic skin, dark hair that fell before his eyes, and a generally very handsome face. His eyes were a soft brown color, but determined; set on his goals. He looked intelligent. "This picture has to be taken a while ago. He doesn't look over twenty-eight."

"Well it was," Clay began semi-uncomfortably. "Last picture before he left the Bureau. I used him several other times. But he had no permanent job. He was an odd one, floating where there was need of work. But he did alright for himself, as I told you before."

"You know where he is now?" I asked, putting the picture and info sheets back in their respective files.

"No, but I can find out pretty easy. Tony and I haven't lost touch." Clay eyed me almost slyly. "Does this mean he has the job?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "If he's as good as you say he is, then yeah. Consider him employed."

Clay grinned at me, shuffling the cards a bit more. "Why I do declare, Harmon Rabb, we have our first Dream Team Member. Besides, you know . . ."

"The gang," I finished, casting a quick sly look at my cards. I framed my face with my best Poker expression. "Yeah."

"Well, one member down," Clay said, picking up a card out of the deck. "Four more to go . . ."

* * *

**A/N: I would like this to be noted that 'Team Member One' is the first of the 'Team Member' set within this story. It will go up to Team Member Five. And . . . okay, not much to say this chapter except – thanks for all name donations! They were very much appreciated! I did all the guys names that were donated this chapter (save a few that were donated by people who'd donated a lot in one review – I took the majority of the names then). Next chapter I'll do the girls names . . . LOL, you people still taking shots at the gender?**

**Final note: FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NOT READ THIS BEFORE, STARTING SUNDAY I WILL BE AWAY FOR A WEEK! Just incase you haven't heard that yet . . .**

**Steelo: **yay, you caught up! OMG – excited about Sunday? I can't wait. As for Clay admitting his feelings to Vera . . . let's just say their relationship's going to get interesting . . . and I'm even thinking about writing a sequel to this. I've got the idea in my head and depending on how I end this (I've already worked out two possible endings) One – ending THE ENDING. Or two – the end . . . until next time! Mwahahaha, that'll just warrant a sequel. Hmm . . . I wonder what everyone else thinks?

**Rainydays502: **thanks, and I love both names that you suggested. Hmm, definitely adding them to my list!

**Snugglebug: **thank you, and I'm definitely adding both suggestions to my list – Dylan was already suggested (of course you spelt it different) but I'll add Carina to my list for the girls. Thank you for name donations and I hope you like this chapter!

**Dansingwolf: **LOL, you watch Friends too? I find that show hilarious. Endlessly entertaining. And yes, I saw the 'Joshua' episode. In fact, I'm actually in love with the name Joshua. I don't know if you ever read the book 'The Gospel According to Larry'. Actually, you probably haven't cuz it's not a famous book or anything, but it's by Janet Tashjian and I absolutely fell in love with it when I read it and the main character's name was Joshua and ever since then I've loved that name too. Weird logic, I know. But if you love a character that much, you begin to really like his name. And as much as I like the tale of Hercules, sadly enough – the boy will not be named Hercules Rabb. But good luck on finding a Stella-liker. Ooh, this reply was short too. Hmm, I'm getting good at this.

**DD2: **thanks! And the last chapter was surprisingly long, considering this story hasn't the best track record length wise. This chapter was only five pages, but what the heck. I figure you guys would want me to post faster rather than longer chaps. Considering the fact I'm going away. LOL

**Sugar230: **ah yes, 'feet' and 'feat'. What can I say – it's two confusing for my poor little brain! LOL – well, Bud and Harriet have another very important position to play in this story. Only I can't tell you yet. (Don't you find it annoying when authors say that?)

**KittyX: **thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter.

**FUNAV-CHICK: **David, Alexander, and Harm were already suggested. But seeing as the name 'Harmon' would be a dead give away to the assassin (because remember, he likes to torture those close to his victim) Mac will have to refrain from naming the baby (if a boy) Harm. But definitely adding the name Nichole to my list for girls.

**Froggy0319: **omg, I didn't consider there ever a question of whether Harm would be there when the baby's born! But now that I look back on it – I never said there was no shot. Oh . . . dreadfully sorry, but I promise you that at the same time Harm will be doing something very important. If that's any consolation.

**Abigaile: **if I pretend it's Sergei's kid then the kid would be a Zhukov. And none of us want that – lol. Adding Hollin and Haden to my list. Thank you very much!

**Starryeyes10: **thank you

**Writingismything: **thank you, definitely adding those names to my list! And I'm crazy about the name Joshua. So many people have suggested that name. LOL – hope you like this chapter.

**Ady: **LOL, well my powers aren't so great – I'm half Indian myself so . . . it's pretty easy to spot another Indian name. I was in India actually, over this march break. Very nice – very humid. Hope you like this chapter!

**TV Angel 711: **thank you very much for your names! I especially love the names Nicholas and Jason that you suggested. What can I say? I really dig guys names. I love so many more guys names than I do girls. I wonder why . . . anyways, thanks for reviewing – and I hope you like this chapter!

**Xlovexnxpainx: **we all pray with you for Harm's life! LOL

**Kristie: **LOL, ya Friends can totally screw one up. I think that show's totally hilarious. Anyways, okay – definitely taking your names into consideration and putting them on my list. Hannah – I never thought of that name that way. Harm plus Sarah. Huh. LOL – hope you like this chapter!

**marineJAG: **ooh, loving the names you suggested. Thanx. I'm sorry I couldn't use all the names you suggested in this chapter (the chapter would have been very long in that case) but I think I covered some of them. LOL, really digging the names Sean and Damien.

**Jaggurl: **okay, I was just wondering, you know . . . I think it would be very confusing if they had the same first name too. It's just that everyone else was suggesting their names for first name and I was kinda blown by the fact you suggested it for middle. Wanted to make sure I had heard right . . . LOL

**Dessler: **thanks so much for the names. They're going down on my list. Especially liking the names William, Nicholas, and – well, all the girls names! LOL

**Strawberry Kittens; **lol – you get to know the gender when . . . I write it. Aren't I mean? Ah well, I have a nice side too . . . but I like to keep it under wraps. Bad for the rep.

**MaritzaCarmichael: **thanks, and here's the update!

**Bite Beccy: **Zac I just think is an awesome name for a guy . . . seriously. It's one of my favorite boy names. Again, don't ask me why. Some names just really stick with me. Zachary's just one of them.


	26. Team Member Two

**A/N: I'M BBAAACCKK! And for all those that care, I had the best time of my life at summer camp (did I mention it was summer camp, before?) oh well, I spent a week cut off from civilization (okay, I got on the computer once for fifteen minutes). But never mind my rambling, on with the next chapter!**

**Thanks to all reviewers: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, and MiDushiNoSushi!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Mac's POV – and with girl names, 'cause I didn't have enough time to do that last chapter.**

**Team Member 2**

**2054**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"So what girls names did you get?" Jake asked, sifting through my collection of baby boy names that laid disorganized upon the living room table. "The boy names are nice, but I still prefer Jake Jr. over all of them."

"Well, you would," I replied, rolling my eyes while propping my (swollen) feet up on a pillow. "You wanna hear the girl's names?"

"Hit me."

I sighed, relaxing against the cushiness of the couch. "There's a lot of them. Ava, Hayley, Emma, Rose, Sophie, Taylor, Lily, Shaniqua, Elizabeth –"

"Whoa," Jake cut me off with a concerned glance. "You're going to get all out of breath reading those." He takes a quick glance at the rather lengthy list. "It seems like there are more girls names than boys."

"I think there are," I replied, moaning while massaging my temples. "God, so much to think about."

"Hey, the baby comes in a month," Jake said soothingly, taking the list from my hands while his eyes roamed up and down it. "And that's all the time in the WORLD." His brows furrow into a frown. "I don't see Jane on this list."

"No one suggested Jane," I replied wearily, stretching out on the couch. My swollen stomach made any sort of general exercise a LOT of work. "But lots of people suggested Rose, Hayley, and Catherine or Katherine – C and K."

"They're nice names," Jake replied, kicking back into the arm chair. "But not as nice as Jane."

I flashed him a discouraging smile. "But I suppose you might be biased."

"Hmm?" Jake murmured, flashing me an inquisitive glance.

I reflected a knowing look at him. God, these past few months, I really HAD gotten to know Jake. And the fundamentals about him were: he never did anything without reason. Everything Jake did, there was always a motive. Which wasn't a bad thing, but it made you hellishly curious about some things. Like this. "Who's Jane?"

Jake's expression wasn't nearly as off-guard as I might have presumed it to be. But nothing seemed to surprise Jake. His exterior was always rather calm and collected. "Someone I . . . used to know."

I cocked one eyebrow up to the sky. "Care to elaborate?"

Jake shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'not really' but I knew he would anyway. Just because I was pressing him with my eyes and because of the fact that Jake was perhaps not as open as I would like him to be, but with the people he trusted, he was not particularly discreet about his past.

"She was . . . a girl," he replied slowly and not looking directly at me. "A girl I used to know."

Damn his reluctance. This had the potential to be the makings of a good story. And considering the fact that my hormones were running rampant, I was having a hard time keeping my emotions under restraint as I asked him to explain himself again.

Jake's hazel eyes seemed to glaze over unwittingly – maybe unwillingly. He shook his head slowly, as though dislodging a memory. "She was my partner . . . my first partner when I entered the agency. She was . . . different."

Now we're getting some where. "What did she look like?"

Jake seemed to warm up to the topic just then. "She was small. Not like REALLY small, but . . . petite. Yeah, that's it. With a wiry frame and long brown hair. She never liked to leave it out, though. She always had it done up or something. She didn't think it looked good out." Jake shook his head argumentatively. "But it did."

"I thought you said she never left it out," I cut in, almost immediately mentally chastising myself for interrupting Jake. Now I would have to work to get him going again.

"She didn't," Jake replied, his voice very predictably withdrawing from the subject. "But I saw it out once."

An opening. "When?"

Jake looked REALLY uncomfortable now. He squirmed a little in his seat. "She was out on a date. I . . . we met by accident. I almost didn't recognize her."

Jake almost seemed . . . hurt. It was strange. I had never seen such a foreign emotion in Jake's eyes. "She must have been something special," I concluded.

"She was different," Jake replied stiffly, memories flying before his eyes. He cleared his throat to feign indifference, but it fell upon deaf ears. He leaned back even further in the arm chair, dead determined not to meet my eyes, leaving me only to question myself. Why hadn't I thought about this before? Jake was in his early thirties, undeniably handsome, with a roguishly attractive grin and not an unappealing personality. Why was he so alone?

"You know you can talk to me," I said softly, keeping my eyes on him though he would not lift his head to meet my stare.

Jake squirmed a little. "I liked her. Jane, I mean. I liked her as a friend. She was . . . my best friend." His voice was dead serious. "I don't think I realized it at the time. She kind of took my life at a storm. You know, at a time when I was really messed up. And . . . she made it better. She had the weird way of being able to fix my problems."

I nodded wordlessly. I knew EXACTLY how he felt.

"She had an attitude." Jake grinned kind of wildly at this. "A flare for temper. There were days when she was sweet as candy and other where it was like coming across Attila The Hun. But she was . . ." Jake finished with gestures. "I don't know. She entered my life and turned it upside down. And maybe I'm not supposed to like that." Jake shrugged. "But . . . she was different."

I noted how careful he was about choosing his words. Different – a perfectly harmless word. Lacking depth, yet incredibly precise. "You loved her."

Jake would neither confirm nor deny. "Nothing ever happened between the two of us."

I would not drop it. "Because you were partners."

"We were friends."

"_Jake," _I said exasperatedly.

"_Mac," _he drawled back. I hit him lightly on the arm.

"What happened to her?" I asked softly, almost tenderly. Jake was talking about her in the past tense, and I was eager to know.

Jake looked down to the ground, once again the air between us becoming unaccustomedly uncomfortable. "She's . . . gone." His words hit hard. "A long time ago."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. Had I known, I wouldn't have ever gotten into it. Jake did not look like the carefree man I'd been living with the past months, the one that couldn't prevent a smile from creeping onto his features, or his sarcastic comments from escaping him. No, this was an entirely different person, someone I wasn't familiar with. But someone I'd like to know. "What happened?"

"She was killed," Jake spat out the words sourly. "I was there. He . . . dammit, he shot her. He looked right at her, their eyes connected, then he drew that gun level and pulled the trigger." Jake seemed to be shaking in anger. "He didn't have to. She was of no threat. She was unarmed and at his damn mercy. And he shot her." Anger seeped into his voice. "Right between the eyes." He let go of a controlled breath. "I couldn't . . . there was nothing I could do."

And I believed him, with all my heart I did. I wrapped a comforting arm around him. "I'm really sorry, Jake. You must have really cared about her."

Jake didn't verbally reply but his silence said it all. He sat stiffly there with my arm around him. "And then Vera came along," Jake grimaced slightly. "She was . . . like Jane. Sort of."

Now this was a side of the story I HADN'T heard.

"She didn't look like her," Jake continued. "Jane was sort of . . . I don't know. She had dark hair but really bright green eyes. They used to glow in the darkness. And Vera . . . well, you know how Vera looks. But she acted the same, like Jane. Kind of fiery . . . very willful." Jake tried to keep the emotion out of his voice but failed dismally. "They both liked to turn my life upside down. I don't think they meant to – it just sort of happened."

"Is that why you loved Vera?" I asked quietly, staring into Jake's deep hazel eyes. "Because she reminded you of Jane?"

Jake shook his head. "I loved Vera for Vera. But . . . she gave me hope. You know, that my one and only shot didn't begin and end with Jane." Jake shook his head forcefully. "I must sound terrible, don't I?"

It's my turn to shake my head. "No, you don't . . ." I meet his eyes. "You just sound like a guy who's had an awful lot of hard luck."

Jake leaned back with a reluctant sigh. "It must be awful hard for you to sit and listen to me complain about my life. Considering the fact that you're . . ." he motioned to my stomach, "you have much bigger problems to deal with."

"Hey," I whispered, smiling at him encouragingly. "Any time you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll always be here."

And I meant it wholly and sincerely from the bottom most part of my heart. Jake was becoming very much like Harm and I had been before my feelings for him had erupted. A genuinely companionable sort of guy that was really very easy to talk to.

"God, life's so _complicated_." Jake's reply was muffled due to the fact he was holding his face in his hands. "Every path you head down, there's another twist waiting for you. Something unexpected, something that'll grab hold of you and shake. But I guess that's the experience. The ability to hang on and not let go because you'll always believe in the fact that there's something better out there for you. A beam of light in a shadowed path." Jake looked at me and held out his arm in a firm shake. "Shall we hang on together?"

And I grinned at him in return, grasping his hand. "Till death do us part."

* * *

**Same Time**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Harm's POV**

"Alright," I said slowly and wearily, flipping my hand of cards over and reshuffling the deck. "Let's move on. Who do you have for me next?"

I watched as Webb flipped open his briefcase and pulled out another stack of three banded files. "Next one is one of the most important members of the team. The technician." He catches my look of disbelief. "Believe it or not, Rabb," Clay clarifies, "a technician is responsible for all communication between members of the team. And that might not be a big deal before hand, but when it comes down to crunch time – the tech is responsible for everything. Mainly computer work, that's true – but it's still big."

"Alright, alright, I get the point," I replied, waving him off. "So who do you have?"

"Three men," Clay replied, laying out each file for me. "Joe Hull. Thirty-eight, brother Kevin, wife, daughter, FBI man of twelve years –"

"Wait," I hold my hand up. "Rewind. Wife and daughter?"

"Harm –" Clay tries to cut in but I've already stopped listening.

"I told you, Webb, no one with a family." My voice is dead serious and so are my eyes. "I'm not costing these families. Dammit, I've pretty much screwed up any chance I ever had of one."

"Harm," Clay's voice attempts to be soothing but falls dismally flat against the gravity of the situation. "We have to be practical. If we stand any shot we have to pick the very best to assess –"

"No family men or women," I replied with dead finality in my voice. "There are bigger things at play here." I couldn't believe what I'd just said. Nothing, no one was more important than Mac or . . . our child. The reality struck me very hard at that particular moment. "This important to me, Clay. I'm not going to be the one who breaks up a family."

"But, Harm," Clay tries again but I cut him off.

"I said no."

Clay holds my eyes in a stare for a minute before dropping and reluctantly putting away Joe Hull's file. "That leaves us with two – Edward White and Keith Lyndon."

"Let's begin with White." My voice is so commanding I've begin to feel a little of the Chegwidden strength seep into my voice. More than anything this encourages me. I can feel my throat tighten. _Do not get emotional _I will myself. _Don't let it carry you away. _

"Edward White, 28, brother David and sister Kathryn. No spouse, no children. Been with Interpol for little over four years. Very bright. Designed several programs himself – he's on the path towards a brilliant career. Never been personally involved with missions, but has provided technology that has aided many."

"And you believe he's capable of being personally involved?" I asked, my eyebrow arched. 28 . . . damn, that was young. And as Webb said, with a bright future ahead of him.

"He's got to start somewhere," Webb concluded, throwing open the next file. "You and me – we could give him some great experience." Clay winked at me. "Besides, we make one hell of a team. It would be good to get him involved with that."

I stared hard at Clay. "You really want him, don't you?"

Clay looks uneasy. "I've been wanting to get him into the CIA for a long time. If he goes along with this, Kovac will break no sweat in letting him into the agency. And then he can be used to the best of his capabilities."

"Damn," I grinned at Clay. "You DO want him."

Clay looked away, but I was pretty sure he was grinning too. "Do you mind?"

"Not if he does his job – and well."

Clay extends his hand and we shake. Not as too men, two colleagues, or whatever the hell else there is. As two friends. We shake hands like we never have before. With a sense of complete honesty and unhesitating trust. And somewhere back down that road there was a Paraguay. But that was then. And this is now.

* * *

**A little later**

**Vera's Room**

**Clay's POV**

_Knock. Knock._

I withdrew my clenched fist from the door. I hadn't seen Vera all day save the fleeting glance I'd caught when I'd first walked in. She was doing her best to avoid me and dammit, she was succeeding. I knocked again, louder and more powerful this time. Lord, it wasn't even ten o'clock yet, she couldn't be asleep.

My hand went to her door knob. She couldn't be asleep. She couldn't be. "Vera!" I called, willing my voice to sound strong rather than worried. No answer. Just the calm silence of night. I sighed, "I'm coming in."

I opened up the door and walked in slowly. The light was off but instead of darkness surrounding the room, the curtains of Vera's window was open and brilliant soft moonlight shafted in through the bare glass. Vera sat on the edge of her bed, hugging her knees and staring out the window, a far away look shining in her dark eyes.

"Vera," I whispered, walking over to her slowly. Vera turned her head ever so slightly, her eyes stopping to meet mine before almost immediately turning away. There was something different about her. Her skin was paler than it usually was, but her cheeks seemed to be aflame in the dim moonlight, her auburn hair standing out vividly against her skin. She looked . . . scared.

"Vera," I whispered again, more anxiously. Dammit, she was scaring the hell out of me. I sat down beside her and took one of her hands in mine and squeezed it but she didn't squeeze back. She looked possessed. "Dammit, Vera, talk to me," I said louder this time.

Vera turned to me suddenly, as though for the first time actually noting my presence. Her eyes scrutinize every inch of my body as though waiting for recognition. And then suddenly, her eyes light up. She finds it. "Hey."

I feel the shivers that run through my body suddenly cease. She's okay. "Dammit, you were scaring the hell out of me," I said feelingly.

"I'm sorry," Vera whispered almost robotically. I withdrew my hand from hers. Who was she and what had she done with Vera Azhad? Vera was speaking almost dispassionately, as though lost. And dammit, it hurt me that she wasn't speaking to me. It shouldn't have, in fact, it should have had no effect. But everything was working opposite. She was making me crumble.

"Harm, um, picked out our informant just now. Tony Shapiro. It was a good choice – Shapiro will do the job. He's good. And for tech he chose Edward White. I don't know if you remember Teddy . . ." I rambled but Vera cut me off.

"Why not Hull?" she asked.

"Family man," I returned sighing. Joe Hull would have been the best man for the job. Damn Harm and his humble nobility.

"Oh yes," Vera whispered almost to herself. "I almost forgot."

I stared at Vera for a moment, her facial features aglow from the flood of moonlight against her skin. Her eyes were dark and shining, but within the shady pools of her eyes there was the dominating shine of fear. Fear I had never seen upon Vera's face – one of complete and utter helplessness. "Vera, there's nothing to be scared about. Harm's going to be alright."

"Dammit, you don't know that," Vera snapped back vehemently. "It's too big a risk."

"But _everything _in life is a risk, Vera," I plead with her, turning her head to look at mine. "And all that Harm can see is the gain. The chance to be with his family, to have his old identity back, to be himself. I can't deny him that and I don't think you can either. We've just got to help him. It's all that we can do." Vera looks away but I force her eyes up to mine again. "He's doing a GOOD thing here, Vera. You might not think so but Abbas NEEDS to be caught. We can't have him loose. He's not just a danger to Harm, he's a danger to everyone. You, me, anyone."

My voice is soft and Vera is quiet. For a minute we just sit there, our cone of silence suffocating us and then, "I just can't lose him, Clay."

I turn to her, her dark eyes filled with unshed tears, her skin pale against the assault of the moonlight. She turns away a little and this time I let her, but my eyes don't leave her face for a minute. "You won't lose him."

"Yes, I will, dammit," Vera's voice is suddenly vehement. "I lose _everyone _that gets close to me. Hell, anyone that comes within a mile radius of my heart is too far gone to be revived." She chokes on her words. "My parents, my uncle – and hell, he _raised _me, Clay. After their death he brought me up." Her eyes are cast downwards. "Then Khalid. Dammit, do you know how much that hurt?" she shook her head. "I don't know if you even remember him . . ."

"I remember," I cut in quickly, almost stiffly. I had an amazing recollection of Vera's past boyfriends. "Charming fellow."

My sarcasm falls upon deaf ears as Vera continues. "And then Kingsley. We were never that close but he got me started on the CIA, Clay. He got me started on my job, my life . . . _me_ . . . and then there was you, and –" but I cut her off right there.

"Vera, you didn't lose me," my voice is urgent. "I'm right here."

Vera's dark eyes look into my cool grey ones. "You have no idea what you did to me when you left me in Malaysia." I open my mouth but Vera hurries on. "I know it wasn't your fault. You were assigned to Washington and I to Iran and we would have been separated anyway, but dammit, Webb, it DID hurt. When we separated then, we . . . we separated for good."

I can only watch as the tale of our lives, the story of our clashing personalities unfolds before me. And for a reason unbeknownst to me, I'm intrigued. I'm interested beyond belief.

"It wasn't supposed to happen, Clay," Vera's voice pleads. "A phone call, maybe an e-mail, SOMETHING once in a while would have been good. But you left. And we broke off contact. And maybe that WAS for the best. But look at us now. It took a hell of a lot to get us back together. And it'll take another hellish amount to get us back to where we _were." _

Her words fall upon me, crushing my vision of myself. I stare at Vera. And suddenly, it strikes me how beautiful the glow of the moonlight is upon her skin, how the darkness of her eyes shines in every which way. Her dark auburn hair curls stubbornly around the nape of her neck and I smile to myself. Slowly, my hand removes itself from its resting place on her shoulder and entangles itself in her hair. My eyes sink into hers. "I'm right here. Right now," I whisper.

The bridge our eyes have formed does not break as my lips follow hers hungrily. One of my arms wraps itself around her small waist, drawing her body towards mine while my other hand rests on the back of her head. Her eyes are soft and dark and completely innocent. "Forever," I whispered as our mouths met hungrily. "Forever."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, hmm, let's see – can I get a chapter of TLWL out today too? Cross your fingers. So . . . I'm back. Let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

**MiDushiNoSushi: **funky name, my friend. Very original. LOL, thanks for the compliments but honestly, there's a lot of good fanfic out there. And isn't it just so awesome saying names backwards? Words too. I do that a lot.

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Sugar230: **LOL, I'm closing in on the end of the story. I'm so close I can feel it . . . lol, but I suppose chapter-wise I'm pretty far away.

**ForensicsFreak1988: **LOL, ya – I've got to find a chapter to do the girl's names in. I was going to do both last chapter, but then it became soooo long. And then I tried to do it this chapter, but it wasn't working. Hmm, I'll try for next chapter.

**Vrbinkacz: **I'll assure you on one thing, if it's a boy – his name will not be Harmon. LOL, as soon as I post this chapter I'll read your chapter. Promise.

**TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers: **thanks, and how come you changed your name? LOL, I didn't know you wrote for NCIS! Congrats!

**Southernqt: **lol, ya – not many people know the gender of the baby. Actually . . . yeah, it's only me that knows. I kept switching around right at the beginning but now I've definitely made up my mind. As for the perfect timing thing . . . well, true – Harm has never had that. But read on . . . this story's about to get interesting.

**Dessler: **LOL, ya – I did do a lot of research last chapter. This one too, though not as much. Baby names are soooo hard to pick out, I find, 'cause the more that I look at, the more that I like. And now I'm just totally swamped with names. LOL, but I have decided on the name for the baby. It took a lot of time and a lot of internal arguing, but I've got it.

**Radiorox: **thanks, and I did. The only bad part: I spent a grand total of fifteen minutes on a computer all week. You have no clue how cut off from civilization I felt until I returned yesterday.

**Xlovexnxpainx: **lol, ya – David, Todd, and James are all really good names. There's a lot of names I really like.

**Alix33: **omg, Smarties are my favorite chocolate ever! I don't know if you get them in the US but I know for sure that you get them in Canada – every convenient store you go to. LOL, but wanna know a little secret? I actually like the ones in Canada better than the ones in England. I don't know why, but I just really like the chocolate a lot more. Maybe it's 'cause I'm used to the Canadian ones . . . lol, I never knew some countries didn't have Smarties! How do the people there survive?

**Jamie: **hmm, Todd, Quinn, and Hunter, eh? You're right – I can't confirm your suspicions on the gender. I just want to let you know that I know the gender (I have been known to switch back and forth before the actually written birth) and that I know the name (wish I could tell you but you'll find out REALLY soon, and you'd probably like it to be a surprise anyway).

**Froggy0319: **lol, there's nothing wrong with being sentimental! Don't worry, this story's soon going to get interesting. It'll take a new turn . . . I should stop talking now before I give everything away.

**Strawberry Kittens: **LOL, the gender's coming! Hold your horses, you'll find out SOON.

**Daisymh: **lol, well I hope you liked this chapter!

**Broesel: **lol, it's good that you didn't miss anything. Omg, while I was away I thought up so much new stuff for a new story. Ugh, I gotta control it though. I should finish this story first. LOL

**TV Angel 711: **well, the whole point is that everyone is supposed to think he's dead. It keeps him safe if as little people as possible know. Of course, going back to his old life does mean enlightening everyone, but I'm sure they won't mind. Considering the fact that they were all severely distraught upon his demise. LOL, but cliffhangers are the best!

**Dansingwolf: **omg, that was such a short review. How am I supposed to keep with that? LOL, I sooo should have thought of Carolyn Imes! She totally slipped my mind. I was just scrambling around trying to find women that had a connection to JAG. It's such a shame Mac doesn't have sisters or something! Anywho, yes, you're right about the JKR thing. When I was writing that line I was thinking about Mad Eye Moody the entire time. Aren't I bad?

**Snugglebug: **LOL, now I'm back so you no longer have to miss this story. Yeah, I haven't had Trish in this story much. Thought it would be nice to include her in the last chapter. It went with the setting.


	27. Pulling the Plug

**A/N: Okay, well . . . um, here's the next installment. Hope you enjoy it. Uh . . . yeah, not much to say about it (I've never been good with words) so . . . yeah, just read on.**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, and MiDushiNoSushi for being the great reviewers that you are!**

**Note: this chapter starts off in Vera's point of view.**

**Pulling the Plug**

0826

Vera's Room

Vera's POV

Sunlight filtered in through the flimsy white curtains that hung idly above the window, inviting the light in without a word of protest. I rolled over in my bed, pulling the sheets along with me as I turned in. I opened my eyes softly to the light, momentarily blinded from the blaze of my window.

"Hey."

I turn my body to meet Clay's stare head on and I sigh. "Good morning."

"Isn't it?" Clay replied lightly, sitting up in the bed and wiping his eyes wearily with his hands. He looked over at my bedside table where my digital alarm clock sat. "Oh god, it's late – I've got to get to work."

"Kovac?" I asked, my head on the pillow and my gaze falling idly upon the cream colored ceiling above me.

"He wanted me there fifteen minutes ago."

I smiled to myself. Yes, that was Clay, three steps ahead but fifteen minutes behind. I buried myself farther within the covers as Clay walked into the bathroom, shut the door firmly behind himself, and then began to shower.

"What does he want you for?" I asked loudly over the rush of the water and the sound repelling solidity of the door.

"I haven't a clue," came Clay's rather muffled response from the other side of the door.

I laid back easily onto the bed, shutting my eyes against the downpour of life from the open window. "Well, when you come back could you have bought groceries? Between Catherine and Harm our fridge is completely bare."

"And you're sure you had nothing to do with that?" Clay asked from the other side of the door, a grin in his voice.

I scoffed, "of course not. Just take a trip to Zehrs, okay?" (A/N: where I live, Zehrs is VERY popular – it's like one gigantic . . . supermarket).

"Officially on my To Do list," Clay remarked as he opened the door and came out with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. His chest was still wet and dripping. I grinned at him from overtop of the many sheets and quilts wrapped around me. "Very impressive, Agent Webb, have you been working out?"

Clays grins at me as he slips on a blue button down shirt, "yeah, I've been trying to impress this girl . . . but so far she doesn't seem to be biting."

"Hmm," I muttered, my lips pressed together in thought. "Anyone I know?"

"I don't know," Clay retorted with a smile on his lips, "do you know a girl who's so stubborn she refused to talk to me for a month, kicked me out of her house only to invite me back in with open arms several months later, and at one point soaked my bathroom towels in ink?"

"Huh," I said, my expression that of the completely clueless. "It _sounds _like someone I know . . . I just can't place it . . ."

Clay smiled down at me as he placed a quick and rushed kiss on my lips before disappearing down the hall. "That's a shame."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Jake, is it frustrating?"

My question lingers in the air as I pour some milk into my cereal before handing the carton over to Jake who was having scrambled eggs. Jake toyed with the strips of bacon on his place before, "what do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. "I mean, you're a CIA agent and all you get to do is sit around here babysitting me. I mean . . . don't you want to go back to your old life?"

"If you're asking whether you're an inconvenience or not," Jake said casually, pouring himself a glass of orange juice, "then the answer is no. There are some aspects of my old life that I would rather like to have at the moment, but there are advantages to this life too."

"Such as?" I probe.

"Like the fact that I get to take it easy for once in my life. I can spend more than 72 hours without wearing a Kevlar vest. And besides," he remarked, pulling out two slices of toast out of the toaster, "this is kind of . . . homey, you know? It's like the family life." Jake winked at me. "Besides, who's going to believe the fact that Webb's the father?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, Clay's been doing a pretty fine job of making everyone think so."

Jake nodded in agreement, "I know. But when they take one look at me, I mean – come on – there's no question about it." And he flashes me his most charming grin.

I shake my head laughing, "Dammit, Jake, there's so little to do around here! What do you DO all day?"

I had officially started my maternity leave, and needless to say, I was getting testy. No, nix that, I was down right impatient to have this kid and get back to work. And I was taking it out on Jake, the poor guy.

"Well, most of the day I don't usually STAY here," Jake replied shrugging his shoulders. "I do . . . other stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" I asked in interest.

"Work stuff," Jake replied bluntly, taking a bight of his toast.

I sighed discontentedly. "That's all I'm going to get out of you, isn't it?"

"You called it, babe," Jake replied smoothly, gulping down the last of his orange juice and getting up to put his dishes in the dishwasher. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go out for a little jog."

"Oh, I'll join you," I said briskly, also putting my dishes in the dishwasher. Jake stares at my swollen stomach, his eyebrow cocked up. I sighed, "Dammit."

Jake looped an arm lazily around my shoulder. "Just three weeks more. Until then . . ." he dug into his backpack and pulled out a boxed DVD. "All you can watch Friends."

I rolled my eyes, but nonetheless slipping the disk into the DVD player. "Go run."

Jake grinned at me as he opened up the front door, "I expect this kid named after me."

"Go!" I exclaimed exasperatedly and watched him scramble down the front steps. And I shook my head to myself. Yes, Jake would never change. Not in a million years . . . and on some level, I guess I didn't want him to . . .

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Jake's POV**

_652 – 8409._

I punched the number into the keys almost rhythmically, jogging very lightly until I came to the house at the end of the street where I sat down and leaned against the fence, my hand holding my Virgin cell phone. I held it to my ear, listening to the ringing and then –

"Hello?" his voice broke out over the line.

"Clay," I whispered quickly as a bunch of school kids passed me by on the street, the mother chaperoning them giving me a withering look that clearly addressed me as some bum on the street and ordering me to go take myself to some appropriately deemed place.

"Jake?"

"Yeah," I said, laying my head back against the fence. "I was just checking our schedule for tonight."

"Meet me at the house, eight o'clock," Clay's voice carried clearly.

"But what am I supposed to do with Mac?"

Clay's tone was no one of the mildly annoyed. "Did you buy her that Friends DVD like I told you to?"

I sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, but that's not the point. What if she goes into labor while I'm at the house?"

"Three weeks early?" Clay asked, clearly disbelieving.

"Not uncommon," I defended. "Besides, you yourself said Mac's always early for everything."

"I wasn't talking about pregnancy then," Clay replied through what I'm sure was gritted teeth. "Mac'll be fine for a few hours. Good god, you're becoming as attached to her as Harm is."

"Hey, if I do recall, Webb," I grinned, "there was something that you and Mac . . . wait, what was it called? Paraguay, if I do remember?"

"Was there an actual POINT to this call or did you just get lonely and want to chat?" Webb's voice is cool and controlled.

"Are you still planning on informing the Admiral tonight?"

A long pause on the other end of the line and then, "yes."

"And the others? Keeter, Turner, etc?"

"Yes."

"And how, may I ask, are you going to rope them all in?" I asked, my voice tense. "Are you just going to call them up and say, hey – it's Clayton Webb. I need you to come to my house tonight at eight."

"Of course not," Clay's voice is brisk. "Harm's going to do it."

And then the line disconnects.

* * *

**Same Time**

**CIA Headquarters**

**Clay's POV**

I put my cell phone back in my pocket, shutting my eyes for a brief moment of rest. I leaned back against the bench outside Kovac's office. Okay, sure, I didn't get much sleep last night, and yes, it was my fault. But dammit, if Kovac calls me in early in the morning to his office, shouldn't he at least BE there? I stuff my hands in my pockets and position my head at the rim of the bench.

"Webb?"

I jerk up. "Sir," I said standing up and following Kovac into his office. Charles Kovac annoyed the hell out of me, but if this was anything serious, I needed to commence major snowing. And seeing as I didn't know what he wanted yet, it was better to be on the safe side.

Kovac motions for me to sit and I take a seat in one of the leather chairs facing his desk. Kovac looks at me almost . . . concernedly. "Did you get any sleep last night, Webb?"

I do my best effort to keep my eyelids open. "Not much, Sir."

"What kept you up?"

Ah, such a simple question . . . but what a complicated answer. "A little unfinished business." And I left it at that. "So why am I here, sir?"

Kovac leaned back against his desk, his dark eyes meeting mine strongly. "I'm here to . . . deliver you some news. Now, Agent Webb, as you know, it has been nearly fifteen months since the Rabb case was brought to our attention . . ."

"And a well-served fifteen months it was," I interjected quickly.

Kovac looked at me almost considerately, but with an underlying firmness. "Webb, I don't disagree that in the beginning it was warranted. But . . . it's been fifteen months. There are new projects, we need more agents, and you, Azhad, and Holter are my three best. I can't have you manning an unfounded case."

For a minute my mouth opens but no sound comes out. He can't pull the plug. Not now. "Sir, if you just give us a few months more we can catch Abbas. We've got it all planned out. We just need a little time to – " I begin but Kovac cuts me off.

"Dammit, Webb, I've given you fifteen months," he exclaimed exasperatedly. "Now we've got word of a possible terrorist attack down in Bangkok. I need a few agents to go and catch the word, scout out the area. And my agents are being used to the absolute _limit_," Kovac stressed. "And out of all the cases . . . Rabb's the least severe. I'm sorry, Webb, but we've got to let go of this one."

"No!" I've sprung out of the chair and onto my feet. "You throw him back into the real world and Abbas will KILL him, Kovac! He's on Rabb like a hunter to it's pray. He's WAITING for this. Waiting for the moment you'll take us off his guard. And then he'll strike, dammit." I flash him a pleading look. "And we don't know who else he'll go after then!"

"Webb." Kovac spoke my name calmly. "You're working off pure theory. And that's not enough for me to dispatch three of my best agents. I'm sorry. I'll leave a guard on Rabb's place, but you HAVE to pull out of your ongoing . . . whatever you want to call it." I refuse to meet his eye. "Dammit, Webb, do you hear me? Pull out. No more – enough. This has already gone too far."

I stood there rooted on the spot, my mind racing. "Sir, this is a matter of life and death," I said slowly, but strongly. "You just NEED to trust me on this. Give us a few more months, and we can catch Abbas. Please . . ."

Kovac shook his head. "I'm sorry, Webb. I've already let this go five months too far. Remember? At the beginning we agreed on ten months, with just Azhad watching him. What happened to that?"

I looked down at the ground. "Things got complicated," I muttered.

Kovac sighed. "Things ALWAYS get complicated, Webb! They always WILL be complicated, and there's not a damned thing we can do about it. But we can't keep clutching to everyone and everything. It won't serve you in life. Just . . . let go, Webb. Let go."

I stood rooted on the spot. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I can't do that."

Kovac stared at me long and hard. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, because if you don't – I don't think there will be a spot left for you in the CIA." I lift my head up to meet his eyes. "Nor Holter or Azhad. Which would be a shame," he added. "Because as I said, you are my best and brightest." He looked me in the eye. "Just do me a favor, Webb. Think about it before you make a decision."

And with that he left.

* * *

**A/N: yes, I know I said this chapter would be 'Team Member 3' but I got a little side tracked, okay? LOL – I will try my best and hardest to get another chapter out by . . . Friday? Yeah, Friday sounds good. And maybe one of TLWL out tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.**

**marineJAG: **lol, lots of character dynamics in this story, aren't there? I've never been particularly good at writing that sort of stuff, so I'm glad you're enjoying. LOL – and the plan will be put into action . . . very soon . . .

**starryeyes10: **thank you

**ForensicsFreak1988: **omg, I swear when I wrote Jake and Jane I did not intend for them to be anything like Tony and Kate but ever since you said that . . . I can't stop thinking about it! They ARE like Tony and Kate . . . lol, I watch WAY too much DPB stuff! Rohan . . . hmm, that sounds like an Indian name. But of course, I'm wrong on the time so . . . yeah, whatever.

**Bite Beccy: **lol, good girl for Jake – okay, officially on my To Do list. By the way, when are you updating your story! We're all waiting in anticipation here!

**Alix33: **omg, you don't know peanut butter cups? Now, I'm not a big Hershey fan. Never have been and probably never will be – but peanut butter cups aren't bad, you know. My favorite chocolate, however, happens to be Smarties (in number one place) and in second and third are Crispy Crunch and Caramilk bars. Now _please _tell me you've heard of those! (oh, and as for the Harm/Mac/Jake interaction, that'll all be answered in the next chapter).

**Snugglebug: **LOL, but glorious suspense is the best! I mean, honestly, where would JAG be if they didn't keep us in suspense every episode? Ah well, your suspense will end soon . . . pretty soon.

**Radiorox: **hey, at least you had a laptop to TYPE on! You could come home after two weeks and post to your little heart's content! I had NO LAPTOP, no device of any kind on which I could type. And I know I could have started writing on a good old fashioned note book, but then I would have had to write a lot, then gone home and typed it all out, and that's all together too much work for me.

**MiDushiNoSushi: **yeah, I guess the more you get to know a character, the more you DO sympathize them. And because each of them very obviously has their own distinct past, everything seems to collide with each other making a . . . well, very complicated world. Bud I hope you'll be happy with the ending . . . I've had it in the making for quite a while.

**xLovexNxPainx: **well, here's the next chapter! And I promise, that if it's a girl, and I name her Catherine, I'll spell it with a C.

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **yeah, isn't Taylor an awesome name? I love neutral names. I guess I'm kind of weird that way, but I do. I mean, for a boy – either boys names or neutral names are fine, but for girls – I just really like neutral names.

**Kitty X: **thanks, and don't worry – you'll get your HM scenes . . . just . . . it's coming, okay? It'll take me a little while to get there, but it's coming.

**TV Angel 711: **lol, ya – cliffhanger rock. I don't see why a lot of people complain about my cliffhangers. Honestly, some of them are so small, they're practically hillhangers (my new made up word!). And omg, this chapter was soooo short.

**Jaggurl: **thanks – I enjoyed my trip very much, and I hope you liked this chapter.

**JamieAKAclassyone: **alright, Shaniqua's not exactly "normal" but I made a list of all the girls names and one of all the boys names, and I listed off the first few girls names mentioned on the list before I cut off, okay? LOL – and I'm jam packed with names now. I don't need a bunch of 'semi-unusuals' right now! Seriously, I must have gotten like a hundred suggestions . . . ah well, the name's already picked out, anyway. No stressing at the moment. (But that won't last for long . . . if until this morning)

**Southernqt: **ah, I see you're not exactly a Webby or you? LOL, no – not many shippers are . . . in the ninth season, I personally internally vomited whenever I saw him. Of course, after Mac broke it off with him, everything between him and I went back to being normal. And I'm thinking, if I were to combine their last names it would be either – Rabenzie or MacRabb. And you've got to agree with me here – that's pretty sad.

**Dansingwolf: **lol, you ask so many questions – and all I can see is I WILL answer them . . . eventually. Yeah, I know that's not the answer you wanted but believe me . . . it'll all come soon. LOL, I must be infuriating to talk to . . . yeah, the HM situation at the moment is rather depressing. All I can say is – read on . . .

**Sugar230: **okay, next chapter! The Admiral's reaction is in the next chapter – I promise.

**Tizy: **omg, gone a week? Yeah, that was me last week – I got on the computer for like fifteen minutes just to check my email in the middle of the week and I was swamped by reviews! LOL – I've never seen them in such massive amounts. Usually it's like five here and there. I hope you have fun on your internet free week and I'll try my best to get out as many chapters as possible for you to get back to!

**Froggy0319: **lol, no spoiling . . . that would ruin the wonderful surprises to come! As for our little Clay/Vera situation . . . I'll take care of it. Same as Harm/Mac . . . just trust me . . . LOL, it's all going to work out . . . eventually.

**Eggy weg: **don't worry, no webb bashing here. You're safe. I can see you're a real Webby . . . that's hard to come across these days, considering what happened in the ninth season. But don't worry, I'm Webb-bash free.


	28. The Meeting

1**A/N: Well, again, I don't mean to over-advertize, but I think you guys will like this chapter. Um . . . it's definitely eventful.**

**Special thanks to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, and Toplesslemon! **

**Note: This chapter starts off in Harm's POV.**

**The Meeting**

**0922**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Harm's POV**

I stare at the phone. The phone stares back. I breathe in calmly, and then exhale just as collected. I can do this. This should be no problem. In fact, I should WANT to do this. Actually, I DO want to do this. I can't wait to do this. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm . . . ah, what the hell - I'm scared shitless. My hand reaches out for the phone and almost immediately withdraws. I can't do this. I'm not ready to do this. _This shouldn't be this hard . . . _

My hand reaches out for the phone again and this time, my hand actually meets it. I release a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. I can do this. I can do this. I pick up the receiver and pause slightly as my fingers run gently over the little black buttoned numbers. _I can do this. I can do this. _My fingers punched the numbers quickly, as though if I go to slowly I'll chicken out. My breath catches in my throat but I ignore it, slamming the 'Call' button down. I draw the receiver to my ear, listening anxiously as the familiar '_ring . . .' _repeats itself. He's not there . . . _please let him not be there . . ._

The ring cuts off midway. "Hello?"

My heart races. I can feel sweat collect on the palms of my hands. I'm in danger of letting the phone slip through my grasp. 'You can do this,' the optimistic side of my brain says. 'Just say something . . . anything . . . you can do this.'

"Hello?" There's a trace of annoyance in his voice, but mostly weariness. It's been a long time.

I grip the phone, opening my mouth but my lips move wordless. _Hurry up and say something or he'll hang up! _Words shove up my throat but get stuck at the entrance way to my mouth. My heart pounds and I have never been so aware of my own breath.

"Is anyone there?"

_NOW! _"Hi . . ." my throat feels swollen as I rasp out the word, "Admiral."

I fiddle with a button on my jacket while long silence fills my ears, and then – "Harm?"

I close my eyes in anxious relief. "Y-yeah."

"But . . ." there's a sound on the other end of the line that sounds like a blend of laughter and crying. I feel my shaking hand steady itself against the grip of the phone. Unidentified emotion fills my body, shaking me violently. "Harm, you're . . ."

"Yes," I breathed, grinning from ear to ear. I choke out my next words. "I'm so sorry, Admiral. I would have told you sooner. I would never have . . . I wouldn't have . . . I couldn't . . ." My words begin to fail me. "I'm so sorry."

The Admiral releases a shaky breath. "This is one for the books."

"Yes, it is, sir," I replied, the grin that had been lighting my face slowly disappearing. "Sir, I need your help . . ."

* * *

**1133**

**McMurphy's Tavern**

**Clay's POV**

Wiping my face with my hands I slowly tipped the beer bottle into my mouth, internally drowning myself. People who had come into the restaurant/bar for an early lunch were looking on at me in disgust. And perhaps had I been anyone else, I might have stared at myself with the same look of utter vulgarity on my face. Here I was, early in the morning, drinking myself away. It was sickening and damn well depressing.

"_Dammit, Webb, do you hear me? Pull out. No more – enough. This has already gone too far."_

In the back of my mind I could hear his voice repeating the words over and over again. I took another long swig of beer, putting all my effort into keeping my eyelids from drooping. I was sleepy as hell. My mind whirled back to the other night when Harm and I were playing cards, picking out people for the team. We'd shaken hands and for the first time since Paraguay, we almost seemed like . . . friends. How could I just throw him back to the sharks? Abbas would tear him to pieces.

"_You throw him back into the real world and Abbas will KILL him, Kovac! He's on Rabb like a hunter to it's pray. He's WAITING for this. Waiting for the moment you'll take us off his guard. And then he'll strike, dammit."_

My voice resounded in my own years, strong yet desperate. I massaged my temples with my hands, sucking on my beer at the same time. I looked like hell. My clothes were uneven and untidy from the hurried way I'd rushed into them this morning. I'd run my hands so many times through my hair in thought after my meeting with Kovac this morning it looked uncombed and flyaway. And now I was drinking heavily and it wasn't even NOON yet. I thought about Mac and the future Rabb she had growing inside of her. How many weeks 'til the kid was due? Three or something like that. Rabb's only chance at a family . . .

"_Dammit, Webb, do you hear me? Pull out. No more – enough. This has already gone too far."_

I slammed down my beer bottle against the counter forcefully. Harm's life was at stake here . . . maybe even Mac's. God dammit, who KNEW whose lives were at stake? This was possibly the greatest chance we'd ever have at catching Abbas and Kovac was going to let it slip through our fingers. A matter of national security . . . Abbas had ruined too many peoples lives, killed too many people. He couldn't get away. He wouldn't get away. Not this time.

"_Things ALWAYS get complicated, Webb! They always WILL be complicated, and there's not a damned thing we can do about it. But we can't keep clutching to everyone and everything. It won't serve you in life. Just . . . let go, Webb. Let go."_

No, dammit, I wouldn't! I felt almost depressingly exhilarated. I wouldn't – I _couldn't. _Too much was at stake here. We couldn't risk losing perhaps our only opportune moment to catch Abbas – and perhaps save many lives. But then again, there was that nagging question, that little snag of doubt that had firmly attached itself to the back of my mind. _What about my job?_

"_Just do me a favor, Webb. Think about it before you make a decision."_

I wiped my face with my hand, finishing the last of my beer with a long gulp and getting up and out of the bar stool. I had made a decision, an executive one. And Kovac was not going to like the answer.

* * *

**1937**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Where are you going?" I asked, following Jake out of the kitchen and into the living room. Jake strode down the hallway, pulling on his jacket at the same time.

"Somewhere," he replied shortly and bluntly, turning back only for a second to catch my eye. "Look, you think you'll be okay for a couple of hours?"

"I'll be _fine," _I replied hotly. "But I want to know where YOU'RE going."

"Nowhere," Jake replied, annoyance clearly toned in his voice. "Look, it's work-related, okay? Now go to bed. You need some rest before you pop the little one out."

"It's not even eight!" I exclaimed in angry retaliation. "And what if I DO go into labor while you're gone?"

"Then that, my dear," Jake replied snidely, opening up the front door and walking onto the walkway, "is what cell phone are for. I promise you, I won't be far away."

"But WHERE?" I asked, stopping at the doorway as he got into his car. Jake didn't even open his mouth to answer – he just simply ignored me. I stood at the entrance, gazing at him heatedly as he drove away and it was then that I was struck by a very sudden idea – one that took very well with me.

Moving as quickly as an almost-eight-and-a-half-month pregnant woman can, I grabbed my car keys and jumped (figure of speech) into my Corvette. It took a little speed and a lot of dumb luck about basic turning direction until I finally spotted Jake. He was not taking the least bit of caution when it came to conspicuousness. He turned easily, did not speed, and didn't seem as though he was taking any false routes to trick anyone who might be pursuing. No, I do not believe that Special Agent Jake Holter knew I was following him. And then came the trouble.

The light turned red _just _as Jake pulled up to the traffic light. He paused to stop and I pulled right behind him, stopping my car as well. If Jake took one look around, he would see me stuck behind him in line plain as day. I did my best to look downcast, turning around and fiddling with things in my purse so that if by chance Jake DID happen to look around, he might not see my face. Besides, it was also dark – what would be the chances of him recognizing me?

The light turned green and Jake sped on ahead, I fumbling with pitching my purse onto the seat next to me and gripping my hands to the steering wheel. I slowed down a little, putting a great deal of space between Jake and I, but not enough to be able to lose him. I kept as his shadow for about three minute more before Jake turned down into a rather homey lane. Houses surrounded either side of the street, cars piled up in each driveway in a quaint sort of way. I caught the name of the street out of the corner of my eye as I eased after Jake's car. Belleville Drive.

And then Jake made one more turn, pulling up into the driveway of one of the houses. Number 28. I passed by the driveway slowly, making sure that Jake caught the fact that my car had passed and then I promptly reversed and pulled up to the house. Jake had already gone inside. Cautiously, I opened up the door to my car and stepped out.

It looked like an ordinary house by all means. It was small and built of red bricks, with rectangular glass windows at the front, and lazy grey smoke drifting from the chimney. The garden was unkempt, but so were most along the street. Newspapers cluttered the doorstep and I worked my way around them, standing on my tippy-toes to get a glimpse through the front window. My fingers grabbed hold of the window sill to keep myself from overbalancing. I craned my neck to peer through the glass. The room I was looking into was evidently the kitchen.

I pulled harder on the window sill, craning my neck just a little more. My eye meet the ridge of the sill, just being able to see a little farther beyond. I pulled myself up higher, careful not to unbalance myself. A little more of the picture was beginning to form. And then –

"Mac?"

I fell backwards from pure astonishment, my hands losing grip on the window sill. My vision spun. I shot my hands forward, trying to grasp at something to keep me from falling but nothing would give. And just when I thought I was about to hit the ground – a pair of strong hands caught me. And instantly I felt my heart hammer within my chest, my cheeks flushing. I felt . . . electrocuted.

I looked at my savior with disbelieving eyes. "Harm?" I whispered.

Harm sets me back on my feet, steadying me with his arm around my waist. He looked at me with an air of utter incredulity. Somewhere in the back of my mind I can hear other noise. Whispers, mutters, people calling my name, but I'm completely lost in Harm's eyes. We stand there for god knows how long, his arm around my waist steadying me, and my hands on his chest for no apparent reason. And then the clearing of someone's throat breaks us apart.

My head snaps to the left. "Admiral!" I exclaim.

Admiral AJ Chegwidden stands in the doorway, his arms crossed over another almost sternly, but behind the rock solid exterior of the aged Navy SEAL, I can detect a rather foreign emotion hidden in his eyes. Perhaps . . . amusement? A long silence follows my surprised outburst. I look around as people pour in from the house and out onto the lawn. Jake, Clay, Vera, and – "Sturgis?"

I'm now more surprised than ever. Even a little indignant. "What the hell?" I can't keep the tinge of anger from seeping into my voice. It was evident that they were having some sort of . . . meeting. And even more obvious from the shocked looks etched in everyone's faces that I was clearly NOT meant to be here. I mean, the Admiral – sure. But STURGIS? What use is he? I feel my cheeks go a little pink.

"Mac," Harm's voice is strong but soothing but I won't have it. Dammit, I wanted to know and I wanted to know _now._

"What's going on?" I asked again, my voice tense. I looked at Clay who was staring rather uncomfortably at his shoes. Vera keeps shifting from foot to foot. And then finally – Jake comes out of the house. "Jake!"

Jake looks up at me and flashes me an almost guilty grin. "Hey, Mac, what are you doing here?"

Vera snaps her head around. "Dammit, Jake, you brought her along."

Indignation flashes upon Jake's face. "I'll have you know, Ms. Azhad, that I did no such thing. She probably followed me." He winks at me. "I won't deny that I hoped she _would _follow, but I definitely did not bring her along."

Vera rolls her eyes and Clay snorts. It suddenly hits me how _close _Vera and Clay are standing . . . or is it just my imagination? Sturgis clears his throat, breaking the cone of silence that had enveloped us all. "I seemed to have been under the mistaken impression that we were all called here for a meeting of actual importance."

"Oh right," Clay replied, fumbling with his words slightly. "Well, um, I suppose we should get back in then." He nods at me. "And I suppose we'll have to let her in."

"Thanks," I replied sarcastically, as Harm took my hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. I look up at him but his eyes are trained on my swollen stomach and it suddenly occurs to me that he hasn't seen me since I started showing. And considering I was eight and a half months pregnant, the look of mild shock upon his face was long due.

We all filter into the kitchen where three other men sat, only one of which I knew. "Keeter!" I exclaimed with pleasant surprise.

Jack grinned back at me. "Hey, Colonel."

We all took our seats in an almost formal way. Harm still held my hand. There was a moment of silence before Clay stood up from his and walked to the front of the room, but just as he was about to open his mouth the admiral interjected.

"Okay, wait – I know this meeting was called to enlighten the few of us who know nothing about what is going on here," he said quickly and authoritatively, "but could I just ask a few questions first?"

Clay almost seemed to be relieved at the interruption. "Of course, Admiral."

The Admiral exhaled deeply before continuing. "Okay, first of all," he turned to me. "Mac, though you did seem appropriately shocked to see Harm when he . . . caught you . . ." he raised an eyebrow at me but that was not one of his "few questions", "you didn't seem to be surprised at his . . . well, existence – more at why he was _here."_

I internally cringed. This was one of the questions I HAD been dreading. "Uh . . . yes, Sir. Um . . . well, see – I knew Harm was . . ." I trailed, looking sort of nervously at the Admiral who was staring at me intently. "Well, I knew he was alive. I have for . . . a little while, I guess."

The admiral's eyebrow cocks up. "A little while?"

I hesitate as I elaborate slowly. "Um, around nine months, I guess . . ." _Give or take a few weeks._

The Admiral stares at me, his eyes reflecting the wisdom that only a CO could possess. "Italy."

It was not a question but rather a statement, and it hung in the air as I nodded. "But –" I begin.

"Which leads me to my second question," the Admiral rattles on as if there had been no interruption. "I hope you put rudeness aside for a moment, Mac, but is Harm –" he pauses for a moment but his eyes linger at my stomach. I get the drift.

"Yes," I whispered hollowly.

The idea seems to entertain the Admiral. He half grins, "I knew it couldn't be Webb."

"Hey," Webb scoffs rather indignantly from his standing position at the head of the room.

Jake grins, "told you, Clay, we should have made me the father."

The Admiral turns, "and who are you?"

Jake extends a hand, "Special Agent Jake Holter. I live with Mac."

The Admiral looks wind blown. "Okay, so let me get this straight . . ." He turns to Harm, "You're the father." Harm nods and he points at Clay. "You're the . . . fake father." Clay nods in assent as the Admiral turns back to Jake, "and you're the guy Mac lives with." Jake grins in response. The Admiral sighs, "is this confusing to anyone else but me?"

"Oh it's confusing as hell," Keeter agrees, "but would make a popular reality show."

"_And back on topic_," Vera says over the noise of everyone else. "As Turner pointed out just a few minutes ago, there IS a reason why you were called here." She looks almost weary as she tucks a strand of wavy auburn hair behind her ear. "And that is –"

And then a pained cry cut sharply through the air stopping Vera in mid-sentence.

* * *

**A/N: I am SOOOO sorry! I know I said I would post Friday but then I got caught up in things and I couldn't and again, I am so very sorry. I'll try and get out the next chapter extra quick if that'll make you people feel any better. Ugh, and this chapter was short too. Can you ever forgive me?**

**Tizy: **lol, yeah, I know – loads of people have updated really quickly this week. I know I'm not amongst them but like Radiorox and everyone have been posting a lot. So, did you have fun on your week away?

**Sgcgirl52: **yeah, you have been gone for long, haven't you? Wow, I can't imagine how many chapters you had to read . . . two months, I'm in awe. Glad you've been enjoying the store. If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I'll answer to the best of my ability (that however does not include the gender of the baby and name)

**MiDushiNoSushi: **FFL, eh? That's so cool – I've never had one of those before! (not including my mother, of course). Ah well, this story is nearing its end, I'm afraid. A few more chapters and . . . actually, I shouldn't be saying this. I often have a way of saying a story's going to end and then actually finish it ten chapters later. Don't take my word for anything.

**ForensicsFreak1988: **okay, honest opinion on HBP. How good did you REALLY think it is? Don't hold back just because it's JK Rowling we're talking about here. I mean, I am like any good HP fan in the way that I'm eagerly anticipating the next book but seriously – I mean, I've talked to my friends about the book, and well, our opinions clash, let's just say. What did YOU think of it?

**(anonymous): **thanks so much for the compliments. Wow, I can't imagine how long it took you to read my story. I mean I told my cousin about my story the other day so she went on the computer to check it out and was just aghast about how long it was. LOL, I hope you liked reading it. I'll keep in the mind name. Thanks!

**Froggy0319: **ah, froggy, you need not bribe – it'll happen soon enough. I take it you're not one those 'surprise' kind of people, eh?

**Snugglebug: **yay, someone who has my take on cliffhangers! LOL, I think you, me, and Radiorox are the only ones actually ON the cliffhanger boat. Everyone else complains about them! Heh heh, maybe that's why I like writing them so much . . . lol

**Alix33: **I loved your comparison of Clayton Webb to Severus Snape – lol, but you just HAVE to say that we can trust Clay more than Snape. I mean, _come on. _No matter how much we dislike them, we have to be on Webb's boat. I mean, considering HBP and all . . . and I cannot believe you've never heard of Caramilk or Crispy Crunch! Ah, next to Smarties those are my favorite chocolate ever! Okay, I demand you get on a plane, come to Canada, and hit a variety store! Immediately! I must introduce you to the world of Cadbury! (P.S: I went to a movie theater today and had one of those gigantic boxes of Smarties – it was really very good).

**Jaggurl: **alright, there was a little HM in this chapter . . . more in the next, I promise.

**TV Angel 711: **oh my, if I had a quarter for every time someone asked me the gender of the kid I would be one rich girl, let me tell you. But as I have told everyone – you'll find out SOON. And this time I actually mean it. So . . . was verbal interaction better than the telephone call?

**xLovexNxPainx: **LOL, have you tried making Pillsbury cookies? I swear that cookie dough is the greatest. I mean, hands down, the best.

**Radiorox: **I know what you mean. Ever since I learned to type (I used to be unbearably slow until last year) any and all writing I used to do by hand went out the window. LOL, question: how did you manage to scare them away? Sometimes I'm mean, sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I'm downright bitchy – nothing works!

**Basketball Babe 8: **omg, you read this chapter? How could you understand anything! LOL, whenever you have the time feel free to read. It is a long story.

**Bite Beccy: **thank you for updating! (Now another chapter . . .) LOL, terminating the Rabb assignment, let's just see what Webb and Co. will do . . .

**Sugar230: **I wouldn't call it _teasing, _per say . . . just a little friendly taunt to keep one anticipating for the next chapter! LOL, so sorry I couldn't post on Friday!

**Dansingwolf: **okay, well I've never been good with words OFF of paper, if you know what I mean. Like, see – on paper I can use the delete key as many times as I want. Rephrase things how I like them. In real life . . . well, let's just say a few months ago I was trying to talk myself out of suspension, did not exactly work . . . however, I did manage to talk my principle out of putting it on my permanent record, which is something. See, I'm a debater. I debate for fun. Isn't that sad? Oh yeah, and a belated Happy Birthday!

**Maritza Carmichael: **yeah, Harm and Webb getting along is definitely not an everyday thing, eh?

**Toplesslemon: **okay, I've just got to tell you, I totally dig your name. When I first read it I erupted into like a fit of giggles and my little sister who was in the room with me just stared at me as if I was the weirdest person on earth (which I probably was at the moment). Anywho . . . thanks very much for the compliments. Writing's kind of an obsession with me (I've wanted to be an author since I was six years old, if you can believe it). So glad people actually LIKE it. I mean, the only fans I've ever had up till now are . . . well, my closest friends and my mother, which is kind of sad actually. My creative writing teacher has never found the appeal in my writing. LOL.

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **okay, I feel like I must confide in something. When I began this story, I had picked out a name. I had picked out a gender, a name – and it was Taylor. And I was going to, you know, let people review and donate names for the middle name, you see (by the way, I was so shocked when someone actually DID donate the name Taylor, I started laughing at the irony of it all) and then my mind sort of . . . broadened. You see, I came up with this alternate . . . thing. Okay, I can't explain it, and I won't begin to try. You'll see in a couple of chapters – I promise you, you'll see it. I just can't tell you because then I'll give it away. I know I will – I always do.

**Daisymh: **thanks, hope you like this chapter.

**Alex: **okay, first of all – I want to clarify things. At no point in time will Mac "do" Jake. And I'm not going to even BEGIN on arguing the whole Mac-promotion thing because as wonderful as a promotion for Harm would be, the fact is THE WHOLE WORLD THINKS HE'S DEAD. As for what the future holds in way of Mac's pregnancy, you do not know what's going to happen, no one but I do, so I'd like it if you didn't doom my story before you know what happens. Thanks very much.

**Kitty X: **Well, here was a small HM scene. More to come, I promise.

**Angie: **thanks for the names, I'll definitely put them on my list. Hope you liked this chapter!

**Jamie: **that's true . . . and believe me, Mac's name won't . . . ugh, I can't tell you! This is so infuriating because I DO want to tell you what's going to happen. Look, you'll see in a few chapters, and then you'll understand it all, okay? I know I must be annoying saying all of this, but seriously, give me a little time and you'll fully comprehend. I promise.


	29. One to Ten

**A/N: Ah, I can't believe how many people got on me about the cliffie in the last chap! LOL, so I thought I'd better update. Keep your hair on . . .**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS and ninjagirl987 for your wonderful reviews!**

**Note: Keep in mind that I know next to nothing about pregnancy/giving birth so . . . I'm just winging it here. If I miss any crucial part of the whole process please know that I did my very best!**

_**Flashback to 'The Meeting'**_

"_And back on topic," Vera says over the noise of everyone else. "As Turner pointed out just a few minutes ago, there IS a reason why you were called here." She looks almost weary as she tucks a strand of wavy auburn hair behind her ear. "And that is –"_

_And then a pained cry cut sharply through the air stopping Vera in mid-sentence._

**One to Ten**

**2042**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Harm's POV**

"You're freaking kidding me!" The Admiral exclaims, leaning Mac back against the arm chair. All I can do is stand in the corner, body stiff and my heart hammering within my chest. Mac's hands clutch at her stomach as her breathing suddenly becomes heavy and ragged, her cheeks glowing a very dark shade of pink. He turns to me, "do I just attract abrupt pregnancies?"

"I dunno, sir," I replied/screamed, going into a fit of pacing. "Hurry, we've got to call a doctor!"

"And tell them what?" Webb snaps from the corner.

"That we've got a woman going into labor!" I holler back, startling those who remained unruffled in the room.

"Newsflash, Rabb!" Webb screams back hoarsely, his light grey eyes conveying the alarm and panic that I was feeling, "We are having this meeting AGAINST REGS. Inside this room there are THREE CIA agents, two NAVY men, one pregnant marine, one man who's supposedly missing," Clay waved to an abashed Anthony Shapiro that stood in the corner, "a boy I'm hiring illegally," he motions to Teddy White, who though not a boy – can't be more than nineteen, "And a DEAD MAN! You cannot GET any more ILLEGAL than THIS!'"

"Then what are we supposed to do?" I hollered back. "She's going to give BIRTH here, Webb!"

"I know!" Webb screamed back.

A dead silence follows and then, "you're not seriously proposing that she give birth here, are you?" Vera's voice is astonished.

"Well, where else is she going to give birth?" Webb challenged wildly.

"In a hospital like NORMAL PEOPLE!" Jake's joined in the shouting match.

"But we can't!" Clay hollered. "Who's going to check her in?"

"YOU!" Vera, Jake, and I all scream at the same time.

"I can't!" Clay screamed back. "I'm supposed to be off the case!"

"Off what case?" Vera asked, the volume of her voice dampening slightly.

"This case!" Clay shouts hoarsely, a defeated look suddenly overpowering his features. "This . . . this case," his voice has calmed down. "Kovac took me off it this morning." His eyes meet Jake's and Vera's. "You guys, too."

A long hollow silence follows. "What do you mean?" Jake asked.

"I mean," Clay heaved a sigh. "You guys are off the case. Rabb," he turns to me, "Welcome back to the world of the living."

"Wait, no," Vera said, shaking her head. "Kovac can't do this. He just . . . can't! Abbas will kill Harm!"

"I'm not going anywhere!" I cut in ferociously. "Abbas won't get me."

"But, dammit, Rabb, we can't protect you any more!" Webb hollered at me. "You're on your own this time! You're . . . we can't . . ." He trailed off. "Jake, Vera, get out of here."

"What?" Jake asked, verbalizing all our thoughts.

"I said go, get out. Go to Kovac," Webb said passionately, gesturing at the door. "I'm not bringing you down with me. I'll stay and protect Harm. We'll carry out the plan. Just go."

Mac shrieks in pain but she's temporarily forgotten.

"We're not leaving you, Clay," Vera said strongly, walking up to Webb. Clay looked away, but Vera turned his head towards hers, forcing their eyes to meet. "Believe it or not, we're a _team. _Just like I couldn't do it without you, you can't do it without us." She looks around wildly, "Dammit Clay, you NEED us."

"And YOU need to have YOUR job," Clay retaliated. "Face it, the only reasons why we're of any use is because of our connections." The sentence strikes a nerve. "We all have a past with Abbas and that's why we're all so eager to catch him. But we can't let this ruin our lives," Clay speaks passionately and intently, his voice strong. "At least, I can't let it ruin yours," he lifts his eyes to meet Jake's, "either of yours. Now get out of here while you can."

"I'm not leaving you," Vera snapped back, her dark eyes shining. "We're all going to make it through this. I don't care if I have no job to get back to. Dammit, you yourself said Abbas has got to be caught. Well I agree," Vera stares at Clay, a foreign emotion flashing in her eyes, "stop playing the hero, Webb. It doesn't work for you."

"Can you talk about this at some other time!" Mac hollers from the arm chair, immediately followed by a shriek of pain. Instantly I'm kneeling by her side, trying very hard to breathe. I am, that is.

"I stand by what I said before!" I hollered through gritted teeth as I let Mac take my hand and squeeze with bone-breaking strength. "CALL A DAMN DOCTOR!"

"And like I told you before!" Webb hollered back, also kneeling beside Mac. "WE CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Then what are we supposed to do, Webb?" I challenged incredulously. "Have my kid here?"

"Well, that's the current plan," Webb reeled off wildly. He turned around, "Admiral, I believe you've delivered a baby before."

"Well I didn't damn well plan on making a career out of it!" the Admiral hollered back, but nonetheless stooping in front of Mac. "Has anyone timed how far apart the contractions are?"

"Five minutes, forty-seven seconds," Mac wheezed out, her cheeks reddening furiously. "With all due respect, Admiral, I damn well hope you know what you're doing."

"That makes two of us," the Admiral retorted slightly under his breath so only I could hear. I flashed him an alarmed look which was instantly dampened by the stern glare I received in return. Out loud he said, "You have nothing to worry about, Colonel." He sighed, "If anyone's worrying it should be me. Lord help me, I'm about to bring another Rabb into this world."

"Hear that, honey?" I said to Mac, leaning over to kiss her sweat-glistening forehead. "Another Rabb."

"God help me!" Mac shrieked as another powerful contraction hit. Her left hand shot out and grabbed the collar of my shirt, snapping back so quickly that I flew into her, her knuckles going white as she squeezed my shirt with all her might, closing off any air that had been traveling through my neck.

"Mac, you're choking Harm," the Admiral said surprisingly calmly. "Now, Jacob, could you go fetch me the largest bath towel you have and some smaller damp cloths?"

Jake stood up from his sitting spot on the floor. "Sure thing, Admiral." He then turned around, "But just so you know. You can call me Jake."

"HE CAN CALL YOU JUDIS FOR ALL I CARE!" Mac hollered from the arm chair, her chocolate eyes flashing dangerously. "DAMMIT, GET THIS KID OUT OF ME!"

"_Hold on_, Mac," I said in what I hoped was a soothing voice. "Everything's going to be okay."

Nineteen year old Teddy White looked up interestingly from his seat on the sofa. "Are these meetings always this fun?"

"Only when the military's involved," Vera grumbled from the corner where she and Webb were talking very seriously. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jake standing in the doorway, a far away look in his eyes as he watched Vera's hand brush Clay's lower arm, but my thoughts were interrupted by another earth-shattering shriek from Mac.

"Got the towel and the cloths," Jake puffed, putting them all in one large heap by the Admiral. Very quickly, Chegwidden covered Mac's legs with the large towel and handed me one of the small damp cloths to dab Mac's forehead with. Her cheeks were slowly turning purple.

"Uh, Admiral," I said nervously, my hand shaking. "I'll be the first to admit I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy or giving birth but there's blood coming out here, Admiral."

I'm shaken to the core.

"I've seen it," the Admiral replied shortly, not giving me a glance. "That's alright, there's always a little blood with every birth."

"Wait, I'm bleeding!" Mac screamed in alarm from the arm chair.

The Admiral glared at me as he said, "It's not much, Mac. This is normal."

"But Admiral –" I begin but I'm cut off with one glowering look from him.

"Alright, Mac, we've got a few painful hours ahead of us . . ."

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Next Room**

**Clay's POV**

"Vera, I just can't let you do this," I said slowly, my eyes falling upon possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever met. "Your job is your life, and I can't take that away from you. We've got a plan, and despite the slimness, we still have a shot at catching Abbas." I stared at her strongly. "Let me take this shot."

"You can, Clay," Vera whispered back, leaning against the counter in the kitchen. "I just want to take it to." Her eyes glisten with emotion. "You were wrong when you said my life is my job. My life isn't my job. Yes, it's a big part of it but not bigger than my past, or the people around me, or my future. If I can't catch Abbas, if I can't save the man that's come to be one of my greatest friends, then where does that leave my future? Sure, I'm with the CIA, but who am I really?" Vera's voice fights its way into my mind, echoing the truth of her words in a haunting manner. "I don't want to be that person, Clay. Let me do this."

"You could be hurt," I fought futilely.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Well, I'm not!" I bit back. "Believe it or not, Azhad, _I care about you."_

"Dammit, I know that, Clay," Vera retaliated softly. "I do know that, and I believe it. But, Clay, caring about me is one thing and trying to protect me is something different." Her eyes overpower me. "You think by keeping me out of this mission you're going to be preventing me from seeing something I haven't seen before? That you're protecting me from Abbas? Clay, I know they're out there. I know what IS out there. And I'm never going to get past this, YOU'RE never going to get past this if we don't face it." Her words hit me hard as rock. "And what's better than facing the music together?"

"I just don't want to see you hurt," I said slowly, wincing slightly as the power of my own words echoes back to my ears.

"Ditto," Vera replied softly.

A moment of silence and then, "So where does that leave us . . .?" I trailed.

"On equal footing," Vera smiled, leaning in towards me, her lips inches from mine. I bent a little forward, smiling as I drew myself to her and then –

"Ahem."

Both of us turned around to see Jake standing there, his hands stuffed in his jean pockets and a rather haunted look overpowering his eyes. He stood there almost rigidly. "So you two are . . ." he trailed, gesturing between Vera and me. "You guys are . . ." he tried again but failed almost instantly.

"Jake," Vera whispered softly, moving to touch his arm but Jake jumped back as though burned.

"No, don't – " Jake muttered, his eyes flashing. "Just . . ." he shook his head, "Just _don't, _okay?"

"Jake," I began but Jake was already retreating, the expression on his face one of a stabbed back. His eyes were hollow and his expression sort of sunken.

"You know what, never mind, Clay," he retorted, shaking his head almost drunkenly. "Just . . . just leave me the hell alone."

And he took off through the door, disappearing immediately down the hallway. Vera moved forward but I caught her arm, twisting her towards me. "You heard Jake . . . let's give him a little time."

"But he's hurting, Clay," Vera retaliated, casting another long look down the hallway. "I've got to talk to him."

"Talking's probably the worst thing we could do right now," I replied slowly, my fingers easing on Vera's arm, letting it go with a brush. "You could try but neither of us will probably get anywhere. Not tonight, anyway."

Vera sighed wearily, her dark eyes shining. "Oh god, Clay, why the hell does this have to be so complicated?"

I pulled her slightly towards me, letting her rest her head on my shoulder. "You and I have had one hell of a week, eh?"

Vera nodded against my shoulder, her voice muffled. "We should go in there."

"To Jake?"

"No," she replied wearily, lifting her head up and resting her forehead on mine. "You're right, we should just give him a little time. But we should go see Mac – see how she's doing."

"Yeah," I whispered, nodding my head. "And maybe remove Shapiro and the kid. They probably think these meeting of ours are better than reality TV."

Vera giggled as I wrapped one arm around her waist. "I can't believe you didn't know he was nineteen."

"His file said twenty eight," I rebutted uselessly. "Besides, the kid's mature for his age."

"Well, I'm certainly thankful for that," Vera replied, rolling her eyes. "What ARE you going to do with him?"

"He's our tech," Clay said shrugging. "He's a real bright kid. Designed lots of programs."

"I thought you said he'd been with Interpol for four years?" Vera asked me as I opened up the door the living room for her.

"That's the irony of it," I grinned, as she entered. "Interpol's been using him illegally for the last four years too."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Living Room**

**Mac's POV**

I scream shrilly as another powerful contraction hits. Somewhere up there, God and Satan are sitting down and having a great humongous laugh at my expense. I grab hold of the nearest thing (Harm) and squeeze as hard as I can (luckily it was only his arm I got . . . lucky for him, I mean) and I absolutely crush all nerves in his hand that he had left from my prior squeezes.

"Well, I already know one thing you and your kid have in common, Rabb!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I double over in unfathomable pain. "You're both a pain in the – Ahhh!"

"You alright there, Mac?" Harm asked rather innocently considering for the past half hour I've been uttering curse words that would make a sailor who hasn't seen a port in six months blush, and the fact that I've been assaulting Harm with every insult known to human kind. I mean, after all, _this IS his fault._

"YEAH, I'M PERFECT FINE!" I holler back, sweat dripping down my face. "Oh, no, wait . . . I forgot. I'VE GOT YOUR KID UP MY SIX!"

"So . . ." Clay trailed, suddenly coming into the room with Vera in tone. "Look's like she's doing good."

"Bite me, Webb."

"Please, Webb," the Admiral replied wearily, waving Clay off, "don't antagonize her any more than you need to."

"And she doesn't need antagonizing," Harm quickly added in, shaking his head furiously.

"Is there anything I can get you, Mac?" Vera asked sympathetically, approaching me almost cautiously.

"Can I have a drink?" I pant painfully, as Harm dabs my forehead once more with the damp cloth.

"Fraid not, Mac," the Admiral said, shaking his head. "But I've got good news, you're officially at ten centimeters."

"Oh, no, I'm not!" I cried, furiously trying to rewind these past nine months. "Nuh uh, check again, no – nope, not today. No baby here."

"Mac . . ."

"Go home everyone," I waved my arm at Tony Shapiro and Teddy White who had been watching me and my contractions as though television was non-existent. "Nothing to see!"

"Mac, I'm going to need to maneuver you into position now, okay?" the Admiral said soothingly as I promptly threw up in the container that Harm had very nicely pushed near me. Finally, I could see the end to the contractions, the little white light that shone o so brightly in the dark tunnel ahead. Finally, perhaps a chance to rest and –

"Push!" the Admiral hollered.

". . . push?"

"Push!"

"What? Already? Now? Can't I just rest for a few minutes!"

"NO!" the Admiral screamed back. "Now PUSH!"

I pushed.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

And here we go again, people!

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

I held my breath deep inside of me as I pulled my knees up slightly and PUSHED.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

The contraction relaxed a little. I eased slowly back into my chair, suddenly my legs giving into frequent and painful cramps. Slowly, I tried to suck in my breath but for some reason, oxygen just did not want to give into me.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

"PUSH!"

"That was barely ninety seconds!" I screamed bitterly and then pushed.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

"I WANT DRUGS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, as I pushed with all my strength. By now every time the contraction finished, it led to the most terrible cramping of my life. I usually whimpered through my supposed moments of peace, with Harm running his hand through my hair, though I also succumbed into frequent yelling and bitching like most birthing mothers do.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

It was minutes, hours maybe. Will this kid never come out? Now I was starting to feel hungry. Pictures of Beltway burgers kept floating in front of my mind, always out of reach, but not so much that I didn't drool at the thought.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

An hour passes. I'm convinced I will die. Another half hour . . . I'm now beginning to lose faith in the fact that there's a kid in there at all. Yeah, I can just imagine the Admiral and my future conversation.

"_I'm sorry, Mac – there's no baby in there."_

"_There's no baby?"_

"_No, I'm sorry."_

"_THEN WHAT HAVE I BEEN PUSHING?"_

"_A rock."_

"_A rock?"_

"_Yes, apparently it has Harm's head."_

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

"How much longer?" I whimpered pitifully, using my voice unbearably draining.

"Let's see . . . right now it's eleven . . . thirty," the Admiral said, checking his watch. "Good news, you shall have you baby at midnight."

_Another half an hour? Okay, why wait till I'm old and wrinkled, send me up to Heaven right now, me and God have got to have a little talk . . . and besides, it's better this way. I won't have nearly as good a punch when I'm ninety._

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

"Admiral . . ." Harm's voice is suddenly panicked. "There's more blood."

"Of course there's more blood!" the Admiral spat. "She's giving birth. I told you blood was normal."

"But not like this!" Harm's voice is seriously one hundred percent terrified. "Admiral, I told you I don't know much about this stuff but I know enough to know that she's seriously losing blood."

"I'm what?" I called dimly, sitting up a little more in the arm chair but I'm too weak to do much moving. "There's . . . there's a lot of blood?"

"Nothing to worry about, Mac!" the Admiral called back but I strain my ears as I hear him whisper to Harm, "I don't want you scaring her when she's this far in labor. She needs all the moral support she can get."

"But this isn't normal!" Harm screamed in a whispered voice. "Just admit it! This shouldn't be happening!"

"It's not that abnormal," the Admiral's voice is strong and overpowering. "I've checked and there's no signs that Mac's suffering any internal bleeding, or that there's anything physically wrong with her. There's just a little more blood than usual."

"Well make it stop!" Harm hollered.

"Shut up!" I screamed as I contracted again.

_1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10_

Suddenly, I hear the greatest message that could ever have been uttered in the entire HISTORY of the universe. "Here comes the head!"

I nearly die in relief. _Not a rock . . . a head. _

"Here, I'll give you a little room," the Admiral said quietly, but strong enough that I could hear. "Alright, I need you to push . . . come on, Marine, one last push!"

_One last push . . . one last push. I can do that! ONE LAST PUSH!_

"You can do this, Mac!" Harm's hollering voice resounds within my ears.

_I can do this . . . I can do this. I CAN DO THIS._

I hear an almost victorious cheer from the Admiral. "Here he comes!"

_HE!_

And I pushed – I pushed with all my might while unleashing an absolutely unearthly scream. And in that moment, that beautiful second, my son slid into this world. Out of the fogginess that was now my vision I could very dimly see the Admiral lifting up what appeared to be a very gory, very gooey little person and it was at that moment that I began to cry uncontrollably, shaking all the while. I sobbed. I laughed. I was limitlessly amazed.

Beside me Harm was shaking too. He had one arm around me, repeatedly kissing my forehead as the Admiral wrapped a towel around my son . . . _our son . . . _and handed him to Harm, wiping some of the sweat off his fore head.

"Here," Harm whispered, placing him delicately into my arms where I began to cry even more. "This is our little boy."

_Our little boy . . . our little boy . . . where was our little boy? _My fingers began to remove the thick layers of cloths/blankets that were covering him until I saw his little face poking out and my heart just melted. Somewhere in the back of my mind Harm's words echoed '_With your looks and my brains, he'll be perfect.'_

And he was. He really was. His face was small and angelic with only a few strands of dark brown hair shooting up from the top of his head, and almost sadly he had all of my features. Well . . . nearly. He blinked, revealing a beautiful set of sky blue eyes that were without a doubt, a hundred percent Harm's.

"Well, Commander, Colonel," the Admiral's voice is weary and thin, his age looking even more pronounced in his sleep deprived eyes. "You did one pretty good job," he said, nodding at our son.

"Not too shabby, Rabb," Keeter grinned, slapping Harm playfully on the arm, suddenly catching sight of me. "Oh yeah, and you too, Colonel."

"Thanks, Jack," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"He looks so much like you, Mac," Vera's voice is soft and almost maternal as she draws close to us, her eyes falling upon our baby gently.

"Fortunately for us," Harm grins and then –

"Admiral! Mac!" Sturgis's voice cuts clearly through the air. "The ambulance is here! Go, Harm!"

Harm opened his mouth to reply but there was the sudden ringing at the doorbell.

"You've got to go, Harm," the Admiral's voice was strong and persistent. "They're going to come and take Mac, you've got to go."

"But – " Harm futilely tried to protest.

"_GO!" _Vera, Clay, the Admiral, and Sturgis all yelled at one time.

Harm resisted for one moment before leaping up to his feat from his kneeling position beside me, taking one long look at the two of us before turning around. But just as he was at the doorway he turned around, his bright blue eyes catching my brown ones in a stare that could have lasted forever. "I love you, Mac."

And the deep impact of his words crash upon me in that one rushed perfect moment. "I love you too," I whispered as he turned around to run up the stairs, Sturgis opening the door to let the Paramedics in.

_I love you too._

* * *

**A/N: and that's where I conclude the chapter, folks! LOL – see, I did tell you the gender! Finally! Oh yes, and kudos to Jamie who was absolutely one hundred percent CERTAIN that it was a boy!**

**Oh, yes, and I do already have a name picked out, so you need not worry on any last minute suggestions. But I will say one thing – both the first name and the middle name were suggested by reviewers. So you never know . . . it could be yours.**

**Jules: **thanks very much. Always glad to hear someone's appreciating the story. So . . . how did you like this chapter?

**ForensicsFreak1988: **Ah, twelve forty's still Monday. I mean, right now it's 1:22 in the morning for me, but I'm still counting it as Tuesday (and I don't know where you live, but for me when I post it always says Tuesday anyway cuz their timing is hours behind mine so – lol) And I know what you mean on the HBP level. I mean, I was talking with my friends and they were all saying what a superbly wonderful book it was and I thought 'well, it's JKR – she's a superbly wonderful writer' but then it was like . . . but there were so many things in the story I would have changed – or well, that I didn't agree with, I guess. Hmm, I think I've been reading fanfic too long . . .

**DD2: **thanks, hope you liked this chapter.

**Alix33: **ah, I always get those gigantic boxes of Smarties when I'm at the movies. I'm a really movie buff, by the way. I'm like that about books too. I'm a real eccentric type of person. Like, for me – on weekdays JAG comes on at seven o'clock. So I'll eat dinner in front of the TV at exactly seven o'clock because then I can enjoy my dinner while enjoying JAG. Just like I enjoy Smarties while I'm enjoying a movie. Aren't I the weirdest? LOL, you're reading all the books AGAIN? I always do that with a series before the new book comes out but . . . I mean, right after it came out?

**MaritzaCarmichael: **sorry it took me so long! Forgive me?

**Broesel: **You got it right, alright. So . . . how'd you like the chapter? I updated!

**Prinnie: **Yup, you guessed it right! LOL

**Radiorox: **well, see, my latest one – Alex – I just pretty much told to shove off. He/She insisted that Mac was going to "do" Jake and then went on about how Harm is so much better than Mac. God, I hate people like that. Freaking rabid. In their eyes, Harm's golden and Mac will always do wrong. They annoy the hell out of me. Ah well, it's been pretty quiet . . . but then again, only two chapters have passed. And if they come back, I give you permission to go at them with any "fun stuff" you have lying around.

**Snugglebug: **yeah, I think you were right . . . then again, I have no clue what you thought the 'pained cry' was. Three cheers for cliffies!

**MiDushiNoSushi: **oh, wouldn't it have just dampened the moment if Abbas had shown up? Actually, considering Mac would have been in labor that had potential humor, but anyways – nope, it's better that he didn't show up.

**Abigaile: **well, here – I rushed this chapter just for you. LOL, actually, I took a pretty long time . . . well, a day. I had to keep rewriting it cuz it wasn't good enough!

**TV Angel 711: **ah well, now no one needs to ask me – they all know! And I'm pretty sure I shocked the pants off some people. Nearly everyone had their money on a girl.

**Froggy0319: **well, here ya go! An update to keep you healthy . . . and there's nothing wrong with being impatient! Hell, if there was, I think I'd have to rethink my entire lifestyle. LOL

**CJKS: **thanks, aren't cliffhangers the greatest?

**Sugar230: **LOL, I know you kinda already knew what was going to happen this chapter because of my brief preview but still – hope you liked it!

**KittyX: **thanks, hope you liked this one too.

**Laura: **Two weeks in Czech Republic . . . huh, well if it's any consolation to you – I just spent a week at summer camp living in log cabins with mosquitoes hanging in clouds over your head . . . ah, no, I can't insult the place. I love that camp. But, hey, the food was pretty bad. There's something I can't deny. LOL, yeah – we should have seen more of Keeter in JAG. He was too funny in The Black Jet.

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **oh yeah, and Jake would have LOVED pretending to be the fake father too . . . lol, Jake's just that kind of guy. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter!

**Tizy: **Well, still – not including the bad hair days – Savannah sounds pretty cool. You're lucky! Everyone in my family is traveling this summer except for me – unless you include summer camp which I do not because it only really included four hours in a bus then a week in cabins. I mean, for god's sake, my Dad's in HONG KONG at the moment, and then as soon as he comes back, he'll have two days' rest then he's off to India (and I went there for spring vacation – not the greatest hair days either). And I'm going to try my very best to get this story done before school starts! Yes, that's my official goal.

**Daisymh: **thanks, and I hope you like this chapter

**xLovexNxPainx: **is it really her 37th birthday? Seriously . . .? Wow, I would have never guessed. I thought . . . okay, well, yeah – maybe 37 is a realistic guess. I would have thought mid-thirties. Yeah. As for your fear for Vera's life . . . I . . . ugh, okay – I can't tell you cuz that would ruin the plot – but just don't lose it, okay?

**Angie C: **thanks, and as for Harm and Co. . . . well, you'll just see in the coming chapters. I swear there'll be more action. Hope you liked this chapter!

**Ninjagirl987: **okay, well I have no clue who you thought it was – but wasn't I cruel for stopping there? LOL, and there's nothing wrong with being addicted! I myself am totally vulnerable to any good story that happens to cross my path. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter!

**Toplesslemon: **omg, I do that all the time! I mean, I don't say I'm doing my psychology homework . . . but I always say I'm working on an English paper, because my English teacher likes to assign us brutal amounts of essays at any given time, so it's usually a pretty good excuse, except for when someone walks in. I've got a little sister too, and she's always doing that. Peeking over my shoulder and stuff to see what I'm reading. LOL, yeah – some people would say it's great that I've known what I wanted to do since I was six and then other people (aka, my mother) would only point out that it just shows how stubborn I was and still am. But I happen to like my stubborn ways.

**Bite Beccy: **Well here's the next chapter! Now seriously, I told you the gender of the baby! I am sooooo not mean.

**Sgcgirl52: **LOL, I haven't seen that movie – but maybe I should watch it. I dunno, I spend most of my days writing now (I'm really very obsessed) or watching JAG (just as obsessed). Is it very good? I'm a movie buff, really. Or maybe I just like the cinemas . . . hmm, either way, you get to see a good movie and popcorn (or in my case, movie theatre sized box of smarties)


	30. The Upside

**A/N: Alright, okay . . . so . . . um, wow – now that the kid has been born, it seems like the ending of this story is so near. Which is scaring me a bit, at the moment. It's stupid, but when I first began writing this story, I never had the feeling that it had to end. But now that it is . . . never mind, I'm just blabbering on. You don't want to read this, you want to read the story. So here goes . . .**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, and Angie Capriatti for your wonderful reviews!**

**The Upside**

**1023**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

**Mac's POV**

I have finally found the upside to child labor. And no, at the moment it's not that I got a kid out of it, that's expected – it's the breakfast they serve the morning afterwards! Honestly, after being so culinarily deprived, the scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, buttered bagel, and muffin were little gifts of heaven. And now I sit here, wolfing down a breakfast that Harm would lecture me on if he were here, and grinning like I just inherited a million dollars. Albeit, I still feel dull pangs of pain every now and again, but at the moment I'm just happy that I'm deflated. I can see my feet again!

"Ma'am?"

I look up from my breakfast tray to see Harriet and Bud enter the room, their little troop marching behind. I smile and wave them in as both AJ and Jimmy jump up on my bed (and I wince as Jimmy hits a particularly painful spot).

"Hey all," I grin cheerfully, letting AJ and Jimmy split my muffin. "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Boy or girl?" Harriet demanded instantly.

My expression is highly affronted. "I just give birth to a seven pound bowling ball and the first thing you want to know is its gender?"

"What's a gender?" AJ asked me from beside me, his mouth full of muffin crumbs.

"Whether you're a boy or a girl," Bud explains monotonously. I suppose if I lived with AJ 24/7 I would sound like that too.

"But I thought Aunt Mac just said it was a bowling ball," AJ replied, a frown flickering upon his confused face. "Do bowling balls have genders?"

"No."

"Then how come . . .?"

"That's enough, AJ," Harriet replied, conveniently shushing her son as Bud began to open his mouth. "Now is it a boy or a girl?"

"I'm deeply offended you have inquired nothing about my health," I stated stubbornly, but an amused smile flickering upon my lips as I let Harriet sweat it out.

Harriet rolled her eyes. "How are you doing?"

"Quite, well, thank you," I grin, my voice suddenly increasing dramatically, diving into a Shakespearean tone. "This morning I awoke to a beautiful bath of sunlight filtering in through my curtains . . ."

"You had a bath?" AJ interrupted.

I pause. "Uh, no . . . see, it was a bath of sunlight."

"I've never had a bath of sunlight."

"Well, it wasn't really a bath of," I begin but Harriet just hushes AJ again.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Harriet demands, suddenly unable to prevent the silence that shone within her eyes.

I smiled. "Boy."

Harriet squeals in delight. AJ turns to me, "so your bowling ball's a boy?"

I open my mouth to reply but Bud just scoops AJ and Jimmy off the bed, leaving the twins in their stroller by the foot of the bed. "You know what – I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and see if I can get the boys something to eat. Get them out of your hair a little while," Bud smiles at me, "Congratulations, ma'am."

"Thank you, Bud," I smiled back, as Harriet took a seat beside me.

"So . . ." she whispered, looking at me. "Have you got a name yet?"

I sighed, shifting positions on the bed as I took in a mouthful of scrambled eggs. "A few playing around in my head . . ." I cast an annoyed glance at the ground. "You know, I'm beginning to think labor was actually easier than this."

Harriet casts an amused glance at me. "Easier than picking out a name?"

"Well, it was obviously easier for YOU, Harriet," I point out, taking a sip of orange juice. "You had names you liked, Bud had names he liked, and you just crossed off names from the other's list that you didn't like, therefore narrowing it down to a small number to choose from. I have no one to cross names off my list!" I cried, a touch too dramatic for my liking.

"Run some by me," Harriet said soothingly but I shook my head, placing a finger to my temple and rubbing.

"Nothing seems right to me at the moment," I explained, sighing discontentedly. "I keep waiting for the right name to just jump out at me, but so far that plan's been pretty much non-operational."  
"Where is he?" Harriet whispered.

I smiled, getting up from my bed with (a little) help from Harriet. "I'll show you."

We walk down the hall, talking rather companionably with each other and it is right then that I feel a large stab of guilt hit me. Harriet and Bud should know . . . everyone else does. That little annoying voice at the back of my mind says, _'It's on a need to know basis.' _And deep at the bottom of my heart I knew they didn't need to know. But it was just so hard keeping something as big as this away from them.

I approach the glass window that separates Harriet and me from the baby room. Placed in little rows, the newborns look up at us through the glass, all dressed in white. I smile as I detect my son in the top left corner, fast asleep, his round little face peeping up from the surrounding white covers. And then the slightly guilty feeling crept back again. All the little baby cribs had signs with names on them, most first and last. But my boy had only 'Mackenzie' written on it. I frowned in frustration. A name could come to me at any time now.

"He's adorable!" Harriet squealed, "And he looks so much like you!"

That was true. His small face mirrored my own in ways of features, the only difference being the small sprinkle of freckles that dotted his nasal area. And don't get me wrong, he was the beautiful little boy I always imagined having, but for some reason this nagging regret keeps weighing on me – wishing he looked a little more like Harm.

Which would be dangerous, I know. If he bore a striking resemblance to Harm, Abbas may be able to draw the connection. So I should be grateful really, that our son turned out the way he did. Then how come I feel so guilty? Guilty that he looks like me? Guilty that he'll take my name? Guilty that he'll never know his father?

_Don't think about that! _I mentally scream to myself. _You're lucky everything turned out the way it did. You're lucky he was even born. _And I knew I was too. I loved that little boy with all my heart, so how come nothing felt enough? How come everything I wanted suddenly seemed out of my grasp? I hung my head. This was not the time to screw up. Someone else was now depending on me. And I couldn't fail him. I cast another long look at my son who laid curled up in the corner, blissfully slumberous. I can't fail him now. Not ever.

I feel a sob taking over my body, and I do my best to hold it in but I'm shaking. He'll never know Harm . . . Harm will never know him. God, why did life have to be so cruel? Why did we have to part? Why was I the one given this little miracle, why not Harm? And you know what the cruelest part of it all was? This was my fault.

If I hadn't gone with Webb to Paraguay, Harm would have never come after me. And if he hadn't come after me, he never would have lost his job. If he hadn't lost his job at JAG, he would never have had to join the CIA. And if he hadn't joined the CIA, he would have never wound up in Manila. And if he hadn't landed in Manila, he wouldn't have had to kill all those potential terrorists. And if he hadn't, there would be no man hiring Abbas at the moment trying to kill Harm off. And if Abbas wasn't trying to kill Harm, he would be standing right beside me at this very moment, looking at our son and cheerfully picking out names.

Everything was my fault.

"Mac, are you okay?" Harriet's voice is concerned, as I lean against the wall, uttering a completely heart-wrenched sob.

"No, Harriet," I whispered, futilely attempting to steady myself. "Nothing's okay. I've got the world's most beautiful son and he's not here with me."

I know what I'm saying, I know how thin a line I'm walking but right now all I can think about is how my life is falling apart one person at a time. And I can't let Harm fall. I can't let him be just another man in my life – he means so much more to me than that. He can't go, I can't let him go. This is as much his family as it is mine and I won't let it be ripped apart. Not for all the assassins in the world.

"But, Mac, _who_ is he?" Harriet pressed gently, wrapping an arm around me comfortingly.

I shook my head more to myself than anyone. If I was going to be able to help Harm, Harriet couldn't know. Or could she? Undoubtedly I could trust her. But I didn't want either her or Bud risking themselves for me. They had a family, they had each other. I couldn't do that to them. But what if I didn't ask them to take any risks? Then it would all be okay, wouldn't it?

"Look, Harriet," I whispered, my voice expressing the despair that was tearing me apart internally. "I can't . . . or, I can . . . Harriet, he's . . ." I'm struggling for my words. "Harriet, the father's –"

"Me."

Both of us whirl around so fast I swear we have whiplash. Clay stands there, for once dressed out of the usual formal attire. He wears semi-baggy jeans, and a see-through white button down shirt that falls well over his belt. He smiled at me, walking over and kissing my forehead. "Good morning, Mac."

"Morning, Clay," I replied quietly, my eyes not quite meeting his. Harriet looked between the two of us almost disbelievingly. I guess she thought I'd learned my lesson – which I had. Unfortunately for me, that would soon not be the perception of the rest of the world.

"How's he doing?" Clay asked, peering through the glass at my son, who promptly yawned in his sleep. "God, he's cute."

It seemed rather strange to see Clay so obviously paternal. In fact, his face genuinely displayed signs of affection. And had I not known that Clay wasn't the father, I might have thought he was. He really did act the part.

"Perhaps I should leave you two," Harriet smiled reassuringly at me, embracing me once more. "I'll come by tomorrow morning if you haven't been discharged yet. And in the mean time," she smiles at the both of us now, "I hope you guys find a name."

We stand there and watch Harriet disappear down the hall and turn in the direction of the cafeteria. After four deliveries I guess Harriet knows her way around pretty well. I turn back to Clay who motions with his hand for us to go back into my room and I nod in consent. I enter the room and sit down on the bed, picking up my breakfast tray once more as Clay shuts the door behind him.

"What the hell were you doing?" Clay snaps as soon as the silence falls between us. "You were going to tell her."

I refuse to meet the eyes that glare at me so piercingly. "She should know."

"Mac, we've been over this!" Clay sighs impatiently. "You're putting them at risk! And I KNOW you don't want to do that. It's unnecessary. When we catch Abbas they'll be able to find out, but until then they're just an accessory. We don't need them yet, Mac."

"Oh, so that's what this is all about!" I shouted back, my temper suddenly spiking. "Yup, let's just keep everyone in the dark until we decide to use them. Yes, as soon as we decide we need them, let's let them risk their lives for us. Right, and until then – they can just remain ignorant, right, Webb?"

"Mac, you know that's not what I meant," Clay's voice remains firm. "I'm just saying you shouldn't tell Bud and Harriet."

"But why not, Webb?" I scream back. "Why can't we just put a little trust in the people around us? Why can't we just believe in someone for once? Is that so damn hard? Not everything NEEDS a reason, Webb! Not everyone needs to be used to their "full potential". Sometimes it's just nice to confide!"

I slam my mattress in emotion, leaning back forcefully against my pillow. "But never mind. You wouldn't be able to understand."

Clay stares at me for a moment, his cool grey eyes falling upon my angry brown ones before he sat down in the chair next to me, heaving a weary sigh as I turned away from him. "Mac, would you look at me?"

I stared down at my sheets.

"Look, Marine, I didn't want anything like this to ever happen," Clay whispered, sincerity managing to creep its way into his voice. "I didn't want you to ever have to get involved. I certainly didn't want its outcome."

He steered my face towards his so our eyes link. "But I'm sure as hell glad you did get involved." I stare at him for a minute – _did I hear right? _"Now Rabb's got more motivation than ever to catch Abbas. And in some insane way you've managed to tame Jake, an impossible feat. Mac, I'm indescribably glad to have you on our team, but please," his eyes flashing me an earnest look, "leave the recruiting to me."

I smile at Clay as just then one of the nurses walked in carrying my son who began to cry as soon as he saw me. Lovely. Taking him out of the nurse's hands I cradled him maternally, willing him both mentally and verbally to stop crying. Clay watched me from his standing position by the bed. "You know, you're really good at that."

I looked up at him, my eyebrow cocked up. "Huh?"

"You know," Clay replied, gesturing at us, "the whole parent, mother thing . . ."

I smile at Clay sincerely, "I've only been a mother for less than half a day."

"Well, you're a natural then," Clay grinned. I turned back to my baby, smiling at him as he gurgled in happiness, crying subsiding. "Mac, you know you can't name him after Harm."

I turn to him, my eyes flashing but I utter no words.

"Mac . . ." Clay trailed, his voice taking on a warning tone. "That would make you and your son a target. You can't name him Harmon. It's too dangerous."

I hold Clay's stare for a second and then I nod, turning back to the precious life that lays cradled in my arms. My baby looks back at me innocently, his bright blue eyes smiling at me as he fidgets within the blanket.

"Say it with me now," Clay said humorously, as he touched his finger to my son's cheek. "You're not going to name him Harm."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not going to name him Harm."

"Good," Clay replied factually, suddenly walking away from the bed. "I've got to go – things to do, places to see, people to piss off . . ."

"You're meeting Kovac today?" I asked, shifting a little in the bed so I could get into a more comfortable position.

"Yes," Clay replied, his voice toning the right amounts of dread and reluctance. "Say, if I don't make it out alive, you think there's any chance you could name that little guy after me?"

I smiled sweetly at him, "Not a one."

Clay shrugged good-naturedly as he headed out the door. "I'll come by and see you tonight."

"Okay," I called to his retreating form, as Clay disappeared down the same hallway Harriet had. I looked back down at my son, who stared right back up at me as he sucked on his own finger. I had a few serious hours of name searching to do . . .

* * *

**Twenty Minutes Later**

**CIA Headquarters**

**Clay's POV**

"Have you come to me with an answer, Webb?" Kovac's voice rings out strong and true, as he leans himself against his desk, staring at me intently with his piercing dark eyes.

I quaver slightly, "Yes, I have."

Kovac adjusts his glasses. "And?"

I shake my head, "I'm sorry, Sir. But what you're asking me to do would be going against what I believe is right. I can't abandon my friend when his life is in danger, and I certainly can't desert a chance to capture a murderous assassin." My eyes plead with him silently. "If there was any other way . . ."

"There isn't, Webb," Kovac cuts me short, his dark eyes flashing. "This is the end of the line."

"Well, with all due respect, I really wish it wasn't," I said passionately, staring up at Kovac with as much strength as I could muster. "But if you're asking me to chose between my job, and what's right – it's really no choice at all."

A long silence follows my speech and then, "I assume Azhad and Holter are joining you on this little escapade of yours?"

I look down at the ground. "That wasn't my choice, Sir."

"Of course not," Kovac replied, walking over to his chair and taking a seat. "Just like your choice to remain on the Rabb case wasn't theirs. But somehow you three always end up taking the same road, don't you?" His eyes glint. "The Three Musketeers."

I remain silent.

"Well," Kovac sighed. "The office will be quiet without you three." He laughed hollowly. "Maybe even a little dull."

I nodded wordlessly. Kovac smiled at me, "Good bye, Webb." And he extended a hand.

I shook it. "Sir."

Kovac smiled sadly at me as he led me out of his office. "It was nice knowing you."

* * *

**Hours Later**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

**Mac's POV**

_Not Harm . . . not Harm . . . not Harm_

I stared down at my son who yawned tiredly from within my arms. My fingers ran through the few strands of dark brown hair that blossomed from atop of his head. No, I couldn't name him Harmon. I couldn't name him after . . .

And then I stared at my little boy again, and for a reason unbeknownst to me, something Harm once said to the Admiral and I floated back to me. Something I'd forgotten about till now . . .

"_I realize I'm more of a hunter, sir . . . you know, attacking with sticks and stones," Harm looks at the Admiral who just returns a completely baffled stare. "You know, instead of in the cave dividing up the meat."_

And I grinned suddenly, recalling the memory over the friendly fire incident. What a hard headed judge Harm had been. I looked down at my baby, who gurgled at me. "Yeah, that's your daddy," I whispered to him, kissing his forehead softly. "He was always a little stubborn." A smile lit my lips as I sighed, "But I loved him anyway."

And just then I found the upside of the scenario–I realized his name didn't have to be Harmon to be named after him. I stared down at my little boy as he reached up his small hand to grab hold of one of my fingers. I smiled at him, holding him close to my body.

Hunter Ashton Mackenzie. Hunter Ashton _Rabb _Mackenzie. H.A.R.M.

_Harm . . ._

_

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to Tizy who donated the name Hunter and to rainydays502 who donated the name Ashton. I loved pretty much every name given to me but unfortunately I couldn't use them all! **_

**A/N2: And props once again to Jamie who did the unbelievable right from the very beginning and proclaimed it was a boy and on top of that guessed the correct name! Sheesh, why do I bother writing plots when you can predict 'em? LOL**

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**ForensicsFreak1988: **LOL, I'm sorry – that is pretty weird. Reading other people's responses, I mean. But you're not alone in that category. Some other people have told me they do it too. And you're right, watching JAG and eating isn't as bad as watching CSI and eating because CSI shows you all the gruesome bodies and etc. But what can you say? You get hooked and suddenly it's your everyday lifestyle. (Oh, and you know in HBP that note that some guy left in the cave part? The R.A.B. thing? You have any idea who it is?)

**Steelo: **yeah, but you know who the snitch is, you cheater! LOL, no virtual cookie for you. Just hurry up and read the rest of the chapters and get caught up! I know I update fast and that you're sick, but still – no excuse! You're giving Cinderella more attention than you are my story! Lol

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, and don't worry about the Abbas thing. You'll see what happens . . . soon.

**Jamie: **I cannot believe you got the right name and gender! For one thing, you were the ONLY person that guessed it was a boy, and on top of that you got the name. I was so astonished when I read your review I immediately forwarded it to my friend Steelo (who knew the name in advance, having helped me pick it out) and I was like 'yay! Someone's going to like the name!' (I was kind of worried that no one would like the name I picked cuz it's kind of unusual). And I really would have taken Quinn as a possibility, but my friend Steelo (mentioned her already) her boyfriend's name is Quinn and she's got dibs on the name, apparently. LOL, friends are funny that way . . .

**Broesel: **Ah, I'm getting so close to the ending! At the end I resolve the Clay/Vera/Jake triangle, and the Abbas thing, and the Harm/Mac/baby thing and now I'm getting all excited for the ending – and I'm just praying I can get this story done before school starts. Three weeks . . . that should be enough. LOL, I know – when women are under intense physical pain, you have no idea what might come out of their mouth next.

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **omg, okay – now I feel like I owe you an explanation. See, when I began writing Full Throttle, I had everything all planned out. Mac and Harm were going to have a girl named Taylor. And it was simple as that. And then I thought – hey, let's let the reviewers pick the middle name. So I asked for name donations. And then everyone pretty much stated 'it's a girl'. And that annoyed the heck out of me, cuz I like surprising people with the little twists to my plot. And then I looked around at the other stories and realized that there were dozens of baby girl ones but only a handful of boy ones. And in my vain attempt for uniqueness, I changed the gender last minute, and then I came up with that whole HARM thing – but again, I REALLY loved the name Taylor cuz that was what I was going to originally use. But hey, you never know . . . I'm seriously considering writing a sequel to this story. Taylor might still have a hope.

**Toplesslemon: **ah yes, you just had to shatter the illusion, didn't you? LOL, Jen's a nice name though. Jen the Topless lemon. I like it. My mum and my teachers love to gang up on me when it comes to writing, 'cause I spend all day doing it. I'm serious, my time it's three thirty in the morning and I'm sitting here typing up a new chapter. That's me – whenever creativity hits, I have to write. Even if it's on like a napkin or something, I've got to do it. My teachers find it extremely annoying. Well, one of them does. My creative writing teacher. He thinks I'm – and I quote – "wasted talent". LOL, needless to say he doesn't approve of me . . . of course, that's why I've got to keep doing this – just to piss him off! (Good luck on trying to pass this story off as homework . . . I've tried doing that too, needless to say 'The Fine Art of Dating' was no scientific breakthrough my teacher was hoping I was reading)

**Snugglebug: **I'm glad Harm got to be there too. I was seriously contemplating whether or not his presence was required. And then in the end it seemed like the nice thing to do.

**Froggy0319: **ah well, I didn't think he was going to be there, either. I changed it last minute cuz I thought Harm being there was the right thing to do. Plus, I wove it into the story. Before I was going to have Harm break into the hospital while Clay and him are doing the rounds to pick up other agents but then I was like – nah, let Mac see everyone for herself. Plus, letting the Admiral deliver was fun to write.

**Radiorox: **LOL, I don't think Jake has offered any objections!

**Sugar230: **ah, I contemplated for such a long time between Adam and Ashton. They sounded sort of the same but I told you, I'm a real thinker. So in the end I did what DPB did – I flipped a coin.

**Bite Beccy: **I wouldn't so much as call it blackmailing, rather unorthodox motivation. LOL  
**alix33: **Ah, Harry James, how . . . unique. LOL, this morning I spent hours on the internet looking up any possibilities for the mysterious R.A.B. in the end of the sixth book – and the possibilities are slim to none. Ah, JKR's foiled me again.

**MiDushiNoSushi: **LOL, that's the brilliant thing with love triangles. No matter how hard you try and fight it (Clay being a bastard in the show and all) you end up seeing all three sides, which really sucks if you're a narrow minded person (like me). But don't worry . . . when the ending comes, there's a solution for the infamous triangle. You'll see . . . (not to be mysterious, or anything – lol)

**Abigaile: **lol, stumbling through a stupid door . . . yep, there's an adventurous ending . . . lol, but don't worry – Mac and Harm'll get through this thing. You'll see.

**Daisymh: **thanks

**Lani: **I know, she does look young. I mean, DJE's the greatest and all, but he is starting to show his age, as much as I hate to admit it. But CB . . . never would have guessed it. And no, I do not believe Mac, Harm, and Co. qualify as normal people.

**Vhosek malacath: **killer caught . . . don't worry, on my 'to do' list.

**Maritza Carmichael: **well, here's a chapter for you . . .

**Jules: **adopting . . . excellent idea. That's the road I'll head on if I ever want kids. (My friends were absolutely mortified to find out I had no plans on having kids when I grew up – they've already got the names of their future kids planned out and how far apart in age they'll be)

**Eggy weg: **thanks

**Angie capriatti: **thanks, and I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter.


	31. The Million Dollar Question

**A/N: Well . . . um . . . uh huh . . . I really suck at author's notes don't I?**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, and FoxyWombat for your wonderful reviews!**

**The Million Dollar Question**

**2022**

**Greenhorn Bar**

**Jake's POV **(ain't this new?)

I stare down at the bottle of alcohol in my hands, my head feeling very fuzzy and my vision starting to obscure. The glasses seemed to double as my hand went to my temple, rubbing very gently. I watched as her figure flashed before my eyes, her hand resting on Webb's arm, her smiling lighting up the room unintentionally. I took another long swig. I saw that look in her eyes when she was speaking to him, the intimate air that rested between them. He had won . . .

I slammed down the bottle against the counter, swaying drunkenly at the same time. She was gone . . . out of my life. She was with Webb now. My jaw clenched as Clay's face came into my vision. It was over . . . it was all over. What was the point in living?

I tipped the bottle to my mouth but ended up spilling half down my shirt, my hand was shaking violently. The bottle clattered to the ground, the sound resounding through my ears. I moved off my stool to pick it up but ended up falling, grabbing onto the edge of the counter to steady myself. Through the obscurity that was my eyesight I could see the ground and my feet, which were rapidly doubling in amount. My vision spun.

"Hey," a gruff voice greets me as an arm pulls me up to a standing position. "I think you've had enough."

"Just one more," I rasped, my hand flying up to my forehead. My head was pounding. "Just one."

"Sorry, I can't," the bartender's voice was crisp and echoing in my head. "You got someone to take you home?"

"I'll be fine," I managed to blurt out through slurred vocabulary. I stood up shakily from the stool, grasping onto the counter for support. As I opened the door to the bar I could dimly see snow falling from the sky, the first snowfall of the year. And I stood out on the street there, my head cocked up to the brilliant night sky, studded with stars and snow flakes. Cold wind whipped by my unprotected body as I began to shiver and shake.

I could take the train, head out of town, disappear into the night. She had Webb now, to protect her. My job was done. She didn't need me anymore . . . no one needed me. I wrapped my arm around myself in a sort of self hug. Could I make it to the station by foot? I exhaled softly, my breath billowing out in frozen cloud that hung in the wind. I could try.

I staggered along the road, my head pounding, and my vision blurring. My shirt was thin and the wind was cold, the snowflakes falling upon my already frozen skin. I could feel the pain spreading slowly through my body, heartbreak magnified by the temperature. I had no where to go . . . no one to go to. And for once, I was really alone . . .

My feet carried me, my mind far away. I continually rubbed my hands to keep them from freezing in the cold. A light blanket of snow covered my shoulders and the top of my head. My vision was foggy, colors and shapes all melting into each other. In my mind I could only see her . . . and him. I could feel my insides clench as my heart began to pang painfully within my chest.

Slowly, my feet stopped in their tracks and I looked up at the building that loomed before me, my body feeling raw and numb. The hospital. I exhaled a cursing breath. Maybe . . . just for a minute or two. To get warm.

I staggered in through the glass doors, shaking myself off as I entered the heated room, my body doing its best to thaw. I swayed dangerously as I took the elevator up to the maternity ward, leaning against Mac's door frame to prevent myself from falling.

"Hey there," Mac's voice is soft and inviting, and it buzzes through my head as I wipe my frozen face exasperatedly with my hand. "Are you okay?" Mac asked, a tinge of worry seeping into her voice.

"Yeah . . . I'll be fine," I muttered, sinking into one of the hospital chairs, looking worn and weary, and I'm sure quite wasted. "Mind if I sleep here tonight?"

"No problem," Mac whispered in reply, "But why don't you go home?"

I was already falling asleep as my eyes drooped dangerously closed. "Won't be able to make it."

"Are you drunk?"

I avoided the question.

"I'm sorry, Mac," I whispered hoarsely, as wet hair fell before my eyes and my arms not having the strength to brush it away. "Sorry for . . . everything."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jake." Mac's voice is so reassuring that I almost believe her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when the kid was born," I muttered in retaliation, the buzzing in my ears growing louder. "And I'm sorry I've been so lousy lately."

"You haven't been lousy."

"I was lying to you," I whispered harshly, my eyes shut firmly and my soggy coat draped around my body as a blanket. "I never told you Harm was back in the country."

There was a pause of thought on Mac's end and then, "But maybe that's for the better, Jake. I don't know what I would have done if I'd found out Harm was back. Maybe things wouldn't have worked out as well as they did. And you thought you were doing what was right. And maybe you were. We'll never know."

Her words cut me to the very core. "I doubt that. I can't do anything right." I shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "I mess up everything."

"You know that's not true."

Slumber gnawed at me, numbing my very body. "Vera and Clay . . . they're together."

There's hesitation in Mac's voice as she replies feelingly, "I'm sorry, Jake."

"Don't be," I murmured, my head resting finally against the chair. "It wouldn't have worked out between us anyway."

"You don't know that," Mac pointed out. "Who knows? Maybe things will still work out."

"They won't," I said with absolute conviction. "They can't."

"You have no control over destiny," Mac replied, a foreign emotion digging its way into her voice. "Sometimes two people are meant to be together. And no matter how hard they try to fight it, how far away from each other they are, or how stupid they act towards one another . . . things just happen. Destiny."

"You believe in destiny then?" I asked hollowly.

"I guess so," Mac whispered.

"Then I'm destined to love her for all eternity," I whispered back, my body giving way to the aches of sleepiness. "No matter how unreciprocated."

I could feel Mac's eyes on me as my head drifted off into the world of slumber and then – "Vera or Jane?"

Fatigue shot through my veins, numbing my very senses. "I guess that's the million dollar question, ain't it?" I echoed, before drifting off into the muchcraved sleep.

* * *

**Same Time**

**28 Belleville Drive**

**Clay's POV**

"I'm out," I whispered hollowly, sitting at the table with a look of incredulity etched into my features. And though technically I've been unemployed for a number of hours now, it takes one very harsh blow of reality to make me admit something's over. "I'm really really out."

"Oh, don't say that," Vera's voice is comforting as she leans a little on my shoulder, her hand covering mine. "We'll catch Abbas, and then Kovac will be the one begging for you to come back to the CIA – not the other way around."

"I lost yours too," I said faintly, not a word of what Vera was saying registering in my mind. "And Jake's . . . I've condemned us all."

"You've done nothing of the sort," Vera retaliated. "It was each our individual choices whether to keep after Abbas or not. And we all chose to. It's as simple as that." She casts me a meaningful look. "None of this is your fault."

"What if we don't get them back?" I whispered. "What if Kovac DOESN'T want us back? What'll we do?"

"We'll find work," Vera insisted. "Don't worry about that, Clay. It'll all be alright."

She wraps one arm around me and holds me closely. I feel her breath on mine as one of my hands entwines itself in her auburn hair and I smile to her as I kiss her very briefly on the lips. "God, I hope so. For our sake . . . and Harm's and Mac's. For everyone's."

Vera sighed, "You should stop putting all this weight on your shoulders." She flashed me an imploring look. "It doesn't do you any good. It only gets you more frustrated than you were before." She exhaled deeply, "I've been there, Clay. And it's terrible. Please don't go down that road . . ."

I stared back at Vera, the implication of what I'm about to say striking me profoundly. "I won't."

Vera grins at me, relaxing a little. "Good, for a minute there I was afraid you were getting all Kovac on me."

"Ah, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Nah," Vera smiled, pulling my arm slightly, "he isn't nearly as much fun in bad."

I withdraw my arm, "And what would you know about Kovac – " I begin but I'm cut off by Harm entering the room.

"Clay, we need to talk." Something in his voice, perhaps the intensity or the urgency, maybe it's the way his eyes mirror despair, but something about him pulls my attention away from Vera and onto Harm. "Can we . . ." he motions to the other room.

"Uh –" I begin but Vera buts in.

"You know what, I was actually just going to go visit Mac at the hospital and see how they're doing so actually you guys go ahead," she said, motioning towards the two of us. "I'll just grab my jacket."

Harm exhales softly. "Will you tell me how she's doing?" And then he immediately corrects himself. "How they're doing?"

"Of course, Harm," Vera whispers gently, as she pulled on her coat over her turtle neck sweater. "Wow," she whispered softly as she walked up to the window. "First snow fall of the year." She smiles to herself, "kinda makes you think about how much time has past since . . . everything began, huh?"

"Nearly fifteen months," Harm replied stiffly. "A year and a quarter."

"It seems so much longer than that though, doesn't it?" Vera asked, her eyes still watching the window as snow flakes fell gently from the sky, covering the ground and settling along tree branches. "So long ago . . ."

"A hundred times that," Harm's voice was layered with traces of bitterness, and I felt my heart go out to the man who had been stripped of his name and his life, and separated from all that he cared about.

"Well," Vera whispered, her voice suddenly snapping out of its reverie. "I've got to go before visiting hours close. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Yeah," I replied almost robotically. "Sure."

Vera brushed a kiss against my lips before heading out the door, picking her car keys up off the counter and leaving Harm and I alone in the room. We just stood there for a moment before –

"So you and Vera . . ." Harm trailed, his eyebrow shooting up.

"Uh, yeah," I said shifting a little as I moved to take a seat at the table. "Me and Vera."

"Things working out between you two okay?"

"They're . . . great," I finished lamely, taking Harm in through my cool grey eyes. "But I doubt you came in here to talk about my love life."

"No," Harm breathed, also taking a seat. "No, I didn't." He looked away for a second. "Clay, I love Mac. I've always loved Mac. And you've always known that. And that's why I can't put her in any danger, and I can't put my son in any danger, and I can't have him going without a mother." His blue eyes flashed. "When I was a kid it was real tough growing up without a dad, I won't lie to you. But I have no clue what it would have been like without my mother. My kid might never know me – and nothing scares me like that except for thought of losing either him or Mac." He hesitated, "Clay, I want this over with as soon as possible."

My heart goes out to him, "Harm, honestly, we're trying . . ."

"Well try harder!" Harm bit back, the bitter taste of his words reflecting in his eyes. There was a moment of silence and then – "Look, I'm sorry," Harm replied, easing into his words, "but I just really REALLY want to come back home."

"And I'd like nothing more than to get your back," I said firmly, "but you and I both know that you can't go back in with Abbas after you. You're not only endangering yourself but as you said, Mac and your baby boy too. And if we're going to set this up right we do need time. And maybe while we're at it, we can catch the snitch and the boss as well."

Harm exhales wearily, "who the hell would want me dead so much they'd hire a professional assassin?"

I send him a pointed stare.

"I mean, seriously," Harm replied, rolling his eyes. "I haven't ticked anyone off lately . . . how much could I have screwed up in Manila? And why isn't anyone after Beth then? She was with me when the operation went down. It was as much her as it was me. What's this guy got against me?"

"Calm down, Harm," I said firmly, though I could practically see the names reeling through Harm's mind. "We've got a few months now. Why don't you take a rest?"

"Do you have any leads on the snitch?" Harm asked me, ignoring my request completely.

"None except they're pretty far in," I responded wearily. "Vera and Catherine checked everyone a million times over. Zip, nada, zilch – well, except for the fact we caught Don Hildegard stealing pens out of the supplies closet."

"How'd you catch that through files?" Harm asked, his eyebrow cocked up to the sky.

"We didn't," I grinned, shaking my head. "I went into the supplies closet to get a few highlighters FOR the files and caught Don at it." I shrugged my shoulders, "it was fun, and I think I scared the shit out of him."

"Glad to see your social life hasn't been suffering since this case," Harm replied, shaking his head. "But honestly, you let Catherine at the files? Webb, you know she's not . . ." Harm gestured with his hands, "you know," he dropped his voice, "not the best person for the job."

I laughed. "She's a ditz, Harm. And what you ever saw in her, I don't know."

Harm cast me an irritated look. "That was a one time thing."

"Sure."

Harm glared at me.

"Look, Vera went over every file that Catherine did. I told you we checked it a million times over. There's nothing there, Harm. Whoever it is . . ." I stared off, "has us good."

A long silence fell between the two of us. I looked over at Harm to find him staring at the ground, a smile lighting his face. "You know, Clay, when I saw him – you know, for the first time. He was bloody and slimy and he was screaming his lungs off and the only thing I could think about was that he was absolutely perfect. He looked like . . . Mac. I mean, there's no other way to describe it. And . . . I love him. I mean, it happened all at once. I didn't even need to THINK about it, and believe me – with Mac it seemed that all I ever DID was think – but this happened right away, instantaneously." He hung his head, "and now I'm wondering if I'll ever see his first birthday."

"You'll see it, Harm," I whispered strongly, catching Harm's eye with strengthening emotion. "And every birthday after that. We're going to catch Abbas. Or . . ." and then I stopped.

"Or die trying?" Harm whispered hollowly. His eyes were far away. "I know, Webb," he whispered. "I know."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

**Vera's POV**

"Knock, knock," I whispered, wrapping against the open door with my knuckles, and entered when Mac waved me in.

"Hey," Mac greeted me cheerfully, putting down the magazine she had been reading to look at me.

"Hi," I returned, casting a long look at the bundle of clothes that had settled itself in one of Mac's chairs. I looked over at it, and then noticed a scruffy brown head sticking out of the top near the coat, and I asked in disbelief, "is that Jake?"

"Yeah," Mac sighed. "He's a bit . . . wasted."

I walked over to the chair and began to remove his water drenched coat from his shivering form. His eyes remained firmly shut but he shook as I pulled one of the hospital blankets down from a shelf in the corner and covered him. Slowly, I ran my hands through his hair as he calmed down a bit, settling into his dream-like state.

"I'll, um, take him home with me . . ." I sighed, feeling almost strangely exhilarated. "You know, it's kind of funny – in all the years I've ever known Jake, I've never seen him drunk." I laughed a little. "No, Jake's always been in control of everything . . . his work, his life, himself. Seeing him like this . . ." I shrugged, "it makes him seem just a little more human."

"Jake's nothing if not human," Mac whispered, her eyes also falling upon the sleeping hero. "He's just one of the really good kinds." She grinned, "The elite."

I raised an eyebrow. "Like Harm?"

"You said it."

I grinned, casting a look down the hallway where the babies slept. "You got any idea what you're going to name the kid?"

Mac smiled at me. "Yeah, a pretty good one." I nodded, waiting for her to continue. "Hunter Ashton Mackenzie."

I stared at Mac. "It's a nice name . . . but how come I feel there's something more to it?"

Mac shrugged, "there is, but if I told you you'd tell Clay."

"And telling Clay would be a . . . bad thing?" I asked, my eyebrow raised.

"He'd think it a little unorthodox," I replied.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Elaborate."

"I know I can't put his name in," Mac replied, shrugging her shoulders. "I knew I couldn't . . . it's my own little tribute."

"Uh huh." I'm still not getting this.

"Hunter Ashton Mackenzie," Mac repeated. "H.A.M."

"Ham?"

Mac rolled her eyes. "Hunter Ashton _Rabb _Mackenzie – H.A.R.M."

I eyed her for a minute, "ah, the world needs more women like you, Sarah Mackenzie. There are just not enough intelligent ones out there."

Mac sighed, "I know I can't keep it in –"

"But it's something nice to think about," I finished for her, nodding. "I know what you mean."

I sat next to Jake, my hand still unconsciously fingering his hair as he slept on, my thoughts flying through my mind at lightning speed. Mac watched me –

"Now how come I feel there's something more to you wanting to come visit me?" Mac asked quietly.

I hesitated, silently debating internally. I looked up at her. "Well, yeah, I kind of had a question . . ."

"Shoot," Mac urged.

I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I closed my eyes for a second, and then lifted them up to meet Mac's gaze. "I was kind of wondering . . . um, how do you know if you're . . . pregnant?"

* * *

**A/N: Wow, it's official – I think this is the first chapter I've ever written in POV form without one of Harm's or Mac's. Very interesting . . . I'm branching out. It's also a little scary. Okay – on to review replies (is it true that we can't write them any more? Does it say it somewhere on the website?)**

**FoxyWombat: **LOL, I didn't know you hadn't read Full Throttle! I remember writing your name down to my reviewer's list and now I realize it was for TLWL but I didn't know you hadn't read FT! Oh, I hope you didn't feel obligated to read it or anything. Anyways – I'm very glad you updated!

**Sarah: **Thanks, I debated sooo long on the name. Honestly, I think naming my own future kid will be less trouble.

**Freezepops: **I was like thinking the entire time I was writing this 'if it's a boy I HAVE to name it after Harm somehow . . .' and I was racking my brains trying to think about it – and I had it down to another possibility and then it struck me, Rabb and Mackenzie – RM. And I was like, "yes!"

**TV Angel 711: **Abbas leave Harm alone . . . lol, over his dead body (quite literally). Glad you like the name, it took me forever to come up with one. I got so many good suggestions, and I was bouncing around so much.

**Alix33: **I have no idea if you can get babies with freckles . . . I just made it up on the spot. Hey, maybe you can! Who knows? Not me . . . I write fiction. LOL, would be cute though. And yeah, totally Mac to name him Harm but NOT name him Harm at the same time. Way too JAG-y. As for the RAB – Regulus thing, it says in the fifth book that Regulus had an uncle named . . . Alphard, I think, that left them some gold – and it's very popular in the UK to have your kids middle names after a relative (just look at Ginny, her middle name's Molly – I think) so . . . yeah, definitely a possibility. However, I personally believe that it's some all together new character. But then again, I have the tendency to be weird.

**Lani: **You run half a mile? God, I have no idea how much I run . . . probably not very much seeing as I spend all day on this computer writing up chapters . . . lol, but I play soccer – that should count for something. Ah, DJE . . . puts all us young people to shame.

**Toplesslemon: **Bruce Almighty has Catherine Bell in it! Sorry, you probably know that seeing as you just watched it, but still – thought I'd add that in. Ah well, don't worry about the ending – I start predicting my "endings" like fifteen chapters before they ever happen. I know what's GOING to happen in this story, but I'm taking forever to get around to writing it. I guess I don't want it to end either. And I don't – which is why I'm plotting my sequel . . .

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, and I hoped people would like the name. It's a bit unusual, but I can totally see Mac going for a non mainstream name. So . . . hope you liked this chapter.

**Jamie L: **omg, when I got your review saying you should name him Hunter (and I'd already planned on the name being Hunter) I was like jumping up and down cuz my main fear was that no one would like the name because it is sort of unsual – so the first thing I did was forward your review to my friend titled 'Someone's gonna like the name!' LOL, I just couldn't decide on the middle name though – had to flip a coin. I'm rather hopeless . . . but I so love the name Hunter. It's just so cool. I love kinda non mainstream names like that. I'm madly in love with the name Skyler too – and that's not exactly common.

**Jaggurl: **thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter.

**MiDushiNoSushi: **ah, don't you just hate it when a writer makes you warm up to a character you're supposed to hate? I'm telling you, all through the ninth season I hated Clay, I hated his guts, but when I started writing fanfic, I realized he's too good a character to waste as a villain. I can create my own villains. LOL

**Snugglebug: **omg, it took me soooooo long to pick out the name. I debated against myself for days. I drove all my friends up the wall. I had it down to two names – one was Hunter for the acronym, and the other was Cassidy for the whole Butch Cassidy thing. In the end, I do what I always do, I flipped a coin (did that for the middle name too).

**Lance corporal boils: **ah yes, the initials . . . a spur of the moment act of inspiration.

**Abigaile: **thanks, lol – acronyms rock. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter.

**TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers: **no, she can't put the Rabb down . . . shame, too – ah well, (smiles guiltily) it actually sounds better without the Rabb. But it's all about the thought!

**Harmony1440: **thanks – it took me ever so long to decide on the name. As you can imagine, I ran between names back and forth.

**Daisymh: **thanks, and don't worry – the Harm and Mac thing is definitely on . . . the right path now. That's all I'll say cuz I don't want to give away the ending.

**Radiorox: **ah, I hate long names too. And I would, considering I have an ungodly long name. Picture this: two middle names AND a twelve letter last name. My parents were just setting me up for torture. Yup, time for some serious Abbas-ass-kicking.

**Froggy0319: **ah, and believe me – Harm would have loved to take credit for the kid. Omg, it was soooo hard finding a Harm name. I swear, I went through the whole 'H' baby name book and I was like 'none of them are working, none of them are working . . .' and then I got this review from Tizy and she suggested the name Hunter and it was like a light bulb had been turned on and I was like 'that's a really cool name . . .' Hunter Rabb (ahem – actually, Hunter Mackenzie . . . for now). As for Webb – I despised him all through the ninth season. And then when I sat down to writing fanfic I tried to express my hatred for him as best as I could (you can see this is in the early chapters of EL) and then realized, much to my dismay, that Webb is too valuable a character to lose.

**Sugar230: **ah, in the end I could not decide between Adam and Ashton so I did what I did for the gender of the kid too, I flipped a coin. Sad, I know . . . my inability to decide on things. Lucky for me I always have a nickel on me.

**Pissed off Poet 1: **yeah, I named Bud and Harriet's twins early on. You wanna know the irony of it? They named the boy Harmon after their 'deceased' friend. Ah, I can't believe I wrote myself into that trap . . . LOL, but I got out of it. Slimly, but still out of it. Oh yes, and I've got this whole idea for a sequel . . . I mean it, I've got the plot brewing and everything. I just want to see how this ending goes first. Yes, my sequel craving has gotten so bad I've got a name picked out even . . . I'm impossible. This always happens to me when I feel a story's ending. I reach out immediately for another.

**Tizy: **to be very honest, Tizy, I completely love the name Hunter and I would have used it for a girl but when I flipped my coin to decide the gender (I did this for the middle name too) it came out as a boy. I would have named either Hunter (yes, I like the name THAT much). But I love non mainstream names. I'm kind of weird that way. I love unusual first names but I not surnames. I like common surnames. I guess that's cuz I have a normal first name and a funky last name. LOL – ain't it terrible when the weather affects your hair? God, I hate that. When I was in Greece, it wasn't terribly hot and not cold at all – but for some reason my hair just became dry. I don't know what it was about the place, but no matter how many times I washed it a day, it was firm and dry. It was soooo annoying.

**Maritza Carmichael: **lol, not a Webbie, are you? Anyways, hope you liked this chapter.

**Bite Beccy: **I love the name Hunter . . . actually, I love a lot of guy names. Not so many girl names . . . lol, I love gender neutral names (as you can see by Hunter). I love neutral names especially for girls. Don't hate me but I love the name Jordan – girl or boy. Hunter – girl or boy. And I might have even named the kid Jordan cuz I like the name so much – only I'd be verbally assaulted by all shippers out there. Honestly, it's not MY fault that was Harm's ex-girlfriend's name . . . lol – I'm not like a GIGANTIC fan of Ashton, I don't really dig a lot of boy A names, but I like the abbreviation Ash. I don't know why . . . but it's kind of . . . I don't know. I just like it. I also like the name Alex for a boy but then people get picky on Alexander and then the kid would have had a REALLY long name.

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **shoot, back to adding the classy one on your name now. Ah, you're quite right . . . two Jamies. Wow, that's confusing as heck . . . lol, cuz you used to go under just Jamie, and then the other Jamie went under that too, and then you took up you 'a classy one' . . . and you guys never reviewed on the same chapter (save the last one). LOL, but you must share one mind cuz you were both right about the gender, and you were the only ones. Ah, you're too the same . . . LOL, must be freaky to know that somewhere out there you've got a cyber twin . . . actually, that's pretty neat. Hey, maybe you're clones . . . or no, the other one's an alien hacking into our internet from earth's twin planet! Yeah, that's it . . . that would be cool (actually, I'm not a sci-fi freak so I have no interest in it – but whatever) And how the heck would I be able to change Shaniqua into a boy's name? Actually, some things are better left unthought about (yes, I'm aware unthought it not a word)


	32. Back in Action

**A/N: Wow, chapter thirty-three . . . this is officially the longest story I've ever written. Heh heh, that's pretty cool . . . anyways, on with the chapter.**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, and FoxyWombat for your wonderful reviews!**

**Back in Action**

**1048**

**Clay's Van**

**Harm's POV**

"Are we just going to drive around all day?" I asked wearily from my lying position in the back seat. "Or are we actually going to DO something?"

"Jesus, hold your horses," Clay snaps from the front seat. "We've got to circle a bit to ward off suspicion."

"Suspicion from whom?"

"People."

"Abbas?"

"Maybe," Webb retorted. "Look, I don't know, Rabb, I just want to play it safe, okay? Is that fine with you, your highness?"

I cursed under my breath as I looked out the window from my laying position. These past few days Webb and I had really been at each other's throats. Maybe it was the combination of both our anxiety, maybe it was worry, or maybe we were just fed up with each other, but it seemed as though every minute we were inches away from breaking into a fist fight – with one very small angry auburn haired woman keeping us from killing each other.

"Who are we picking up first?" I asked, shifting a little on the seats. It was alright lying on them, but those damned seat buckles made it a real pain in the ass – unfortunately, quite literally.

"Jake," Webb quipped, turning around the corner.

"This is his apartment?" I asked in confusion, as Webb slowed the van to a roll in front of a tall white building, with shaded windows and a slanted roof. I looked on in confusion – the building didn't look much like anything.

"No," Webb said shortly. "Few blocks to the left is Mac's and his apartment. He's just getting picked up here."

I leap up from my seat so fast I bang my head on the car roof, my hand clutching the back of my head as I wince in pain. "Mac and WHOSE apartment?"

"Jake's," Webb snapped, as Jake threw open the van door and leaped in, swinging it shut behind him as Clay put his foot to the pedal. The car races along the street. I turn to Jake as soon as he's got his seat belt on and punch him in the arm.

"Hey," Jake said feelingly, rubbing his arm. "What was that for?"

"Living with Mac and not telling me about it," I retorted.

Jake leaned over and punched me on the arm.

"What was that for?" I asked in surprise.

"For impregnating her and getting her to tell me."

"You knew before I did!" I exclaimed.

Jake nodded in consideration. "That's true." He leaned over and punched me again. "That's for keeping yourself so uniformed."

"Hey!" I bit back in angry retaliation, drawing my arm level to his.

"Harm, Jake, settle down please," Clay said in a bored monotone voice from the front of the van. "You're acting like five year olds."

Jake grinned at me, "he started it!"

I rolled my eyes. _It was going to be a LONG ride . . ._

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Aren't you the sweetest little guy?" I crooned as I held my wailing son in one hand and I big fat cuddly teddy bear in the other, as though prompting him to stop crying. "Oh come on, you just ate – you can't be hungry again."

I cradled Hunter in both arms, finally giving up on Mr. Teddy. "Come on, honey, please stop crying . . ." I practically begged, bouncing him up and down a little but this only resulted in an increase of both magnitude and volume at which he was wailing. "God, you have your daddy's big mouth," I muttered, laying Hunter back down in his crib.

_Ding dong._

"Ugh!" I cried in utter exasperation, as I shoved a soother into Hunter's mouth and ran to answer the door. "Sir!" I exclaimed, as I opened the door to reveal the Admiral.

I watched as the Admiral winced slightly as Hunter's relentless cries reached his ears. "A little trouble calming him down?"

"He's been like this the last twenty minutes," I whimpered as I lead the Admiral into what was now the nursery. "He doesn't want . . . anything," I said, pressing a hand to my temple and massaging it slowly. "He just wants to scream his lungs out."

"Ah well," the Admiral sighed, shrugging, while picking Hunter up and rocking him gently. "This is what COs are for."

I have never been more entranced by any deed that the Admiral has performed. As he gently sways Hunter, whispering to him nonsensical words, not only is Hunter NOT screaming, he actually seems to be . . . falling asleep. And never has a sense of admiration become me more powerfully than at that very moment.

"That was brilliant, sir," I whispered as the Admiral gingerly laid Hunter back into his crib. "How did you do that?"

"Practice," the Admiral barked, motioning for us to exit the room so as not to wake Hunter up. I nodded – that was indeed something I did not wish to do any time soon.

"So . . . Mac," the Admiral trailed as we both took a seat on the living room couches, "how's your first week so far?"

"Hectic," I replied drowsily. "He cries, he eats – he cries some more, eats some more, fills his diapers and then cries a little more."

"He's got Rabb's sense of obedience then," the Admiral grinned, coaxing a tired smile onto my face. "Listen, is Holter around?"

"Jake?" I asked, as I put my feet up on the edge of the arm chair. "No, he left not five minutes ago."

"Dammit," the Admiral whispered, suddenly getting up. "Okay, well – I have to go then. Um, I'm sorry to be so quick with my visit but I was really hoping to catch Holter and – I'll pop in some other time, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied, a tad confused. "Do you want me to give him a message or something?"

"No, it's okay," the Admiral replied briskly, taking one last look at Hunter who was asleep in the nursery before grabbing his jacket off the coat hanger. "I'll meet up with him. Look, you and Hunter take care, okay?"

"We'll be fine," I responded quickly, following him as he moved to exit. "Sir, if you don't mind me asking – what's this all about?"

"What's what all about?"

I stared at him stubbornly. "The meetings, the calls . . . what's so secretive that I can't know?" I flashed him a look of utter desperation. "You didn't even KNOW Jake before Hunter made his grand entrance – and now you're paying him visits?"

"Mac," the Admiral said gently. "I'm sure all will be explained to you in good time."

I could not stop the scowl that worked its way onto my face.

"Now, I really must be leaving," the Admiral said, opening the door. "I'm running a tad late for . . . something."

"Bye," I said shortly, watching from the door as the Admiral disappeared down the hall. Sighing bleakly, I turned around and slammed the door behind me – almost immediately followed by the loud wails of my week old son.

I grimaced, picking up Hunter and cradling him maternally. Now, what was it that the Admiral did again?

* * *

**Same Time**

**Clay's Car**

**Harm's POV**

"Holter, my man," Shapiro grinned as Jake pulled him into the van, Clay not resting a moment to come to a full halt before blasting off at full speed.

"Long time, no see," Jake grinned back as he and Shapiro clasped hands. "So I hear you're working for yourself now, Tony."

"Pretty much," Shapiro replied shortly. "Ain't much that gotta be done – but when there is, it's worth a heavy price."

Jake looked Shapiro squarely in the eye. "Is it legal?"

Shapiro shrugged and then grinned kind of guiltily. "Well, you see – I know this guy that knows this guy that . . ."

"I don't want to know," Webb cut off from the front seat. "Less illegal stuff I know you do, the less guilty I feel about not turning you in."

"And hello to you too, Webb," Shapiro replied sarcastically from the backseat with me and Jake.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Never mind him, I want to know every detail."

Shapiro grinned, opening his mouth to begin with his story but then catching sight of me. "Hey . . . yeah, you're the father aren't you?" He snaps his fingers as he recollects memory. "Yeah, from the meeting . . . that was your wife giving birth right?"

I internally flinched. "Well, not . . . exactly." Shapiro's eyebrow rose. "She's not my wife."

Shapiro laughed. "Oh, is that all? And here I thought you were going to say you weren't the father."

"Oh he's definitely the father," Jake replied, leaning back in his seat. "The kid acts exactly like him."

"Does he really?" I asked in interest, internally admonishing myself for not asking about Hunter earlier.

"Yup," Jake replied, closing his eyes as sunlight basked in from the car window. "Eats all day, cries all night, and has to have Mac by his side at every waking moment."

"Ha ha," I bit back sarcastically.

"Hey, Clay, who are we picking up next?" Jake hollered as 'Born to Be Wild' broke out over the radio and Shapiro began to sing loudly to it.

"The Kid!" Clay roared back.

This statement caused Shapiro to grin wildly. "Oh yay, The Kid!" He turned to me and Jake. "Real smart guy for only nineteen. If he didn't look like he hadn't hit puberty yet, I would have never thought him to be any younger than us."

"Great to know," Jake said, rolling his eyes. "Hey, Clay, the department know you're using him illegally?"

"Who cares?" Clay responded breezily. "The _department's _using him illegally."

Slowly, Clay eased the van into a roll as he pulled up to the Public library, flinging the door open for only a second before Teddy White jumped in, Clay wrenching the door closed behind him. Shapiro pulled Teddy into the back seat with him as Jake and I moved over a little bit for more space.

"Great to see you, kiddo!" Shapiro exclaimed enthusiastically, thumping Teddy on his back. Pulling out the portable cooler from the back seat, Shapiro handed us all beers except for Clay who was driving and unnecessarily waved his off. He pushed one into The Kid's hand, Teddy looking absolutely amazed.

"I can't drink beer," he replied in a shocked tone.

Shapiro rolled his eyes. "It's fluid in a bottle – and please don't tell me a genius like yourself can't open a bottle."

Teddy looked down at the beer nervously.

"Oh for god's sake!" Shapiro roared, opening The Kid's bottle and shoving it to him. "Welcome to manhood!" And at that particular point he decided to rejoin the radio with, _"Like a true nature's child – We were born, born to be WILD! I can climb so high, I never wanna DIE . . . !" _

Jake grinned at me from the middle seat. "He gets a little excited at the prospect of actual work."

"Hey," Shapiro grunted from the back, "I do work."

"Playing cribbage and drinking beer all day doesn't count as work," Jake retorted, high-fiving Shapiro and grinning at The Kid who was savoring the beer in distaste. "It'll take you a while to get used to it," Jake said reassuringly.

"Who's next?" Shapiro hounded Clay, as Webb turned another corner and onto Main Street.

"Sturgis," Clay replied crisply, and wound into the road to Sturgis's apartment.

"He was there at the last meeting too, right?" Shapiro asked Jake. "The one with the stiff buttoned shirt that didn't speak a lot?"

"That was him," I confirmed – even without remembering what Sturgis was wearing that particular day. "But hey, once you get him started on a subject he likes, he'll never get enough words in."

Clay pulled up to the apartment and promptly slammed on the brakes as Sturgis clambered into the van, barely taking his seat in between Shapiro and Teddy before Clay was zooming off again.

"Hello," Sturgis greeted us with a shout over the radio. He then turned to Teddy and Shapiro, on either side of him. "Pleasure to see you again."

"Pleasure's all ours," Shapiro beamed, forcing a beer into Sturgis's hand. "Now, my dearest Webb – who else is there and how many more to go?"

"One more!" Webb called from the front seat. "Admiral AJ Chegwidden!"

"You're kidding me," I said, shifting in my seat as Jake leaned a little when Clay swerved the car around. "He's joining us?"

"Well, he's in on the plan now, Harm," Clay replied, with what I can imagine was a roll of the eyes. "We need the whole team together to operate this."

"Which is why you're leaving Vera out of it?" I challenged stubbornly. "Why you're going behind her back?"

"Hey, some things are better left alone," Jake cut in coolly from beside me and I relented slightly. Vera Azhad was a hot topic between Jake and Webb, and even I knew better than to pursue it.

Clay cut around another corner, braking in time for the Admiral to come running in, panting slightly as he leaped into the front seat beside Webb, barely shutting his door behind him before Clay had once again started up the car.

"Hey all," he replied rather wearily. He turned to Clay, "tried to catch you at Jake's stop but dammit, Webb, you move fast."

"So sorry," Clay grinned. "Hope you had no trouble getting here on time though."

"Oh no trouble," the Admiral said sarcastically, "I just ran." He turned back at us, his eyes almost immediately falling upon Teddy. "How old are you?" He barked. "Twelve?"

"Nineteen," The Kid rebounded indignantly. "I'm an adult."

"You can't drink," the Admiral spat, indicating at the half full bottle Teddy was holding.

Shapiro came to his rescue, "Hey, what happens in the car – stays in the car."

"Yup!" Jake called over the music and the talking. "THE BOYS ARE BACK!"

"BACK IN ACTION!" Shapiro crowed.

"God help me," the Admiral distinctly mumbled.

I grinned wildly as I turned to look at the window, its shaded windows protecting my face from view. I looked up at the sky where the sun shone brightly down upon me. _Come and get me, Abbas. I'm not afraid . . ._

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I emailed the website and they haven't got back to me on the whole review reply thing so until they post something official or say I can't reply to reviews, I'll go ahead and reply to them. So here goes: **

**Sgcgirl52: **true, very true . . . actually, I had a whole Harriet/Hunter scene planned out – suffice to say, it's to come! The Roberts won't be kept in the dark for too much longer . . .

**Snugglebug: **I didn't show any of Vera in this chapter, but there's a lot of her in the next one. More to come, I promise . . .

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Eggy weg: **thanks, hope you liked this chapter too

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **ha ha, rather full of yourself aren't you? "All Jamies are smart" – lol, and here my friends say I'm the one that has the tendency to compliment myself . . . and okay, I can sort of see Shaniquan – it's a stretch, but still plausible . . . but Shaniquo? That sounds like a brand of coffee or something like that_. Yup, we'll have one latte, one espresso, and one shaniquo – to go, please._

**Froggy0319: **Ah, you're so not a Webbie . . . lol, but yes – Jake's character is very . . . how shall I say it? Lovable. Yes – that's it. It's very easy to like Jake. Webb . . . you have to work at.

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, I like writing other people's POVs. I spend practically all day making up my outside and characters and only using Harm and Mac would be such a waste . . . LOL, and I say this quite well aware of the fact that this chapter was all Harm and Mac POVs but what can I say? More chapters, more diversity . . .

**Abigaile: **haha, you never know! I haven't said anything about Vera's side yet . . . that's to come in the next chapter.

**Alix33: **_"So, we've got Webb, Harm, Jake, Vera, Catherine, maybe the admiral and maybe Sturgis and that v. young computer geek guy that Webb has been using illegally on the Abbas-catching team? And Mac will have to be acting JAG and raise little HARM while the rest of'em go off Abbas-hunting?" _– yep, sounds about right – except you forgot Shapiro.

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **omg, I sooooo would give you a preview of the sequel except even if I hinted in the slightest way how it was going to start – it would totally give the ending of Full Throttle away. And believe me, Full Throttle has . . . an explosive ending. Oh, you'll see. Soon enough, my friend, soon enough . . .

**Jaggurl: **thanks, lol – even though I had no reaction to the news in this chapter. That's all to come.

**ForensicsFreak1988: **Ah, you HAVE to update Colors! It's your moral obligation to us readers! And I'll definitely check out your two other Cold Case ones . . . I think I've read one already, other than Colors. Here, I'll make you a deal – you update fast then I'll update fast!

**MartizaCarmichael: **lol, thanks – hope you liked this chapter!

**MiDushiNoSushi: **lol, thanks . . . hmm, Jake and Vera – Harm and Mac? Ah, certainly something to think about! Aren't twists the greatest? So are cliffies . . . I love cliffies! Omg, it's three in the morning, I'm high on coke, and I'm using way too many exclamation marks!

**Sugar230: **yeah – lol, not that the CIA would care if she was pregnant now . . . her being out and all – but I know a few people who certainly would care. If she bothered to tell them . . . ah, I'll save all those questions for the next chapter.

**Kristie: **oh, how many chapters? Let's see, when I started this fic I thought I would be done by chapter thirty! LOL, suppose that's the way it goes . . . I always run a lot longer than I mean to. I dunno, I've been predicting the end to this fic saying 'ten chapters more, ten chapters more' for about the last eight chapters now. I know there's an end – I really do. I know what happens in the end as well – it just might take me forever to get there! And now I'm even thinking of writing a sequel . . . lol, that would be fun, wouldn't it? Oh, okay – now I'm the one babbling. Hope you liked this chapter.

**Lani: **oh ya, the last thing this world needs is another Webb . . . lol, but who says he's the father? (grins evilly) – and who says she's pregnant? (another wicked grin)

**TV Angel 711: **Abbas dying . . . hmm, okay – don't worry, it's already on the 'To Do' list. LOL, hope you liked this chapter.

**Vhosek malacath: **lol, "interesting" it certainly will become . . . ya, I know I didn't do any of the 'possible Vera pregnancy' thing in this chapter – but believe you me, it'll definitely be there in the next one.

**Angie Capriatti: **hey, no confusion – besides, the last name sounds cool with the first. LOL, hope you liked the chapter.

**Daisymh: **thanks, and I hope I didn't disappoint!

**FoxyWombat: **ah, I know what you mean . . . my story's just so LONG! It didn't start out that way – I mean, of course it didn't start out that way – but I mean, I didn't plan on it becoming this big. It just sort of . . . happened. Plot got thicker, longer, I added in a whole new character which completely threw me off so . . . yeah!

**Dansingwolf: **actually, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret of mine – I will complain a lot about replying to reviews, and how much time it takes (cuz it really does take about forty minutes) and etc. But the fact is, deep down I really love doing it. The last chapter of TLWL did not feel write without those replies at the end. And besides, your reviews are always fun to reply to. I've told you how much I love long reviews. First of all – H.A.R.M. - one of my smarter name suggestions. I had it down to two name possibilities, the first which my friends promptly shot down. I was thinking about the name 'Cassidy' (also gender neutral – cuz I usually flip a coin when it comes to the gender) after Harm – Butch Cassidy. I dunno, Butch just did not seem to fit a kid. No offense to anyone who has that name out there. And I really love the abbreviation Ash. You're so lucky you have it. My name has no abbreviation so my friends came up with Nix (completely out of the blue – no link to my name whatsoever) cuz I used to use the phrase 'nix that' a lot and then the name just stuck. And then I wanted to be just 'Nix' on the but someone had already taken it. And Nix1, and Nix 2, and a bunch of others. And I can just completely imagine Mac giving birth and thinking almost deliriously, if there was actually a kid in there. I know if I was in her spot I would be. I have the tendency over dramatize things – have you notice? Ahh . . . another unbearably long review. LOL, but that's in our nature anyway.

**Prinnie: **lol, yeah – what we definitely do NOT need in this world is another Webb . . . I don't think the CIA will be able to handle that. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter!

**Tizy: **wacky, huh? How long? Mine's twelve letters, if you can top that. See, my mum was actually very considerate when she christened me. She knew I had a godforsaken twisted surname so she vowed she would give me a very simple first name – very common. And it is . . . lol, but why couldn't it have been reverse? I love unusual first names – I love Hunter. The minute you suggested that I was like, "yes!" As for Abbas . . . he's being taken care of by the dream team. Don't worry.

**Freezepops: **you can't access chapter thirty? Okay, um . . . if you read this, if you CAN read this, and you still haven't been able to read chapter thirty, email me and I'll send you the file, okay?

**Vero chan: **thanks, and that's totally a Mac thing to do – using Harm's initials. But it worked out, really. Rabb, Mackenzie – RM. It was just destiny.


	33. Accessing Information

1**A/N: Okay, um . . . yeah, thirty-third chapter. Officially my longest story . . . but I think I've already said that. Oh, never mind – I just suck at author's notes. Just a warning though: I think this chapter is going to be long . . . **

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, and Syraë for your wonderful reviews! **

**Accessing Information**

**0312**

**CIA Headquarters Parking lot**

**Clay's POV**

"Everyone know the plan?" I asked, as I rolled up the blueprint of Headquarters and stuffed it underneath one of the van seats. Tension hung in the air as I looked at everyone's faces, stony silence suffocating us all.

"Clear," Harm said strongly and everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone had to be clear on it . . . there was no room, no time for screw ups.

"Okay," I breathed and turned to The Kid who had folded out his laptop, already accessing the USB I'd brought for him. "Teddy, everything secure?"

"Map out, locators in place," he replied, his fingers whirling over the keys as a blueprint identical to the one I'd just folded up appeared on the screen, with seven beeping red dots all hovering in one spot in the parking lot – our van. "We're ready to roll."

"Okay, Shapiro – move out," I ordered and Tony obediently ducked out of the van, taking cover behind the bushes at the main gate, his earpiece discretely attached and his mini-microphone on the roof of his mouth. He gave the thumbs up signal.

"Alright, Admiral – Sturgis, front entrance," I ordered, leaning over to check The Kid's screen – Shapiro's marking correctly in place. "You know the drill. Wait for the heads up from Teddy before going in though."

Both the Admiral and Sturgis nodded, opening up the door to the van but looping around the other side of the parking lot towards the main entrance – the visiting entrance. Now it was only me, Jake, Harm, and the Kid left in the van. I turned to Jake, "your turn."

Jake nodded seriously and opened up the door, setting off in the opposite direction of the Admiral. He was heading to entrance number 2 – Special Ops branch. Hopefully Kovac had not yet nullified his SO ID . . . or there would be trouble. I turned around to Harm who sat in his seat at the back, staring at me with his bright blue eyes, his face unmoving. "Stay here at ALL COST," I ordered authoritatively. "Do you understand me?"

For a second, a flash of defiance overtook Harm's eyes but was almost instantly dampened by other issues. "I got it."

"Good," I replied briskly, opening up the door. "Wish me luck."

"Don't screw up."

I laughed hollowly. "Thanks." I turned back to Teddy, who had his ear piece on, his fingers zooming across the keys. "Remember, Ted - communication at all costs. When I say the word, ditch all com to me. To anyone who says the word. Are we clear?"

"Red you loud and clear," Teddy muttered, his eyes not meeting Clay's. "Now, if you want to keep to your schedule, I suggest you get moving."

"Yeah," I replied, my eyes darting to Harm's for a second. "Take care, you two," I said before disappearing through the gate.

* * *

**Same Time**

**CIA Headquarters**

**No one's POV**

The Admiral strolled up to the front gate, his eyes dark and serious, his body gliding confidently up to the Visitor's Gate. "Hello," he said when met with the security guard. "I'm Admiral AJ Chegwidden of the Judge Advocate General Corp. Now, it's a matter of extreme importance that I speak at once with your director, Agent Charles Kovac. Please inform him of my presence."

"Proof of identification," the guard barked. He cast a shifty glance at Sturgis. "And who's he?"

"I, sir, am Commander Sturgis Turner, also of the Judge Advocate General Corp," Sturgis replied coldly. "I am here as assistance to my commanding officer. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not if you've got an ID," the security guard, his tag reading Tom, replied. "Then I'll ring up the boss for you."

"Please, this is URGENT," the Admiral replied, a threatening edge overtaking his voice. "Call your boss, he knows who I am."

"Can't let you in without an ID," Tom replied with a bored voice. "And the boss is busy, I ain't gonna be the one to disturb him if I don't know who you are. So, you got the IDs or what?"

The Admiral flipped open his wallet, taking out several different cards and proofs of identification, Sturgis following likewise. "Now, will you please call your boss?"

Tom picked up the cards, scanning them into his computer before nodding with satisfaction. "Sure thing, you wait right here."

"Not much else we can do," the Admiral replied, shifting from one leg to another as Tom left his seat at the guarding booth to go to the phone, and in that moment of isolation, he rubbed his tongue against his microphone. _"He's ringing Kovac."_

From inside the van Teddy picked up on the Admiral's message, turning on his communicator to Jake's. "Guard's ringing Kovac. Go."

Jake nodded in assent from his position in front of the Special Ops wing. "Thanks, Teddy. Keep an eye out."

"Sure thing," Teddy retorted, blowing up the blue print as the labeled red dots scattered across the map.

"What do we do now?" Harm asked from the back seat.

Teddy leaned back, putting his feet up on the dash board. "We wait."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Special Ops Entrance to Headquarters**

**Jake's POV**

"Hey, Midge," I greeted briefly, walking quickly up to the entrance booth. "Long time no see."

"Yes," Midge Hilton batted her dark eyelashes up at me, smiling seductively as she did so. "Just _months, _Jakey. Where have you been hiding?"

"Italy for a while," I replied evenly. "Venice is nice this time of year. So, will you let me in or what?"

Midge sighed, "You know the drill, Jake. SO card."

I grinned handsomely, handing Midge what I hoped to be a currently active SO card. "Sorry, I must have been momentarily blown away by your beauty."

"Aw," Midge smiles, giggling girlishly. "Such a sweetie, aren't you?"

"Anything for you, babe," I grinned back, leaning against the wall.

Midge slapped her keyboard, her eyes locked on the screen. "Hmm . . ."

I straightened a little, my fears turning for the worse. "Anything wrong, Midge darling?"

Midge frowned. "Yes . . . a little complication with your card."

"Oh, is that all?" I asked, sighing in what I hoped to be a relieved tone. "Must have been because I've been away so long. Not checking in regularly." I flashed her my million dollar smile. "You know my sense of timing."

"That I do," Midge replied flirtatiously. "But I've got to go check this in with Tom at the desk."

My breath caught in my throat, sweat collecting on the palms of my hands as I watched Midge pick up the telephone receiver, dialing the entrance number, and pausing as it began to ring. "Hmm . . ." she said, setting the phone down after several seconds. "I'm sorry, Jake, Tom's not there."

"Aw, but Midge I'm really pressed for time," I said, a whine creeping into my voice. "And I swear that as soon as I get in I'll check in with the SO managers and get my card all checked up. Please?" I begged, grinning handsomely as I did so. "You know me, Midge. It's all right."

Midge rolled her eyes. "Alright, honey, but just for you," she said, pressing her inner button to open the door. "But only this one time, capiche?"

"Yes, ma'am," I heartily saluted, as I swung open the glass door to the Special Ops wing, entering the nearly empty corridor. Inside my mouth, I lifted my tongue, brushing over the microphone that connected me to Teddy. "I'm in."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Parking Lot Entrance**

**Clay's POV**

"_Jake's in." _Teddy's voice crackled in my ear. _"Move, Webb."_

"Thanks," I replied shortly, running my tongue over the microphone. Swinging my briefcase business like over my shoulder, I wrapped on the Parking Lot glass door and waited until one of the usual attendees - Janice Walker appeared at the window, her mouth chomping upon a large was of gum and her face heavily made up as usual.

"Clay!" she squealed. "What are you doing coming in on a Saturday?"

"You know me," I replied in a bored tone. "Work never rests and neither do I."

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Tony's slight thin body scaling the wall in the corner, ducking behind one of the edges as Janice leans through the square opening in the center of her glass booth, taking a look around to make sure I'm alone.

"You know the drill, Clay. ID."

"Here you go," I replied courteously, flashing my card quickly.

"How long are you staying for?" Janice asked, pulling out one of the admittance forms and printing my name on the top along with my eight digit ID number which she knew off by heart due to how many times I've come through this entrance.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Not even fifteen minutes. I want to get a few files off my computer, that's all. Idiot I am, forgetting them here." I laughed ironically. "Working from home's so much easier these days."

"I'll be," Janice agreed. "Just let me wire in your card to the computer mainframe and . . . um, sorry, Clay . . . there seems to be some sort of weird block on yours . . ."

I bit back my mounting nervousness. "Must have forgot to renew it . . ."

"No, that can't be it," Janice replied, shaking her head. "You were in here just three days ago, that would have been entered into our database – which it was. I'm sorry, Clay, there's a ban on your ID and I need to check this out before –"

I could see Shapiro's shadow, crouching below the glass booth, his eyes darting up to me waiting for confirmation. I watched as Janice's fingers zoomed across the keyboard, her glasses reflecting the screen monitor. And then I saw it, the light in her eyes flash. She knew.

"Now!" I whisper shouted and Shapiro leapt up from his stalking place at the wall, his wiry thin frame plugging into the small square opening in the glass booth. His arms stretched out, knocking Janice down with a blow to the head while pressing the Entrance button down and opening the Parking lot glass door. I pulled him back out from the glass where his upper body only _just _fit.

"Good work," I whispered to Shapiro as I opened the door for him and myself, Shapiro steering himself off to Janice's booth where he promptly pulled out his masking tape roll, winking at me as he did so.

"See you in a few minutes," he whispered, throwing the door shut behind him – the following 'click' confirming his locking the door as he undoubtedly taped Janice up to her chair while he worked the admissions booth.

Running my tongue along the roof of my mouth, I whispered hoarsely, "We're in."

"Confirmation," Teddy barked in my ear. And then, turning on everyone's mike, he said hollowly, "All systems go."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"He's beautiful, Mac," Vera whispered to me as Hunter's eyes drooped dangerously low, her arms cradling my sleepy son as we sat watching old movies on the apartment couch. "I know I've said this already, but he looks so much like you . . . barely any Harm."

"Except for the eyes," I grinned, stroking Hunter's cheek as he sucked on his lower lip – always a sign he was falling asleep. "They boy's definitely got Harm's eyes."

"Yeah," Vera murmured, as she tipped Hunter back into his crib and we both watched him roll over drowsily, wiggling into a comfortable position. "I wonder if . . ." she broke off, turning away. "Never mind."

My eyes fell upon Vera. "Do you . . . _know _yet?"

Vera bit her lower lip, shaking her head at the same time. "I don't know how to . . ." her eyes flashed pleadingly. "You know . . . how to find out."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I suppose you would just buy a home pregnancy test."

"I know, I know," Vera replied wearily, leaning back on the couch. "I went to a drug store the other day, just checking around the isle." She throws up her hands. "Do you know how many kinds there are? How the hell am I supposed to pick? I mean, come on!" She sighed heavily. "Which brand did you take?"

"I didn't take one," I replied slowly. "The doctor told me."

"I don't want to go to a doctor," Vera moaned. "It'll go on my record if I do."

"Vera, you're not in the CIA anymore," I reminded her cautiously, well aware this was a hot button topic at the moment. "They won't check up any more. And besides," my eyes met hers. "This is the perfect weekend to do it . . . Clay and Jake are out."

"Yeah, where did they say they were going, anyway?" Vera suddenly asked, changing the subject rapidly. "Clay told me they were taking Harm out for a little poker . . . obviously no where public, he can't be seen. But they weren't at the house when I left."

"And Jake's already gone . . ." I trailed, but then shook my head. "Stop changing the subject. Now, I want you to go out and buy a test."

Vera's dark eyes looked pleadingly at me, as she opened her purse and pulled out a small cardboard box. "I bought one earlier this afternoon . . . I just picked the first brand I saw, I couldn't choose." She looked down worriedly at the box and then back up at me. "Should I take it?"

"Better do it now than later," I said comfortingly. "Don't worry about this, Vera, children are a blessing."

"Is that what you thought when you found out about Hunter?" she asked me, taking a long look at my sleeping son. "Were you . . . happy?"

I smiled slightly as my mind flickered back to that moment. "Well, to be honest, I was more shocked than anything . . . I'd honestly never expected," I shook my head. "But as soon as it _really _sunk in – when the idea got under my skin, I was both overjoyed and saddened. Happy for my little miracle, and sad that Harm couldn't join in with my excitement."

"But can you honestly imagine me with a kid?" Vera asked, her tone edging on that of the uncertain. "I mean, I work _all the time. _So does Clay . . . how could we ever manage? Besides," Vera said, tinges of red seeping into her skin, "we travel A LOT. How will we be able to work out anything? I mean, let's be practical," Vera said, shaking her head. "This kid will be better off not coming into this world at all."

"Don't say that," I whispered soothingly. "I know you and I know Clay . . . and you two could be great parents. You're caring, and you're sturdy, and most of all – you're reliable. And that's everything that good parents are."

"Oh, I don't know, Mac . . ." Vera trailed almost frantically. "Besides, how am I supposed to tell Clay?"

"Well, at the moment you don't have anything to tell Clay," I said, practicality overtaking my tone. "Not until you take that test. Now, the bathroom's down the hall . . . please, Vera." My eyes connect with hers. "You should know . . ."

Vera turned away. "I know . . ." she sucked in her breath. "Okay, here goes . . ."

"Good luck," I wished her, as I took over the couch, Vera's form retreating into the bathroom. My eyes fell upon my sleeping son, who sucked on his fingers as he slept. Reaching down I stroked his dark haired head, smiling as he rolled over towards my hand, grabbing onto one of my fingers as well. "You're my beautiful baby boy," I whispered emotionally. "And I love you very much."

Time seemed to stand still, and then Vera came out, holding a covered tray, her skin looking unhealthily pale, her auburn hair standing out fiercely against her complexion. "Okay . . ." she whispered shakily. "Three minutes . . . I can wait three minutes . . . I can wait three minutes." She flashed me a panicked look. "Can I wait three minutes?"

"Breathe in and out," I said soothingly, "It's going to be alright . . . either way."

"Oh, what am I going to do with a kid, Mac?" Vera's thoroughly frantic now. "What am I going to do?" She fell down onto the couch, her head resting in her hands.

I sighed heavily. "I don't know what you're going to do with a baby, Vera. I don't know what's going to happen, if you're even pregnant . . ." I smiled as I sat down next to her. "But one thing I do know is that if you are pregnant, your child will enter this world with not just one set of parents, but many. Clay will love him or her to death, you know he will. Same goes for you . . ." I smiled waterily. "And I know one man who will very much love to be godfather."

Vera smiled, tucking a dark strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "Jake . . ." she breathed. "Jake would make such a good father."

I nodded along with her. "That he would."

Vera smiled almost to herself, her eyes far away. "In some ways I think he might even be more prepared than me . . ." Vera shrugged. "Did I ever tell you about the first time I met Jake?"

I shook my head. "No . . . how did you meet?"

Vera leaned back against the couch. "I was twenty three . . . it was my first field operation." Vera smirked. "I was scared stiff. We were out in the middle of the desert, trying to bust an arms dealer – Ajay Kunal, dealing with illegal weapons." Vera shivered slightly. "I had to go in to . . . pass off as one of his servants, while secretly gathering information. I was shaken as hell." Vera rubbed her arms. "And I was going to back out, I really was . . . and then he came in. I hadn't met Jake before . . . but I can remember thinking how damn striking he was. Back then he had this kind of . . . golden colored hair," Vera said, a far away look in her eyes. "Did you know he dyes it now?"

"Really?" I asked in interest. "I didn't know that . . ." I grinned. "So he's a natural blonde?"

Vera shrugged. "More of a . . . dirty blonde. Yeah, that's it."

I smiled. "Go on."

Vera sighed. "I was repeating to myself that there was no way on EARTH I was going to go through with this . . . and I guess Jake heard me while he was passing by my tent – we were camping out in the desert. And he just came on in, looked me in the eye, and grinned at me – the way he always does. And said . . ."

_**Flashback **_

"_Your first mission?"_

_I nodded at the stranger who had suddenly taken appearance in my room. Desert sunlight shafted in through the clear plastic lining across the side of my tent, lighting his short and slightly windblown hair as he nodded at me understandingly._

"_You've got nothing to worry about . . . pre-mission jitters are normal for newcomers. You've just got to keep in mind two things and you'll be fine, guaranteed," he said, nodding at me. "First – the goal. Always remember your mission. It's your target, it's what you strive for – what you breathe day and night. However long it takes, however short it takes – this is what you see. Always keep your head in the game." His friendly eyes flashed at me. "Second – remember the outcome. After this mission you get to go home . . . back to your family, your friends, back to your life. If nothing else motivates you more remember all that you're leaving for the greater good. Remember how much you're affecting people with your actions, how much this matters. Never lose sight of the importance of your mission or yourself. Nothing's worth more." He stared at me, "am I clear?"_

"_Yes, sir," I replied rather stiffly._

_The man grinned at me. "Please, no sir . . . that makes me feel old." He extended a hand to me. "I'm Special Agent Jacob Holter . . . but you can call me Jake."_

"_Special Agent Vera Azhad," I replied, shaking his hand. "But you can call me just Vera."_

_Jake grinned at me. "You're awful young to be an Agent, aren't you?"_

_I smiled pointedly at him. "You're not so old yourself."_

_Jake shrugged his shoulders in rebuttal. "I like to think myself ahead of the game."_

"_What game?"_

_Jake rolled his eyes. "It's a metaphor, youngling. The game . . ." He stared at me as I failed to comprehend. "The game of life." I still stare at him. "Honestly, girl, you've never played the board game Life?"_

"_I don't play board games," I whispered shrugging my shoulders. "Never had one."_

_Jake stared at me through shifty blue eyes. "Well, I'll tell you what. You complete you mission, and if I'm still around when you get back – we'll play Life." I stared at him through questioning dark eyes. Jake laughed, "I promise I won't bite . . ." He grinned, "come on, it'll be a lot of fun."_

"_Um . . . okay," I said, consenting with a shrug. "If you're around when I get back."_

_Jake nodded. "And if not," he said, as he opened up the flap to my tent. "I'll look you up at the next chance I get." He grinned back at me as he slipped through the opening. "Good luck, Special Agent Vera Azhad."_

_And the smile on my face did not fade for a while after he had left, even when my first mission approached perilously close . . . _

_**End Flashback**_

"I don't know," Vera shrugged. "He was just so . . . different."

"I know what you mean," I smiled, thinking back to the first time I met Harm. "The good ones always are."

Vera grinned back. "Not that Clay's what you'd call normal."

"Oh, Clay in no way defines that category," I laughed, as I watched Hunter roll over in his crib. "And despite all those . . . hidden layers, Clay's a pretty good guy too."

Vera smiled almost sadly to herself. "Yeah . . . I lucked out."

"Then how come you don't look as if you think you're so lucky, at the moment?" I asked, my eyes falling against Vera's curled figure.

Vera shook her head. "Clay's . . . Clay's wonderful. In so many ways he reminds me of myself. He's daring, and courageous, and he annoys me to death," Vera grinned. "But, he's just so . . . I don't know. He's got the X factor." I nodded, knowing what she meant. "And then there's Jake who's been . . . everything to me. He was like . . . a brother, the first time I met him. And then, my best friend . . . and then we progressed to something more . . . split apart due to work, and now we're back to being really good friends."

I feel torn for Jake, but at the same time sympathizing with Vera. "And you're sure there could never be anything more?"

Vera throws up her hands in defeat. "Who knows? I love Jake to death – he's like . . . my savior. No matter where I am, what's happening, what twists and turns life's thrown at me, he's always there to pick me right up. But . . . do I love him in the same way I love Clay? I don't know . . ." Vera bit her lower lip. "I used to . . . I know that. God, never mind liking Clay, I used to downright DETEST the man." She rolled her eyes. "But Jake . . . he's always been different. I don't know what I'd do without him."

I nodded, smiling. "Maybe sometimes you've just got to try and . . ."

_Rrrriiiinnngg._

I'm cut off by the shrill ring of the three minute timer. I send Vera a soothing look which almost instantly melts against her one of sheer panic and terror. Hand shaking, Vera slowly lifted the cover from the little dish, and I could only watch as all remaining color drained out of her face . . .

* * *

**Same Time**

**CIA Headquarters**

**Jake's POV**

"Which hall?" I muttered to Teddy as I steered sharply around the corner, trying to look relaxed as my heart hammered wildly within my chest. "This or the next one?"

"_Next," _Teddy's voice rings in my ears. "Coming up on your left . . ."

"Gotcha," I whispered more to myself than Teddy as I turned to my left, walking briskly and with meaning. "Which door?"

"_Third to your right."_

I turned and casually opened the door, taking a look around before slipping in. It was a computer room, equipped with a large wall screen monitor and several pieces of machinery whose purposes were not within my area of knowledge. Nonetheless I hastened to the computer in the corner, slipping in my USB into the appropriate port, and booting it up efficiently. Nervously, I tapped my fingers on the table, as my eyes darted around the room. At any moment they could be coming . . .

At any moment . . .

* * *

**Same Time**

**CIA Headquarters**

**Clay's POV**

"_Yes, turn to your left . . . almost immediately followed by a turn to your right . . ."_

"I know my way to the filing room, White," I replied through gritted teeth as I passed by some agents on their way to the conference room. I nodded in brief recognition to them as we passed. "Isn't there someone else that needs your help?"

"_The Commander and the Admiral are on their way to Kovac's office, Jake's inside computer database room, Shapiro's still in the Parking lot entrance booth. You're the only one on the move."_

I rolled my eyes. "Don't get me wrong, Teddy – as much as I appreciate your rapt attention, it's really unwarranted. Just tell me when Jake's out."

"_No, prob, Boss."_

I swerved down another corridor, ducking by Catherine Gale's office, praying to god she was not in the room. I quickened my pace as I exited the main hallway and into the filing wing. "Which room is it again?"

"_I thought you didn't need my help," _Teddy pointed out cheekily.

"White, I'm warning you . . ."

"_Second to your right."_

I flung open the door, ducking in and shutting it quickly behind me. Slowly, I paused to catch my breath and to ease my hammering heart. Turning around, I am suddenly assaulted by the vision before me. "Holy crap . . ."

"_What is it?" _Teddy's voice says in my ear.

"White, there are hundreds of filing cabinets!" I practically screamed at him, while trying and failing to keep my voice down. "How am I supposed to know which one's on Abbas?"

"_I don't know . . ." _Teddy says pathetically. _"Start at the beginning . . . hopefully it goes in alphabetical order."_

"Fat load of help you are."

"_Oh, sorry, Webb – in coming message . . . get reading."_

"Damn you," I said but my message was obviously not received as the mike cut off while Teddy was given another message. I sighed heavily, my eyes scanning the tall stacked filing cabinets, each marked with letters and dates and numbers.

"Lord, help me . . ." I muttered, as I opened the first one.

* * *

**Same Time**

**CIA Headquarters**

**Admiral's POV**

"Admiral Chegwidden." I watch as Charles Kovac's eyebrow cocks up. "Why this is indeed a surprise."

I smile politely at him. "A situation has been brought to my attention very recently, and it warrants a confrontation." I sighed characteristically, leaning back in the couch and motioning to Sturgis beside me. "This is Commander Turner, one of my senior officers."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir," Sturgis said stiffly.

Kovac smiled in return. "Well, to what situation do I owe this pleasure?"

"Funding," I sighed.

Kovac's eyebrow shot up. "You came all this way for funding?"

I shrugged. "The office isn't busy . . . and it's not just any kind of funding. Over the years, the amounts that YOUR office has cost the Judge Advocate General Corp is in its THOUSANDS. We need that money, Agent Kovac."

Kovac was silent for a long moment and then, "Rabb cost you more than that. You kept him around."

"But he's not around any more," I challenged coolly. "Yet your office still is."

Kovac smiled coldly. "Let's get to the point, Admiral. Right here, right now. What do you want from me?"

I felt Sturgis tense beside me but one glare from my eyes had him back down. I turned back to Kovac. "I want repayment."

Kovac is incredulous. "After all these years? AJ," his voice took on reasonability. "A lot of it wasn't our fault."

"But most of it was," I finished.

Kovac stared at me. "Why don't you tell me why you need this money so badly, AJ, that you're willing to pull flimsy excuses out of the air to gain it?"

I leaned forward. "Commander Rabb is dead since fifteen months, Colonel Mackenzie is on maternity leave, I can only stretch the Robertses' use so far, and Turner here is taking the majority of high priority cases. I can't afford to let the juniors take them, I'm praying on Tiner returning to me, I need the money. I am severely understaffed."

Kovac looked at me for one long drawn out second and then. "Alright, let's talk amounts . . ."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Jake's POV**

"What specifically are we looking for?" I asked, as the computer scanned through old cold cases and recently added files.

"_Anything that mentions Abbas in it."_

"That could take forever!" I exclaimed impatiently. "And Abbas is a common name."

"_That's why you have a USB . . . store everything."_

"Pictures?"

"_Most certainly pictures . . . that would be very helpful."_

I slapped my hands across the keys as I sifted through files. "They've got some stuff from Interpol."

"_Put it on."_

I dragged it to the disk drive. "Anything else? I've got all federal info."

"_Yes, Agent Webb had one more thing . . ." _there was the sound of shifting paper and then, _"a blueprint of Ballando il Teatro dell'opera Leggero. Dancing Light Opera House."_

"Why do we need that?"

"_Ask questions later."_

I sighed heavily as the verbal wrath of the nineteen year old bore down upon me. "Yes, sir."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Clay's POV**

"I've got it!" I practically shouted into the mouth microphone. "Confiscated items . . . signed reports . . . identification of _handwriting, _even."

"_Brilliant," _Teddy's voice cracked. _"Jake's stored all the files onto the USB – at the moment he's searching the Opera House blue print."_

"Good," I murmured. "But I've got one problem."

"_What?"_

I sighed heavily. "The Abbas file . . . it's one whole cabinet drawer."

"_You're kidding me!"_

"'Fraid not," I muttered. "Okay, if Jake's got the files tell everyone to pull out."

"_Pulling out," _Teddy's voice murmured in my ear. _"Everyone, take your rout."_

_

* * *

_

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**No one's POV**

"Um, I'm sorry, you're going to have to hold on for one minute, Admiral," Kovac said as his office phone began to ring. "Um . . . sorry, yes, Tom? Clayton Webb? Why, no . . . he's not here. Admiral Chegwidden . . . yes, I know that . . . Jake Holter? I'll be right down, Tom." Kovac straightened himself. "I do believe our mutual friend has decided to make an unwanted appearance."

Kovac's hand moved for the door, but then –

"But we're still talking funding!" the Admiral said, leaping out of his chair. "And I'm really pressed for time – either this conversation happens now or not at all."

"Well, AJ, I'm running an office here," Kovac argued back. "I don't have time to talk about _funding _when it's absolutely MAYHEM downstairs with unchecked agents running around the office. Can we please reschedule?"

"_Everyone, take your rout," _Teddy's voice boomed in the Admiral's and Sturgis's ears.

"Uh, maybe that would be a good idea," the Admiral said. "Turner and I will be leaving shortly, so why don't we check in at your admission's office for you? Save you the trouble."

"Oh really, it's no trouble, AJ," Kovac said stubbornly, walking out into the hall. "I'll escort you to your car."

"But, Agent Kovac –"

"Not a word against it, AJ," Kovac ignored the Admiral as he walked down the filing hall. "I'm a hands on kind of guy – just like you. I like to deal with my company's inner workings, and it's not fair to you to expect to have to – WEBB!"

Clayton Webb turned around, casting one alarmed look at Kovac, swung his arms forward – holding a whole cabinet drawer – collided the heavy metal contained with the side of Kovac's head. Kovac collapsed into a heap on the ground. And then –

"Run!" Webb screamed.

The Admiral, Sturgis, and Clay pelted down the filing hall, Clay's hand extending the heavy metal cabinet drawer, the Admiral swinging his briefcase, and Sturgis struggling to keep up. Clay raced down the right side of the corridor and then – a door swung right open in front of him, knocking Clay off his feet and onto the ground. Pain.

"Clay?" a voice echoed.

"Holter?" the Admiral glared.

A pounding of footsteps behind them.

The Admiral leaped down and seized one of Clay's arms, pulling him beside him as they raced through the halls, Sturgis obediently seizing the heavy metal drawer while he kept beside them. They ran down the corridor, diving through people and swerving against the corners.

"Almost there," Jake muttered through gritted teeth as the parking lot entrance loomed. "Hit it, Tony!"

From inside the admissions cage Shapiro pounded the entrance button as two ex-CIA Agents, one Navy Commander and the JAG soared through the open door and into the black van that was waiting outside. Footsteps pounded along the hallways – security guards. Shapiro slammed his fist down against the lock button, trapping them inside the building – as he grinned at them through the glass admission's window. "See ya!"

And he wiggled out through the small glass square on the exterior of the cage.

* * *

**A/N: okay, well – as warned, this was a long chapter. I would have posted last night except I was only seven pages through at that point and could not stop. In fact, I would have gone on longer – except for the fact then I might never stop!**

**Apologies to Strawberry Kittens – if I'd included all I wanted to in this chapter, it would have gone on FOREVER so everything that I said was going to happen will in the next chapter – and it'll be longer then so you'll probably like it more, instead of something rushed here at the end. **

**Lauren: **well, here's the next chapter for you! I would have posted yesterday . . . except it went on too long! LOL, I think this is my first time ever NOT posting at like two in the morning . . . heh heh, first time for everything, I guess.

**Rainydays502: **um, thanks – and I also thank you for your name suggestion. Brilliant.

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Syraë: **omg, I am totally worshipping you . . . you read Full Throttle in TWO DAYS! That's like . . . wow, seriously . . . I can't do that and I love to read – and I wrote this! You're good. Honestly, I can't imagine myself sitting down to a thirty chapter story and just non-stop reading. I think my eyes would start to hurt. LOL – and that's over two hundred pages! Sorry, again . . . still in awe.

**Toplesslemon: **heh heh, you're sounding like me! Brilliant's one of my favorite words . . . I use it a lot. Omg, it was soooo hard picking out Hunter's name. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done really. I didn't plan on the whole Initials thing until the name Hunter was actually suggested. Yeah, it was suggested by a reviewer and as soon as I read the name I was like, "Hunter Rabb . . . Hunter Mackenzie . . . works both ways. Cool." And then with the initials thing . . . I had to flip a coin for the middle name. And the gender, actually . . . lol, I can't decide anything. I do it all the DPB way.

**Froggy0319: **I know, I was actually BROKENHEARTED when he died off Desperate Housewives! I was like . . . "He did twice on JAG – only the best TV show on the UNIVERSE, came onto a new hit Television series, and croaks on that . . . he has no luck." And before he got all . . . Mac-y, I didn't mind him on JAG. In fact, I used to cheer when he came on the screen cuz I knew I was in for an episode of action (can you tell by this chapter I love action?). But every episode after the ninth season . . . I like spat on the screen when he came on.

**Sugar230: **lol, thanks – encouragement always appreciated!

**Bail's Other Daughter: **thanks . . . lol, the initials were just a bit of luck on my part though. Harm's and Mac's last names worked out. I'm just too lucky.

**Daisymh: **thanks, and I hope you liked this EXTEMELY long chapter!

**Vhosek malacath: **lol, still didn't say whether Vera was pregnant or not . . . I'm prolonging it, I know. But you'll find out in the next chapter. There was so much I wanted to fit in this chapter, but then it would have been REALLY long.

**Radiorox: **alright, now – let's define a BAD review. You got one that relieved the entire HM history . . . that's annoying so I'm willing to count it as bad. But do we get to count the review I recieved yesterday of 'I hate to burst your bubble but –' and then they correct me on something? (P.S: same reviewer as your HM history one)

**Dansingwolf: **I'm glad I didn't him/her Cassidy too . . . Hunter's such a cool name. I love generic names . . .not that Cassidy's not generic except . . . I don't know. Again, Hunter's cool. Heh heh, we are very much alike, aren't we? I love to debate. Whenever I come out of a debate, I have just this . . . thrill with me, that I only get when I'm really into my writing – it just makes me totally pumped. I get excited over the weirdest things. I was in this debate tournament a few weeks ago – youngest one there by a mile, btw – and one for first place. I was completely shocked because it was my first time ever in a tournament. I don't have any debating program at my school, so I try and do it all in the summer. You're so lucky . . . you could win a trip to Milan and I won a little glass trophy with my name printed on a piece of tape stuck to it's shiny surface (oh yes, and misspelled – due to a long Indian surname) Oh, and my school starts next week – so much for my plan to finish Full Throttle before the summer ends . . . and hey, your review was semi-long so my reply is . . . semi-longer.

**Lani: **heh heh, Shapiro . . . I love creating characters like him and Jake. Kind of carefree. They're the best to write . . . not stiff ones like Webb. LOL, and Mac at home with Hunter . . . he'll keep her busy. But then again, so will Vera . . . and what happens next chapter!

**TV Angel 711: **well – as requested, ass-kicking action! I love writing action scenes . . . even though I'm not too good at it. More from the guys' station next chapter . . . as well as the girls. Ugh, I so badly wanted to fit more in this chapter, except it would have been way too long . . .

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **ugh, I would tell you the ending now (I so badly want to) except . . . I just can't! Oh, I know I'm going to cry while writing it . . . I just know I am. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those cry-girls that dissolves into a million tears when like . . . I don't know, something sad happens, but I've had Full Throttle in my head so long . . . and to write the ending would mean it's ACTUALLY OVER – which I could just not accept. LOL, perhaps that's my reason behind the sequel . . . oh well, at the end of FT I'll preview the sequel. I've even got a name – that's how far in advance I'm working. But I can smell the end . . . and that's always sad.

**FoxyWombat: **heh heh, me rebel, me! Yeah, oh well – if they haven't posted anything on the homepage I won't bother heading their warnings. They need to make it formal. Plus, it's fun replying to reviews . . . even if it does take a while (how long does it take you? You have a lot of reviewers and I just want to know if my amount of minutes is normal – or if I'm just weird).

**Tizy: **okay – I have a twelve letter last name – and TWO middle names. Do you know what the total comes to? THIRTY letters. That's right, I have thirty letters. Could you imagine if I married? I would have one first name, three middle names, and my husband's last name! And even if it was short – that would be a mouthful. Because, as it is right now, I have eleven syllables in my name – so even if his was only one – that puts it at twelve – the same number of letters as my current last name. At least yours is just plain weird. Mine's unheard of, weird, AND mind-boggling long. And good news – I've got no homework yet. I return to school eight days from now (yes, I'm already weeping . . . god, school's such a bore)

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **oh, you're a sarcastic one too, are you? I am – most definitely. In June we had this fieldtrip to Calgary for four days (took a plane and all) and on our last day before we went to the airport we all hit the mall, and there was one of those stupid saying t-shirt stands, and I bought a t-shirt that said 'Sarcasm is one of the services I offer' and my teacher took one look at what I bought and said 'ain't that the truth'. Needless to say I was offended . . . but not as much as I was amused.


	34. Life's Traumas

1**A/N: ah, okay - I know, I know - you're thinking what the hell is taking me so long. Suffering from writer's block here . . . and back to school shopping. I go back to school in five days and to answer your question, no - I have not done any clothes shopping. So are you wondering why I'm stressed out? Chapters will now become slower since school . . . sorry to say.**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, and Syraë for your wonderful reviews! **

**Dedicated to: Strawberry Kittens . . . especially Julie, who was dying for this chapter.**

**Life's Traumas**

**0352**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"I'm not pregnant." Vera's words resound hollowly, magnified by the weight of the incredulity of the moment. She stared at the stick, her eyes flashing almost fearfully. "I'm . . . not pregnant."

"What?" I asked, leaning behind her and looking at the stick.

"I'm not pregnant," Vera whispered again, suddenly looking very lost. "It says I'm not pregnant."

A moment of silence falls between us as Vera leans forward, holding the stick sort of awkwardly. Weight pulls against the air between us. "Vera, I'm so sor –" I begin but Vera cuts me off.

"No, no don't be," Vera suddenly stands up from the couch and begins to pace. "I mean, this is for the better . . . what would I do with a child? I couldn't . . . care for it. I'm away on my job _all the time . . . _it never would have worked out . . . it's better this way." She's rubbing her eyes furiously now. "I mean, my job's dangerous . . . so is Clay's . . . how could we be there for . . . him or her? It would be impossible . . . and . . . it's just better this way."

I stared at her compassionately. "Vera . . ."

And then she broke down, sobbing almost uncontrollably on the couch leaving me to solely bare the responsibility of comforting her. I sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her. "Vera, it's alright . . . there'll be other times."

Vera shook her head wildly. "No . . . no, there won't be . . . that's just it . . . this was my only hope, Mac. My only hope." She rubbed her eyes, grimacing as tinges of red seeped into her cheeks. "God, I don't even know why I'm getting so _upset _about this! I mean, it's not like I even wanted to be . . ." She cast a long look at Hunter. "But now that I know I'm not . . ."

Vera bit her lower lip and I felt my heart completely go out to her. "Vera, I don't know what to say . . ."

But Vera cut me off. "Just . . . don't say anything. Let's . . . let's have a fun weekend without the guys." She flashed me a watery smile. "Deal?"

I smiled in return. "Deal."

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Admiral's House**

**Harm's POV**

I grinned wildly as Clay pulled the van up to the Admiral's drive way. Today's events have been eventful . . . to say the least. A nineteen year old just conducted an operation which included my former CO sprinting down the halls of CIA headquarters, my old college roommate as his partner in crime, the roommate of the woman who had my baby practically charming the pants off the woman at the Special Ops guarding gate, Clayton Webb hitting his former boss over the head with a metal filing cabinet drawer, AND winding it all up with locking everyone inside Headquarters while we make our grand escape. Do you wonder why I'm speechless?

"Dude," Shapiro drawls as he stares out the window as Webb gets out to unlock the doors. "This is one hell of a wicked house."

"Thanks," the Admiral replied stiffly.

"So, we crashing here or what?" I asked

Jake grinned at me as he hopped out of the van. "You'd prefer heading back to the house?"

"God, no," I replied, jumping out after the Kid exited. "I haven't been out of that house in the last nine months."

Sturgis clasped me companionably on the back. "Hey, it's all for a greater good."

I glared at him.

"Alright, Sturgis – one side of the room, Harm – the opposite," the Admiral mumbled as he opened the door with his key. "Make yourselves at home . . ." His eye caught Shapiro's. "But not too much at home."

Shapiro grinned in response.

I flopped down on one of the couches, sighing wearily. Today had been one hell of a day. The Admiral eased himself into the large leather armchair in the corner while Jake and Shapiro were content with lying down on the floor. Only Teddy did not seem to find an afternoon nap attractive. But then again, he's a kid . . . and we're old worn men.

There's a rap on the door.

"Someone, go get that," the Admiral ordered, muttering as his eyes remained firmly shut.

The knocks persisted. No one moved. And then . . .

The door creaked open. "Sir!"

My eyes snapped open. "Bud . . . ?"

And I could only watch as all the color drained from Bud's face as he fainted and fell to the floor . . .

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"What do you want to watch?" I asked, easing myself into the couch with a large bowl of popcorn, shoving it over to Vera who promptly filled her fist with it.

"What movies have you got?" Vera asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know . . . they're all Jake's. And he's an —"

"Old movie buff," Vera replied nodding. "I know . . ." she shrugged as I opened the large box that Jake had appropriately named 'Movies'. "But he's also one of those timeless classics buffoon . . . you know? Gone With the Wind, the Sound of Music, I've even watched Anne of Green Gables with him."

I grinned at her, "you're kidding."

"Nope," Vera replied, shaking her head and laughing. "On our first date we played Life while watching Anne of Green Gables. I'd never seen the movie and Jake was addicted." Vera shrugged. "It was fun."

_Knock. Knock._

I got up, turning to Vera. "You go ahead and pick a movie while I answer the door."

I opened up the door, and surprise lit my face. "Harriet?"

"Hey, Mac," Harriet sighed. "Well, the kids are away at their grandparent's house and . . . well, this weekend it was _supposed _just Bud and I but . . . he just called me and told me he needs this weekend for work, the Admiral's called him away or something . . ." Harriet trails. "You think maybe I could . . . sleep over? Help you out with Hunter?"

That nagging little voice in the back of my mind says _'Jake away . . . Clay away . . . Harm away . . . Bud away?" _I turned around to Vera who was watching us now, "Is this sounding just a little more than a coincidence to you?"

Vera just stared. "I think you'd better come in," she said to Harriet.

Harriet looked at Vera. "Who are you?"

I sighed, sharing a long look with Vera. "That's what I'm about to tell you . . ."

* * *

**Five minutes ago**

**The Admiral's House**

**Harm's POV**

"I can't believe it," Bud whispered, as we sat him up in one of the kitchen chairs, having just poured water all over his face. His eyes kept zoning in on me. "You've alive."

"And I'd say better than ever to go with the whole phrase," I said almost wearily. "But that would be a straight and outright lie."

Bud stares at me. "How come . . ." he trails, staring around at everyone. "How come they all know? How did - _when _did everyone find out? And why are you . . . how did you . . . ?"

I don't blame him for being perplexed. It's confusing as hell. I sighed, looking at Webb who - reluctantly - nodded. I took a deep breath, "Bud, what I'm about to tell you is extremely confidential, with . . . I don't know whose lives at risk, but mine . . . maybe Mac's. Maybe Hunter's. Maybe all of ours. But Bud, I want you to know – right now, you can walk away from this and you will have never seen anything. Not me, not any of us . . . and you can go on living life just as you have been. But if you do choose to involve yourself, I can't guarantee your safety."

Bud stared at me for a long moment. "You know I don't have a choice."

I returned his gaze. "You always have a choice, Bud."

"No, I don't," he rebutted strongly. "If you need my help, then I'm there. No choices, no questions, and most of all," he draws level to me – which, considering my height, is no small feat (pardon the pun) – "no regrets."

I stared at the younger man for a long time, his eyes a shade darker than I remember them, but still radiating the same strength and force that had laid hidden within him for so long. I clasped his hand strongly, trying to keep the emotion from seeping into my voice. "It's good to see you again, Bud."

Bud grins at me waterily. "And it's good to see you too, sir."

I smiled back at him, looking almost nervously around me. "Well . . . where should we begin?"

"With you calling Harriet," Webb said almost immediately. His eyes caught mine for a second before averting. He handed Bud the telephone. "You won't be home tonight."

"But," Bud began before almost immediately eating his words. "I will."

"You don't have to do this, Bud," I reminded him lightly as I watched him slowly punch in the numbers.

Bud looked up at me. "With all due respect, Sir . . . you're in no position to call that shot."

And as I watched Bud talk to Harriet – albeit briefly, I felt something change inside of me. At first I couldn't place why . . . his hair was a little lighter, he'd lost a little more weight, but other than that, there was not much of an external difference in appearance. He was older, yes, and wiser . . . but he was still the Bud I'd always known. And that was just it – the Bud I'd always known. The Admiral who'd always been there to chew me out, to yell at me, to save me, to yell at other people on my behalf. The Sturgis I'd always known, needling me for things I'd rather ignore, the playful buddy I knew I would always have by my side. The Webb who still to this day annoys me to death, but I know would and has risked his life to save mine. And little by little, I realized – I was getting my life back . . .

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"He's alive?" Harriet echoed incredulously. There's something about the expression on her face, the off note in her voice that reels my memory back to when I'd found out Harm was alive . . . _But that's not the same, _my inner voice exclaimed angrily. _You know it . . . you never had time to heal, time to settle the score . . . you were torn in and torn out again. _But was that better? Was it better not to have made peace? If I had accepted Harm's death, wouldn't it have come as all the more hard a blow to find fifteen months later that he was in fact, NOT dead?

_Maybe . . . but I'll never know._

I watch as tears suddenly sting her eyes as she fervently wipes them, smiling painfully at herself as she did so. "And . . . but how . . ." she took a long sweeping look down at my son who laid curled in his crib. "Hunter . . ." she whispered.

I nodded, as tears suddenly stained Harriet's cheeks and for the oddest reason, I feel my own eyes beginning to blur. Harriet's emotion was so much like mine . . . the initial shock and then . . . the instant relief. Like a gigantic relief had suddenly been lifted from your shoulders . . . it was overwhelming.

Suddenly Harriet and I are hugging, and she's sobbing in relief and happiness, and me – though I thought I was over it – am apparently not, and I'm smiling and crying and laughing and everything all at once. Even Vera – who has not experienced the great Harm's Death epidemic is looking emotional. Or maybe it has to do with her non-pregnancy . . . maybe it's everything combined.

Somewhere, some little voice in my head reminds me I'm a marine, and that I'm now crying over a guy that I seem to be completely hung up on. And I tell my voice to shove it. Because this is what matters right now . . . my life. My son, and Harm. My family. The words sting me, suddenly seeping into my mind, infectious with significance. My family. Harm and Hunter . . . they're my family.

I introduce Harriet to Vera, with the sudden profound implication that over this one weekend, we are all going to become friends. Bonded by life's traumas, we stand together – three smart and independent women. Rubbing my now red eyes I turned back to the couch and the gigantic box of DVDs, and baby Hunter who lay sleeping in his crib. "He's definitely Harm's."

Harriet smiled waterily. "Can I . . . you know, see him?"

"Oh yeah," I replied quickly, suddenly struck by the fact that the only other time Harriet's seen him was when he was behind a glass wall. Slowly – very slowly – I lifted Hunter up out of his crib and placed him very gently in Harriet's arms, where Hunter promptly rolled over, opening his perilous blue eyes with a long yawn.

"Oh . . ." Harriet sighed, smiling at Hunter as he immediately fell back to sleep. "He's got his eyes."

I grinned, "tell me about it."

I turn to look over at Vera and am suddenly caught by the distress in her eyes, that lost lonely feeling . . . the one that became me every day before Hunter. . . and before Harm. "Vera, this will happen for you . . ." I trailed reassuringly. "It will . . . maybe not today, but some day."

"What?" Harriet asked in confusion, gently placing Hunter back into his crib.

"Vera . . ." I trailed, "just took a pregnancy test and . . . it was negative."

Harriet looked up. "Only one?"

Vera looked almost startled by the question. "How many does it take?"

Harriet grins at her, "Well, when I had AJ – my oldest son – the first pregnancy test I took said negative . . . even the doctor said I wasn't pregnant. But I tried again, and then got a positive sign. Sometimes it doesn't always happen on the first try."

"But . . . but I don't have another one," Vera stuttered almost dazedly. "I . . . I only bought one."

"There's a Shopper's Drug Mart down the street," I said quickly, throwing Vera and Harriet their jackets. "Come on, let's get there before it closes."

"But," Vera begins.

"No buts," I rebutted quickly, lifting Hunter out of his crib and holding him to my chest, as I turned around to face Vera, opening the door as I did so. "We're going to do this, Vera. YOU'RE going to do this." My eyes take in her dark scared ones, and I smile encouragingly. "We're here for you."

Vera hesitates, Harriet and I just stare at her. There's a long pause and then . . . Vera nods. I grab my car keys off the counter and we all jump into my car, on our ways to what would soon become a life changing experience.

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Admiral's House**

**Harm's POV**

We all sat around the table, each one of our faces sporting an etched-in-stone kind of expression. Webb rolled out the blueprint to Ballando Il Teatro dell'opera Leggero. Dancing Light Opera House. Clay carefully sketched everyone's positions, using numbers, and we all paused, our eyes scanning the blueprint, our voice silent, the thickness in the air baring down in the most suffocating of ways.

I ran my hands through my hair. "What are we looking at here, Webb?"

Clay sighed heavily. "Our plot . . . this is where we're catching Abbas."

A few eyebrows rise, but none quite as high as mine. "In an opera house?"

Clay shrugged. "It's big, it's abandoned, we've got easy cover, easier surroundings . . . plus, it won't look as though we're setting him up. We're trying to cover someone – why not let them live in an abandoned opera house? Out of the way . . . no one goes in there . . . Abbas will come after you, and we'll get him."

"Clay, you and I both know it's never that easy," Jake said solidly. He looked around the room, "In fact, I think everyone here except for The Kid knows that." His eyes are penetrating. "Abbas has never been caught . . . what makes you think this time is so different?"

Clay turned back to the map, his grey eyes clouded for a moment. "Because he's starved . . ." he looked up. "Abbas is a hunter . . . a wild animal. He feasts off others lives, very literally. He's paid to kill, and he does it well. I imagine he was paid quite a lot to knock of Harm, and the fact that it's taken him over fifteen months to do so must be very aggravating . . . it's a craze to him. To Abbas – nothing can defeat him. Nothing's over his head." Clay turned to us. "We can't let it go on."

"You didn't answer my question," Jake pointed out deftly.

Clay was silent. "If we set it up just correctly . . ." His eyes flashed amongst the group. "I'm not going to lie – there is a leak within the CIA. We know someone's passing information to Abbas, and we can't figure out who." He looks drained. "As hard as we try, the snitch's past is buried deep – too deep for us to get to it. And that's why our team can't be made of CIA agents. We need people we can trust."

"You two are CIA," Shapiro pointed out. "And so's the chick."

Clay glared at him. "'The chick' won't be coming with us."

The Admiral leaned over in interest. "If I know Vera – and believe me, I do – she would not be kept out of this." The implication behind this statement was clear.

"She doesn't know," Clay said quietly.

"And, may I assume by the facts in this statement that Mac also does not know?" Sturgis asked.

"And that's how we're keeping it," I finished quickly, glaring at Sturgis. No way was I getting Mac into this . . . she'd been put through enough already.

"Same goes for Harriet!" Bud called out. I clapped him companionably on the shoulder. My feelings towards Mac were very much the same as Bud's towards Harriet.

"Alright, gentlemen," Clay's voice overrides all of ours. "_Please. _I am not undermining Vera or Mac – I know them both and believe me, they are more than up to this task but . . ." his voice catches. "I think they would be of more use to us . . . here."

Everyone in the room knows it's an outright lie, but no one says a thing.

"So . . . when do we start on this plan?" Teddy asked, his first question all meeting.

Clay checks his watch. "I guess . . . tomorrow morning would be best." He casts a weary look at us all. "I think most of us a little . . . worn out from today's events."

_To say the least._

Slowly everyone left the table, taking seats on the couch or lying on the floor, some moving up to the Admiral's spare bedrooms. I flopped down on the black leather couch off in the corner near the fireplace. Everyone bone in my body ached wearily.

"Sir," Bud asked, approaching the Admiral who was once again back in his arm chair. "Do you think I could call Harriet and the kids? Just to say good night?"

The Admiral motioned to the phone. "Of course, Bud."

"Hey, you think I could call Mac?" I asked suddenly, rising from the couch. "I mean, the call would be from YOUR phone . . . and there's nothing suspicious about a CO calling one of their senior officers . . ." I rattled.

"And could I call Vera?" Clay suddenly shot. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jake's face suddenly grow ominous. That's been happening a lot lately – reminds me more of how I used to be around Mic and Mac. God, that was the world's biggest joke. Mic and Mac? I kept think of Tic Tacs.

"You can all call your . . . various others," the Admiral said wearily. "As long as you let me sleep." He got out of his arm chair. "I'm going up to my bed."

"Good night," Jake murmured from the couch opposite to me. The reflection of the fire caught in his eyes, glowing darkly. His gaze fell upon Clay who was watching Bud as he bade goodnight to Jimmy and AJ, a look of pure delight upon his face. And I don't believe – that at that very moment – there was one person in the room who didn't envy the man.

"I love you too, Jimmy," Bud whispered, this light in his eyes that I've only seen when he's around Harriet or his precious four. "Yeah . . . kiss Hallie for me, okay? And Harm . . . yeah, sweet dreams . . . I miss you too. Night night, Jimmy . . ."

He hung up the phone with the contented sigh of a perfectly happy man. He looked back at me and smiled, his eyes shining in an almost wise way. "I'm just . . . going to call Harriet," he said, knowing I was next in line and I nodded patiently, smiling as I did so. God dammit, he was so lucky . . .

Bud hung up on the fifth ring. "I guess she went out."

I was passed the phone, feeling the once again familiar exhilaration of dialing her number. My fingers tingled, her image flying fleetingly before my eyes. Her and Hunter. I felt my heart swell, almost immediately numbed by the hollow ringing that echoed in my ears – repeatedly. I hung up. "I guess she's not there . . ." I shrugged. "Maybe she's out with Harriet."

Clay picked up the phone then, dialing the house number, only to be greeted with the same fate as Bud and I. He put the phone back down, sighing as he did so. "I guess they are out together . . ." He gestured impassively. "I wonder what they're doing . . ."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Shopper's Drug Mart**

**Mac's POV**

"Which one do I try first?" Vera asked, the pressure creeping onto her stricken face. Harriet and I held out about three boxes a piece. "We're not going to buy them all!"

"You're right . . ." I said, trying to keep my breathe slow and steady. "You're right . . . we'll buy however many it takes to get a positive answer."

"_Mac!" _Vera hissed, obviously distressed by the idea.

Harriet smiled, however. "Don't be stressed, I've been through this four times . . ." Vera's eyebrow cocks up. "It's true," Harriet defended. "You can ask Mac – she's their godmother."

I nodded to collaborate the story. "She speaks the truth – if any one of us would know, it would be Harriet."

"Now, go into that bathroom," Harriet said, motioning to the 'Employees Only' door off to the corner of the store. "And pee on that stick."

"But it says – " Vera begins but Harriet cuts her off.

"I don't give a damn about what it says, I do, however, care if you're pregnant or not," Harriet said urgently, passing her the first box. I looked on in amusement as Vera looks at Harriet as though for the first time, and then smiles in . . . consent?

Vera opens the door and closes it behind her. I pace, Harriet leans against the wall trying to be calm. My foot taps against the floor, Harriet begins to whistle. We both trade nervous glances. Three minutes . . . it's as though she's been in there three millenniums. I'm anxious, I'm excited, I'm everything all rolled into one.

And then . . . the door opens.

Vera walks out, a look of absolute incredulity etched up on her features. "I'm pregnant," she whispered tightly. "I'm . . . pregnant."

* * *

**A/N: LOL, I did prolong the pregnancy thing a bit too much . . . oh well, better late than never! So . . . please review and tell me what you think. And be brutally honest. I appreciate honesty. So, for all those who did review last chapter . . .**

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **who says she won't end up with Jake ? LOL, and who says it's Clay's? I'm sorry, I know I'm evil for posing so many questions . . . and again, the ending is coming up. Ah, my goal for this summer was to finish this story before the end of it! So much for that idea . . . hmm, maybe I should try for Christmas holidays? LOL, just joking . . .

**Lani: **lol, yes . . . Harm and Mac were my role models for Jake and Vera. Always there but never quite . . . you know, going the extra step.

**Radiorox: **lol, I do keep going back and forth on that, don't I? Vera . . . pregnant . . . or not. But you must understand, it's just not like me to give a straight out answer . . . and as you pointed out, especially when Webb's involved.

**MiDushiNoSushi: **I was laughing when I wrote them running down the hall. Honestly, can you imagine the Admiral doing that? Funny enough, I think I can! And Webb – when he turned around and hit Kovac with the filing cabinet . . . I thought that was totally Harm. Oh, okay - and now to the Jake/Vera/Clay triangle – I think this is the first time I have ever written any sort of romance triangle and the really hard part about it was that I love all of them. You know, Vera and Jake are . . . mine. It sounds weird, I know – but . . . I created them from scratch, you know? But then Clay's just so complex . . . he's brilliant. I mean, don't get me wrong – I'm no Webbie. Never forgave him for Paraguay, probably never will . . . but it always just seemed to me that Clay's character was too good to waste. I dunno, when I resolve the triangle at the end of the story, please tell me what you think. You seem to have very good insight on it all.

**Syraë**: heh heh, nice being worshiped, isn't it? I just can't honestly picture someone staying in front of a screen and reading MY story in two days. I mean . . . honestly, it's not even the time thing but - did you get bored? A chapter once every two or three days, I can see but . . . you didn't find yourself losing interest? Cuz if you didn't . . . again, I worship you!

**TV Angel 711: **lol, thanks . . . I honestly don't deserve this praise, but nonetheless, I'm enjoying it!

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, glad to know someone's enjoying it. Hope you liked this chapter!

**Vhosek malacath: **you don't mind reading long chapters . . . but I have to write them! LOL, not that I particularly mind . . . as soon as I get into them, I could write forever!

**Toplesslemon: **lol, brilliant! Glad you're enjoying it . . . I love writing it. I still can't believe this is actually MY story . . . like, I keep thinking 'if I wasn't me, and someone else was . . . I'd like this story' and that fact keeps me laughing, cuz very often lots of people like what I write but I'm not particularly fond of it. This story . . . it's different.

**MarineJAG: **lol, no cliffhangers this round! Actually, I would have written one in . . . except my dad's downstairs and I'm not supposed to be up this late - I have to wake up early tomorrow - but that's the good thing about computers in your bedroom . . . the parents don't know if you don't type too loud!

**Snugglebug: **lol, yeah . .. I always pictured AJ good with kids . . . and Harm.

**Froggy0319: **lol, well now you know! Just to end all that worrying . . . seriously, don't build up stress. Ain't good for you. And don't worry - Harm's thing will turn out fine. Just trust me.

**Daisymh: **thanks!

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **yeah, well . . . I'll make Clay reliable just for me. LOL, he had a good character on JAG . . . till they ruined him with Paraguay. Honestly, like HE'D ever have a shot with Mac! Especially when Harm's around . . . LOL, I bought a t-shirt just yesterday that said 'Don't give me your attitude . . . I have one of my own'. I loved it - I collect those t-shirts.

**Dansingwolf: **wow, that was a long review! And I'd write a long response except it's really late, my dad has this thing about not being up this late when I've got to go to some . . . show thing of his early tomorrow where he can parade me around like a little trophy while I just get to nod like the idiot I am. I know, when I was writing that Admiral scene I was laughing my head off . . . I can picture him doing that too. What's more, I can picture Webb turning around and hitting the head of CIA right on the noggin with a metal cabinet drawer! Ah, and when I write my sequel . . . you'll get to know Hunter a little more. I know, I'm already anticipating the sequel and I'm not even done this story yet . . . as for your debating thing, well - be optimistic. I went to my debate tournament having only debated once in class, having no formal experience, and the youngest one there by a mile. Wanna know a secret? You know Teddy in this story? The Kid? I named him after me . . . that's what everyone called me. I was young but good, I was 'The Kid'. On the board for rankings, cuz my name is too long they seriously just put 'The Kid'. Kinda sad, I know, to be proud of a name like that but all I could think of was '_they gave me a NAME!' _And at least you've got a common Indian last name. Mine's twelve letters - five syllables. Try and figure that out. And I've got two middle names - thirty letters in total, twelve syllables in total. It's crazy . . . but it's unique. You'll never find another me in this world. Seriously, never in the whole history of human kind, has anyone had my first and last name put together. That's cuz my mum gave me an American first name and I took my dad's unusual Indian surname . . . it's an _interesting _combination and, I know I said to myself I would write you a short reply but what can I say? I got carried away . . . oh, okay, my dad just paused in his snoring . . . _please don't wake up, please don't wake up . . ._

**Freezepops: **lol, well . . . now you know Vera's pregnant. As for who she ends up with . . . you'll have to read to find out! Heh heh, I hate it when writer's say that. Used to annoy the heck out of me . . . I'm proud to be able to carry on the tradition!

**FoxyWombat: **you updated! Yay, okay - I did read you chapter, but haven't reviewed yet cuz my STUPID computer would not let me! But as soon as I can, I'll switch computers and review! I was so mad . . . I must have clicked the review button a million times before giving up. I'll review tomorrow but as a preview: great chapter!


	35. Through the Open Door

**A/N: Well, to all those who have been reading To London With Love, you know I've been suffering from acute writer's block. However, thanks to the simply wonderful suggestions that were donated to me through chapter . . . 17(?)'s reviews, I feel rather . . . invigorated. And with school beginning on Tuesday, I've decided to make the most of my remaining days. Just a warning: updates following Tuesday will become . . . um, less frequent. Yes, I know, I suck at author's notes . . . on with the story.**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, and Judy52sa for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.**

**Through the Open Door**

**0812**

**The Admiral's Living Room**

**Harm's POV**

Silence. Beautiful, luxurious, long awaited silence. I rolled over on the couch, burying my head farther into the pillow. From somewhere outside, thin rays of sunshine filtered in slowly, brightening the living room considerably. I sighed almost contentedly. It felt so good to be out of the house. I squirmed underneath the afghan that sheltered most of my body. I was truly at peace . . . for one split moment I was at peace with the world, with my life, with me.

"We can't go ahead with it," a rough voice suddenly whispered from the room next door. Despite my slumber-wrought state, my ears pricked up in an attempt at eavesdropping. "Not right now . . . wait till next week."

"Not if we want to get this done quickly." That was Webb's voice. Despite his attempt at a whisper, his tones came out very clearly. I rolled off my side and onto my back so now both ears were open.

"What's more important, quickness or quality?" That was Jake.

"Look, I'm not arguing on that point," Clay's voice rose a little only to be dampened by shushing from Jake and I suspect Shapiro. Dutifully he lowered his voice. "Rabb's anxious as hell to get this done . . . and frankly, I'm not fond of the position things are in now. I'm not going to speed up at a dangerous pace, but there's no sense in waiting a while if we can get the same job done in minimum timing."

"And what do you propose we do?" The voice was suddenly stronger and bolder. My suspicions were confirmed. It was Shapiro.

Clay sighed. "We scatter. If we spend too much time together it will be obvious to Abbas, if not his informant, that we are a team. We split up then assemble when the time is right."

"And I don't suppose you'd have a set date for the time that's right?" Shapiro asked in what I expect was accompanied by a risen eyebrow.

"I'll let you know the minute I know," Clay replied sturdily. There was a long silence and then –

"So, if we're splitting up, where's everyone going?" Jake asked, followed by the sound of a creaking chair as someone got up from their seat. They were in the kitchen, most likely having breakfast.

Clay paused for a minute of thought. "Well, Chegwidden, Turner, and Roberts will go back to JAG pretending as if nothing ever happened. Teddy will stay in university . . . Harm with Vera and me. Jake with Mac and Shapiro," Clay had the tone of a shrug in his voice, "you get to wander like you usually do."

"So that's it?" Shapiro asked. "We all just pretend to be doing nothing until _the time is right_? And what happens then? How long do we set it up first? We will know before he knows, won't we?"

"Yes," Clay sighed. "But we have to be _quiet _about this. If Vera gets so much as an inkling of suspicion . . . we're gone. She and Mac will insist upon joining us."

Shapiro's voice was passive. "So? Isn't she a good agent? And I've only met this . . . uh, _Mac_ . . . once, but she seems to be a pretty tough broad. Took giving birth pretty easily."

"If calling me Judas and throwing every swear word in the drunken sailor's dictionary at us is taking it easily, then she was damn fine at it," Jake muttered so quietly I had to really strain my hearing to pick up on it.

"Why don't you want them involve?" Shapiro snapped.

"Because I don't," came Clay's blunt remark.

"Personal or professional reasons?"

"None of your business, Shapiro," Clay replied with a surprising amount of force. "Look, the reason why I'm talking to you two, and no one else, is because I need one of you." He paused. "Look, while this plan is being set up, I need someone down in Italy to make sure that Ballando il Teatro dell'opera Leggero is not in any way compromised. I don't know how early Abbas takes to set up . . . I don't know if Abbas has even caught wind of the rumor. But somewhere in the next six months he's going to set up. And I'd prefer we be the first ones there."

"Do you really think that Abbas would set up this early on?" Shapiro asked in surprise. "I mean, the rumor has it that Harm will be coming there in six months . . . I mean, how desperate can he be?"

"It's not about desperation," Jake replied stiffly. "Abbas has been waiting to catch Harm for fifteen months . . . maybe even longer. Who knows how much has reached his ears so far? We're leaving bits and pieces around the office, hoping he'll pick up at least two or three. If he already has, then maybe he's departed early. He wants to get there before running the risk of us. Abbas has waited over fifteen months for this . . . another six is just bidding his time."

"So we need someone there to watch him?" Shapiro questioned.

"Not to watch HIM," Clay corrected. "But the opera house. That's where Harm will supposedly be transferred, that's the prime target for assassination. In other words, he will have set up shop before Harm gets there. We need an agent to prevent that from happening."

"And so you're telling us because . . ." Shapiro trailed.

"Because you two are my prime choices," Clay's voice hits the nail on the head. "You're both of Italian decent and you speak the language. You blend in easily, you have experience. Abbas doesn't know either of your faces unlike he knows mine, Vera's, Harm's and Mac's. But more than that – I trust both of you. Immeasurably."

A long pause and then –

"I'll do it, Webb," Shapiro replied with only a tinge of uneasiness. "Jake has to take care of Mac."

"Mac's pretty self-reliant," Jake begins almost immediately. "I don't believe for a second that she depends on me . . . I could do it if you need me."

"But you've got a life here," Shapiro stubbornly pointed out. "I'm just a floater."

Clay sighed, "thanks, Tony. I owe you one."

"It's my pleasure to be working with you again, Webb," Shapiro replied with an air that told me they were shaking hands. "So when do I leave?"

"With any luck, three days," Clay replied briskly, the clink of his mug as he set it down on the table. "I'm on stand-by for a ticket to Padua. I'll let you know as soon as I get it confirmed." He lowered his voice a little, "and until then, I'd prefer it if you two kept this meeting between us. I don't want Harm getting his hopes up now that I have an idea of a timeframe. For all I know, I'm months off."

"Sure," Shapiro breathed, but the reluctance in Jake's voice was evident.

"I don't know, I think we should be straight with him," his voice hit imploringly. "Harm's a big boy . . . he can take it. He'll understand the time frame's shaky."

"Jake," Clay sighed. "Harm couldn't master the impulse to stay away from Mac for one second when she landed in Padua. Don't you remember? He lied his way onto the back of your motorcycle to get to her . . . and I've driven with you, it's no picnic. And now he's closer to her, and he has all the more reason to want to be with her considering she has his son. I'm not going to underestimate the lengths at which Harm will go to be with his family. And to a man as desperate as Harm . . . six months is a long time."

"Well, you could make up for that," Jake replied, his voice easing. "Let him phone her once in a while . . . maybe bring the kid over to see him. I mean, he can't obviously go over, but we could sneak Hunter out . . . let Harm have a little one on one with him. Mac would understand that. I'll go as far as to say she'd even probably support it."

"That might keep him calm," Clay nodded. For a brief moment silence filled the kitchen, and then –

"Look, there's not much in the fridge for breakfast, how about I go out and buy something?" Jake asked, the creaking of his chair against the wooden floor echoing as he stood up. "I'll be twenty minutes."

"Yeah, sure . . ." Clay replied. "Car keys are by my wallet." There was a sigh. "Well, I'm going up to have a shower."

"And I'll come with you, Jake," Shapiro added, also standing up from his chair. "If I'm going to Italy in three days I'll need to pick up some stuff."

"See you in twenty," Clay muttered as the clattering of the three of them migrating from the kitchen to their various destinations rang in my ears. I sighed, as once again the room grew quiet. My eyes snapped open, almost instantly blinded by the sun drenched room. My heartbeat seemed to pound within my chest. The sensible part of my brain told me that Webb was right, the timeline was shaky . . . but the other part of me, the wild and optimistic side could only repeat two words over and over and over again.

_Six months . . ._

* * *

**(much) earlier that morning**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

Harriet laid sleeping on the couch in the living room, her blonde head resting comfortably against one of my bedroom pillows as I turned off the TV – we had decided to watch Thelma and Louise – and yawned tiredly as Hunter gurgled contentedly from his crib, deciding nap time was over. I stroked his cheek very gently as I put back Jake's movie into his cardboard box and moved Hunter into his baby cradle that Jake had set up next to my bed.

"Come here, honey, it's time to sleep," I whispered, picking up Hunter in one arm, and pulling the baby blue blanket that Jake had bought for him with the other. Hunter loved that blanket to death. I never could figure out why – he had about a million of them. But nope, he liked Jake's about all others. I sighed in distress, "come on, Hunter, it's night time . . ."

Hunter seems to have inherited the attention span of his father. He looks at me for one moment before turning his eyes over to the wall, apparently finding that much more interesting than me. He sucked his lower lip, evidently wide awake. I began to bob up and down, rubbing him gently on his back like I usually did to get him to sleep. But alas, this was to no avail.

"Here, let me try," Vera offered, suddenly standing up from the armchair in the corner. She smiled at me, "it'll give me a little practice, anyway."

I hesitated for a moment before shifting Hunter into her arms, wrapping his blanket around his body as he settled into Vera's embrace. "Just, kind of . . . bob him. He likes that. He get sleepy really quickly."

Vera commences bobbing as I walk to the linen closet and pull out a light quilt to wrap over Harriet, who is very peacefully dormant. "So . . . will you be fine in Jake's room for the night?"

Vera looks over at me, a startled expression lighting her eyes. "Jake's room?"

I shrugged. "Well, Harriet's taken the couch . . . and I'd offer to let you bunk with me, but Hunter likes to be fed early in the morning . . . and he cries a lot in request. I really wouldn't want to keep you up . . ."

"Oh well, there's nothing wrong with Jake's room," Vera said rather quickly. "I mean, a bed's a bed . . . who cares who's slept in it?" Her voice is uneven.

A sudden thought overpowers me. "Have you seen Jake's room yet?"

Vera looks up at me, as Hunter seems to calm down, his gurgling paused for the moment. "No . . . not yet."

"Room on the right hand side," I said, pointing down the left hallway. "If you don't mind, I'm just going to brush my teeth and change into my pajamas. Can you keep Hunter until I come back?"

"No problem," Vera replied easily. "He's no trouble."

I nodded, as I turned into my room as at the same time Vera entered Jake's. Settling myself into a comfortable pair of plaid bottoms and a white tank top, I found myself wondering about the history laden conflicts that weighted all of our shoulders, and shadowed our present, condemning us to a road of hindsight. And I could only hope that Vera and Jake did not go down that road . . .

* * *

**Same Time**

**Jake's Room**

**Vera's POV**

My first thought upon entering the room was Jake would never change. In his old apartment, the one before the one he had before he was assigned as Mac's body guard, he had decorated almost tastelessly. Little furniture save the plaid love seat that rested in front of a TV that he could have afforded three times over, but his room . . . through the various apartments he'd lived in, always reminded me of a boy named Peter's in St. Catherine's orphanage, the one I stayed in before Akheal Azhad took me in.

Jake's room was painted in a solid sky blue color, with posters tacked up on nearly every wall. Movie posters, magazine covers, child like things that filled the walls of Jacob Holter. I smiled as I saw 'Gone With the Wind' hanging over his bed, whereas 'Jaws' was pasted to his closet door. No, Jake would never change . . .

I turned to look at his bedside table, scattered with small framed photographs. Shifting Hunter up higher in my arms, I sat down on the bed, my eyes traveling to the figures in the photograph. The first one I noticed was one of Jake when he was about twelve years old. He was stick thin even then, with his jeans hanging loosely around his waist while he stood bare-chested out in a grassy field, a slightly smaller boy with the same golden blonde hair and keen hazel eyes sat next to him, a playful grin on his face. I assumed this was Jake's brother, Nick. Jake didn't mention him often.

I turned to the next photograph, and felt my heart lurch into my stomach. It was one of me and Jake when we were dating. The sky was dark and the Eiffel Tower was lit behind us. Jake and I were facing each other rather than the camera, his forehead resting on mine as his hands wove into my air, as I pulled him closer to me, enjoying the feel of my skin on his. The memory sent shivers running up and down my spine.

Hunter murmured incoherently from inside my arms, as I bent down to touch the photograph, my fingers lightly running over the glass that separated me from the photograph. I sighed, "That's your Uncle Jake, Hunter," I said to the boy as I shifted his weight in my arms so that he could see him. "Yeah, that's me and Uncle Jake when we were dating, all those years ago."

Hunter gurgled happily, thoroughly impassive to what I was saying.

"That was taken in France just before he left to Cuba," I whispered. "He had to go for . . . work related reasons." I sighed, "It was always work. I had to work . . . he had to work . . . and never in the same place at the same time." I looked at Hunter who met my eyes strongly. "It never would have worked out between us, Hunt. As compatible as we are . . . our lives clash. That doesn't stop him from being one of the best people in my life . . ." I sighed again. "But stuff like that makes you wonder, you know? I loved him, for the longest time . . . even after we'd broken up and he'd left to Cuba, I to Iran. I guess some part of me always will . . . but it's hell on the imagination. What could have been . . ."

I turned back to Hunter, as though just realizing I was talking to a two-week-year-old. "Well, maybe you can't understand right now . . . but you will some day." I smiled. "With those eyes you're going to be a great catch when you grow up. And then maybe you'll understand," I whispered as Hunter's eyes drooped to a close. "Just maybe."

* * *

**0835**

**Mac and Jake's Apartment**

**Mac's POV**

"Alright, ladies, it's official," I said, slamming the refrigerator door shut, "Jake's eaten us out of house and home."

"And I don't suppose our midnight raid on your fridge had anything to do with its emptiness?" Vera grins from her corner of the table, as she held Hunter in her arms.

"Of course not," I replied briskly, smirking carelessly as I did so. "Jake should have bought more food."

Harriet smiled, "so I guess this calls for a little grocery shopping?"

"Oh yeah," Vera nods. "Let's stalk up on junk food . . . and let's stop by Blockbuster and pick up some movies actually made this century, for a change."

"Aw, you didn't dig Thelma and Louise?" I asked, taking Hunter out of Vera's arms and slipping him into his navy jumper.

"Let's just say I prefer Pirates of the Caribbean," Vera said shrugging as we walked out the front door. "Come on, let's make the most of this weekend . . . we're guy free."

"I think that calls for make-overs," Harriet said, adding in her official opinion as we swung open the car doors. "I mean, you guys said Harm and Jake were playing poker . . ."

"Yeah, but poor Bud," I replied, buckling Hunter into his car seat. "Having to work on what was supposed to be your romantic weekend."

Harriet sighed, "Without you and the commander, work's stretched."

Vera frowned.

"What's up?" I asked, noting her expression in the rear view mirror.

"Nothing," Vera said quickly. "It's just that . . . it's been fifteen months and, well, you know Clay – he's not exactly the most lenient type . . . he wouldn't let Harm out of his sight for five minutes. Out of the house was out of the question . . . and now they go for a weekend of poker? Why can't they just have it at the house? And that same weekend Bud suddenly disappears, canceling his previous plans?"

"But we know Bud's not in on it," I stated, steering to the left. "I mean, he wasn't at the first meeting . . . besides, Harm wouldn't want Bud involved. He respects the fact that he has a family. Harm wouldn't want to endanger that."

"Well doesn't Turner work with him?" Vera challenged. "How do we trust that Turner can keep his mouth shut?"

"Oh, we can," I replied quickly, thinking back to a little secret I had . . . ahem, _slipped _all those years ago. "If Sturgis gives you his word, he'll abide by it. Believe me."

"And no way would Bud be involved," Harriet piped up from the back seat. "I mean, if he knew the commander was alive, he'd tell me. Bud and I don't like to keep secrets between each other . . ."

I pulled into the supermarket driveway as Vera said, "I guess it's just my imagination working overtime."

I sighed, as we exited the car, I holding Hunter as Vera grabbed a grocery cart. "Okay – what do you guys want? Chips? Marshmallows? Chocolate bars?"

"Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream," Vera said instantaneously. "And lots of chocolate sauce." She paused, "and sprinkles . . . with chocolate chips . . . and your suggestion of marshmallows is pretty good."

Harriet could only stare at Vera. "How DO you keep your figure?"

I grinned, "I'm going to get microwave popcorn. You guys decide on what chips and stuff to get."

I turned down the aisle where they held the popcorn, picking up a large two liter bottle of coke when suddenly my eyes caught the face of a familiar person. A VERY familiar person. I walked over to him, "Jake?"

Jake whirled around, dropping the carton of skim milk that he was holding. "Mac? What are you doing here?"

"Shopping," I said deftly, looking into his cart at the massive amount of food he had collected. Too much for three people . . . "Why are you here?"

"Same as you," Jake retorted defensively, moving towards the other aisle but I matched his stride easily with my own. "We were out of food so I thought I'd gather some stuff."

"Are you here alone?" I asked, as he attempted to swerve away, but I stopped him by grabbing onto the edge of the cart so he could pull no further.

Jake sighed. "Look, I'm by myself, okay? Poker game kind of ran a little late last night. Clay didn't want to shop and you know how Harm is. He's probably STILL not awake . . ." Jake trailed. "So, if you don't mind, I've got to pay for these . . ."

"Hey, Jake!"

I turn around to see Shapiro bounding down the aisle, his hand clenching a box of LIFE cereal. "I got the economy sized box. Figuring that if all of us ate like two bowls we'd be pretty much through with . . . oh, hey, Mac."

My eyebrow rose up. "Shapiro? What are you doing here?"

"Oh . . ." Shapiro said, his eyes flashing briefly over to Jake who promptly looked away. "Um, I'm in town for today and tomorrow and Jake's just showing me around town, you know . . ." Shapiro gestured pointlessly. "I've got no where else to stay."

I don't believe it for a second. I turn back to Jake, "I thought you said you were here alone." I stare at the both of them, "And what happened to your poker game?"

"Well . . ." Jake trailed, "Shapiro's in on the poker game, too! Yeah, he's in town and we thought that if too many people joined in on the game, it would be too much to keep at our apartment or Vera and Clay's house so it was just best if we rented several rooms in the motel . . ."

"What motel?" I snapped.

Shapiro turned to Jake. "Which one was it again? Began with an 'H' I think . . . don't you, Jake?"

Jake's expression is that of the completely befuddled. "Yeah, H sounds about right. Hightower . . . Hilldegard . . . something along those lines."

I stare at them coldly. "And would Lieutenant Roberts have had anything to do with you . . . ahem, _poker game?"_

While Jake retains a cool and impassive posterior, I know him too well and his eyes read '_Oh, damn'_. "Not at all . . . just us four guys, having a few kicks. Why? Isn't he at home with his family?"

His innocence is so well feigned. I pause in thought for a second and then, "Okay . . . say, have you seen where they keep the microwave popcorn? I was hoping to get Orville Redenbacher's, heavy on the butter."

"Uh . . . yeah, down that way," Jake points behind him. "So . . . see you tomorrow?"

"Sure," I replied lightly, "have fun."

I turned down the aisle Jake had motioned to, and then waited behind the corner of the bread rack until Jake and Shapiro were out of sight, before literally bounding down the opposite aisle to where Vera and Harriet were arguing over which was better – chocolate chip cookies or oatmeal raisin.

"Come on, guys, leave the cookies!" I whispered quickly, grabbing both their arms, and dashing across the dairy section towards the pay counter. "Vera, you were completely right. There IS something weird with the guys . . . I have a hunch, but I don't want to make any assumptions yet. Suffice to say they are most certainly NOT playing poker."

"How do you know?" Vera asked. I pulled them behind a Coca-Cola tower, motioning silently over to the line up at cashing counter 6 – or more specifically WHO was in line number 6. "Damn . . ." Vera whispered.

"What? Who is it?" Harriet asked, ducking her head out from behind the counter. "Who's the cute tall guy?"

Vera sighed. "My ex."

"And his con-artist friend," I replied, motioning over to Shapiro.

Harriet turned back to Vera. "Your ex is hot."

"And they're on the move!" I narrate as Jake and Shapiro each took four shopping bags and began to make their way out of the building. "Let's not lose them . . ."

We scrambled forward, ducking ourselves into the crowd of people swarming towards the parking lot. Luckily, we'd parked fairly near the entrance way. We leaped into the car, Vera barely strapping Hunter into his car seat before I took off, spotting Jake's car as he attempted to pull out of the parking lot. I mean, I've tailed him once . . . could I not do it again?

I swerved carefully, winding myself down the streets, my car always one or two behind Jake. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I acknowledged the fact that this route was familiar . . . I'd taken it before. But where . . .? And then it hit me like a bolt of lightening. I stared ahead incredulously as Jake turned to the left – I, of course, doing the same.

"They're going to the Admiral's house!" I exclaimed. "They're staying with him!"

"What?" Harriet asked in confusion. "That can't be right . . ."

"Oh, no?" I asked, my eyebrow raised in retaliation. "Look, we're on Elm Street, and if he turns down onto Duncan . . ." Jake turns onto Duncan, "There you have it."

I watched as Jake pulled easily into the Admiral's driveway, he and Shapiro opening up the truck to unload the bags. Easing the car gently, we drove past, looping around the bend for a few minutes before coming back out – Jake and Shapiro having already gone inside the house. I pulled into the Admiral's driveway. "The guys better have some seriously good excuses."

"And no more of that poker crap," Vera muttered, opening the car door and handing me Hunter. "If this is what I think it is . . . Clay is so far gone."

"Just wait till I'm through with Jake," I replied, just as angry. "If it is what we think it is."

Harriet just stared at us. "What DO you think it is?"

Vera just sighed, her eyes glaring angrily as we approached the door. "Mutiny."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Admiral's House**

**Clay's POV**

"Mac was there?" I gape.

Jake nodded, placing the carton of eggs into the compartment in the fridge. "I think I nearly died on the spot. Luckily she gave in half way through."

"Mac?" the Admiral asked, sipping coffee from his mug and wincing at its strength. "I find that hard to believe."

"So did I," Jake said exhaustedly, sitting down at the kitchen table and running his hands through his short dark hair. "But she almost seemed to . . . accept the poker concept. Which is funny considering our wall of lies was crumbling around us at every question she asked and . . . what?" he added as both the Admiral's and my face suddenly pale.

"Wait, let me get this straight . . ." the Admiral trailed. "You were lying . . . it was fairly obvious you were lying and Mac just . . . backed away?"

Jake just stares at us. "Well . . . yeah, I mean – I built up a solid lie and then Shapiro here just came and knocked it right back down. After the first interrogation Mac just seemed to . . . I don't know, acknowledge it." Jake shrugged, "It was weird."

I heaved a heavy sigh. "Oh no . . ."

"You said it," the Admiral replied, draining the last of the coffee in his mug. "How long do you give her?"

"Another minute or so," I replied, "provided she didn't get lost along the way."

"Mac?" the Admiral asked. "Nah, she's got almost as good a sense of direction as she does timing."

Jake's eyes shifted between the two of us. "What do you mean?"

I slapped Jake companionably on the back. "She played you, buddy."

"Played you like a fool," the Admiral added from the hall.

I grinned at him. "She let you go, knowing you would lead her to the nest – and she's followed you so . . . give her another thirty seconds and she'll be breaking down that door."

"But . . . but I didn't," Jake stuttered. "But . . . wait, what?"

_Knock. Knock._

"Well, look at it this way," I said as I walked towards the door, turning back to Jake as I did so. "It's not like Vera's with . . ." I opened the door, to meet the dark eyes of my subject at hand. "Her."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Mac's POV**

"HOW COULD YOU!" Vera's voice rings out over the house.

"Vera, I . . ." Clay begins but Vera cuts him off.

"THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP!" she hollered. "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT IF YOU GO AND HAVE YOU "POKER" GAMES, HUH?"

"Vera, that's not what . . ."

"Don't give me that, Clay!" Vera plowed on. "If it weren't for . . ."

"We were going to tell you," Jake suddenly began from his position in the corner. "It's just that –"

Vera rounded on him instantly. "Hey, you're next – so save it for your own defense."

"Clay, where's Harm?" I suddenly interjected, before Vera could really get started on her rant.

"Couch," Clay said robotically, his eyes not leaving Vera for a moment.

I ran into the living room, ignoring the nineteen-year-old kid that I nearly tripped over due to his lying on the floor. Sure enough there Harm was, fast asleep at nine o'clock in the morning. I rolled my eyes. Some things never change. I jumped onto him, my body crushing his as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Harm opens his groggy eyes. "Mmmaac?"

"Don't 'Mmmaac' me," I ranted on. "You guys lie to us, escape for a secret meeting where you create a plan that affects all of our lives, not just yours, and you don't even BOTHER to include us!"

"G'morning," Harm muttered sleepily.

"Well, I have news for you!" I hollered. "We're not going to take this! Yes, you're the brave masculine protectors of the home, or whatever the hell you call yourselves – but we're not going to be trampled on. If you think that you're going to catch Abbas without our help then you're DREAMING!"

"Mac, you're crushing my leg," Harm replied drowsily, rolling me over onto his stomach.

"You just can't go around making decisions for everyone else and believing there's no consequence!" I scream. "This is not picking out china patterns, Harm! This is an ASSASSIN! I do believe this is a topic where I have some input! And if you think that you're going to keep me out of this to 'save me' or something idiotic like that then you're sorely mistaken 'cause believe it or not, Rabb, we're a family and we sure as hell stick together and if you keep doing what you're . . . WHY ARE YOU SMILING AT ME?"

Harm grinned hazily. "You're beautiful . . ."

"HARM!" I holler. "Pay attention! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Harm stared at me for a long moment and then very quickly kissed me on the lips, pulling himself off the couch. "I'm thinking I need coffee before I'm indicted by the judge, jury, and prosecution." He looked around. "Where's Hunter?"

"Harriet's holding him . . ." I mutter fuzzily. What just happened there?

"Oh, Bud will be pleased she's here," Harm replied, running his hands through his hair as he got down on the floor and stirred Bud who had fallen asleep near the fireplace. "Wake up, Bud, your wife's here . . ." He turned back at me. "Did I tell you how happy I am to see you?"

I stare at him. "Are you high, Harm?"

Harm grinned. "Maybe." He turned back to the front hall where Vera was now screaming at both Clay and Jake, as Harriet stood rather timidly at the front door holding Hunter. "I think I'll go rescue my son now . . ."

"I mean, HONESTLY, Clay! What the HELL were you thinking?" Vera hollered. "Did you EXPECT that I would let you catch Abbas without in some way helping? What were you going to GAIN by plotting behind our backs? Our respect? Our gratification? Our undying love? Or did you expect to gain our –"

"YOUR SAFETY!" Clay hollered in sudden retaliation. "You want to know what I expected to gain? I don't need your respect or gratification or damn love as long as you are SAFE. Vera, that's what matters to me at the moment! Yes, I want to catch Abbas. Yes, I was plotting behind your back – but that's only because I care so damn much about you. I don't want you to get hurt, and that more than anything is an incentive to catch him. But the more you're involved the more at risk you are so could you just please do me a favor and STAY OUT OF IT?" He struggles to keep the volume of his voice under control. "I don't want you hurt again . . . and Abbas has harmed way too many people for that not to be a worry! So just PLEASE, Vera! Just . . . let me do my job!" And with that he storms off, Vera taking a shocked second to tear after him.

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Vera's POV**

"You don't just get to end things like that, Clay!" I hollered at him as he ran up the stairs, moodily storming down the Admiral's hallway. "We're not finished this conversation!"

"The hell we aren't," Clay hissed back. He turned around forcefully, his grey eyes penetrating my dark ones. "See you and I have a problem, Vera, and the sooner we deal with it the better. The fact is, this is a dangerous mission and if you continue on down this road there is a very high chance you will be harmed. Why don't you GET that?"

"I get it, Clay!" I screamed back. "I KNOW it's dangerous! We are talking about ABBAS. He is the best male assassin in the WORLD, Clay! Danger comes with the territory! What I don't get is why you're suddenly flipping out over this detail. We're been in dangerous situations before. This is NOTHING NEW."

"But that's the thing, Vera, it is new!" Clay's voice suddenly deadens, as he runs his hands exasperatedly through his hair. "It . . . it just is. Before – yes, it was dangerous – but it was different then. Back then you were my partner and we looked out for each other but never was there that constant fear that . . ." Clay broke off. "Never mind."

My eyes take in his weary expression, his lost eyes, and at the same time I can feel my anger slowly ebb away. "No, keep going . . ."

Clay sighed in frustration, "I don't KNOW, Vera. I don't know why this is happening, I don't know what to do about it. All I know is I don't want you anywhere NEAR Abbas and it's not because I don't think you can handle it. I just . . . don't know."

I drew in a slow breath. "Well, Clay, I'm going to be there . . . I'm going to be there when we catch Abbas. And I'm going to help, I'm going to be a part of it. And you know what? We're going to make it out okay. Yeah, we are . . . 'cause we have something so much better to strive for." My eyes sink into his. "Clay . . . I'm pregnant."

And just like that, the world crashes around my ears. "You're . . . what?"

I turn around, and there he stands in the doorway, my ghost . . . the man that haunts my dreams, that lights up my life, my best friend – and never has there been a more heart breaking image then the expression that is etched into his features. Jake stares at me, and then Clay, and then back at me. His body's shaking . . . he's shivering uncontrollably. I try to catch his eye but he refuses to meet mine. "Jake, just let me explain . . ." I begin but –

"No, you don't have to," Jake replied, anguish seeping into his voice. "I don't . . . I don't want to know." He looks away, internally torn. "God, I can't do this anymore!" His eyes are like those of a lost puppy, one kicked and beaten too many times. "I can't . . . Clay, I'm taking that position in Venice. I'm trade places with Shapiro."

Clay opens his mouth and closes it again. "Jake . . ."

"Just don't!" Jake exclaimed surprisingly loudly, biting his lower lip hard as he looked away. I felt myself begin to internally crumble. Jake only ever bit his lip when he was going through absolute emotional torture. "I . . . I need to get away from here."

And with that he fled through the open door.

* * *

**A/N: whew, that was a long one . . . nine pages and for someone who's supposedly suffering writer's block, that's not all that bad (again, to all you really long chapter writers out there, keep in mind for me this is officially an extraordinary feat). Hopefully I can update quickly, before school gets going, but I make no promises. Homework's a fickle thing.**

**A/N2: next chapter will begin several months later. Again, to speed up the process . . .**

**Southernqt: **lol, I love Jake too . . . but I still can't tell you what's going to happen. Or who she's going to end up with . . . and believe me – as horrible as I might seem for doing to Jake what I did in this chapter, every time he's hurt I'm bleeding too . . . I mean, I created him . . . I hate it when he gets like this.

**Sgcgirl52: **hmm . . . I love Jake too. But I also love Clay. Who do I like more? Well, no competition there . . . Jake's mine. As much as I would love to take credit for Clay, he belongs to DPB . . . and then of course there's Vera, caught in the middle of it all. We'll just wait to see how it plays out.

**Bail's Other Daughter: **lol, darn school . . . always getting in the way of the truly important things in life! Anyways, I'll try my best to update every few days . . . apparently this year they're supposed to be really heavy on the homework, but that's what Study Hall's for, right?

**Toplesslemon: **ah, your friend sounds so much like mine . . . I used to start like a million stories but then they all kind of deadpanned at twenty pages or something and then my friend finally coaxed me to put a chapter up on the website and then when I got the reviews it was like . . . an incentive. You know, it's really strange . . . I don't think you can honestly realize how exhilarating a review is until you actually get one . . . I mean, I thought they would be NICE and everything but they just, I don't know, they get me pumped to write. Which is always a good thing. And when I publish my first book – I'm dedicating it to all my reviewers. LOL, if I get published . . .

**Eggy weg: **thanks, I did prolong the pregnancy thing quite a bit – is she, or isn't she? But it kept people in suspense, which I – being an angst writer – like to do. Hope you enjoyed this chapter . . .

**Syraë: **You read The Da Vinci Code in less than a week! Omg, that took me like two weeks . . . and I really enjoyed that book. Wasn't it the best? I like anything by Dan Brown . . . especially the Robert Langdon books. Angels & Demons rocked – and I can't wait for the Solomon Key (I'm a total Dan Brown nut, can you tell?) And now I have even more of an excuse to worship you! (Seriously – I took two weeks)

**Freezepops: **lol, you're better at me than reviewing. I suck at reviewing just as loudly as I do on author's notes. I use the word 'um' a lot and 'yeah . . .'. Whole point of the review: you're doing a good job and keep going. What it ends up sounding like is somewhere between nonsense and gobbledygook.

**Prinnie: **lol, you must really like babies.

**Acer-127: **lol, I love it when reviewers from one story switch to the other . . . cuz in reality, the amount of people that read both TLWL and Full Throttle is actually very slim . . . like five or something. Which I find funny . . . but then again, I guess I shouldn't – considering the stories are very little alike. I don't even write in the same style. But I'm glad you enjoyed it. Seriously, it must have been a lot of reading though . . . my master file says it's over two hundred pages . . . I dunno if I could ever do that. LOL, I'll write it . . . hard reading it, though.

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **true, very true . . . completely heartless of me BUT I got actual Harm and Mac SCENES in this one! See . . . I have a heart (however hollow and tin-like it is . . .)

**Concrete Angel Lullaby: **omg, if you want good Bud and Harriet stories you should read the stuff by Strawberry Kittens (I beta them). They're total Bud and Harriet shippers (not so much Harm and Mac – which in my book is totally unforgivable) I like Bud and Harriet, they're good characters . . . I can't say they're going to be as main as Harm and Mac are, but I'll try and use them to the best of their ability.

**Froggy0319: **lol, I'm with you there . . . like seriously, who invented school? And what's more, who invented the fact that summer vacation is ONLY two months? Like, they couldn't at least give us a quarter of the year? Omg, and you're like one of the only people I know who is actually HAPPY that Vera's pregnant . . .

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **LOL, the typical HM abnormal life is for the sequel! I know a lot of people were disappointed when I wrote Vera was pregnant . . . but it all ties into the story. That is, for the sequel . . . I debate on whether to write it in, and then my friend heard my possible ending and she said I just HAD to do it . . . I was having doubts but . . . oh hell, this is going to be nearly impossible to end.

**Radiorox: **Hey, I'm not saying you have to like JAG's Clay . . . I hate JAG's Clay. DPB totally misused him. Like, here Clay was an obnoxious CIA agent with a lot of connections – THAT they could have used. But NOPE, let's make Paraguay, and let's make everyone hate him. What a fine plan that was. Ugh, I used to like internally puke every time he came onto the screen (that's now reserved for Vukovic) so I rewrote Clay the way he should have been. The obnoxious CIA agent who had at least a basic sense of morals. LOL, and I'll send him over to you as soon as I'm done with him!

**Lani: **lol, your first day of school? Haha, mine's on Tuesday . . . oh, dunno why I'm laughing – oh the horror. Yeah, that's more like it. LOL, can you imagine a mini Webb? That's actually kind of funny . . . oh no, I'm laughing again.

**MiDushiNoSushi: **alright, let's forget Paraguay ever happened (I'm still ranting about that) and if you base you opinion on that fact – Clay's a pretty decent guy. And no, he will never have another shot at Mac because frankly he never should have been given a first shot (again, still ranting about Paraguay) and in the mean time you've got Abbas who wants to kill them all, while they're feuding internally. You've got Jake who's madly in love with Vera, Clay too, and Vera's torn between them. Present day Clay, or Past love Jake? And I agree, it's beginning to take the shape of the Harm-Mac-(everyone else she's ever dated) triangle . . . but I guess we've got to start asking ourselves, who is Harm – Jake or Clay?

**Vhosek malacath: **lol, you were right . . . girls found out, guys in deep . . . ah, this story's venturing far too close to its ending for comfort!

**Jaggurl: **yeah, lol . . . we didn't get much of a reaction from Clay – more from Jake. But anyways, more to come in the next chapter . . .

**Fran: **ah, it's so wonderful to get new reviewers! They give you a whole new point of view on things, you know? First of all – did you SERIOUSLY read Full Throttle in an hour? That's like crazy, it's so long . . . it would take me like two or three days. But then again, I could never do it in one stretch . . . I've got to write for like five hours a day to keep the schedule normal. And you're the same as me – I don't like stories that give Harm and Mac you know . . . a happy ending before the ending, if you know what I mean. Like, stories that have them married with life all fine and everything, I lose interest . . . 'cause the whole fun in a story is seeing how they get to that point and what obstacles they have to overcome (Abbas is quite the obstacle, isn't he?) but that's the fun of side characters like Vera, Clay, and Jake – though I argue they're about as main as Harm and Mac at this point. You don't need to be JAG-wise correct because you can tie them into the story and create their own history. And would you believe me if I told you Jake was a complete mistake?

**Daisymh: **thanks, hope you liked this chapter.

**Judy52sa: **lol, I have a LOT of stories in mind, but after this one will come the sequel. I've got that story all planned out, but we'll just see how the ending of this one goes. I can feel the end approaching rapidly – it's so close it's scaring me. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. I love getting new reviewers, because I love getting different points of views on things. I'm really glad you like the way I write this story – for one thing I'm fond of this style too (well, obviously, because I'm writing in it) but my writing teacher just hates it and I'm always getting low marks in writing class for using it, but I think it's great because then you get into the mind of your character, hear their thoughts and feel their emotions so much better. And . . . well, I guess it's just easy for me to write emotion into Jake and Vera because I created them, you know? I created their past and their present and everything around them. I don't own the JAG characters, so it takes a lot more imagination for me to put myself in their shoes . . . but it's fun at the same time. A bit of a challenge.

**TV Angel 711: **couldn't agree with you more! Harm and Mac are like the best shipper couple EVER TO EXIST! And JAG's the best TV show to exist (can you believe that NONE of my friends watch JAG? It's so sad . . .)

**Angie Capriatti: **thanks, glad you like that Vera's pregnant. Some people were a little disappointed, all those Vera-Jake shippers. But there's a whole plot to it all so . . . yeah. And I like that idea – I keep writing, you keep reviewing. LOL

**FoxyWombat: **lol, your neighbor tried to review you? I told my friends about it and some of them dropped by to review . . . and then some of my not-so-friendly friends dropped by and left really bad reviews – but I can always tell it's them cuz they say nothing about JAG whatsoever. LOL, none of my friends watch JAG . . . (they're just immature and not attracted by purely brilliant TV)

**Shalimar 2: **glad you're liking the story and I hope you liked this chapter too!

**Strawberry Kittens: **lol, wow, you wanted Vera to be pregnant? All those Vera/Jake people out there sure didn't . . . yeah – Harriet has no problem ordering people around. Do you know what the name Harriet actually means? Home ruler! I thought that was very funny . . .


	36. Through Knowing Eyes

**A/N: The beginning of the end . . . omg, I'm choking up.**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, Judy52sa, and kd for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.**

**Remember, this chapter starts off six months later. I'll repeat SIX MONTHS LATER.**

**Through Knowing Eyes**

**2118**

**Ballando il Teatro dell'opera Leggero**

**Jake's POV**

I stared down at the glass that I held in my hand, the dark swirling liquid inside it. Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice warned me not to drink too much, but I promptly drowned it as I pushed the glass to my lips, lifting it as the warm liquid filled my mouth and burned the back of my throat. Drunkenly, I pushed myself back into the theater seat, my arm slamming hard against the wooden pole off to the side. I bit back a cry of pain, as once again my mind numbingly took over.

_Don't think about her . . . _I mentally willed. _Don't think about her . . . it'll only bring you pain . . . anguish. _

But memories are uncontrollable.

_**Flashback to six months ago**_

"_Jake, listen, we need to talk . . ." Vera's voice is soothing but I tear myself away from it. No, not again . . ._

"_I don't want to hear it," I bit back forcefully, turning down the hall and into one of the Admiral's offices, slamming the door behind me but Vera swiftly intercepts it before it slams, pushing herself into the room after me._

"_Jake, please," Vera begs but I won't give in. I can't. "Please let me explain."_

"_Explain what?" I holler back, turning around to look at her. Almost immediately I'm softened by the look in her eyes – the distress, the pain, the fear . . . but at the same time my internal battle rages. "What do you have to explain to me, Vera?" I'm torn. "You're with, Webb . . . you're pregnant with his kid, what more do you have to say?"_

_Vera looks like she's about to cry and dammit, I feel like I am. "Explain to me, Vera, why you love him so damn much? What has he ever done for you that I haven't? Why . . . why him?" I cast a long look down at the floor as I collapse on the couch in the Admiral's study. "Just never mind."_

_I hold my head in my hands as I feel Vera sit down next to me, one of her arms entwining with mine. "Jake," she whispered softly, her face so close to mine I can feel her breath upon my face. "Jake, will you please look at me?"_

_She puts one of her hands in my own, raising my face with her other. She looked me in the eye. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, her hand rubbing gently against my arm. "I never meant for anything to turn out this way . . . god, everything's just so messed." Her voice breaks. "Jake, you're the best friend that I could ever have. I don't want you to think that what's happened is because of you or anything you've done. I never want you to think that," Vera's hand still lingers on my cheek. "God, you're the best person in my life, Jake."_

_One of my arms loops around her small waist as I draw her to me, her head resting on my chest as I feel myself shake with internal torment. "All I want is for you to be happy," I whispered hollowly at her, and then smiled shakily. "Pardon the cliché."_

_Vera shook as she laughed against my chest, "Jake, I AM happy . . ." She lifts her head up so her eyes meet mine. "You need to stop worrying about me."_

_I smiled at her as my hand entangled within her hair. "I can't do that."_

_Vera scowled lightly at me. "You should learn to."_

_I stroke the back of her head softly. "Who says I want to?"_

"_Jake," she whispered warningly._

"_Vera . . ." I whispered back._

_Vera sighed heavily, leaning against me again as I wrapped an arm around her, holding her body to mind comfortingly. "I can't do this without you, Jake," she whispered against the fabric of my shirt. "I'm so sorry . . ."_

"_You've said that already," I snapped back, but then almost immediately trying to ease my voice. I paused, "I'm sorry."_

_Vera sighed wearily. "Don't be."_

_Our eyes held each other for one long prevailing moment before I broke contact with her. "I've got to pack."_

_Vera withdraws herself from my arms. "You're still going?" _

_I released a shaky breath. "I think . . . I think I just need some space." My eyes meet hers again. "Just away from it all for a little while . . . and what place better than Italy?"_

"_How long?"_

"_Six months," I breathed._

"_Jake!" Vera exclaimed. "That's half a year!"_

"_I know," I whispered. "But someone needs to do it."_

"_Didn't you say Shapiro was?" Vera challenged angrily at me, her dark eyes flashing wildly. "What happened to that?"_

"_Vera, please," I begged her, my hand moving towards hers. "I'm not running away from you, I just need some time by myself. Look, maybe you can't understand but . . ."_

"_No, you're right!" Vera interrupted shrilly. "I CAN'T understand why you would just give up your life at the drop of a hat and fly halfway across the WORLD for six months! So reel me this, spookboy, why?"_

_My eyes don't meet hers as deadening silence fills between us._

_Vera exhales bitterly as she suddenly stood up. "That's what I thought." _

_And with that, she left . . ._

_**End Flashback**_

I sloshed the alcohol around in my mouth, wincing as the memory stung me painfully. I leaned back in the theater seat, the wooden bench very stiffly uncomfortably against my long thin form as I felt my mind succumb to the hollow emptiness that was now my life. She was with Webb. And she was happy. Never had I felt more beaten, more worn. More useless.

I threw the glass against the wall beside me and shuddered as the glass broke against it, shattering into a million pieces as the shards rained down against the floor, just as I leaned over the edge of the bench and spilled my guts out onto the floor. I winced as the almost metallic taste resonated in my mouth. Leaning back again, I shifted uncomfortably upon the bench, my eyes closing for a moment of peace.

But the memories would not relent.

_**Flashback to thirteen years ago**_

"_Marry me," I grinned at her from the opposite desk as I watched Jane shuffle stacks of files around on her desk, obviously in some kind of rush. She stubbornly pushed back on the long strand of brown hair that had come loose from her ponytail._

"_Holter, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last many on EARTH," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Hey, have you seen my sweater?"_

"_The black one?" I asked innocently. _

"_Holter," Jane muttered warningly._

"_Harris," I grinned at her as I threw her her sweater which Jane caught deftly in her left hand. "So . . . you're looking nice. Going out tonight?"_

"_Yup," Jane said briefly, her fingers anxiously slapping the keyboard as she shut her computer down._

_I nodded, leaning back against my swiveling office chair. "So . . . who's the lucky girl?"_

_Jane turned around, her eyebrow raised. "Girl?"_

_I shrugged. "Well, I figured it must be a girl because you seem to be immune to my charm."_

_Jane rolled her eyes, picking up her backpack off her desk. "See you tomorrow."_

"_Yeah, see you," I muttered distractedly, my feet up on my desk as I opened up the Google search engine. "What did you say his name was again?" I asked, just as she was about to open the door._

_Jane turned around. "I never DID say his name."_

_I exhaled in annoyance. "Alright, I'll rephrase. What IS his name?"_

"_Why do you want to know?"_

"_Why can't I know?" _

_Jane scowled. "I'm not saying you can't know, Jake, I'm just wondering why you would want to."_

"_No particular reason," I said shrugging my shoulders. "Call it curiosity, if you must."_

_Jane cast a long look at me and then, "Andrew."_

"_Andrew . . .?"_

"_Holmes," Jane said quickly. "And he's a good guy, Jake."_

"_I never said he wasn't," I stated pointedly. "But you obviously seem to think so."_

_Jane shrugged. "He's nice."_

_I eyed her. "Where's he taking you?"_

"_Why?"_

"_No reason," I retorted. "Where's he taking you?"_

_Jane rolled her eyes. "If you must know, he's taking me to Valentino's."_

_I leaned back in my chair, an impressed look upon his face. "Classy."_

_Jane shrugged. "He's a classy kind of guy."_

"_I didn't know you dug that kind of thing."_

"_I don't "dig" any particular thing," Jane retorted, using her fingers as quotation marks around the word 'dig'. "I like nice guys and Andrew's a nice guy."_

"_We'll see about that," I muttered to myself._

"_What?"_

"_Nothing."_

_Jane exhaled heavily. "I've got to get going if I want to make it on time."_

"_Why? What time are the reservations?" I asked._

_Jane stared at me. "Nosy, aren't you?"_

_I motioned impassively at my computer. "I'm bored."_

"_A guy like you can't get a date?" Jane asked, her eyebrow raised._

_I grinned at her in return, "you think of me as the kind of guy that can get a date easily?"_

_Jane sighed, "Good night, Jake."_

"'_Night, Jane," I whispered in return as I typed 'Andrew Holmes' into the Google search engine, immediately turning up thousands of hits. I quickly added Washington DC into the search bar. It was reduced by half the pages. I sighed, clicking on the first link. Tonight would be a long night . . ._

_**End Flashback**_

I ran my hands through my hair as another wave of nausea overtook me. I shut my eyes, willing my mind to draw a blank, dulled pain seeping in through the shambles of my heart. _Don't think about it . . . don't think about anything . . . _

I sat up from the bench, taking a long weary eyed look around the opera house, it's bare and desolate halls ringing with isolation. In the six months I had lived here, I had not much besides my suitcase of clothes, a blanket, and my box of food that I suspended from the ceiling to ward off the rats that liked to come out at night. And my alcohol. Nights like these I surrendered to it, my pain-wrought savior.

And once again I succumbed myself to the ever painful history that flashed before my eyes . . .

_**Flashback to thirteen years ago**_

_My heart pounded madly against my chest as I sprinted out of the office, my sweaty hands barely stopping to grab my coat as I ran out into the hallway, my mind panicked. Somewhere outside the first snowflakes of the year began to fall ever so gently from the sky but I took no notice, pushing the frostiness aside as I swung open the door to my car, pulling it shut behind me as I started it up._

_With one arm on the wheel, I steered my way through the winter traffic, my other hand madly dialing 911 as I veered myself around a rather large truck. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Valentino's approaching and I prayed with all my heart that she was okay. I could feel fear grip my hard as the night sky was suddenly flashing with blue and red. I folded my cell phone. The cops were already there._

_I pulled into the parking lot, cutting my engine as I flung open the door, ignoring the cold as I raced through the scattered police cars and other civilians lingering to see what was wrong._

"_Excuse me, sir, you're going to have to move aside," a police officer shifted in front of me, his uniformed bulk efficiently blocking my view. "We're not letting anyone in."_

"_Just tell me something," I said panicked. "Is Jane Harris . . . involved?"_

_The officer stared at me. "Do you know something, young man?"_

_My heart beat picked up. "IS SHE INVOLVED?" I hollered._

"_Jake?"_

_I whirled around and through the foggy haze of snow flakes I saw Jane, a bulky jacket covering her upper body as through the cracks I saw a thin form-fitting black dress. Relief flooded through my veins as I ran to her, shoving through anyone that got in my way._

"_Jake, what are you doing here?" Jane breathed as I stood in front of her, cold wind whipping by our faces and stinging our bare skin. _

"_I came . . . I came to find you," I whispered, looking around at the flashing blue and red lights, and then I saw it, the long thin jagged cut that slashed her left cheek. Slowly, I outstretched my hand, touching it ever so lightly. She shuddered underneath my fingers. "What happened?"_

_Jane sighed. "Andrew he . . . well, we had dinner and were walking back to the car when he asked me to come into the alley with him. And when I refused he pulled me in, wrestling me to the wall." I could only stare at her. "I began to kick and scream, so he pulled out his keys and he cut me across my face, but don't worry," she added hastily as my eyes went from alarm to burning anger, "I got him really good and it doesn't even hurt."_

_The last statement fell deafly upon my ears. "Where is he?" I hissed, my eyes scanning the crowd of people and policemen. "What does he look like?"_

"_Jake –" Jane began with a tone of reasoning but I wouldn't have it._

"_Where IS HE?" I demanded, whirling around furiously. _

"_They took him away!" Jane hollered. "The police. Someone heard me screaming, called the cops and they came, but by that time he was out cold after I punched him."_

_I stare at her wildly. "Why didn't you use your gun?"_

"_I didn't bring my gun with me," Jane returned crossly. "I went out to dinner."_

"_You should have brought it anyway!" I exclaimed angrily. "And if you had bothered to check up on Andrew Holmes on Google, you would see that he has a past of abusiveness towards women matching your description!" I hissed. "Petite, brunette, beautiful – and rebellious as hell."_

_Jane just stares at me. "You traced him on Google?"_

_I returned her stare. "How else would I know to come here?"_

_Jane looked down at the ground, shrugging. "I don't know, Jake . . . you've got the wonderful ability to always be in the nick of time."_

"_Well, I'm a little late for this one," I whispered, my hand touching her injured cheek again. Jane's eyes darted up towards me. _

"_No, Jake," she whispered as she destroyed all distance between us, one arm wrapping around the back of my head as she leaned in towards me. "I'd say you got it exactly right . . ."_

_**End Flashback** _

I massaged my temples wearily, as I unfolded my cell phone, punching in the familiar number swiftly and emotionlessly. I drew the cell phone to my ear, and waited for the ringing to cut off with, "Webb."

"Clay," I breathed, shutting my eyes tightly. "It's set up."

"Good," he replied shortly. "We'll be there in three days."

"All of you?" I asked nervously.

Clay sighed, "Can't very well leave Vera and Mac behind. They won't have it."

"What's happening with Hunter?"

"The Roberts are taking him."

I nodded. "I see."

"Make the reservations at the Toro, our flight arrives at three."

"Got it," I replied shortly. "Bye."

"Wait, Jake," Clay said quickly. He paused for a second. "Take care of yourself."

"I always do," I whispered hollowly, folding my cell phone back up and throwing it into my pocket. I closed my eyes, leaning back against the hard wooden bench. I sighed, "God, I miss you, Jane . . ."

* * *

**A/N: I know, it was all Jake this chapter, but again – beginning of the end next chap. I'm gonna miss this story so much . . . can't even express it in words (funny, I know, cuz I write a lot) and for all of you who want the Mac and Harm stuff – next chapter, they will be together . . . actually, everyone will be together so . . . um, yeah – reviews would be nice.**

**Alix33: **lol, we all hate Umbridge! You're not alone on that one . . . oh yes, and this fic has the twins in it. It picks up right after the ending of the ninth season – before Webb and Mac broke up (she broke up with him in the second chapter) and their names are Hallie and Harmon (they named him after Harm, obviously – cuz he died just before they were born)

**Freezepops: **lol, well the ending's coming up . . . it's there for you to decide whether it's happy or not (I personally am having mixed feelings about it). Well, on to the next chapter . . .

**Prinnie: **ah, I envy you! I start school tomorrow and you're almost done! And in my mind . . . lol, Jake IS hot . . . heheh, I'm totally with you on the whole Webb thing. I do not like those icky thoughts about him . . . (shudders)

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **lol, and sprinkling the magic JAG dust all over my computer right now. And no more heartless stalling . . . I am ending this fic in a few chapters (three or four) and then on comes the sequel (and THERE, my friend, you will get your o so precious HM scenes – lots of them) so no complaining . . . lol

**Syraë: **alright, well here's chapter 36 – as requested. Now, as for the Jake/Vera/Clay triangle . . . well, that'll all be solved shortly. My fic's ending (then'll come the sequel) but I will resolve the triangle by the end of this story. And . . . that's all I can say without giving away the ending, so I hope you liked this chapter!

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter!

**Lani: **lol, you sound like me after my basketball games! I come home completely wiped and exhausted and my fingers just like pound the computer keys almost nonsensically . . . haha, I say that too much too.

**Jaggurl: **I've got a lot of family (HM) scenes in my sequel cuz this fic is almost over (and I wipe tears off my face) so you've got a whole new story to look forward too!

**Odakota: **I know – I love those jokes! 'How many spooks does it take to screw in a light bulb?' – _I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. _lol

**Southernqt: **ah, so close to being done! But seriously though, I hate hurting Jake . . . he's such a nice guy. And my motto on how the world should work: bad things do NOT happen to good people! Yes, I may be an idealist, but who cares? We'd all be happier if this rule was in play . . .

**Vhosek malacath: **lol, and as much as I WOULD like the story to go on forever – I have less than five chapters left! Yes, I'm certain of this, less than five . . . but I've got a sequel, how's that for you?

**Kd: **lol, I would LOVE to answer those questions for you, but then you would have no reason to read! Yeah, I like Clay in my story too . . . this is how he should have been on JAG, instead of going off and hooking up with Mac (unforgivable!) and about your pleasant surprise . . . we'll see. I've had the ending in my head for a long time, hopefully I won't get too many flames . . . lol

**Julie: **this story's ending in less than five chapters (translation: if you don't like it, don't read. Doesn't make a spot of different to me).

**MiDushiNoSushi: **yes, I understand what you mean – it's very easy to picture Jake as Harm because we can relate more to Jake just as we can Harm. But then again, you have to think about it this way: Vera and Clay have known each other since Vera started out – so have Harm and Mac. Jake has had a previous relationship with Vera – Harm had not had a previous relationship with Mac but Clay and Harm knew Vera and Mac through their various "others". And in the end Harm ended up with Mac . . . so who knows? To answer your unspoken question – yes, I've given a lot of thought to this. But that doesn't mean Clay will end up with her . . . I'm just comparing them both to Harm. And I understand what you mean . . . you tell the people you love things that you wouldn't normally tell anyone else. And she's told Jake a great many things that she hasn't told Clay – and vice versa. On some levels, Vera will always love both of them.

**TV Angel 711: **I know, that's what I keep telling my friends . . . they just can't understand that attraction of JAG. Like, how weird can you get? LOL, well – TLWL's kind of on pause for a minute until I finish Full Throttle . . . I just want to get it all out before I move on with that story.

**Shalimar2: **thanks, those parts were my favorite too – and I hope you liked this chapter.

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Froggy0319: **I had the intention of creating a few father-son moments – but with school now I'm crunched for time, I REALLY want to get my chapters out and I'm almost done FT. How does a lot of father-son moments in the sequel sound?

**Dansingwolf: **lol, I think I'm out of the writer's block! For Full Throttle at least . . . I'm ending it in less than five chapters! Yes, I'm pumped . . . and scared, and everything all at once. Ending FT is nothing like how I ended EL . . . I guess cuz this story is so much longer. Or just because it's different. And as lovely as it is for me to write a love triangle (I really do like writing them) I hate ending them because after they go on for such a long time, I get attached to each character, even though I know which ones are supposed to end up together . . .

**FoxyWombat: **lol, you and your neighbor sound like me and my friend. She writes for Tamora Peirce and as much as I've TRIED to get into them (and I have – I've read seven of her books) they don't do much for me . . . just like she's seen a couple of episodes of JAG and said 'they're not bad' (this includes Full Engagement) so we read each other's work . . . knowing enough about each subject to follow along (though she knows more about JAG than I do TP – I talk about it way too much) . . . actually I talk too much in general. LOL

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **ah, I start school in (does the count down) nine and a half hours. Fun fun fun. And I know what you mean, Clay's kind of . . . stiff. As nice as he is, he's very square whereas Jake is smooth. Again, you'll get your ending to the triangle . . . lol, I'm just hoping there are minimal flames. Half – okay, a third of the people are rooting for Clay and two thirds for Jake.

**Concrete Angel Lullaby: **omg, you like the Tangled Webbs too? I love those eps – even though I did not get the shipper ending I so badly wanted. They came on just last week and of course I had to tape them – it was my duty. On the other note, you want Vera to feel guilty? Lol, our minds work very much alike . . . I remember in the tenth season of JAG when this other woman started talking to Harm I was very much hoping that Mac would come in right at that very moment so she would get jealous, fight with Harm, and then they'd make up. LOL, it's gotta get rough before it gets any easier . . .

**Strawberry Kittens: **lol, I do that all the time . . . I'm reading something, get really into it, and then I start talking to my monitor. The last time I did this I was actually in class and I swear I was getting the weirdest looks from everyone. And yes – I swear, that's what Harriet's name really means. lol, DPB put a LOT of thought into her name before creating Harriet.

**Eggy weg: **yeah, lol – Clay's not too good at expressing his feelings in words. He's an action man, though I don't suppose he can help it, being CIA and all . . . still, pity on Jake's end.


	37. The Fate of Tomorrow

1**A/N: I'm SO sorry this chapter's taken so long! I told you about that little thing called school, right? Totally dampening my writing career . . . ah, what is my math teacher thinking? Assigning me all that homework . . .**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, Judy52sa, kd, BelovedOne, and fic chic for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.**

**The Fate of Tomorrow**

**1642**

**Airplane**

**Vera's POV**

I closed my eyes slowly, wishing the world away. My hand rested lightly on my swollen stomach, eyes fluttering as bright light filtered in slowly from the small window off to the side. Beside me I felt Clay shift in his chair, almost anxiously. He had a right to be worried. I should be worried. But right now I was numb. Numb on feeling, on life, on everything . . . it had been six months. Six months of nothing but his photo, no words, no letters, no emails . . . nothing. It had been insufferable. Intolerable. My feet were hurting, my limb ached, my feelings were on end, I was wondering how Mac could ever do this.

I leaned back my head against the rest. I was seven months pregnant, almost eight . . . it turns out I was pregnant over a month before I figured it out. Smart of me, huh? I sighed, shifting in my seat. Dammit, planes were uncomfortable. Especially eight hour flights.

"We're almost there," Clay whispered soothing in my ear, as he typed quickly on his laptop. "Fifteen more minutes."

I mumbled something under my breath as I turned around to look at Harm and Mac, who had seats a few rows back. It had been hell on Mac leaving Hunter with the Roberts. She never liked to be away from him long. And it was understandable. He wasn't even a year old yet, he still could fit in my palm. And it was probably very painful. I closed my eyes once again, praying it wouldn't be as hard for me.

Sure enough, fifteen minutes later we touched down, Clay leading us through the terminals quickly. He knew his way around pretty easy enough. "Come on," he instructed me, Harm, and Mac, "Jake will be waiting."

For a minute I'm surprised, but the shock is almost instantly dampened by the practicality. Of course Jake would pick us up. Who else would? I slowed my new erratic breathing. It's just Jake . . . the Jake I've known for years now. The Jake I know and . . .

"Hey."

My eyes flipped up. And there he was. Just . . . standing there. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't seen him in half a year, maybe it's the fact that photographs always make someone look small, but he almost seems to have grown. And the Italian sun has done him well. His skin is Indian-tanned, and his hair is back to his natural color – golden blonde. "Hey, yourself," I replied with false ease.

Jake grins at me, promptly scooping Mac up into a hurried hug, and then clasping both Harm and Clay roughly around the shoulders. I pause as he nears me, his hazel eyes capturing my own and then . . . he smiles at me, turning to Clay. "Well, we should be off."

I'm hesitant, but Harm agrees with a swift nod. For a minute there, I forget he's dead. But it doesn't matter. This is Italy. No one knows him . . . no one knows us . . . how very wrong I am.

"Hey, gang!"

My neck snaps so sharply to the left, as I see a very small blonde woman running towards us, a child's expression of ecstasy painted upon her face. And I can feel more than see Clay wince from beside me. My eyes sharpen, as I grimace, "Catherine."

* * *

**1822**

**The Toro**

**Jake's POV**

She moves smoothly, carelessly, as though unaware of my eyes on her. But I know better. And I know she knows it too. As hard as she tries to ignore my presence, I'm forever following. Just like as hard as she tries to press the fact on me that everything will be the same after this, I won't have it. Nothing will be the same. Nothing can ever be the same. Not any more.

We entered the hotel lobby looking rather like members of Ocean's Eleven – each action carefully planned, and completely in sync with each other's moves. Maybe it's because we've known each other so long. Or maybe because we share the same traumatic bond – Abbas. Whatever it is that ties us together the way it does, I'm grateful. Right now, the best tool is team work.

"Hi," Webb greets the receptionist stiffly. "Angelo Delicarti. Two rooms."

"Si," the receptionist smiled, handing him two keys and instructing him on the floors and elevators. My mind wandered . . . over to Vera. She was talking with Mac, engrossed upon examining every square inch of this place. In fact, the Toro was not the greatest hotel you could find. Among the many in Italy, the Toro paled in comparison. But it was homey, nicely fashioned, with terrific views of the golden fountain outside, and the piazza, which attracted more than enough tourists.

Clay led us up the sixth floor hallways, handing Harm and Mac their key. He turned to them, "I have some phone calls to make. I trust you two can . . . entertain yourselves."

Harm grins in the wild way he usually does. "I don't think that'll be a problem."

Clay turns back to me, "Watch over her."

The look on Vera's face clearly rebels every word he just spoke but I ignore her, as does Webb. "Not a problem."

And suddenly we're left standing there. Vera and I. Just . . . with each other. And it strikes me at that moment, profoundly that we haven't done this in a while. Just stood. Not even months any more, maybe a year, maybe two. We're so used to each other, so naturally with each other, that there's never been a necessity for this. Not until now.

"So, you going to show me your brilliant living quarters?" Vera suggested meekly. And I smiled at her in reply, though it was restrained – and she knew it. Dammit, she knew me so well. That was the problem with us. We've known each other for so long there's nothing more to find out. No other road to venture upon. But maybe that was the attraction. Just maybe.

It was a five minutes walk from the Toro to Ballando il Teatro dell'opera Leggero, which was spent in comfortable silence. Every so often my gaze would fly to her, the soft expression on her face melted with the stubbornness that just was Vera Azhad. And I found myself unconsciously smiling.

"What?" Vera asked slowly, her eyes studying mine with almost inhuman perception.

"Nothing," I breathed in response, my gaze falling upon her swollen stomach. She caught my glance.

"Not used to it, huh?"

I shrugged. "I'm not really used to anything anymore."

My statement seems to concern her. She frowns to herself, but says nothing, her eyes suddenly cast down at the pavement. I feel for her. Her past is not easy. Neither is Clay's. _Or mine, _my little voice added. Which was true. My life so far has not been a walk in the park. My mother is dead, my father abandoned me, and I've got a little brother who I haven't spoken to in years. Not that that was my fault . . . I mean, he's a reporter and I'm a – I _was_ a – spook. They just don't mix.

"Here we are," I said softly, as I lead her up to the entrance of the Opera House. The wind whistled by us in an eerie sort of way, causing me to pull up my jacket a little, shivering at the slight frost that accompanied the wind. We both climbed over the closed wire fence as I approached the left wall, pulling up loose wooden boards.

"What are you doing?" Vera asked, squatting beside me and helping me shift the wooden planks.

"Entrance," I replied gruffly, piling all the wood to one side, revealing roughly hewn stone steps leading downwards. "You can go first. I'll put the boards back behind us."

Vera nodded and slipped down into the tunnel, I following almost immediately after. We wandered down the passage. "This was once used as a back stage pass," I said quietly, as darkness surrounded us. "A way to exit the theater. There were trap doors on the stage that the actors would disappear through at any moment. They'd then run down the passage, climb out the theater and then reenter."

"Are there any more of these?" Vera whispered from beside me, as my hands felt around the wall for the push up trap door. "Because, if so, Abbas could just as easily . . ."

"There aren't," I cut her off, pushing up the trap door and moving aside so she could climb up first. "Clay checked it out."

"Still . . ." Vera trailed but I silenced her with a glare.

I followed her up through the trap door, both of us momentarily resting on the large wooden stage. "Home sweet home," I muttered roughly, flopping down on the ground, staring up at the pale theater lights that hung above me.

"You actually lived here?" Vera asked incredulously, looking around the theater. It wasn't much lived in, that was true. I was pretty messy, but my objects were scarce. A few old newspapers I'd forgotten to throw out, some empty beer bottles, a thin pillow and a worn blanket were strewn over the wooden bench in the corner, and my backpack of worldly possessions was hidden behind the thick velvet curtain off to the corner.

"Still do," I sighed, flipping my legs over the edge of the stage and hopping down to the ground. "Ain't much but it serves its purpose."

Vera's eyes rested on me compassionately. "Why don't you stay at the Toro with us tonight?"

"Can't," I replied bluntly. "Not now."

"_Jake," _Vera whispered insistently but I ignored her.

"Want a drink?" I asked, reaching behind the curtain and pulling out my cooler.

Vera shrugged, "sure."

I threw her a can of Pepsi which she got deftly with her left hand. Pregnancy had not thrown her off in the slightest bit. I nodded towards her swollen stomach. "How many months?"

Vera sighed, leaning back against the theater floor. "Almost eight."

"Shoot."

Vera eyed me with a wry grin. "Well, after tomorrow we can all go home."

I cast a sour look at the ground, "if you can call it home."

Vera sighed, staring at me with undeserving compassion in her eyes. "You've got a home, Jake . . . wherever I am, you can call it home."

For a reason beyond the extent of my knowledge, this statement please me to my very core. "So what have you been up to these last six months?"

Vera rolls her eyes. "Oh, you know, hand to hand combat, saving the world, foiling universal terrorists . . ." I just stare at her. "I've been handcuffed to the couch for the last month."

I grinned at the heated expression on her face. "Won't you make a good housewife."

Vera glared at me, "for your information, I did finally learn how to do the laundry."

I clapped my hands, a sarcastic tone to my voice. "Bravo."

Vera scowled, "Shut up." We sit there on the theater floor in companionable silence for god knows how long before, " So how come you cut your hair?"

I look up at her. "Huh?"

"Your hair," Vera gestured over to my head. "It almost looks the way you had it when we first met."

God, that seemed so long ago. Barely even real. It's hard to imagine Vera as a little girl scared to go on her first mission, and me freshly cut loose from my family and recovering from my first fall. "Ah, it was longer back t hen." I ran my hand through the thin snippets of golden blonde locks that now covered my scalp. "Looked better."

Vera shrugged. "Blonde suits you."

"Thanks," I replied sarcastically.

"No, I'm serious," Vera returned contemplatively. "It does."

I shifted in my position on the floor. "Thanks."

We lapsed into silence again. And then –

"We should probably head back," I suddenly said, getting up, and extending a hand towards Vera who took it numbly. I pulled her to her feat. "You should have dinner."

"So should you," Vera argued.

"I'll have it."

"Here?"

"Yeah," I replied shrugging. "What's wrong with here?"

"What's wrong is that your dinner will probably consist of a bag of potato chips and don't even get me STARTED on healthy food," Vera replied, rolling her eyes and tugging my arm towards the trap door. "Now come have dinner with us."

"I'm supposed to be guarding . . ." I trail but Vera won't have it.

"Do you want me to drag you?" Her eyes flash dangerously. "And I'm a pregnant woman, by having me drag you will possibly harm your godchild."

I stop in mid-drag. "Godchild?"

Vera looks flustered for a moment. "Oh, well, it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I mean, you're my best friend and you and Clay are close –" My face darkens considerably. "Oh, don't give me that, Jake, whatever's going on between you two is nothing serious. Besides, Jake," she turns to look at me with those beautiful dark eyes of hers, her voice soft and insistent, "you're the right person."

I avoid her eyes. "You wouldn't rather have Harm and Mac?"

Vera smiled at me. "Well, considering Harm's still legally dead, that poses a little bit of a problem and sticking Mac with two kids . . ." She turned back up to face me, "But none of that matters. Clay and I want you."

I feel something swelling within me but I suppress it forcefully. "Even Clay?" I asked nervously.

Vera's eyes meet mine. "Clay suggested it."

We both crawl back into the theater tunnel, keeping close together as I shift the planks off the entrance and help her up. The sun's just beginning to set, its rays dimming gently against the golden trees as we walked back to the Toro, my thumbs jammed in my pockets and Vera's hands swaying gently by her side.

"Hey, can you spare a minute before we go in?" I asked as we approached the Toro, the evening wind blowing gently against our faces.

"Uh, yeah," Vera replied as I lead her off the sidewalk and into the grassy fields beside us. "Jake, where are we going?"

"I'll show you," I whispered, taking her hand for the first time that day and leading her out onto the hill, recently dewed grass bending softly beneath our feet. The sky was now a sort of pale, creamy pink, with soft orange clouds drifting lazily across its face. I sighed as warm wind drowned the space between us, and I stood on the edge of the hill, my eyes scanning the Italian countryside. I grinned at Vera from beside me, who stood almost mesmerized by the view. Her dark eyes glazed over and for a minute I watched just her, not the view, but enjoyed it as much anyway. I smiled to myself, "this might be the last time we're standing here like this."

Vera's eyes snapped back to mine. "Don't talk like that."

My voice was grave. "One of us has to speak the truth."

Vera exhaled deeply. "Nothing's gonna happen to us, Jake."

"You don't know that."

Vera looks me square in the eyes. "Yes, I do know that. Because no matter what happens, Jake. You and me – we're always going to stand here like this." She motioned out to the little village that lay bellow the hills, the sun setting almost perfectly over the landscape. "We're always going to be this way. And nothing anyone throws at us is going to change that."

A deep silence settles between us as music from one of the open house windows floats in through the air. I recognize it almost immediately, and wince as the lyrics reflect upon me incredibly profoundly. I sway a little on the spot, my eyes closed, preserving this moment for all eternity.

_It was your life that shined  
Guiding my heart to find  
This place where I belonged  
It was your song_

Vera smiled at me. "You really like the song, huh?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I'd never really thought that much about it before. "I guess so." She stared at me. "It has its attractions," I elaborate slowly.

_Dreams can come true with  
God's great angels like you_

I smiled at that line. I loved it. I didn't care what anyone said. I loved the belief that there was a god, that there was a plan for us all. That whatever happened tomorrow, or the day after, or years and decades after was all destiny. That whatever the outcome, everything would be all right in the end. Because that was the way it was supposed to be. That's the way it is.

I closed my eyes briefly for a moment and then, "Whatever happens tomorrow, Vera . . ." I trail, looking at her with a profound intensity within my eyes. "I want you to know . . . I love you."

And Vera smiled in the way that only Vera could as she wrapped her arms around me and tucks her head neatly into my shoulder. "I love you too, Jake."

But I know she didn't mean it nearly the same way as I did.

* * *

**An hour later**

**Veduta Dorata Restaurant**

**No POV**

"Tomorrow's going to be one hell of a day," Clay said slowly, as his eyes met with Harm's and Mac's, Vera's and Jake's, Shapiro's and the Kid's. And everyone nodded. They all knew. The significance of this moment was lost on no one. Perhaps the only time they would ever be together again. The only time things would ever remain as it were.

And with that Clay raised his glass, up into the air where it met with a sharp clink, everyone else's. Clays took a sharp breath, "To us all . . ."

"And to the fate of tomorrow," Jake finished. Everyone's eyes met, and simultaneously they all nodded.

_To the fate of tomorrow . . ._

* * *

**A/N: omg, soooo close to the ending. Ah, I'm panicking here people. Please review and calm my jittery nerves.**

**Bite Beccy: **lol, you really haven't reviewed in quite a while, have you? And to answer your questions. Yes, Jane died – and she was shot with Jake standing right next to her. I said so some chapters back, but I think it was very brief. I know, I feel sorry for Jake too . . .

**Sgcgirl52: **lol, thanks . . . I know, I hate it when I have to write Jake like that. He's such a nice guy . . .

**Syraë: **I know, I don't want this fic to end either . . . actually, that was my reason for making a sequel. Cheating myself by just not letting go . . .

**Strawberry Kittens: **omg, I WILL choke up towards the ending, it's gonna be so hard to write, especially cuz I never want this fic to end! I want it to go on and on and on . . . well, I suppose that's what my sequel's for, right? Yes, I'm writing a sequel. I just can't let go. And maybe the ending will be crappy . . . I don't know. I once read this story – this JAG fic that I thought had an amazing, absolutely INCREDIBLE ending, but I read her reviews for that chapter and the majority of them said it sucked. I always thought it was absolutely brilliant, but others disagreed. Who knows? I'll probably get my fair share of controversy. I usually do. For every few goods there is a bad.

**Prinnie: **lol, you think your love life is non existent? Well, look at me – I sit in front of a computer all day dreaming up characters like Jake. Sorry, babe, I need him more than you do. Omg, you're a Kibbs? I would have never guessed . . . I'm a Tate. Lol, does that make us enemies or something? Not that it matters really, after the Twilight which I'm still refusing to accept, by the way . . . ah, you hate geog too? God, I detest it . . .

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, and seriously, there's like no point writing in six months of nothing, if you know what I mean. You've got to skip ahead to something good. Make's my job a lot more exciting. Lol

**snugglebug: **ah well, I think I'm over my writer's block. Or maybe just for this story. I'm still suffering on TLWL. I think it's been like a week since I've updated that story. How cruel am I? Oh well, I aim to finish Full Throttle first, anyway.

**Alix33: **ah, can't tell you whether the Roberts will raise Hunter or not . . . you'll have to read it and see (don't you just hate it when writers tell you that? I do – bugs me to death. But it's like some sort of code . . .)

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **hmm . . . okay, well to be honest, when I came up with the whole triangle thing, I always knew who would end up with Vera . . . but I did not expect Vera and Jake to be mirroring Harm and Mac so perfectly. I mean honestly, it never occurred for me to write it that way. It just sort of happened. Guess I've been writing a little too much HM stuff – now everything's starting to seem JAG-y. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Ahhh, school . . . let's put it this way – three days in, and I've already got more work than the rest of my class. No, it's not because I took more courses, just that my professor feels he needs to challenge me more, so I have three times as much work as everyone else. Okay, gonna shut up ranting now.

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**Lani: **ah, I don't have AIM – I have MSN. Oh well, if you ever get MSN – email me! Ah, don't you hate homework? I've got like a million pounds of it . . . oh well, I'll just put it on hold for the minute . . . lol, hate math homework. Considering my parents are mathematicians, this stuff should be relatively easy . . . but it's not. Never is with me. I over think things too much.

**Vhosek malacath: **lol, a sequel will do, huh? I know I didn't have much HM in this chapter, blame the piles of homework I was assigned yesterday. But this is nearing the end so . . . it'll just be a whole lot of everything. No real way to describe it other than that – pitiful as the description is. Can't say any more or I'll give away the ending.

**Odakota: **yeah, yeah – that's right! _It's classified. _Totally Webb there. Ah, ending is so close! I'm seriously very pumped. Ah, to hell with my homework. Who cares if I fail? Actually, I think my parents would, considering they're paying thousands of dollars for my tuition. Yes, minor glitch the plan . . . oh well, only a few chapters more . . .

**MiDushiNoSushi: **It's very hard to tell with Jake like that. I mean, he told Mac about Vera . . . he told Mac about Jane. He remembers Vera, just like he remembers Jane. And considering Vera's still alive and Jane's been dead since thirteen years, it's pretty easy to see the power of his love. Then again . . . ah, I can't say. Giving away the ending . . . but let's just say everything seems to happen all at once and then well . . . all you readers will be shocked, I tell you. Shocked! Lol, I'm quite the actress.

**JulieM: **lol, I don't even try to please everyone . . . some people just don't dig what I write. That's cool with me. They don't have to read. It's only the ones that come back through each chapter complaining that get me annoyed. Glad to know you're really enjoying it though. And I hope you liked this chapter.

**ForensicsFreak1988: **lol, yes, Pirates of the Carribean . . . very random, but I'm in love with that movie so I demand Vera be too! It's much easier making characters like what you like . . . oh yes, and it does sound better as 'real me this, flyboy'. Wanna know the secret? Cuz that's the actual line. I just loved it when Mac said that to Harm in a Tangled Webb Part II when she was asking him why he resigned his commission to find her. And so . . . I dunno, seemed to work. Only of course, Jake doesn't fly . . . had to switch it up a bit.

**Freezepops: **lol, yes, Jane's dead. She was shot thirteen years ago. Died in Jake's arms. Oh, am I worrying you? Such a shame . . . (grins evilly) well, you'll just have to keep reading then . . .

**Toplesslemon: **well, I was posting fast . . .and then broke my streak with this lousy chapter. Lol, school - who ever invented that? Gotta hit them over the head some time for that one.

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **lol, I soo want to update TLWL, but I just really want to get Full Throttle out of my system. It's just, it's been in my head so long and now that I'm really close to the end I just want to . . . FINISH IT! (I never finish like anything I write) - oh yes, and just to tell you - if you've been invited to a C2 community, that doesn't mean you have to write for it, it just means that you can pick which stories to put in there. In that little review section, there's this place for add to the c2 community. That's how you do it. So, which ones were you invited to?

**Beloved One: **lol, thanks! And here's more . . . a little late, but better late than never. That's my motto anyway. And it would be, cuz I'm late for nearly everything.

**TV Angel 711: **I haven't forgotten about TLWL . . . just pausing it while I finish Full Throttle. I just wanna get it all out of my system. Then I'll update TLWL with like a really long make up chapter. JAG FOREVER!

**FoxyWombat:** lol, slacking off in school and fanfic . . . welcome to my life! And yes, it's fun sharing obsessions . . .me and my friends have a lot of them. It's always fun when you find someone who shares something weird like that with you. Okay, so none of my friends watch JAG . . . well, my one friend is desperately trying to catch up. We're such good friends she's watching the Tangled Webbs as we speak, just so she knows what's going on in my story (I've told her the whole story) now she wants me to tape Lifeline and the Adrifts. Which I really would do – if the episodes would just come on!

**Froggy0319: **yes, definitely doing a sequel . . . have to, there's going to be many unanswered questions at the end of this one. Most of which will be screamed at me with flaming balls of fire. But oh well. Again, that's what sequels are for . . .


	38. Frozen Fear

1**A/N: Alright, this is either my third or second last chapter. I'll see how far I can take it in this chapter before determining whether there is one or two more. Wish me luck . . .**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, Judy52sa, kd, BelovedOne, and fic chic for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.**

**Frozen Fear**

**0327**

**Ballando il Teatro dell'Opera Leggero**

**Jake's POV**

_**Flashback**_

"_Keep close," Jane whispered to me, her hand grasping the back of my own as we shifted through the dark tunnel, our guns out in front of us. The sound of her breathing echoed in my ears – staggered, but in efforts to keep calm. I tried vainly to slow my racing heart. Jane seemed to notice this, and flashed me a reassuring smile while she inched ahead of me, her gun now drawn out with two hands. I followed systematically, keeping my back to the wall._

"_I'll go first," I muttered futilely. I already knew she wouldn't settle for that._

_Even through the darkness, I could see the glare upon Jane's face, lighting her eyes in the way only anger could. "I can handle it," she muttered forcefully. "You just stay where you are."_

_I rolled my eyes as she started to set off, but I kept myself right in step behind her. "I'm coming with you."_

_Jane sighed exasperatedly though you could tell she'd expected it. She knew me, and anyone that knew me as well as Jane did, would know I would never leave her by herself. Most times this annoyed her, but times like now, no matter how much she tried to act irritated, I knew she was appreciating it._

_We both inched on either side of the door, our eyes connecting sharply for one lingering second. I nodded and in that snap second she pulled out of the corner, her foot flying out in front of her and breaking down the door. I was immediately by her side, my gun level with me. And we both stared into an inky black darkness. Jane's eyebrow rose up but she said nothing as we filtered into the room, our arms snapping in each direction as we surveyed every aspect of the room. Jane sighed, and her hands loosened on her gun. "There's no one here, Jake."_

_I kept my back to the wall as I took the left side of the room. "That's yet to be determined."_

_And then it happened._

_Jane was thrown against the wall, her gun flying out of her grasp. I whirled around but too late. Two arms wrapped around me from behind and pinned me strongly against the wall, causing me to drop my gun also. I could see out of terrified eyes Jane on the ground, struggling desperately to get up as her back was pressed against the wall. And I could see him – his back to me, with his gun held out. Jane's eyes were wide, her skin suddenly pale. And I knew at that split second how terrified she was. Jane hid it well, but not from me. She couldn't hide anything from me. Jane looked over at me, her bright green eyes suddenly softening for a second. She bit her lower lip, and then gave me the most beautiful most frightened smile I had ever seen. And then – _

_The shot rang out through the room. I screamed and bolted forward, breaking through the man's grip. Time seemed to hang for one precious minute. Jane's body soared down to the ground, her hand outstretched in front of her. I ran forward. And she fell to the floor, her body connecting limply with the ground. I collapsed beside her, blood pooling out from behind her. The bullet had gone through fully._

"_Jake," she choked out my name. I closed my eyes. I could feel tears swimming. This was the end. It was in her voice, in her eyes. And in my heart._

"_No," I whispered angrily – forcefully, as I felt my arms wrap around her torso, clutching Jane's body to mine. "You can't leave me."_

"_Jake."_

"_I won't let you go!" I screamed pathetically. My voice was estranged from my throat. I felt like a lost child. "You can't leave me," I repeated, drawing my face down close to hers. "I need you."_

_Jane trained her eyes towards me and I could now see the tears welling up in those beautiful green eyes of hers. The eyes I loved so much. The coldness of her tears flowed down her cheeks and onto my warm palm. I brushed them away with my thumb. Jane continued to cry but now her body was racked with convulsions. Blood flowed everywhere._

"_No!" I screamed as I felt her life force float slowly out of my reach. "No, you can't go!" Jane continued to shake, her body writhing with agony. "You can't! I need you!" Her eyes were desperate, full of some unknown emotion. "You can't."_

_My voice broke, the sadness no longer hidden. I buried my face in her chest as though trying to transfer my body heat to her but instead I was left soaking in her blood. "Don't leave me." Jane wasn't the only one sobbing now, tears flowed freely from my eyes onto the nape of her neck and rolled down her body._

"_I – I love you," the words staggered from my mouth, sounding all broken and wrong. I stared into Jane's eyes but they were no longer emerald and held the rich color I loved – a milk tone was washing over them. She was going . . . she was dying. _

"_I'm sorry," she whimpered against my breath, her body shaking. "I'm so sorry . . ."_

_Tears roll down my cheeks but I push them away with blood soaked hands. "Why are you sorry?" I whispered, holding her body to mine. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."_

_Jane flashed me a pained smile. "I'm sorry for making you wait so long . . ." her eyes flickered up to mine, agony suddenly capturing her eyes. "I love you, Jake."_

_I pulled her face close to mine, the intensity of both our lives firing itself into one incredible attraction. "I love you," I whispered again and then I bent my head down into what – I realized with foreboding sadness – was something I'd never gotten to do. My lips touched hers and instantly all my senses went haywire. My eyes burned. I felt the moistness of her lips and both our pent up desire. It was invigorating, stimulating. And then . . ._

_It came. The coldness . . . I pulled back. Her lips were dark, lifeless, emotionless . . . She was gone. From my throat erupted a deep anguished cry as my eyes swam with the pain, the loss. I clutched her body to mine. All the memories soared through my mind. Memories of her laughing, her teasing, her fighting with me, the memories of her **living. **And I laid like that, her body pressed up to mine, and me only a shell of my former self . . ._

_**End Flashback**_

I shot up from the wooden bench I was lying on, my heart racing madly. Her whimpers echoed in my ears. My breathing was staggered, heavy. Sweat rolled down my forehead and onto my cheeks. And for the first time in many years, I cried.

* * *

**The Next Morning**

**The Toro**

**Harm's POV**

"You're not coming, Mac," I whispered tersely as Mac crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. "I don't care what you say, you are NOT COMING."

"That's not your decision to make!" Mac hollered back at me throwing a towel at my head as we exited the hotel room. Her anger seemed to radiate from her core as we marched swiftly down the halls.

I exhaled deeply, following her with a roll of my eyes. "Mac, please, _listen to me._"

"I prefer not to listen to idiocy," Mac snaps back coldly. "I'm coming with you."

Desperation clings to my voice. "Mac, please . . ." I trail, pulling her arms so that she looks into my eyes. "I love you, and I love Hunter, and I don't want him growing up without a dad. I had to do that, but at least I had five years of memories."

"Memories which tore you apart," Mac reminded me softly.

My eyes don't meet hers for a minute. "I don't want him missing both his parents, Mac. That's not fair to Hunter and that's certainly not fair to you." I stare at her now. "But more than that I just want you to be safe. So . . ." I trail, looking at her desperately. "Please, Mac?"

Mac stares into my eyes for a really long time – and for those few precious minutes, time just seems to hang still. Mac sighs, her eyes closed for a minute. "Find, Harm, I won't come with you."

I look at her in surprise. I know Mac, and Mac doesn't give in that easy . . . "Promise?" I asked weakly.

Mac looks into my eyes. "I promise."

But somehow I'm left with the feeling that Mac just played me very well . . .

* * *

**An hour later**

**The Toro**

**Clay's POV**

"Vera, you can't," I said, pushing past her as I opened the door, motioning her through to the hall. Vera just stood there, her hip jutted out and angry sparks flashing in her dark eyes.

"I can do whatever the hell I want," she shot back. "And you can't stop me."

And I sighed, having had this fight with Vera a million times. "Look, Vera, normally I would have no problem with you coming in with me –"

"Yes, you would," Vera snapped.

"BUT this is different," Webb plowed on. "Not only are you eight months pregnant, you've got a personal score to settle with Abbas, and we can't have emotions getting in the way of carrying out this job."

Vera stares at me incredulously. "Look who's talking!"

I rolled my eyes. "End of discussion."

"Clay –"

"No, Vera."

"But, _Clay – " _Vera began but I interrupted her with a glare.

"I said no, Vera, now drop it!" I hissed, pulling on my jacket as we both filed down the hall. "Look, Mac's not going either, so you won't be alone." Vera glared at me. I sighed, "Do you want me to drag Jake down here to tell you off?" Her silence said it all. "Look, I'll see you when I get back," I whispered in her ear, putting a comforting arm around her. "Okay?"

Vera's scowl did not last long. She exhaled slowly. "Just catch him, okay?"

I smiled at her. "I'm so glad you're concerned for my safety."

Vera grinned back at me. "Oh yeah, that too."

And as I walked on down the hall towards the lobby where Jake, Harm, Shapiro and Teddy stood I felt the significance of this moment weight down upon my shoulders. I took a fleeting look back at Vera who stood at the top of the stairs, her dark eyes watching me and I smiled, nodding at the same time. But for some reason I just could not shake the sense of foreboding that had washed over me.

* * *

**Five Minutes later**

**The Piazza**

**Jake's POV**

"Jesus, Jake, did you sleep at all last night?" Shapiro asked as we walked down the square. "You look like hell."

"Thanks," I replied, rolling my eyes. "And you look like –"

"Alright," Webb interjected. "This is a crucial moment to our plan, I would thank you all if you kept profanity at a minimum and professionalism at a high."

"Yes, sir, Special Agent Boss," Shapiro said cheekily, saluting Webb.

Harm was quiet.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, jamming my hands into my pockets moodily. "Worried?"

Harm sighed. "Yeah, I guess . . . I don't know. Mac's . . ."

"You're worried about Mac?" Clay asked. "Harm, she's back at the hotel with Vera."

"I know," Harm replied, nodding his head. "But it just seemed almost too easy . . ."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Mac's Room**

**Mac's POV**

"I can't believe you're doing this." Vera's voice is not disapproving, more . . . amused.

"I told him I wouldn't come with him," I replied as I pulled up the window to the hotel room, and looked down at the street below. We were on the second floor, so there wasn't much height. "I never said anything about not going."

Vera shrugged. "All's fair in love and war." She sighed. "I just don't see why I can't come with you."

I raise my eyebrow. "Vera, I'm climbing out a window, jumping onto a fire escape and then hopefully I can slide down the drainpipe to get down to the piazza. And you can't see why an eight-month pregnant woman wouldn't be able to do that?"

"Well you don't need to be so mean about it," Vera scoffed. "I could just walk out the door."

"You know Clay," I replied, rolling my eyes. "He will have put out a camera,. And he will have hooked it up to one of Teddy's screens. And The Kid practically worships him. He'll notify Clay if you've left and then who knows?"

Vera stared at the ground sullenly. "I'll take the risk," she grumbled.

I grinned at her. "Well, Clay won't. He's probably got some sort of security team down at the entrance." My eyes fall on hers imploringly. "You might as well just save them the time."

"Ngh."

I smiled as I put one leg out the window and edged myself down. "See you when I get back."

Vera gave me a nervous smile in return. "Good luck," she whispered hollowly, as I swung myself onto the fire escape. And as soon as I was out of earshot, she leaned the back of her head against the cold window pane. "You'll all need it."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Bellando il Teatro dell'Opera Leggero**

**Harm's POV**

"We're here," I breathed misty eyed. The wind felt strong against my face as it mercilessly stung my open eyes. I blinked as I felt a strong hand clap me on my shoulders and I looked around to see Jake standing there, his golden blonde hair rippling slightly in the wind, his face grim.

"It's show time," he whispered.

There was a sharp intake of breath on Clay's side and then, "Teddy, park the van outside the Opera House gate and don't move it unless I tell you to. I want you to keep me informed as soon as you see ANYONE enter the building. And I mean anyone. Abbas is like a chameleon. He can be a man, a woman, southern, African, Asian, _anything. _I need you to keep me informed."

Teddy nodded and headed towards the van.

Clay turned to Shapiro. "I want you to man the entrance. If you see Abbas coming, or anyone at all, keep hidden. We want Abbas, but we also want our snitch and Abbas's employer. Even if we get no more than Abbas we've achieved a great feat, but let's go for the full hundred."

Shapiro concurred with a sharp salute and pulled himself over the fence towards the entrance. Now it was just Clay, Jake, and I. The gravity between us is strong and pulling, but that doesn't break the bond that has formed between us. Through the day, the months, the years that have passed by, it seems unreal that it should ever come to this point. Do or die.

Clay stared at Jake and I for a long time, Jake's eyes were diverted to the ground, and I was trying hard not to concentrate on anything but Mac and Hunter. Getting home. "I . . . I don't want to tell you not to fire," Clay began, his eyes meeting mine. "Because if it means you or Abbas, I want you to shoot the hardest you can." I nodded. "I just don't want you going all trigger-happy on me, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, as he passed a gun to me which I promptly shoved into my jacket pocket. My throat suddenly felt dry. "Let's do this."

Clay nodded. "Hang by Shapiro for a minute, I need to talk to Jake. But whatever you do, don't enter the Opera House by yourself, okay? _Stick with Shapiro."_

"I've got it, dad," I replied sarcastically, pulling my jacket up a little to ward the cold wind off me as I set off for the entrance, my hand clamping onto my gun just in case. Always prepared . . . always prepared.

Clay exhaled sharply as his grey eyes met Jake's hazel. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Jake snapped, looking away.

Clay continued to stare at Jake. "Shapiro's right, you know, you look like hell. You should get a little more sleep."

"Well, pardon me for not taking tips from the Beauty King himself," Jake hissed, "but we've got a job to do here."

Jake moved to climb over the fence but Clay pulled his arm back down. "We're not finished here."

"The hell we aren't."

"Look, dammit, this about Vera!" Clay said bitterly, as Jake turned back around. Clay stared down hard at the ground. "Look, Jake, I know your feelings for Vera and –" Clay lifted his eyes to meet Jake's – "and I think we should talk."

Jake exhaled sharply, staring down at the ground bitterly. "Damn you, Webb, there's nothing to talk about." Jake scowled to himself. "You and I can talk until we're blue in the face but all it's going to come down to – all it's ever going to come down to is you, me, and Vera." Jake stared at Clay. "You make her happy, Webb. By some twisted miracle of fate, you make her happy. And if she's happy, I'm happy."

Jake moved to climb the fence again, but once more Clay pulled him down. "Dammit, Jake, why must you always play the hero? You love her and you'll just let her go? Let her run into my arms?" Incredulity seeped into his voice. "You can't love her then. You can't. If you did, if you felt any way like I do, you'd never let her go. You'd always hang on." Clay took in Jake's averted eyes, and in that split second, a softer look played upon Clay's face. Understanding. "But maybe you already do . . ."

Jake looked away, a pained expression overcoming his handsome features.

"Why didn't you sleep last night, Jake?" Clay whispered. No answer. "What did you dream about?"

"Shut up!" Jake whispered fiercely. "Shut up."

"It was her, wasn't it?" Clay pressed. "You saw her again."

"I told you to shut up!" Jake whimpered. "Just don't, Clay, don't."

"Jake, the sooner you talk about this . . ." Clay trailed but Jake flipped himself over the wire fence and was bounding into the Theater. Clay shivered slightly, adjusting the coat on his shoulders, his breath cloudy, as he looked up to the sky. "Please, God, let him be okay . . ."

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Toro**

**Vera's POV**

_Knock. Knock._

Removing myself from the chair beside the window, I pulled upon the door. And there stood Catherine, the tip of her honey blonde head covered in a rather large old fashioned hat. And true to her personality, she was smiling wildly, ignorantly. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Vera!" she exclaimed. "Jeez, why aren't you down at the Theater?"

_Can she GET any louder? _"Shut up, Gayle," I muttered, pulling her into the room with me. "Clay won't let me go and I'm not exactly fit for window jumping." I glare at her shrewdly. "Why are you here?"

"To get you, silly!"

_What . . .? _"Huh?"

Catherine rolls her eyes. "Don't you want to be in on the action?"

"Well, yeah, but . . ." I begin but am suddenly stopped by my own logic. Of course I want in on the action. Why the hell am I talking myself out of it? I turn back to Catherine who's waiting for an answer. "Yeah, but how?"

"Disable the camera outside," Catherine motioned to the door. "He set it up right across your door. Ain't too smart of him. He'd see you through the lens if you were to open the door, but he can't see anyone from behind."

I blink. "You know how to disable a camera?" _Catherine doesn't look smart enough to know how to put film in a camera. _

"Yeah," Catherine quipped. "We're taught in training. Now are we going to go or what?"

I'm shaken out of my reverie. "Uh, yeah . . . let me just grab my jacket."

I pulled my windbreaker off the wall hanger and followed her out into the hall. We scrambled across the piazza over to the theater. "So Catherine, you didn't say what you were doing here, yet?" I prodded as we approached the wire gate which Catherine cleared rather acrobatically. I didn't climb. Catherine had to unlock the door.

"What do you mean?" Catherine asked frowning as she led me through a back entrance, right at the top of the building. And suddenly I had a very powerful feeling that Clay and Jake didn't know about this entrance. It was too high, and looked more like a crack in the wall than anything. I could feel my nerves on end. The silence was deadening.

"I mean, how did you know to come –" I begin but I'm silenced by a "Shh!" from Catherine as she pushes her way through a black velvet curtain. I can only blink as we make our way through. We're at the very top row of the wooden theater seats, hidden by the darkness that surrounded the theater. But I can make out Harm standing there on the floor, and Clay beside him. Just waiting . . .

Catherine pulled me down behind the top row of chairs and I grimaces as I squatted painfully. Babies were killer. Out of the cracks between seat 126 B and 127 B I could dimly make out Jake's lean form crouched behind one of the benches quite near the stage. I looked around for Mac but could find no sign of her. Either she was very well hidden or not here at all. The thought worried me.

And then suddenly, the air shifted. If possible it became tenser than it was before. Clay's cell phone rung. Everyone stared, no one breathed. I felt myself turn rigid in my crouched position. Catherine's breath grew loud and stormy in my ears. Clay picked it up, "Yeah?" a long pause and then. "Alright."

He turned back to Harm, though he spoke loud enough so that he knew Jake would hear. "He's coming."

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Mac's POV**

I felt myself freeze. Within my chest there was a powerful panging – the beating of my heart. My palms grew sweaty. _He's coming. _I shut my eyes in a dull hope that it would be over. Abbas would enter and Clay would kill him. Or Jake, hidden behind the bench. Or maybe Harm. But I didn't want Harm to kill him. I knew it would haunt him, just like it would me. Clay seemed to be cool to the point of not feeling, but I knew that wasn't true. Clay was as emotional as anyone as soon as you got him going. And Jake, I wish he had never entered the world of the CIA. He wasn't right for it. He was like Harm, he felt too much and too powerfully. It just wasn't right for him to be here. Not at all.

And then the footsteps came. Loud, ringing, powerful. They echoed with confidence and I felt myself beginning to shake. Suddenly I didn't care if Abbas was killed, I only wanted them out safe. I couldn't bear it if I lost Harm again. I could see Jake from where I crouched, behind the purple cape in the corner. I could see him stiffen behind the bench, but his finger never left the trigger. The barrel of the gun poked out from the small gap between the bench and the chair, his eyes never left the entrance to the stage room. He was ready. No, he was more than ready. I could tell it from the gleam in his eyes. He was craving it.

And it was at that moment that I wondered who had shot Jane. The Jane he loved so much. In the last year and a half that I've known Jake I've never seen a wilder or crazier look take him on, even when he was fighting with Clay or dreaming about Vera, I'd never seen him so passionate. He was like an animal, at that moment. Hunting, with only a bullet away from catching his prey. Jake never told me who shot Jane, but at that moment I knew. And I was scared for him.

The footsteps grew louder. They echoed in my ears. My breath seemed to hover within my throat. I felt sick. And then . . . he spoke.

"Don't shoot." I couldn't see him, he hadn't entered the room yet. Jake stiffened, Harm looked around wildly. _Where was he?_ The footsteps stopped. My heart was pounding. Clay's eyes were jumping madly around the room. I was biting my lip hard.

"Give us a reason why we shouldn't," Clay challenged, turning his head above him because he didn't know where else to talk to. "Give us one damned good reason why we shouldn't put a bullet in your brain."

I never expected what happened next. None of us were prepared for it. Abbas laughed. Coldly, emotionlessly, his laughter roared throughout the room. "Just one?"

And then there was a sound behind us. I whirled around. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jake swivel to face the back. Webb and Harm were looking through the darkness madly. But we could see her plain as day. Catherine Gayle stood up, with Vera in front of her, and a gun was pressed to Vera's head.

"Catherine?" Clay whispered incredulously. "You're the snitch?"

Catherine smiled coldly. "Can't believe it Clay?" Her eyes glinted darkly. "Who better than me? I hire, I fire. I pass on information. I retain information. But you already know that, Clay. That's why you wanted me in on your little mission."

Clay had gone white as a sheet. "Put the gun down, Catherine."

I could feel myself shaking, violently. Vera's breathing was regular and she kept a calm and collected exterior. But you had to know her real well to see the fear in her eyes, and right at that moment I knew her real well. The footsteps again, loud and smashing against the floor, and then he came. Like a ghost he floated in through the left entrance . . . Abbas.

He was shorter than I would have though, maybe around Clay's height, with a wire thin build and shocking dark hair. But I didn't take time to notice anything else. I was entranced by his eyes. They were cold and dark, unforgiving. I saw Sadik in them. Emotionless and unforgiving. I was shaken.

"Catherine, kindly bring Ms. Azhad up to the front here," he said, his voice as solid as frozen ice. I couldn't read the expression on Clay's face. It was untraceable. Catherine shoved Vera down through the seats, causing Vera to stumble, catching hold of the benches to keep herself from falling. She clutched her swollen stomach.

"Put the gun down, Holter," Abbas hissed, sensing Jake from behind the bench. "Put it down, or she dies."

Jake froze, his hand on the trigger.

"Put it DOWN, Holter!" Abbas commanded, his voice pressed. Catherine pulled Vera up to the stage, standing beside Abbas, her gun tight on Vera's temple.

"Dammit, Jake, put the gun down!" Clay hollered at him, his eyes frantic. I could feel the pressure, the mounting intensity of this one moment. Vera stood between Catherine and Abbas, her eyes wild and her breathing staggered. Clay was pale, and Jake was wild. Only Harm seemed to have his bearings, and even then he was frozen in place.

"Who are you working for?" Jake hissed, withdrawing his gun from Abbas's aim, but keeping it in his hand all the same. "Who's employing you?"

Abbas's eyes fell upon Jake, scanning each and every square inch of him, and I knew at that moment that Abbas had sized him up right. And the thought burned me to my very core. "Not at liberty to discuss."

I could feel the pounding in my ears, within my chest. But I couldn't bare to close my eyes and take myself away from the scene at hand. I couldn't.

"Let her go," Clay's voice shook.

A smile played across Abbas's lips though it didn't reach his eyes. This was fun for him. The thought made me sick. "No, I think not," he whispered, turning to Vera who glared back at him defiantly. "Quite a pretty catch, isn't she?" he hissed, staring directly at Jake and Clay. "I think I'm right in guessing she will be missed."

Clay's jaw clenched. "Damn you."

"Tsk tsk," Abbas shook his head, grinning as he did so. "Profanity will never get you anywhere, Webb." He turned back to Vera. "Especially with the ladies."

Vera shoved him as hard as she could in the ribs, but he pulled her arm backwards, struggling with his breath as he did so. Catherine's finger tensed on the trigger but Abbas shook his head. He had full control. He smiled coldly at Vera, "Feisty one. Such a shame, you would have made a nice operative."

"I'd rather die," Vera snarled.

Abbas's grinned broadened. "That's being arranged." He turned back to Clay, Harm, and Jake. "I'm leaving now. Taking her –" he cocked his head in Vera's direction. "Shoot and she dies. Stay here," he shrugged. "Maybe I'll let her live."

"And what are the chances of that?" Jake sneered. "Slim to one?"

Abbas's eyes narrowed. "Don't get mouthy or I'll shoot her right in front of you." He grinned coldly. "But then again, I suppose you're used to that."

Clay gripped his arm hard on Jake's shoulder to keep him from lunging out at Abbas. Clay's lips were white and his skin even paler. He never looked more old, yet never more scared. The fright of a child. "So you're just going?" his voice was trembling. "You're running away, taking Vera? You're a coward, you know that? A coward," he spat. "At least stay to duke it out."

Abbas yawned. "Frightful waste of time, just like now. We'll be off."

He turned to go but Harm's voice stopped him. "Wait!" I closed my eyes, praying he doesn't do something stupid. "You wanted me, right?" Harm challenged. "You're supposed to kill me. Why aren't you taking Vera? Why aren't you killing me?"

Abbas's eyes were black ice. "Who ever said you were the target?" he hissed. Clay's face creased into a frown. Jake stared at Abbas loathingly. My breath hung in my throat as Abbas laughed to himself. "Oh wait, I'm sorry. Terrible wording there. I mean, who said you were the ONLY target?"

Clay's eyes seemed to expand. Jake's mouth dropped open. I pushed down the gasp that threatened to escape me. Abbas smiled, "In exactly eight minutes this theater will explode. Kill me or not, you can't save yourselves. By allowing Catherine and I to pass, you are saving the life of Ms. Azhad. By killing us, you will all die. So, gentlemen, take your pick. Kill us all, or save her."

And the look that traveled between Harm, Jake, and Clay was identical. It was no choice. "Get out of here," Jake spat.

Abbas grinned, his eyes narrowing on Jake. "It's been nice seeing you again, Holter." His head jerked up to meet Clay's. "Webb." And then he turned to Harm. "It's a pity we didn't get to know each other better, Rabb. I could have sworn you could have made my kill proud."

And with that he pushed Vera to the side roughly, as Catherine slammed her gun into Vera's back, causing her to stumble. Vera shot one last look back on the three of them, her eyes seeming to connect with all of them. And then she nodded, swiftly and jerkily. But in that second, she seemed to have transferred a message. And with that, she was gone.

"What are we going to do?" Webb bellowed as soon as they were down the passage. Harm raced down the entrance Abbas had taken but came back almost immediately after. "They've bolted the door, we can't get through."

Webb swore loudly.

"Quick, the underground passage way," Jake said, running his fingers over the stage boards. "Look for a notch that looks like – Mac!"

"What?" Harm asked, suddenly turning around, his eyes catching sight of me as I pulled myself out from behind the curtain, my eyes frantic. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the hotel!"

"Well, I couldn't very well let you do this alone!" I hollered at him, pushing on his arm as Jake flipped open a trap door.

"Get in!" Jake screamed. "And hurry!"

I stumbled through the passage, my hands flying out before me as we raced down the tunnel, our panic echoing in our ears. I could feel my heart thumping madly within my chest as Harm grabbed onto one of my hands, squeezing in what he tried his best to make out reassuringly. I could only bite my lower lip. "Seven minutes and twenty-two seconds."

Jake leaped upwards, his hand connecting with the boards above and almost immediately falling back down. "Shit!"

"What?" Clay breathed, looking up to where the boards sat above. "What is it?"

"They've put something over it," Jake said, his muscles straining as he tried to shove the boards out of the way but it was futile. "We can't get out."

I felt my breath catch in my throat. "Then we'll get out my way."

"Your way?"

"Yeah!" I shouted as I raced back through the passage, towards the theater trap door. "I got in from the roof. I saw Shapiro was manning the entrance and I knew he'd tell you if he saw me, so I circled around the left and there was an open window on the roof, so I climbed up the drainpipe, and got in through that way."

"Damned gymnast, aren't you?" Jake muttered as we flung ourselves through the stage trap door and raced over the benches and up to the top floor.

"Are you actually complaining?" I challenged, as we belted up through the balconies on our way to the top. Dammit, why did opera houses have so many floors with so many seats?

"Don't talk," Webb muttered authoritatively as we sprinted. "Just run."

We sprinted up the third flight of stairs, my breath suddenly growing ragged. I could feel sweat collecting on my forehead but I pushed it aside. I saw Hunter sitting in his cradle, his blue eyes nothing but innocent. I couldn't have him growing up without his parents. And I saw Jake who never wanted anything more than Vera's happiness, and what was happening now I knew must be killing him. And Clay who's life had always been his job was now in jeopardy because the only woman he's ever truly loved is gone, possibly dead, and there's slim to no chance that we'll ever get out of here. And I thought to myself as we ripped up each staircase that I will never be in greater company than I am now and how damned unlucky I was to realize this three minutes before I'm about to die.

"The roof!" I gasped as I hurled myself up through the staircase and pushed the sliding shutter that led up to the roof open. Cold wind whipped into my hair and stung my bare skin as I pulled myself up onto the tiled face, pulling Harm up after me.

"Just run!" he bellowed as he bent over to help Clay up. "Just go!"

I didn't need any urging. I ran to the left side of the building and clung to the drainpipe as I slid down, praying to god that I wouldn't fall and break my neck. Oh irony.

"Hurry up, Jake!" Harm screamed, his voice hoarse and the wind drowning most of its volume. "We've got less than a minute!"

Jake swore into the wind. "We'll never make it."

Clay grasped hard onto one of Harm's arms as they clung to the drainpipe, sliding down it fireman-style. Jake following almost immediately after and landing on the ground hard because he'd fallen most of the way. The cold air surrounded us. I could feel my heart beating painfully within my chest as I ran across the gravel, my breath caught in my throat. And in the distance I could see Abbas and Catherine getting into their car, and shoving Vera onto the ground. She stumbled and hit the pavement, a pained groan escaping her. I ran to her, falling to my knees as I pulled her to get up. From the corner of my eye I could see Jake running, his skin pale and Clay and Harm behind him, they're face masks of concentration.

"Hurry up!" I screamed hoarsely to Vera. "We've got to go!"

Vera was crying, her face screwed up in agony. "I can't do it, Mac! It hurts!"

Jake was close now, pulling me up from the ground and throwing me away. "RUN!" he screamed, pulling on Vera's arm and wrenching her up to her feet. "It's going to BLOW!"

And with that startling statement, the entire opera house blew as chunks of stone and rock and wood crashed down above us from the air, as Ballando il Teatro dell'Opera Leggero was no more.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the evil cliffie, but come on – I'm entitled to it, right? Besides, I haven't pulled one this mean on you in a while. Oh yeah, and this story's kind of ending next chapter, so now would be a REALLY good time to review. **

**Freezepops: **the song is called 'Your Song' by Garth Brooks. Now, I've never actually heard the song, so I don't know whether it sounds good, but it's famous for its beautiful lyrics so I used it. I like the lyrics. Lol, and I know you'd love a happy ending! So . . . I'm ending the story next chapter!

**Prinnie: **I'll keep your rule in mind, and I'll definitely read your story. Just tell me when you post it.

**Vhosek malacath: **omg, I hope the ending's good. I couldn't stand it if I screwed up this ending. I love this story too much.

**MiDushiNoSushi: **Wow, this was a long chapter . . . I would have posted yesterday, except I thought it was mean to leave half way through. Don't you agree?

**Jamie L: **thanks, lol . . . and I don't want it to end either! Except it's going to . . . next chapter. Oh well, that's what sequels are for, anyway.

**Lani: **who knows? Maybe you're correct . . .

**Froggy0319: **Well, how's this for a treacherous chapter? I used everyone in it, though. I think. Oh yeah, and the cliffie ending. Doesn't that just keep you hooked?

**Odakota: **thanks! And I was trying to finish it for the summer, but time just did not cooperate . . .

**ForensicsFreak1988: **And you updated! So here's my chapter, securing our little deal . . .

**Southernqt: **well here you go! Your update. Wow, I was hardly breathing while I wrote it . . . omg, I'll never get to bed now.

**Foxy Wombat: **I don't want it to end either! But then again, the end's exciting, so I'll also have a fun time writing it, just like I did this chapter. Ah, you spread your confliction.

**Concrete Angel Lullaby: **oh yeah, I have a sequel . . . and I'll be starting it soon cuz next chapter FT finishes! For good!

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **Haha! 1 Chapter! Only one left! And then maybe an epilogue . . . unless I fit my epilogue like thing into the next chapter. But if I don't, and make another chapter, I've made exactly forty. Hmm . . .

**Bite Beccy: **Happy ending? Maybe . . . maybe not . . . depends on how you look at it

**TV Angel 711: **And you thought last chapter was a cliffhanger? Lol, well . . . I suppose I'm allowed to go all out in this chapter. I mean, it'll be my last chapter of FT with a cliffhanger. So I'm entitled to make it gasp worthy right? Oh yeah, and as soon as I finish Full Throttle I'll set to work on TLWL! I feel guilty I haven't updated in such a long time.

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **lol, Beyonce on crack . . . my friend would love that one. He's madly in love with Beyonce, has been since . . . uh . . . I don't know, the seventh grade? I'm not sure. And who knows if Jake and Vera will get together? Okay, I do, but I can't say till the next chapter. But I'll say one thing . . . it's no contest in the end.

**Brontesgirl: **thanks! And I hope you liked this chapter.


	39. Promises to Keep

**A/N: Uh, okay, I know this was technically supposed to be the last chapter, but then it got too long so I had to cut it off and I was just like, "what the heck, I'll make forty chapters." So . . . um, sorry for the inconvenience, but here you are anyway!**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, Judy52sa, kd, BelovedOne, fic chic, disneygirl1962, and Mackenise Jackson, for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.**

**_Flashback to 'Frozen Fear' (Mac's POV)_**

"_Hurry up!" I screamed hoarsely to Vera. "We've got to go!"_

_Vera was crying, her face screwed up in agony. "I can't do it, Mac! It hurts!" _

_Jake was close now, pulling me up from the ground and throwing me away. "RUN!" he screamed, pulling on Vera's arm and wrenching her up to her feet. "It's going to BLOW!"_

_And with that startling statement, the entire opera house blew as chunks of stone and rock and wood crashed down above us from the air, as Ballando il Teatro dell'Opera Leggero was no more._

**Promises to Keep**

**1042**

**What used to be the theater**

**Clay's POV**

"Jake! Vera!"

I'm screaming hoarsely, detachedly, and I'm running, my legs a blur of motion. Somewhere in the back of my mind I register the fact that I can barely breathe, that my body is racked with pain I can only compare to that which I experienced in Paraguay. But I ignore it. My mind's going a mile a minute as I race through the ruins, my scratched voice screaming their names. Please god, let them have lived . . .

Lights are blazing, sirens are wailing, explosions attract a lot of attention. Through my blurred vision I can see Harm's unconscious form on one of the stretcher, and Mac who suffered nothing but a light scrape to the forehead trying to get through to the Italian police what happened. But it's useless, and we both knew it. Abbas was gone again. The air was layered heavily in the smell of burning wood and concrete, it was stifling. Thick grey smoke obscured my vision as I smashed my way through the debris, my body aching for me to stop, but my mind refusing to do so.

"Jake!" I screamed shrilly, pushing myself under the broken beams. "Vera!"

From behind me one of the police officers screamed, "Uscire da lí!"

I didn't need to be Italian to know what that meant. _Get out of there. _The debris was unsafe. At any moment piles of concrete or wood or metal could come crashing down from what used to be the roof. But I don't care, I thought savagely as I ploughed through anyway. Not without Vera and Jake . . .

"Holter!" I called out to the open air, my body lost within the smoke. "Azhad!" I felt a nervous sob shake my body as I imagined their bodies lying buried beneath the rubble. _Don't think about that! _I mentally screamed. _Don't think about their voices dampened by the debris. Don't think about their bodies crushed by the planks of the roof. Don't think about . . ._

A groan. Quiet, barely audible, but there it was. A groan. I pushed myself through the rock, my heart pounding madly within my chest. I felt a distant rush in my ears, but I was too dizzy to think much of it. I could just see Vera's and Jake's faces loom in front of my mind, and I kept driving through, my hands plowing madly. "Vera! Jake!"

I heaved a breath, my chest aching. I rotated my head in every which way. My vision was obscured, the smoke was stifling. I felt lost. My legs were shaky, threatening to give in at any moment. My back hurt, and my skin was scraped. Collapsing looked so good right about now . . .

"Clay!"

The cry was distant, so far and so quiet I barely heard it against the pounding that resounded within my own ears. But it was enough to get me going. I sprinted in the direction of the voice, my skin stinging against my own flesh. The smell of heating metal filled my nostrils and throat. And then I saw them, caught under wooden roof beams, sheets of metal pinning them under. Jake was on top of Vera, his arms outstretched so as not to put his weight on her. Both where ghostly pale.

I ran over to them, my legs suddenly feeling like jelly that could no longer hold itself up. I collapsed beside them. "Vera . . . Jake . . . are you okay?" I gasped in between my ragged breaths.

Jake couldn't speak a word. His lips were white and his skin paler, but Vera cried, "Help!"

I stood up from my crouched position, my eyes scanning the ruins frantically for the police officers. "I've got two!" I cried shrilly, pointing down at the ground though I knew they couldn't see Jake and Vera from where they were standing. "I need help!"

I turned back to Vera and Jake, whose color was rapidly decreasing. "Vera, come up," I said, putting my arms around her shoulders and attempting to drag her out from under Jake to relieve the pressure on his front body but she screamed in pain as soon as I did so. Her hands clutched her stomach.

"Sorry, Vera, but I've got to get you out," I panted as I pulled her once more, her anguished screams echoing in my ears. "You're hurting Jake!"

That was more or less of an understatement. Jake had stopped moving, his head lolled to the side, his skin snow white, his dark golden hair standing out vibrantly against it. He could barely keep his eyes open. Vera cast a panicked look at Jake, her face stricken, and then she grabbed hold of me and helped me heave her out. She bit her lip to keep herself from screaming.

"Come on, Vera, we're almost there!" I muttered, pulling as I slid her waist out, her legs still remaining trapped under Jake's body. "Just one more pull, okay?"

Vera shook her head, her whole body shaking as she cried. "I can't do it, Clay, I can't . . ."

"You've got to!" I bit back forcefully, pulling on her legs. "Come on, Vera, work with me!"

She cast me a frightened look but wrapped her arms around my neck and pulling hard so that both her legs slid out from underneath Jake. I watched as his body shifted, the planks falling lower on him, but less painfully. I trained my vision on Vera who now lay limply by my side, unmoving.

"Oh, Vera," I whispered hoarsely, putting my ear to her chest and sighing in relief as I heard the slow but steady beat of her heart. Putting one arm underneath her back and the other around her waist, with a sudden burst of unexpected strength I hauled Vera up, slinging her body deftly into my arms. "I'll be right back, Jake," I whispered. "Okay?"

Very dimly I could see him nod his head, pain seeping its way into his features. I pushed Vera farther up into my arms so as not to drop her, and raced as fast as I could up to the cop cars. Ducking my way under broken planks and the slabs of concrete, I pulled my way over to where the cops and the ambulances were parked. They'd already taken Harm and Mac away. I could feel myself grow faint as I approached them, Vera weighing heavily on my arms, but I pushed the fatigue away. _Save Jake . . . save Jake . . ._

The cop closest to me rattled off in long fluid Italian which I understood none of. I gently but swiftly lay Vera down on the stretcher, pushing back my hair as I moved to run back into the debris. I can feel pain nagging at my heart but I forcefully ignore it. _Keep moving, _I tell myself wearily. _Just keep moving._

I'm hollered at forcefully by the cops as I try and go back in. I know they don't want me to go back, the left side of the opera house is crumbling and chunks of cement are tumbling everywhere. But I also know I don't give a care in hell what they think. _Just keep low and work your way through. _Smoke stings my eyes but I refuse to shut them for even a moment. I need to find Jake, we need to get out of here.

In that moment I'm caught thinking about Harm and Mac, how much I've ruined their lives. Who knows, maybe even before Abbas, if I'd stepped aside everything could have worked out. If I hadn't taken Mac to Paraguay, maybe they'd have had Hunter a long time ago, they'd be settling down into some nice, large, white-picket fence right now, dreaming of coming to Italy only for vacation. Or at least, they'd still be safe, back at JAG where they refuse to acknowledge their feelings for each other.

And then Vera, she'd never be here if I hadn't asked her in. Or Jake, who only joined due to the fact he was on vacation in Italy and happened to run into Vera. For if Vera was never there, neither would Jake be, and none of us would be in this mess, because if I hadn't taken Mac to Paraguay, Harm would have never needed to resign his commission, and then he would have never entered the CIA – where we all know Harm doesn't belong. And if he hadn't ever been in the CIA, he wouldn't have had to go to Manila, where who he met there wouldn't have hired Abbas to kill Harm – to kill all of us, which would have never prompted me to call Vera as security, to have Jake accidentally meet her, or to have Mac follow Harm. _If only . . ._

"Clay," Jake wheezed as I reached him, his dark blonde hair falling in front of his misty hazel eyes as he struggled underneath the wooden plank. I fell to my knees, pulling close to him.

"Save your breath," I whispered hoarsely, drawing my arms to the planks and pushing up with all my might. "You'll need all the energy you can get."

Jake shook his head violently. "No, Clay, you don't understand . . ." he trailed, his words dying on his lips as his face contorted in pain. And then I saw it, the blood. It trickled slowly but surely out from behind his head. I looked at him, seeing no exterior mark on his head or around his face.

"Jake . . ?" I trailed, shoving the plank up, and then I saw it. One of the metal roof beams had sunk through Jake's chest on the right side, not through the middle, but clipping his side and puncturing what I could imagine to be several internal organs. And the farther I pushed the plank up, the more blood I discovered. "Jake, you're bleeding!" I exclaimed, suddenly standing up. "Someone, I need help over here!"

"You shut up," Jake said tersely, bending over as I tried to remove the metal pole but only managing to push it farther into his chest. I let go as though my hands were burned. "Clay," he whispered softly, his head coming to rest on my lap as I shifted in closer to him, trying desperately to lift some of the roofing off of him. More rubble from the left side of the Opera House was coming crashing down. Soon the whole wall would collapse. "You gotta get outta here," Jake said, his eyes shutting for a moment.

"I'm not leaving you," I said passionately, my arms flailing madly in front of me as it hit stone and metal and concrete leaving my hands throbbing in pain. "Just hold on."

"No, stop," Jake commanded, seizing one of my hands in his and holding it so I couldn't move. "You listen to me now. This is gonna be the last thing that I ever tell you . . ."

"No, that isn't true!" I said, shaking my head in cold defiance. I could feel my body shaking, racked with sobs. No, he can't die . . . Jake can't die . . . Jake's got too powerful a spirit to die. "You're gonna make it, buddy! We'll get you to the hospital and they'll patch you up okay."

Jake shook his head. "No, they won't, Clay. You and me both know that." A large square of cement came falling down from the top and I had to squeeze myself close to Jake to keep myself from getting hit. "You listen, Clay, listen real good." I was all ears. "You've got to watch out for her, okay?" he asked, and it took me a minute to realize he was crying too. "Look out for Vera, take care of her. She doesn't need any help, but what she does need is a real good friend."

"Jake," I whispered hollowly but Jake plowed right on.

"Harm and Mac will be okay now," he said shakily, grinning wildly for a minute there. "Now that it's over. I don't think Abbas'll be after Harm anymore . . . I don't know if he ever really was. I think Harm was close to you, and you're to Vera, so that was the plan. Nab Harm, get you and Vera. So watch your back, okay? He's already got one of us."

"He hasn't got you yet, Jake!" I interjected stubbornly, my voice hoarse. "Please hang on . . ."

"But you've got to get him, Clay," Jake whispered softly. "Not for me, though. Don't do it for me. Do it for Vera. She's suffered under Abbas longer than I have, than I will . . ." He choked. "Just get him, okay?"

I nodded, gulping. "I will."

More cement, more metal, they tumbled towards me and this time I had to throw myself away to the right hand side to keep from being hit. I grimaced as I smashed my shoulder in to the hardened brick next to me.

"Now, go, Clay!" Jake whispered forcefully. I could see the pallor overtake every inch of his face, sweat dripping down his forehead and his cheeks. Blood swam from underneath his body. "Go or you'll get hit."

I stood right where I was, shaking. My arms wrapped around him and tried to pull him out but I knew as soon as I pulled I was only hurting him more. _There was no saving him . . . _More chunks of the theater walls and roof rained down upon us.

"Go!" Jake screamed feebly, his head resting against the rubble beneath my feet. "Go to Vera . . ."

I could feel myself vibrating violently as I numbly clambered down from where I had been standing. More cement, or bricks, they cut through the air like missiles as I struggled to keep from being hit.

I watched as Jake took one last look up at the sky, and for one second – through the cracks of the clouds overhead – long thin rays of sunlight rained down upon his face, his eyes looking more blue than gray. And Jake smiled, the most beautiful blessed smile ever to spread across his face. "I'm coming, Jane . . ."

And then he was gone, leaving me standing all alone.

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Hospital **

**Mac's POV**

"Is she going to live?" I burst as the doctor left Vera's room, my feet carrying me from Harm's. Harm had just woken up, and though thoroughly disoriented he was expected to make full recovery. Vera however . . .

The doctor's voice was grave, "I'll be frank, her chances aren't the best. And with all the excitement she sustained today, she's gone into labor."

I could feel my face pale. Take it from someone who's been down that road. It's painful even before you have a whole Opera House roof collapse on you. I could feel my heart pounding loudly within my chest. "How . . . when . . ." I struggle with my words.

The doctor looks at me sympathetically, nodding as though he knew exactly how I felt. "I'll let you know if anything else crops up."

I nodded dumbly.

"But," he whispered tenderly. "I do need to know that if it comes down to saving the baby or the mother, which one to choose."

I was at a loss for words. It had never struck me how serious the situation was before he said that. One or the other. "I can't make that decision."

He nodded, "I understand. Well, hopefully it doesn't come down to that."

And I could only pray that that was the case.

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Piazza**

**Clay's POV**

I wandered down the road numbly, the rush not leaving my ears. My heart beat dully within my chest, pointlessly. I felt drunk though I knew I was never more sober. He was dead. Jake was dead. I couldn't believe it. I knew some part of me would never believe it. Never believe that I wouldn't wake up to his smart-aleck comments, or his needling me about my hair or lack there of. Never go on another mission with him, never have another fight with him. It was inconceivable to me.

From deep within me came a burning anger, white and hot that spread throughout my entire being. I was mad as hell. This kind of wild almost rabid look overtook my eyes and I grinned insanely as I stomped down the tiled ground of the piazza. From the horrified looks that I was receiving from tourists I could tell I looked a mess. MY shirt was ripped, my forehead violently scraped, and Jake's blood soaking through my clothes. Sweat glistened on my skin and the smell of the smoke and blood mixed nauseatingly on my body.

"Abbas."

Never had more motivation ever been uttered in a word. The glare that burned my eyes resulted in the crowd separating in front of me as though I were infected by some fatal virus. But I didn't care. In fact, I hardly noticed it. I knew where Abbas was, and it was killing me.

Abbas and Catherine, working together. The shock had still not worn off. Catherine was an idiot, never before had I been so sure of anything. She was weak, she was Abbas's target. Some other men might have felt sorry for her, but not me. She as good as killed Jake. She deserved to die more painfully than he did, in a pool of her own blood with no one to save her. And if I ever met the man that employed them, I'd kill him too.

Jake's words echoed in my mind as I sprinted across the piazza and ducked into a connecting alley. They replayed in my mind so forcefully, I don't believe I shall ever forget them. They stung with painful truth. And it scared me.

"_Harm and Mac will be okay now," he said shakily, grinning wildly for a minute there. "Now that it's over. I don't think Abbas'll be after Harm anymore . . . I don't know if he ever really was. I think Harm was close to you, and you're to Vera, so that was the plan. Nab Harm, get you and Vera. So watch your back, okay? He's already got one of us."_

I bit my lower lip hard, running faster. Out of all of us, Jake didn't deserve to die. He never got his shot at happiness, or a family, or anything like that. He was cheated out of life. Abandoned by his mother, his father jailed when he was eight, and leaving Jake to take care of his younger brother by five years. The only thing Jake had ever done for himself was join the CIA, and look where that had gotten him.

"_But you've got to get him, Clay," Jake whispered softly. "Not for me, though. Don't do it for me. Do it for Vera. She's suffered under Abbas longer than I have, than I will . . ." He choked. "Just get him, okay?"_

"I will," I could feel my voice tremble as I said so as I ran down the street, not pausing for a moment to catch the breath that I had little of. "I will."

I staggered into the alley next to the Hotel Riz. If Catherine and Abbas were working together, Catherine would settle for no less than the most expensive hotel in the country, and where there was Catherine, there would be Abbas. I shook with anger as I felt my fingers curl around my belted gun. I would get him this time. There would be no pausing for the extraction of information, or Arnold Schwarzenegger-like lines. I would shoot him and I would watch him die. For what he'd done to Harm and to Mac, to Vera, and – I gulped – to Jake.

I could feel myself freeze over as a sudden realization hit me. My senses went haywire. A stifling stench drowned the alley, and I knew what it was the moment I inhaled it. Blood, freshly spilled blood. I felt nauseous. I staggered forward, my eyes scanning the bare ground, sandwiched between the two brick walls. And then I saw it, or rather her.

Catherine Gayle lay there against the wall, her body slumped in a twisted position, and blood flowing freely from the large bullet hole in her forehead. I felt my stomach flip as I saw her and I didn't wonder once who killed her. Abbas. She was done, used, she had served her purpose, so he killed her. Mercilessly she was murdered, just like Vera's father, just like Jake . . . but no more. I could feel angry tears sting my eyes and I looked away, struggling with nausea. He wouldn't kill again.

A rustling noise. I whirled around, my gun immediately outstretching in front of me. My heart thumped madly within my chest. A buzzing noise overtook my ears. I stiffened. And then I saw him, Abbas, walking towards me as if he knew, he knew what I was hear to do . . . and he was smiling. The son of a bitch was smiling. He had just killed two people and he was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. My blood began to boil.

"Clayton Webb," he hissed, his dark eyes taking in my bloody and bruised form. "Why, I was hoping you'd be dead by now."

"Sorry to disappoint," I spat, my finger clenched on the trigger. Abbas didn't so much as blink. He merely stared at me with calm and rational eyes, taking in the barrel of the revolver. He twitched slightly.

"So are you here to kill me?"

It seemed so simple when he stated it. One pull of the trigger, that was all it would take. Abbas would be no more. My jaw clenched as I put the slightest pressure on my trigger finger, but there was something about the way Abbas stood, the way his eyes moved, and I knew that this was what he wanted me to do. To kill him. And I wasn't about to play into his hands again.

"Why?" I asked, my voice shaking. "Why'd you kill him?"

Abbas was calm. "Kill who?"

"Jake!" I exclaimed savagely, pushing my revolver up against his forehead. And for a minute, I swore I saw fear flash in his eyes, almost immediately replaced by the darkness of control.

"Holter's dead?" He seemed almost amused by the idea. "Funny, I would have thought out of the lot of you, he would be the one to live."

My voice trembled. "He SHOULD have been the one to live."

Abbas stared at me in the perceptive way he did. "So that's why you're here is it, to avenge his death?" Abbas smiled. "You know, Webb, you and me are a lot alike. We're obsessed with our jobs, we're defiant to our employers, and the one thing that we love the most in the world, we'll never rest until we get it."

I shook. "And what's that?"

His dark eyes sunk into mine. "Power."

I shook my head violently. "You know, Abbas, if you had said that a year ago, maybe even a month ago I would have disagreed with you. That there are millions of differences between us." Abbas looked confused for a second. "But I'm smarter now, and there's really only one difference between the two of us." My gun pressed up against his temple, his eyes widened. "You would pull the trigger." And then I snapped back, the gun hitting hard on his head and I watched as his body slumped to the ground.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I know I said this would be the last chapter - but hey, next chapter would make it forty! How wicked would that be if I finished at the big four 0? Oh yeah, and as mentioned in the last chapter, this would be a REALLY good time to review. **

**Disneygirl1962: **Well, I'm glad you're liking Full Throttle - one chapter to go!

**Starryeyes10: **thanks!

**FoxyWombat: **lol, I can't believe YOU'RE yelling at ME for evil cliffies! Never mind the Queen of Confliction, you're the Queen of Cliffhangers.

**Snugglebug: **lol, (we all pull out matching 'I HEART cliffhangers t-shirt') well, this chapter wasn't too cliffy . . .

**Brontesgirl: **thanks, and don't worry - I'm coming up with the sequel.

**Daisymh: **thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter too.

**Abigaile: **Yeah, one more chapter and then the sequel . . . and I hope you're not too distraught.

**Southernqt: **soooo is this what you thought would happen? Well, it's not over yet.

**Vhosek malacath: **well, I hope I don't abuse that trust with the last chapter (would have ended it with this one except it was going too long)

**Sarah: **thanks! Not too much cliffie stuff here . . . but just wait till you all find out who employed Abbas.

**Mackenise Jackson: **YOU READ IT IN A NIGHT AND A MORNING! Wow, I'm impressed . . . this story's pretty long.

**Jaggurl: **I know, I'm sad too! But that's what sequels are for!

**Alix33: **lol, yeah . . . Dumbledore drinking it was so sad! I was like, 'Nooooooooo!' (As my friend Steelo (sitting right next to me) just narrated). Ah, one chapter to go!

**Radiorox: **yeah, lol, where would they all be without Mac?

**Lani: **Breathe in . . . and out . . . in . . . and out . . . feeling better?

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **I took the 'don't kill anyone' thing into consideration and then I was like 'ahhhh, necessary for the sequel' and then I was like, 'but Pissed Off Poet will kill me'. And then I thanked the lord that the internet's the only way we communicate. Lol

**MiDushiNoSushi: **Well, you certainly had a lot of questions - and I answered NEARLY all of them. LOL, we'll just wait to see how this wraps up, huh?

**Freezepops: **ah, I was SO going to make this the last chapter and then it got WAY too long! And I was like, should I prolong it . . . or rap it up with this chapter . . .? And then I argued with myself so much my friend was just like, "Just go ahead and make it forty!" And then I gave in.

**Odakota: **I know, when i was writing it and I put Catherine in I was like 'everyone should know right about . . . NOW!' But I still managed to surprise some people. Just wait till you find out who's employing Abbas. That's one of the more fun details of the story.

**TV Angel 711: **lol, well there ya go! Catherine's dead! And more gasp worthy stuff in the next chapter . . . I think. Oh wait, yeah there is - what the hell am I saying? MORE GASP STUFF TO COME.

**Kristie**: There! Chapter posted! Yes, I know it wasn't the LAST chapter but would youguys rather have one more? I think you'd rather have one more . . . Besides, forty's a nice number to end at. Round and everything. LOL

**Prinnie**: lol, I know where you're coming from. I'll finish Full Throttle,put up another chapter of TLWL, and then just take a BREAK. Well, not really - I've got this thing that I have to right for my history exam, sooooo never resting. And I followed your rule! Harm and Mac didn't die . . .

**tizy**: lol, I know what you mean, I'm the same way with some stories. It's like, 'hmm . . ten chapters, maybe I'll just read one or two tonight'. And then before you know it, you're reading them all just cuz you can't stop. And at the same time you're really enjoying it but you also want to save some for tomorrow . . . lol, i'm getting carried away here!

**Reni-Maniac: **Alright, i'll tell you. They get Abbas and he doesn't return in the sequel. LOL

**froggy0319: **heh heh, one more chap coming! I know I said that last chapter . . . but this time there is DEFINITELY ONLY ONE. I mean, I thought I coudl make this like a ten page chapter, but then I reached ten pages and realized I was no where near the end, so I cut it off at six.

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **lol, thanks . . . yeah, i can't believe other people didn't guess Catherine as the snitch. I mean, to me she seemed perfectly obvious - the only one in the CIA that was in on the op - except for the golden trio, of course . . . just wait till you find out who's employing them. Or maybe you already know. My friend was reading it and she guessed . . .


	40. Andare a Lei

**A/N: Alright, I know I haven't updated in nearly a week. I had to go to this . . . camp thing at my school for the last three days so I was unable to update. Sorry for the little warning. And . . . uh . . . okay, I have a lot to say, but I'd rather say it at the end so . . . um, happy reading!**

**Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, Judy52sa, kd, BelovedOne, fic chic, disneygirl1962, Mackenise Jackson, Fran Thurston, Major Jagfan, and Knight of Caeli for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.**

**Dedicated to: my best friend Steelo for putting up with me while I wrote this story. I don't know if I ever would have had the courage to write it if it weren't for her . . . and to Strawberry Kittens for letting me run ideas by them (and Julie for guessing the plot!), you all for hanging in there even when Jake died, and to everyone above for being the most amazing reviewers I'll ever get!**

**_Flashback to 'Promises to Keep' (Clay's POV)_**

_Abbas stared at me in the perceptive way he did. "So that's why you're here is it, to avenge his death?" Abbas smiled. "You know, Webb, you and me are a lot alike. We're obsessed with our jobs, we're defiant to our employers, and the one thing that we love the most in the world, we'll never rest until we get it."_

_I shook my head violently. "You know, Abbas, if you had said that a year ago, maybe even a month ago I would have disagreed with you. That there are millions of differences between us." Abbas looked confused for a second. "But I'm smarter now, and there's really only one difference between the two of us." My gun pressed up against his temple, his eyes widened. "You would pull the trigger." And then I snapped back, the gun hitting hard on his head and I watched as his body slumped to the ground._

**Andare a Lei**

**Same Time**

**The Hospital**

**Mac's POV**

_Beep Beep. Beep Beep._

My mind whirled as I watched two doctors sprint down the hall of the hospital, shouldering their way through to the operating table. _Where Vera is . . . _I shuddered. Not Vera. Not anyone. I wouldn't be able to stand it if anyone died. I cast a look at Harm in the bed beside me. My scrape was entirely a flesh wound, I didn't need to be in a hospital bed, but I was faint from the day's events, and I wanted to be close to Harm, so the doctors took pity on me. I almost wish they hadn't. There were so many more that needed the bed before me, but at the moment I was too tired to argue.

And then I saw him come out – the doctor. As a lawyer I read faces every day, study their body movement. The expressions etched into their features, the way they speak, all to see if they're lying. And as I laid there on the bed, I knew exactly what the doctor was going to say. The way his eyebrows furrowed as he walked towards me, the way his shoulders sagged, he had seen this happen many times. Too many times.

"May I speak to you outside?" His voice is soft but it cuts me to the core. I cast an anxious look at Harm beside me, wishing with all my heart he was awake.

"Yeah, sure," I whispered, climbing off the bed and walking out into the hall with him.

The doctor folded his arms over his chest uncomfortably. "I'm sorry to say that your friend isn't doing well at all." He sighed. "Do you remember that question that I asked you a little while ago?" I trembled as I nodded. He put a comforting arm on mine. "Well, I need an answer now. Do I save the mother, or the child?"

My breath caught in my throat. It was that bad. Vera or Vera and Clay's baby. I couldn't think. I could feel myself beginning to shake. I couldn't make the decision. But someone had to. "I . . . I don't . . ." I began, nervousness pounding against my ears. "Save . . ."

"The mother," Clay gasped from behind me. I whirled around to see him drenched in blood, sweat glistening on his forehead, his shirt ripped open. He cast an anxious look at me, wild eyed. "Save the mother."

And then he collapsed on the hospital floor.

* * *

**Five Minutes Later**

**The Hospital**

**Clay's POV**

"Vera . . ." I whisper as someone tries to slip an oxygen mask over my mouth. I'm thrashing on the bed. "No!" I fight the hands on me, turning my head every which way. My vision is blurry, colors blend into one another. My head is pounding. "No, I can't! I . . ."

"Calm down, Clay," Mac's voice fights its way to me. "Please, just calm down."

I relent slightly. "But where's . . .?"

"She's fine," Mac presses and I feel her arms pushing down on my chest, wrestling me onto the bed.

I'm dazed. "Liar," I whispered. I feel my shirt being removed. Evidently the doctors are checking for damage to my body. I guess Jake's blood had them fooled. I'm groggy as I try and sit up but am pushed back down. I swore.

"Clay, I'm going to be right back," she whispered in my ear as she patted my shoulder. "I need to check on Harm."

"But wait!" I called feebly from my bed. "Abbas is . . . Abbas . . ." I can't string a sentence together for the life of me. "Abbas . . . I . . . Jake . . ." Words swirl before my eyes. I feel nauseous. "Need Jake . . ."

"Where is he?" Mac asked and I felt myself internally puncture. She doesn't know. No one knows. No one except me. This is my fault.

Tears sting my eyes as I smile shakily. "With Jane."

And I know from Mac's soft exhale that she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

* * *

**Later**

**Harm's Room**

**Harm's POV**

I wake up to Mac's sob, her body close to mine. My mind whirls. You know that feeling you get when you wake up from a deep sleep in a strange place and you wonder how you got there? I had that right then and there, my eyes staring up at the whiteness of the walls and the ceiling. And then it all came back to me like a sudden wave. I felt cold, shaky.

"Mac?" I whispered hollowly, turning to face her. "Mac, are you okay?" She didn't say anything but tuck her head into the corner of my shoulder and neck, shaking her head. Immediately, I'm alert. "What's wrong?"

Mac tilts her tear-stained face towards me and said the two possibly worst words I could ever hear. "It's Jake."

"What?" I'm groggy, but her words cut me anyways. She couldn't be saying what I thought she was saying. Jake couldn't . . .

"It's Jake," she repeated numbly. "He's gone."

I could feel crashing resounding in my ears. "What?" I echoed.

"He's dead, Harm," Mac's voice broke. "Abbas got him."

Thick haze clouded my vision as I slumped back further into the bed. Dizziness and nausea swept me. "But he can't have . . ." I refuse to believe it. My eyes water in pain, both physical and emotional. I feel sick to my stomach. "Jake can't . . . he . . ."

And then I slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

**Same Time**

**The Hospital**

**Vera's POV**

"_The request is to save the mother."_

I could hear the voices dully resounding in my ears, my head banging painfully. There was this sharp pain in my stomach, my eyes refused to open. Pictures played before my mind lick a non-stop ticker tape. I groaned.

"_We can't do that without taking the baby out," _another voice said, sounding hollow and metallic against the back of my mind. _"And that in and of itself . . ." _

"_Could be complicated," _the other voice finished.

"Mmh," I mumbled, not even really sure of the word I was trying to form. I was dizzy. My head felt like it had just been cleaved in two. "Ngh."

"_She's slipping!" _the man's voice was suddenly urgent. _"Her heart rate's dropping."_

The pain was searing, white and hot. I could feel myself begin to shake. "Em sawe jek," I mumbled deliriously, trembling on the table. I was shivering.

"_Still slipping!" _the cry echoed in my ear. The throbbing was insistent. _"1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . ."_

I was having a hard time distinguishing the voices. Everything seemed to melt together. I felt nothing when the doctor cut my stomach open. I saw nothing but the memories that began to flash before my eyes. I heard nothing but the voices from many past echoing in my ears. I was out of it.

A cry, shrill and piercing. My vision blurred as I opened my eyes to see the doctors rushing a small squealing figure away. I felt numb. _I'm dying . . . _I thought hazily, as my eyes closed again. _This is what it feels like to be dead._

My thought was instantly followed by a sharp jab of pain in my side and I knew I was not quite there yet. My vision swam, this thick buzzing took over my hearing. Nervous sobs racked my body. _No, please no . . . _I silently begged as I slipped into unconsciousness.

_Lord, let me live . . ._

_

* * *

_

**Later**

**The Hospital**

**Clay's POV**

There was a dull aching in my head when I awoke, my eyes fluttering open as though for the first time. The light was blinding as white overtook every wall and ceiling and sheet. My mouth felt dry and my body ached insistently. But none of that mattered, I thought feebly. Not without Jake.

What kind of friend was I that I would steal the woman he loved from him and then in turn get him killed? What if I had pulled Jake out before Vera? Would he still be alive? Would they both live? IS Vera even alive?

Shrill crying reached my ears and I resisted the urge to roll over in the bed, knowing that would only cause me more physical pain. My head swam, the cry echoing within my ears. I opened my mouth only to find my voice worn and unwilling to be utilized. I tried to place the cry but I couldn't. It sounded like an infant's. Hunter?

"Shh," a woman's voice dampened the baby's cry. "Hush, little guy."

Mac, I knew it from the voice. I cracked open my eyes again. I felt like I was drowning. "Mac?" I mumbled.

From beside me Mac heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god you've woken up, Clay," she breathed as I watched her pat the baby's back, one hand stroking its head. "The doctors didn't think . . . I mean . . . you came pretty badly off." She looked shaken. "You were covered in blood and when you fainted . . ."

"He's dead," I said, deaf to her last statement. My eyes whirled around the room wildly. "He's dead," I muttered rabidly.

"I know," Mac whispered hollowly.

I shook my head forcefully, willing my tears not to break from behind my eyes. "There wasn't anything I could do to stop it . . . he just . . . died." My voice is breaking and I do nothing to stop it. "He was like a candle, one moment just burning . . . no sign of end, and then there was this sudden flicker and . . ." I look lost, "the flame was gone."

"I'm so sorry, Clay," Mac's voice is sincere. "I'm really really sorry."

I closed my eyes, willing my breath to regulate. "It's all my fault, Mac. If I hadn't ever . . ."

"Don't play that game," she snapped. "It never does any good. None of us can bring him back, so just shut up."

For a minute, I'm blown by the sudden harshness in her voice but it ebbs away slowly as the baby begins to cry again. I stare at her. "That's not . . . Hunter?"

Mac shook her head slowly and leaned in slightly towards me, pushing the infant into my hands. I stared down at the baby with a sudden whirlwind of realization. A pair of cool grey eyes – identical to my own – stare up at me. A watery smile suddenly breaks upon my face. He's got only a little hair, but it's a dark colored auburn, Vera's shade, and wavy like hers too. He's so small I feel like he'll disappear if I don't hold onto him with all my might. I turn up to Mac, "Vera . . .?" I whispered.

And to my surprise I find tears rolling down her cheeks. At that moment it strikes me how long it's been since I've seen Mac cry. "I don't know, Clay, the doctors won't tell us anything . . ." I looked down at the baby in my hands . . . my son, and close my eyes in sudden emotional defeat. I can't take this any more.

"God, I'm sorry, Clay," Mac whispered against my skin as she neared me almost hesitantly. "I'm sorry you had to see him die . . . I'm sorry you had to kill Abbas."

My eyes suddenly flipped to hers. "Who says I killed him?"

Mac falters slightly. "Well . . . you wouldn't be here if you hadn't gotten him . . . I know you, Clay. You never rest until you've got the job done." Mac grimaces for a second before smiling. "It's one of your charms."

I lower my eyes to the baby I hold in my hands. "I didn't kill him, Mac." I look up. "I didn't kill Abbas."

Mac looks lost. "What?"

"I didn't kill him," I repeated numbly. "I . . . I had the chance, but . . . I didn't. I hit him instead. And the authorities came, and they took him away. He's in maximum prison right now, I think . . . I don't know. He was unconscious when I left him." I'm shaking. "I could have killed him . . . he was right there in front of me, I had my finger on the trigger, I had him . . ."

Mac stares at me. "How come you didn't shoot?" Mac whispered.

I shrug my shoulders defensively. "It's what he wanted . . . he failed his task. He was supposed to kill me, and Vera, and –" my voice catches in my throat – "and Jake . . . but he didn't. And he knew it when he saw me. And he knew there was no point 'cause I had him, and the authorities would be there any minute. He'd rather die than live ashamed, that's the way he is. He wanted to die . . . and I'd rather kill myself than give him anything he wanted."

"Clay . . ." Mac trailed but I pushed on.

"He'll be tried before the court, of course," I rattled on. "And I'll damn well make sure he's convicted. But we gotta squeeze all the info we can out of him. Then he can be executed for all I care."

I looked up to see Mac's brown eyes falling lightly on me. "What?" I whispered.

She smiled at me. "Damn you, Clay, going off and being heroic."

I sighed wearily. "It's just a curse."

Mac was quiet for a minute. "Did Abbas say who employed him?"

I feel my nerves tingling again. "No . . ." I look up at Mac, "But don't worry, I don't think you and Harm were the targets. I think it was me, Vera, and Jake the entire time . . . they just used Harm to get to us." I shook my head. "Don't worry, you're safe."

"I'm not worried about my safety," Mac pressed. "I'm worried about everyone's." Her eyes nail me. "Including yours."

"I'll be fine," I argued futilely.

"I don't think you will be," Mac shot back. "Not if . . ." and then she stopped.

"Not if Vera dies, right?" I finished for her, and then at her hesitance I flashed her a watery smile. "We'll be alright, Mac."

"You think so?" she whispered.

"I think so," Harm said from behind her. We both whirled around to see him standing there, his head still heavily bandaged with spots of blood soaking through, but the infamous Rabb grin's still shining. He puts one arm around Mac. "I don't think God's cruel enough to do any more damage."

I smile at Harm, our eyes connecting for a second. "Rabb's right."

Harm looks down at my son and raises an eyebrow. "Who's the kid?"

The breath catches in my throat. "My son," I whispered softly, stroking the back of his head. "He's my son."

"Excuse me?" a voice interrupts us. We all turn around to see the doctor. "Ms. Azhad is awake."

Relief washes over me like a wave. I feel like I'm about to cry even though I know, hard as I try, the tears haven't a prayer of breaking through my eyes. "And she's . . . okay?"

"She's stable," the doctor hesitantly confirmed. "Whether she will retain all her old abilities is for time to tell, but as far as we can see, there has been no damage."

"I need to see her," I said numbly, moving to rise from the bed. "I need to see her."

"You need to do no such thing," Mac snapped, pushing me back down in the bed. "Clay, you're in no condition to even stand."

I cast a pleading look at the doctor but he only confirms what Mac just said. "The Colonel's right, and Ms. Azhad too is in no condition to permit visitors. Nor should you have them," he cast a wary look at Harm and Mac. "In light of the circumstances – your son's birth – I permitted the Colonel through. However, you," he pointed at Harm, "should be in your bed and I think it's quite time that we all leave Mr. Webb to his recovery."

Mac nodded and lifted my son out of my hands, flashing me a shaky smile. "Just feel better, okay?"

And I nodded, though I had no words to say. My mind was traveling a mile a minute. Harm and Mac would be okay. I knew that now. Them and Hunter would be alright. We'd go back to the US and get Harm reinstated, they could get married, maybe have another kid or two. But Vera and me . . . Abbas wasn't the threat. Abbas was never THE threat. Abbas wouldn't have had to kill us if he hadn't been hired by someone who wanted me, Vera, and Jake to die. For them it would just be another day, and another assassin. We had to get them before anyone else.

I felt my head pounding with thought as I rested it on my pillow. Who was affected by Jake, Vera's, and my actions? Countless people, I realized with a grim smile. All the terrorists we'd caught, the people we killed, we were the Golden Trio, the three best people in the business.

_The three best people in the business._

_Oh no . . ._

* * *

**Same Time**

**Vera's Room**

**Vera's POV**

"Hello, Vera," Kovac whispered, walking into my room and gesturing to the small bouquet of flowers he held in his hand. "I'm glad to hear you're feeling better."

"Sir," I said, trying to sit up a little in the hospital bed but Kovac just waved me down.

"None of that, you're sick," he said lightly.

I exhaled slowly, "Mind telling me what the head of CIA is doing in Italy?"

"Checking up on some things," Kovac smiled thinly. "But I imagine you have quite a story to tell."

I'm breathless on where to begin. "Catherine was working for Abbas," I stated bluntly. "I don't know how he got her, but she is. That's how she knew where we were. And they took me captive so that Clay and Jake wouldn't shoot him and then the opera house blew up and . . ." My thoughts are traveling a mild a minute. "Are they okay?"

"Who?" Kovac whispered softly.

"Them all," I said hollowly. "Clay, Jake, Harm and Mac, Shapiro and Teddy . . ." Kovac raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes," I said thoughtfully, "You wouldn't now Shapiro and the Kid. They worked for us, sort of. They were in on the op and . . ." I broke off, "Are they alive?"

Kovac's eyes took on sympathy and I knew before the moment he opened his mouth what he was about to say, and I was powerless to stop it. "I'm sorry, Vera, they didn't make it. Not any of them. You were the only survivor."

And with that statement, my world came crashing down. "But . . . but Clay, he pulled me and Jake out of the wreckage, he was alive . . ." Tears sting my cheeks. "And then he went back in for Jake . . . how could . . . I mean, what happened?"

"Jake died on the scene," Kovac plowed on mercilessly. "Webb went to avenge his death and Abbas killed him. Harm and Mac died on the scene as well. They were hit by falling timbers trying to get out of the way." I'm shaking now. "I'm sorry, Vera."

"My son!" I'm crying forcefully. "Where's my son?"

"Oh, Vera," Kovac said pityingly, "he died at birth, didn't the doctors tell you?"

"No!" I screamed, thrashing in my bed as sobs wracked my body.

"They tried their best to save him," Kovac whispered sympathetically. "But he was too small, he just couldn't make it . . ." Kovac flashed me a sympathizing smile. "He was beautiful though . . . just like you."

He reached out an arm to comfort me but I withdrew immediately. "Get away!" I hissed at him. "This is your fault this happened! If you'd just helped us right at the beginning Harm and Mac would still be alive, and Jake and Clay and my little boy . . ." I'm hysteric. "Get away."

"Vera . . ." Kovac trailed.

"And YOU were the one that hired Catherine!" I screamed. "You're the one who gave up on Abbas! If it wasn't for you none of this would have ever happened! If it wasn't for you . . ." And then suddenly my voice died away. I'm left staring at the man who is slowly becoming a monster before my eyes. I understand. "If it wasn't for you," I whispered hollowly. "You hired Abbas."

Kovac's eyes suddenly grew cold as he dug into his pocket. I didn't need to see the shiny black revolver that suddenly clung to his hand as he withdrew from the pocket, I'd already known what it was before. My eyes whirled wildly around the room, looking for something to use as a defense, anything. But I was weak, and had barely the strength to make it out of bed.

"Chuck, you can't do this . . ." My voice was pleading. "Please, Chuck, you can't . . ."

"I can do anything I damn well please," Kovac's voice is merciless. "Do you know how much pain you, Webb and Holter put me through? Yes, you caught terrorists, a clap on the back for you. And here I was, your director, and shunned form the limelight. Do you know what the Agency wanted me to do?" Kovac laughed manically. "They wanted to put Webb as the director – my job! They wanted to give him MY job. Webb wouldn't last a week. But you three were famous, and slowly diminishing the once trademark record I had . . ."

"So this is it?" I screamed. "You're wasting away your career for nothing? Because Clay advanced? That's why you needed to kill him?" Tears of anger streamed down my cheeks. "And what about Jake? What harm did he ever do to you? And Harm and Mac?"

"If it wasn't Webb it would be Holter," Kovac spat. "Or you. All three of you were good. It wouldn't do to just get one of you." He sighed airily. "As for Rabb and Mackenzie, I do feel rather sorry about them. But Rabb had strong connections with Webb, as did Mackenzie, that's true. But he was dating her at the time, and would have insisted on personally protecting her, which I couldn't have. It had to be you. And as soon as Rabb was in trouble, I knew he would call you. He trusted you." Kovac laughed sardonically. "It was no accident that Holter was in Venice at the same time as you. Who told him to vacation there?" Kovac grinned. "Me. And do you want to know the best part?" His dark eyes glinted maliciously. "Webb will take the fall for everything. He was the one that organized this mission, his name will be scum."

I'm shaking with rage. "You bastard."

Kovac shrugged his shoulders. "Think of me what you like, Azhad, it matters none to me. Either way, in a matter of minutes you will be dead."

"You son of a bitch."

Kovac rolled his eyes. "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names shall never hurt me." And then suddenly he turned rigid.

"What about guns?" an innocent voice asked, and as Kovac slowly turned, I could see Clay standing behind him, his own gun pressed against Kovac's forehead.

"Webb," Kovac whispered. "You don't understand."

Clay smiled nastily. "That's where you're wrong, Chuck, I understand it all." His finger tightened on the trigger. "It must have been very easy to manipulate Catherine into doing your bidding for you, or forming an alliance with Abbas in exchange for what I can guess was a free pass on his personal hunt. And the Manila story was all made up, of course. Just a cover to blame me. And then, if I did live through Abbas's assassination, I would go off and kill him – which would be the only link to you – and then you could finish me off. I understand all of that," Clay breathed, his grey eyes sinking into Kovac's dark ones. "I just don't understand where a good agent like you went so terribly wrong."

"Give yourself a few years," Kovac hissed. "Being a director isn't all that it's cracked up to be."

"No, it's more," Clay challenged. "You loved being director, you LOVE being director, which is why you couldn't stand me taking your place . . ." Clay's eyes hardened mercilessly. "I heard it all."

"Webb . . ."

"No," Clay bit back forcefully. "It's over. You've said your last words, now let me say the last you shall hear." All the anger from the months and years was piling as his finger tensed on the trigger. "You were right, Kovac, you were right when you knew I'd want Vera to protect Harm, and you were right when you assumed we'd overlook Catherine as the snitch. We played right into your hands." Clay's throat was tight. "But you were wrong when it came to me, Chuck. I suppose you guessed Abbas would be lying on a street somewhere right now with my bullet through his brain?" Clay cracked a grin. "No, nothing quite so elegant. Right now he's being quizzed by undoubtedly the FBI – or ironically, maybe even the CIA." Clay's voice was a low hiss. "It doesn't matter if I kill you now, Kovac. They're coming for you. They know what you've done because I didn't shoot Abbas, and he'll say anything to get a lighter sentence, even if it means ratting you out. Your life is over, whether it ends today or tomorrow or years from now when you sit rotting in your cell. You're done."

"You're lying!" Kovac spat, whirling around in the room and waving the gun madly. "You would have killed Abbas! know you."

"You have no clue who I am," Clay replied coldly.

"Damn you, you'll suffer for this," Kovac hissed. "You'll rot in hell." He was panicked as police car lights suddenly lit the street below us and flashing across the walls. His eyes were crazed as he extended his arm, his revolver heavy in his hand. "Good-bye, Webb."

And with that, a single shot rang throughout the room.

* * *

**Same Time**

**Same Place**

**Clay's POV**

"He shot himself," Vera echoed numbly, as Kovac's body laid sprawled on the ground beside her bed, blood pooling from the open bullet hole. "After all that, the bastard committed suicide."

I sighed as I stared at Kovac lying motionless on the floor. "I guess he and Abbas had more in common than I thought. They both would rather die than have their reputations diminish."

I turned back to Vera to find her staring at me for a good long minute, suddenly wrapping her arms around me. "Oh god, Clay, I thought you were dead . . ."

"I'm alright," I whispered into her hair, "And Harm and Mac . . . and . . . and wait, I have someone to show you." I untangled myself from her arms, fleeing out the door before returning in a swift second carrying our son. I pushed him into Vera's arms, kissing her forehead as I did so. "He's alright too, never mind what Kovac said."

Vera was both laughing and crying at the same time as she cradled our boy, her body shaking. And then suddenly her eyes turned back up to me, the dark orbs hanging almost tentatively. "And Jake . . .?" she whispered.

I could feel myself breaking inside as I turned to her, my breath caught in my throat. I slowly shook my head, suddenly finding I could no longer speak. Vera broke down in front of me, sobbing uncontrollably as she cradled our son to her chest, suddenly smothering him in kisses. All I could do was stand there numbly, lost as Vera dissolved into tears.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered hollowly as I closed my eyes tight to keep control of my emotions. "I tried, Vera, I really tried but . . ." I broke off.

"I know," she whispered brokenly. "I know . . ." And then she turned back to our son, carefully sheltered in her arms, her lips forming a watery broken-hearted smile. "I love you, Jacob Webb . . ."

* * *

**The next day**

**Venetian Hillside**

**Clay's POV**

Wind whipped coldly by my shoulders as I hunched my back a little, sheltering my body from the assault of the weather as my eyes surveyed the scenery before me. The afternoon sun sunk low against the shadowed form of the hills as I clutched Vera to me, my arm wrapping around her slender shoulders as I held on, courage I never knew existed erupting within me. She held Jake in her hands, her arms securely sheltering our son as she shook very lightly within my embrace.

I stared upon the tombstone rigidly, my mind frozen. I could see Jake's eyes clearer than ever before, the fire and intensity of them when he was determined, the humor and happiness when he laughed. I saw him as he dove for Vera, his body sheltering her from the harm of the world. Something I couldn't do . . . something perhaps I would never be able to do. But above all else I saw his heart, the undeniable selflessness that soared within him, and the love that would conquer all.

_**Jacob William Holter**_

_**1968 – 2005**_

"_**Dreams can come true with God's great angels like you."**_

**Mac's POV**

I rubbed my eyes furiously as I leaned a little against Harm, my head resting for a moment on his shoulder as we all watched the sun sink lower behind the trees, its warm light soaking the hilltop, and drowning us in internal light. I kneeled in front of his grave, biting my lower lip in a futile attempt to keep myself from crying.

"Remember what you said to me that day?" I whispered hollowly, his name etched so permanently into the stone I felt myself shiver. "When we were . . . talking that day, and," I heaved a heavy side as I looked down at the ground for a second. _I can do this._ "I don't know if I've ever heard more truth in those words."

I shivered a little against the autumn wind as his voice floated back to me, echoing inside my ears as I pause for a moment of recollection, as bittersweet as it is.

"_Every path you head down, there's another twist waiting for you. Something unexpected, something that'll grab hold of you and shake. But I guess that's the experience. The ability to hang on and not let go because you'll always believe in the fact that there's something better out there for you. A beam of light in a shadowed path."_

I hung my head down, as my fingers trailed lightly over the tombstone, biting my lower lip hard. "You changed me, Jake. I don't know how, I don't know when, but you've made me better than I was before . . . and I'll never forget you."

**Harm's POV**

I watched as Mac retreated slowly, her eyes never leaving the grave for a minute. I brushed my hand warmly against her arm, but she took little comfort from my touch. I walked slowly forward, my blue eyes flashing with emotion. I kneeled down, just like Mac had, my voice sounding broken.

"Hey, Jake," I whispered. "I'm . . . I'm really sorry about all of this. It was never meant to turn out this way. I don't know how it happened, or why it happened, but you saved us all. You've got to know that. None of us would be here if it weren't for you."

It hurt to speak the truth sometimes. Jake had been there for everything, it almost seemed like he'd been there my entire life. It was hard to imagine a moment without him, even though I knew I'd only known him for the last year and a half. " You'll always be with us, Jake, wherever you go . . ."

**Vera's POV**

I was shaking too much to kneel, so instead I just stood, somewhat awkwardly with my son in my hands as I watched the sky – its shade of familiar orangey glow – sinking behind the green hillside. I could feel warm wind whip by me as I shuddered slightly, more from the feeling of Jake's presence than anything.

"God, Jake," I whispered slowly, my eyes wandering the scenery, "It's hard to believe it was just two days ago you and me were standing here, and you were telling me you'd always be there." I closed my eyes, willing myself to go on.

"You showed me this place, this beautiful magical world of yours, and I won't ever forget it. I can't ever forget it. You're such a big part of me . . ." I broke. "You'll live on forever with us. Even as the years go by, you won't die. And I just want to tell you that –" my voice cracked – "I really really love you."

**Clay's POV**

I watched from atop the hillside as Harm, Mac, and Vera headed towards the hotel, the sun setting rapidly in the sky. I shivered a little in my windbreaker as my eyes settled on his tombstone, and blinking suddenly as the implication of this moment suddenly struck me.

My eyes shifted slowly up to the sky – up to heaven where I knew he would be – unsure of where to look. "I . . . I honestly don't know where to begin," I said uneasily, my hands tugging at my pockets. A warm wave of wind swept past me as I stood there on Jake's hillside, his tombstone planted in the heart of where the earth met sky and I knew at that moment, he was listening. No one needed to tell me. I just knew.

"Andare a lei, Jake," I whispered as I took one last look at his grave, my Italian flowing so easily I knew that he would have been proud. I shook as I walked down from the hill – Jake's hill. It would always be Jake's hill. Nothing would ever change that. And as I climbed back onto the dusty dirt road that Jake had trodden upon just two days before, I found my own words resounded in my ears. _Andare a lei._

_Go to her._

**The End**

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Oh wow, it's done . . . I can't believe it's done. I'm not even sure what to say. I'm in shock, actual numbing shock. Well, actually, I lied, I do have one thing to say – I am writing a sequel for all those interested. I can't tell you when it will be up because over the last few weeks I have – very guiltily – been ignoring To London With Love, but I will be writing it. **

**And, to all those who reviewed: thank you so much! You have no idea how good it felt to read the things you had to say. I even love all you flamers! You guys are just brilliant. Honestly, you guys have no idea how wonderful you are . . .**

**Fran Thurston: **aww, you're so sweet. It was incredibly hard to kill Jake, though I knew right from the beginning I would have to. It's my main dynamic for the sequel (I just couldn't let go). But above it all was the fact that Jake would never be alone, because of Jane and Vera, and everyone else. Jake never had to be with anyone to be someone important in their life. I guess that's why he had such a heroic role. He took everything that life threw at him.

**Sgcgirl52: **oh, lol, did you cry? I cried when I wrote his dying scene, and then I was so upset I couldn't finish the chapter that night and instead had to do it in the morning.

**disneygirl1962:** thanks, and I hope you liked it.

**Jamie L: **lol, okay – so I killed Kovac, but he was just begging for it . . . and I don't think you minded! And Jake's been dead for the last week but I still can't believe it . . . I guess I was just so used to writing him in chapters it was weird not to in this one.

**ForensicsFreak1988: **ah, you can not threaten me like that! I shall in that case take FOREVER in posting my sequel (note to everyone: in that case, feel free to email forensicsfreak1988 in demand that she post her chapter so I can then post the sequel) LOL

**Syraë**: yes, I really had to kill him. As much as I hated doing it, it was necessary for the sequel. I'm glad you liked last chapter, and I hope you liked this ending.

**Abigaile: **nah, Abbas isn't dead that. Leaving that for the sequel. Lol, gotta write in with SOME material.

**Freezepops: **no, you're right, Admiral Chegwidden does have a connection with Vera. But that was my foreshadowing at the beginning for it delves into the sequel. My my, you do have an excellent memory, don't you? I didn't think anyone would remember that since I'd written it so long ago. See, the sequel deals a lot with Vera's past and . . . actually, I can't say much more for fear of giving it away. LOL

**BrittanyLS: **thanks! Hope I didn't disappoint.

**Brontesgirl: **yeah, I'm not really a heaven believer either, but it just seemed appropriate for Jake's end. Because that's all he really wanted when it came down to it. To see Jane again. So I guess it just seemed like some sort of grand parting, I guess.

**Odakota: **ah, me and you both! I can't believe I just finished it . . . I can't believe anything at the moment. It's two in the morning and I just finished my story. What's the date? September 25th . . . omg, I can't believe. It's over! It's actually over! Why don't I feel happy?

**Mackenise Jackson: **ah, you're too smart. I can't believe you guess Kovac. No one guesses my plots correctly. LOL, and as much as I wanted Harm/Mac and Vera/Clay to have kids of different gender, it just seemed right to make Vera and Clay have a boy and name him after Jake as a way of honoring him.

**Toplesslemon: **lol, yes, it's been a while since I've been graced with your name in my inbox (and still loving the name – god, I wish I had picked something interesting like that). Ah, I'm done! Omg, I feel lost . . . what am I supposed to do now?

**Reni-Maniac: **yes, lol, this is actually the last chapter. I know I prolonged it, but that really couldn't be helped. I mean, I couldn't very well have fitted this all into the last chapter, it would have been fifteen pages or some insane number. Oh lord, it's over . . . I'm completely numb . . . it's over . . .

**Southernqt: **I know how you feel. It felt so weird not to write Jake into this chapter, though I suppose I made up for it with all the times I mentioned him. But still, it felt totally strange. I guess I've just grown so used to writing him in. It feels all . . . wrong. And you're right, it did have to be him or Webb, but you understand why it was him, right? I mean, I love Jake, I love him more than I ever will Webb partly because he's so much nicer, and mostly because I made him. But still, he was the one to go . . . he had to be. It couldn't be helped, especially if I was to write a sequel.

**Froggy0319: **ah, I cried when Jake died too . . . which probably sounds strange to you, because I killed him and everything, and now that FT's done, I can work on TLWL more. I've been neglecting it and I feel terrible.

**Knight of Caeli: **thanks, I love hearing the people like my original characters, most because they belong to me, not like Harm and Mac do. I love Harm and Mac to death, but it's not the same when you don't create them. I guess it's because I know so much about the ones that I created, stuff that other people don't . . . maybe that's it. I don't know, it's two in the morning and I'm confusing myself to no end.

**FoxyWombat: **yay! You updated LTG! And it was brilliant, as always, and looking forward to more! And I while be honored to take on the crown as Princess of Cliffhangers, though I don't think I wear it nearly as well as you do.

**TV Angel 711: **ah, you guessed it. They named their son Jake. You're right, it was sort of an appropriate way of honoring him. Still can't believe the story's over . . . but I guess that only paves the way for the sequel . . .

**JamieAKAaclassyone: **lol, how's that for a twist up the sleeve? Yes, actually, for a while I was thinking of using Sadik and then I was like, "but someone will predict that . . ." but anyways, someone also predicted that it was the head of CIA so I guess I failed either way, but you're incredibly smart for figuring out Catherine was the snitch, due to the fact that I portrayed her as such an idiot in this story. And if Webb had killed Abbas, what material would I be left with for a sequel? Lol, I can't say anything more than that or I'll give the plot away . . .

**Radiorox: **lol, yeah, I'll reincarnate him and then you'll definitely be the first person I ship him to.

**Starryeyes10: **thanks

**CJKS: **lol, yeah, I liked Jake better than Webb too . . . but then again, Jake was mine, so it's not really fair to say that. Omg, it's over! It's actually over! I can't believe it . . . I've got to go take a nap (two in the morning)

**jaggurl: **thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter!

**Lani: **I know! Poor Jake . . . I was so sad when he died. I was writing this chapter when I was talking to you last night . . . and I was like, "I wonder how Lani will take this . . ." so let me know your thoughts!

**Major Jagfan: **lol, that is so something DPB would do too! Hanging this little piece of shipperiness in front of us and then rudely snatching it away! Ah, DPB, never take after me! LOL, my little sister's madly in love with that song 'Bad Day'. She knows all the lyrics. I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to incorporate it into TLWL some how . . .

**Alix33: **aw, but if I injected Abbas with lethal whatever what would I do for the sequel? Lol, I'm Dumbledore's girl through and through!

**Vhosek malcath: **lol, I would have posted this chapter a lot sooner except for the fact that I was at that stupid Partnership Retreat thingy. Ah, I felt terrible about leaving you all hanging . . . actually, never mind, I was sort of enjoying it, but anywho . . . what did you think of the ending?

**Pissed Off Poet 1: **yup, you're right, leaving it all to the sequel – including all the HM shipperiness. The sequel takes off from three years later so you'll see how all their lives have changed over that amount of time and everything so . . . yeah, again, shipper stuff, and – as you said – Abbas never died . . .

**MiDushiNoSushi: **well, I ended the torture . . . for now. Till my sequel, that is. Which I know won't be as grabbing as FT is, but hopefully it'll come close. And . . . omg, I wish I could tell you but I can't, seeing as you're a reader and everything, but you just look at everything so in depth that I wish I could tell you, but . . . we get a very good look at Jake's life through a different set of eyes, and that's all I say for fear of giving it away.


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